Twenty- Five
Kellan
Lillian. Lillian Marie Prewitt.
My cub.
Her name played over and over in my mind while I watched her dress her dolls in hospital scrubs. She was smiling and talking so fast that I could barely understand what she was saying, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.
I used to think there was no one on Earth as beautiful as Julia. I was wrong. Lillian had Julia’s dark brown curls that fell unkempt around her face. She vibrated with natural energy and her bright blue eyes were the spitting image of her mother’s. At a quick glance, Lillian was Julia in miniature. They looked exactly alike. But, as I watched her mannerisms and the way her smile stretched across her face, I saw small likenesses between her and me.
Lillian didn’t have my hair or my eyes, but she had my features. Her nose was small and round, just like mine and her cheek bones were angled the way mine were. I wondered what her little brown bear would look like, she still had a few years before we would find out. But I could smell the bear inside her. She’d change at nine, just like I did. She wasn’t just a miniature Julia, she was a perfect mixture of the two of us. The longer I watched her, the bigger my smile became.
“What’s her name?” I asked, picking up a blonde doll and smoothing her hair back.
“That’s Michelle,” Lillian told me. “She’s a nurse, but she training to become a doctor.”
“Oh?” I chuckled. “She’s in school?”
“Of course,” Lillian rolled her eyes. “Everyone should be in school.”
“She just thinks that because she isn’t old enough to go yet, preschool is a bit more relaxed,” Julia explained from behind me. I turned around and gave her a smile.
“Is that true?” I asked Lillian.
“I start in September,” she said sadly. “Which is months away.”
“It’s not that much longer,” I said. “The more you think about it, the slower time will pass.”
“Mom always says that, too,” Lillian grumbled.
“Who do you think I got it from?” Julia asked with a chuckle. I could hear the happiness in her voice and it filled me with a warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. Sitting there, playing with my daughter and listening to Julia’s soft breathing behind me, my bear and I felt more at peace than I’d felt in years.
“What’s your favorite thing to do?” I asked Lillian.
“My favorite thing?” she asked with a frown.
“In the entire world,” I nodded. “It can be anything. Anything at all.”
Lillian thought about it for a second. Her forehead was furrowed as she considered all her options. It was amazing to watch the wheels in her head turn. I’d never seen someone so young think so intensely.
“Walk in Central Park with Mom on Sunday mornings,” Lillian announced. “That’s my favorite thing.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because it’s just the two of us,” Lili explained. “During the week, Mommy works a lot. So, I stay home with Mrs. Tucker. We play and she teaches me stuff. It’s fun, but I like it better when I’m just with Mommy. When it’s just the two of us.”
I glanced behind me and saw tears sliding down Julia’s face. She’d cried on and off since we arrived at Lacey’s. I couldn’t blame her. My own emotions were threatening to burst free. It took all my strength to keep my voice steady and my eyes dry.
“That’s sounds amazing,” I said. “I like spending time with your mom a lot, too.”
“How come you stopped dating her?” Lillian asked. She was busy playing with her dolls. Her question was so off-handed it almost seemed like she didn’t know what she was asking. When I hesitated, though, she glanced up and fixed her blue eyes on me.
“I had a few things to figure out back then,” I explained slowly. “I really, really wanted to become an Alpha. So, when I got the chance to do that, I couldn’t pass it up.”
“Kind of like when Mommy got the chance to be a lawyer, right Mom?”
“Exactly,” Julia answered. She walked over and sat down with us on the floor. “Sometimes adults have to figure out what they want to do with their lives before they can be together. Does that make sense?”
“Are you going to be together now?” Lillian asked.
I inhaled and waited for Julia’s response, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she just looked at me. The expression on her face was one of confusion and worry. She didn’t want to give the wrong answer and hurt Lillian, but she also didn’t want to get her hopes up if we weren’t going to try again.
“That’s something your mom and I need to talk about a little bit,” I told her. “But, I can promise you that I’ll be around a lot. If that’s okay with you?”
“Like a real daddy?” Lillian asked. Her face lit up with happiness and my heart melted instantly.
“Just like that,” I promised. I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She smiled at me before she pushed a doll into Julia’s hands.
“Here Mom,” she said. “If you’re going to be down here, you have to play. You can be Tiffany. She’s the surgeon.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon just playing dolls and talking. I learned all about Lillian’s friends back in New York and how much she desperately wanted a dog. Julia said they didn’t have room for one, but Lillian insisted that they could just get a really, really small one. I knew the truth, I scared pets too. It was just our nature, the pecking order of the animal world.
I laughed more than I had in years. My smile never faltered. For the first time since Young died, I really felt like myself again.
After a while, I sat back and watched Julia play with Lillian. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. My eyes shifted from Julia’s face to Lillian’s. I compared their expressions and their voices. They were what I’d been looking for all these years.
I left town to be an Alpha, to fulfill a dream I’d had my entire life. While I was away, I felt sure of myself. I was strong and happy until I wasn’t. When things shifted it knocked my world off its axis and it wasn’t until I saw Julia again that things began to spin normally again.
Julia and Lillian.
They were my life.