THE PAIN IN MY RIGHT leg was like nothing I’d ever experienced before in my life.
“Don’t move, Malcolm!” the emergency crew guy called out.
“Fuck!” I cried out as they helped me out of the car. The smell of burning rubber and gas filled my senses and made my eyes water. Or maybe it was the pain making my eyes water.
“Your leg is broken,” someone said as I shut my eyes.
“No fuck,” I said, squeezing my fists together.
People were surrounding the car and me as I fought to keep from crying out.
Son-of-a-bitch. I can’t believe this.
“Keep still, we’ve got to stabilize your leg,” one of the guys said.
Paislie.
Shit. She’s probably scared shitless.
“Who has a phone?” I called out as they all looked at me like I was insane.
By the time I was being put in the ambulance, I was practically on the verge of begging them to knock me out. The ambulance stopped and the doors opened. The moment I saw her, the pain vanished.
Okay maybe didn’t vanish, but damn near did.
Her brows were pinched together as she narrowed in on my leg. When her green eyes looked up, I was stunned to see the tears in them. She quickly got her composure and started asking the medic if they did certain things to which he said yes to everything. She moved and sat next me while reaching for my hand.
“Hey,” I said as she closed her eyes and sighed loudly before looking back at me.
“Malcolm Wallace, you scared the piss out of me!”
“Were you a little bit impressed, though?”
Her mouth dropped before snapping shut as she glared at me. “Are you insane? You’re completely insane.”
“It was pretty bad ass how that car was flipping, though, admit it.”
She held up her hand and looked away. “I need a minute.”
Everything started to go blurry as the medic’s voice seemed to be talking in slow motion.
Trying to talk, my mouth felt dry and my eyelids heavy.
Before I knew it, there was nothing but darkness.
Opening my eyes, I looked around the room. Why was I not surprised it was empty?
I heard a door open and turned to see an adorable Paislie yawning as she stretched her arms over her head.
When she looked over to me, her smile melted my heart. “Malcolm,” she mumbled as she came to my side. “How’s the pain?”
“Hurts like a motherfucker.”
She lifted her brow and gave me a look that only a mom should be giving.
“Your sister and parents are here. I also got to meet one very adorable little girl who sure loves her Uncle Malcolm.”
My heart filled with warmth as I thought about Sophie. “Sophie.”
I tried to adjust myself but had a hard time with practically my entire leg in a cast and held up. “Fuck, I thought they only did this shit in the movies.”
Paislie helped me get more comfortable as I dropped my head back and let out a moan. “So . . . my mom and pop haven’t scared you off yet?”
She giggled and said, “Nope. I’ve only talked to them once. Autumn introduced me to them. I’ve kind of kept out of the way. You passed out in the ambulance, and once they brought you into surgery I hung out with my friend Karrie who’s a nurse. She kept me updated on your surgery.”
I wasn’t sure why it bothered me that Paislie felt like she couldn’t be with my family.
“Where are they now?”
“Um, they ran back to their hotel for a bit. Sophie was cranky and tired. I think Autumn said she was going to stay at the hotel while your mother and father came back to the hospital. She asked if I would stay with you until you woke up.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head before looking up at her. “So, tell me . . . who’s gonna be the most honest with me about this?”
Her teeth sunk down into her lip as she stole a peek at my leg and then back to me.
“You want honest?”
“Always.”
Something moved over her face as she cleared her throat. “You’re going to need extensive rehabilitation. You not only had a compound fracture of your leg, you broke your patella.”
My heart dropped. “What about racing?” Paislie’s eyes looked away. “Paislie . . . please.”
She pulled and pushed her lip in and out of her mouth nervously. “Your doctor should be the one to talk to you, Malcolm.”
“Paislie!” I said louder than I wanted to.
She jumped and took a step back before standing up straighter. “You’ll be in the cast for at least six weeks and then you’ll have to do physical therapy. Your mobility in your leg might be . . . compromised.”
I swallowed hard. “Meaning?”
“I’m guessing you use your left leg to push in the clutch. Your strength in that leg could be affected by the break. If you have good physical therapy, there’s a chance you’ll have full use and can build it back up.”
“Then that’s what will happen,” I said, matter-of-factly.
She smiled. “Positive thinking is a great way to be.”
“How often will I need the physical therapy?”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure. You’ll need another surgery to remove the pins. I’m more concerned about your knee than your leg. The doctors will give you more of an idea as you begin to heal.”
For the first time in my life, I was unsure about my future and that scared the piss out of me. Racing was my life. I needed the rush. I craved it. I had to have it to keep all my other demons away.
There was nothing in this world that could ever replace the feeling I had when I was behind the wheel.
Nothing.
“Nothing in my life matters besides racing.”
Paislie looked at me with a confused look. “So you’re tell me your life is over if you can’t get into a racecar again? Seriously, Malcolm? You’re lucky to be alive.”
The whole reason I raced the way I did was because I never cared about life. I lived it from day to day.
“I race the way I do because I don’t give a fuck about life.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “How can you say that?”
With a gruff laugh, I shook my head. “Why do you think I’m the way I am?” My leg was throbbing as the pain built. “I like the rush from the adrenaline. I don’t fucking jump out of planes or rock climb because it’s a fun sport. It gives me a thrill and makes me forget.”
Her head tilted as she stared at me. “Forget what?”
I closed my eyes and saw Casey’s smile. Popping my eyes back open, I shook my head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Her eyes grew angry as she shook her head. “Oh yeah, because I’ve never wanted to escape life before,” she said sarcastically. “I don’t try to kill myself while doing it, though.”
I laughed as I looked into her eyes. “No you only try to escape by fucking guys. I do it with living my life on the edge.”
Her mouth parted open and I saw the hurt move across her face. Pressing her lips together, she shot me a dirty look.
Fuck. Why did I say that?
I needed her to leave before I said something else I would be regretting.
“Paislie, would you mind leaving me alone for a bit, please?”
A look moved over Paislie’s face before she took a few steps back. She reached for her purse and headed to the door.
“Wait. I didn’t mean what I said, I—”
Paislie turned back and glared at me. “I’ve never told anyone the things I shared with you on that roof. But thank you for letting me know what you think about me, Malcolm. It was very enlightening.”
“No. Paislie, I’m just angry and I need some time to process all this bullshit and I can’t do it right now.”
She let out a huff. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of people to help you process . . . including Ashley.”
Before I could even think of something to say in response, she opened the door and walked out.
Leaving me in the silence I asked for.