Cami
FRUSTRATED, I DUMPED out the contents of my drawer, searching for my cuff. I was certain it had been on my dresser, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I had worn it last week when . . .
I sat down heavily, thinking of the last time I saw it. The day at the bowling alley. I had no recollection of taking it off when I got home, but I didn’t have many memories of anything after the parking lot and walking away from Aiden.
I must have lost it. I rubbed my weary eyes. I seemed to be losing everything these days. I misplaced notes, lost assignments, and had a difficult time concentrating in class. I looked for items, both at home and school, frustrated by their loss, simply to discover them later that day or the next morning in spots I had sworn I’d checked a dozen times. I had lost my knapsack, only to have Louisa find it in the hall where I had stopped to read something on the bulletin board. I hadn’t even noticed I put it down. Twice, I had left my locker open, even though I swore I had snapped the lock shut. Add in the fact that last night when I got home, after I changed, I had come into the living room and noticed I hadn’t shut the front door behind me. It stood ajar, the light from the hallway spilling into the room. If Dee had been there, she would have read me the riot act. She was meticulous about our safety and locking the door.
Now, it seemed, I had lost my cuff. It wasn’t expensive, but it meant a lot to me. Emmy had made it for me, the three bands of leather tooled with crystals of my favorite colors, and I wore it often. I would have to tell her it was gone. Tears threatened, and I wiped them away angrily. I rarely cried, yet it happened too often these days, and over the stupidest things.
In the kitchen, I filled my mug, glancing at my phone. It was Tuesday, which meant lessons with Aiden. Emmy was shocked when I told her I planned to go with her. I had told her the same thing I’d told Dee. What happened between Aiden and me was between us, and they weren’t allowed to be angry with him or treat him any differently. I refused to drag them into my mess. I texted Aiden and told him I wanted to continue, if he was okay with the idea, and his reply had been short.
No problem.
The truth was, I dreaded going, but I was doing it to prove a point. I liked the way Aiden taught us, and I needed to show I was okay—even if it was a lie.
The heavy skies and rain hitting the windows matched my mood. Dee entered the kitchen, rolling her suitcase behind her.
“Hi, Cami-bear.” She smiled. “What were you doing in your room? Digging for buried treasure?”
I poured us each a coffee, shaking my head. “Looking for something.”
“What now?”
“My leather wraparound Emmy made me.”
“Did you find it?”
“No.”
She shook her head. “Huh. You are having a total shit time these days. I hate it.”
I lifted my eyebrows in surprise. My sister didn’t often swear. With a grin, I patted her hand. “It’ll get better.” I scowled at her suitcase. “How long will you be gone this time?”
“A couple of weeks, I think. Court dates start next week. Depends on what happens. We’re trying hard to get this group to settle out of court. It’s going to drag on for ages, otherwise.” She huffed. “The only people who will make money will be the lawyers. It’s a shame.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“Me too, kiddo.”
“What time is your flight?”
“Not until noon. Maddox is going to drive me.”
I leaned my arms on the table. “What is going on with you two? And don’t tell me ‘nothing.’”
She shrugged and sipped her coffee. “We have an understanding.”
“Which is?”
She picked a small piece of lint from her blouse. “You know how I feel about romantic love, Cami. I have no room for that in my life, nor am I interested in the chaos it brings. Maddox feels the same. We have a great time together, and neither of us is interested in pursuing anything more.”
“So, what, you’re together?”
She met my gaze steadily. “No. There is no ‘together.’”
“This sounds familiar to me, Dee-Dee.”
She grinned at the use of my childhood name for her. “No, there is a big difference, Cami. You believe in love. You want it. In fact, sometimes I think you want it so much, you see it in places where it is not.”
“Like Aiden?”
“I think maybe your heart overrode your head on that one, yes.”
“You don’t want to love someone?”
“I’ve seen first-hand the devastation caused in the name of love. Growing up, I witnessed it. Mom was so wrapped up in Dad that when he left, nothing else mattered. She stopped living. I saw it at school with crushes and breakups. I see it daily at the office in the family law department. This case I’m on now, they’re destroying each other over money. People who claimed to love each other. It’s not for me, no. I will never put my heart out like that.” She paused and gave me a pointed look. “Maddox and I understand each other on a different level from most people. We’re both fine with the status quo. We like each other, enjoy the time we spend together on occasion, and that is about it.”
“And the sex?” I asked boldly.
She didn’t flinch. “Amazing. He’s a very passionate lover.”
“That satisfies you?”
“I know it’s hard for you to understand, but yes. We’re different, Cami. You feel things with your heart and soul. You dive in with both feet. You’re . . . unconditional.”
I dropped my eyes to the table, tracing the stained wood. “Do you think I’m like Mom? She was always overboard with everything.”
She covered my hand. “No, Cami-bear. You’re not. Mom was mentally ill. She couldn’t help herself. The manic episodes, the forgetfulness, all of that was because she was unwell. If she took her meds, then she was fine, but the problem was she’d stop taking them.” She took a sip of coffee. “I know you were young, but she and Dad fought all the time about her meds. I think it was what eventually drove him away.”
I asked a question that had burned inside me for years. “Why didn’t he take us with him?”
“I don’t know. I think he needed to walk away and leave everything, even us, behind. He sent Mom money, even when he remarried. But he moved away and wanted nothing to do with us. The money stopped a few years after she died. I never found out why, or even bothered to try. I think he decided his obligation was done.” She looked sad. “For years, I hated him. Now, I think he was just a man who made a mistake. He protected himself the only way he knew how, and perhaps he wasn’t as cold and unfeeling as I thought.”
She lifted my chin. “You have a huge heart, Cami, and such capacity for love. But you aren’t unstable like Mom. Although I’m different from you, I’m not the unfeeling person Dad was either. Why they didn’t love us the way they should have will forever be a mystery, but we’ve done all right, haven’t we? We have each other and a decent life. We’re both smart and kind. At least, neither of us is in jail,” she added with a wink.
I wanted to tell her my fears—all the odd things happening to me lately, like forgetfulness, misplacing things, not remembering to lock the door. But I couldn’t. She was going away for work and already stressed over the task she faced. I’d talk to her when she came home.
I forced a smile. “At least there’s that.”
She wiped away a tear and stood. “Wow. Intense conversation for this early in the day. I’m going to grab a shower, and I’ll tidy the place before I go. It’s a bit of a mess. I’ll call you tonight, okay?”
I hugged her hard. She smelled like home and love to me.
“I love you, Dee-Dee.”
She hugged harder. “Back at you, Cami-bear.”
“You never told me that!” Louisa snapped, slamming her book shut.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry?”
“You never told me your hair wasn’t permanent. I didn’t know you used some sort of product!”
“You never asked.”
She tugged on her hair, the purple streaks now a faded shade of mauve. The dark color had begun to fade as well, but I refrained from telling her I preferred it lighter. “That’s why it doesn’t look like yours!”
“I wasn’t aware you were trying to look like me. I thought you did it on a whim, just for a change,” I challenged.
She tossed her head, ignoring my words. “What is the product you use?”
“I’ll have to look at the name. I order it online.”
“Send it to me.”
“Please.”
“What?”
I drew in a slow breath, trying to find my patience. “If you ask someone for something, be polite and say please.”
Instantly, her shoulders slumped. “Sorry. Please send it to me.”
Mollified, I agreed.
The snarky, demanding tone returned to her voice. “Today, when you get home.”
I rolled my eyes. “When I think about it, I will send it to you.”
She grabbed her books with a huff. “I’ll do it myself. I can find it fast.”
She hurried away, almost mowing Emmy down in her rush.
I leaned my head in my hands, exhausted. Louisa was like a hurricane at times, the way she blew up and stormed off. It was hard to keep up with her emotions.
Emmy sat down. “Someone is in a mood.”
I picked up my coffee. “She always is, it seems.”
“You okay? You look tired.”
“I’m fine. I was up early. Dee leaves today, so we had coffee before I came to school this morning.”
“Ah.” She opened her sandwich, taking a bite. “Are you sure about tonight?”
“Yes. Aiden is a great teacher.”
“It won’t be awkward for you?”
“Aiden and I cleared the air,” I lied. “We’re both good.”
She pursed her lips. “Cami—”
I interrupted her. “Leave it, okay, Emmy. I need you to leave it and let me handle it.”
She stared at me over her water bottle. “Okay, but I’m here.”
I squeezed her hand. “I know.”
“At least you found your umbrella. Although maybe you need your hearing checked.”
I scowled. “What?”
“I saw you this morning, walking across the street with your umbrella. I called to you, but you never turned around.”
“Um . . . I never found my umbrella, Emmy. Someone else must have found it and is using it.” I sighed. “I wish you had seen who it was, so I could ask for it back.”
She looked puzzled. “I swore it was you. The coat looked like yours, and they even had on purple wellies, like the ones you wear. The scarf I saw blowing behind them looked like your pretty iris one too.”
I paused, confused. “I lost my scarf—I thought I told you. Plus, I couldn’t find my wellies this morning. I had to wear old black duck boots until I got to school.” I swallowed, suddenly feeling strange. “Are you sure it was my umbrella?”
Emmy’s brow furrowed in concentration. “I thought so, but maybe it was only similar. It’s just yours was so distinctive with the irises on it. But I could have been mistaken, I guess. I saw the coat and hair, the wellies and scarf that looked like yours, and I thought the umbrella was the same.”
“Lots of girls have brown hair and wear those wellies,” I stated, needing her to agree with me. The conversation was starting to upset me and made me feel unsettled.
“That’s true. They are popular. I’ve seen lots of girls wear black raincoats with pretty scarves. I was probably mistaken.” She winked. “And it makes sense why they didn’t respond to your name being called.”
Relief filled me. “Yes.” I paused, worrying my lip. “Emmy, can I ask you something?”
“Of course. Anything.”
“What you do you know about manic-depressive disorder?”
“Nothing, really. Why?”
I traced my finger over the table. “My mom suffered with it.”
“I know.”
“It often hits women in their twenties.” I hesitated, worrying my lip.
“And?”
I rubbed my face. “I seem to be losing things and forgetting things a lot. My mom did that.” I met her eyes. “The disease can be genetic.”
Her eyes grew round in understanding. “Cami—is that what is bothering you? You think you’re like your mom?”
“I’m worried, yes.”
“Have you spoken to Dee?”
“A little—she’s stressed over this case and leaving. I didn’t want to get into it too much with her. She tells me I’m not like my mom. But I can’t stop thinking about it.”
She leaned forward, rubbing my arm. “I think you’ve had a lot to handle lately. I know how my kidnapping upset you. You’re dealing with school, work, being hurt, and Dee gone so much.” She drew in a long breath. “Plus Aiden.”
Aiden.
Just hearing his name made my chest ache.
“Everyone goes through bad times, Cami. I think you’re overthinking this, and you’re making too much about a few lost items. But if you’re that worried, then I’ll go to the doctor with you and help you make sure everything is okay.”
“You would?”
“Of course. You’re my best friend.” She squeezed my hand. “Anything.”
I sighed in relief. “You’re probably right. I have a lot on my mind. I’m sure it’ll get better. But I may take you up on that offer if it doesn’t.”
“Okay. You can talk to me too, you know. Even about Aiden. I’m here for you.”
I hugged her, glanced at my phone, and stood. “Okay, I have to get going. Meet you at Aiden’s later?”
“Okay. What time?”
“I’ll be there by eight. I’m going to meet with my group after school, then head over. You can start and I’ll catch up later.”
“Okay.”
“No, Cami, pay attention. Like this.”
Aiden was patient. His movements were slow and deliberate as he showed me the correct stance. He had even touched me, adjusting my arms and shoulders. But his touch had been all wrong, and his voice was cool, as if addressing a stranger.
Everything felt wrong, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do another lesson.
From the moment I arrived, I had wanted to cry. He wasn’t Aiden. He was remote, removed, and only spoke when necessary. His smile was polite, even friendly, but his eyes were blank. He’d totally shut himself off from me. He inquired about my shoulder and knee, nodding when I assured him I was fine.
“Don’t strain yourself,” he cautioned, turning back to Emmy to finish what I had interrupted when I arrived. It was the only thing he said that indicated he cared about me at all.
I tried not to react. I did as he asked, going through the motions. I asked questions, listened to his instructions, and smiled to try to ease the tension. I cracked a couple of jokes and teased Bentley. Emmy and I sparred, letting Aiden instruct us as we moved and jabbed.
Finally, it was over. I could tell Bentley bought my act. I was sure I had fooled Emmy too. They both looked relieved there had been no emotional outburst or visible tension. Aiden and I acted as though nothing was different.
We were good at keeping our real emotions hidden.
As I was packing up, Bentley spoke.
“Emmy and I will drive you home, Cami. It’s late, and I know Dee is away. I don’t want you on the subway.”
I waited, a small part of me hoping Aiden would find an excuse for me to stay. Or insist on driving me himself. However, he remained silent, his back turned away from me as he picked up the mats we’d been using.
“Thanks, I appreciate that.”
“Are you hungry?” Emmy asked. “We could get something to eat on the way home. I mean usually, we . . .” Her voice trailed off and she grimaced, realizing what she was about to say.
Aiden’s shoulders stiffened. I waved my hand. “No, I’m good. We ordered pizza earlier while we were working on the project.” I hadn’t eaten, and Louisa had been a no-show, but it had been a productive session.
“You sure?”
“Yes. I’m not hungry. But if you guys want to stop somewhere, I’m okay with that.”
“I think we’ll have something at home, right, Emmy?” Bentley spoke, smoothing over the moment. “It’s a bit late for fast food.”
“Yes, you’re right.”
We left immediately, me following Bentley and Emmy. I grabbed my bag and knapsack and called thanks to Aiden, hurrying out the door before he finished piling up the mats. I couldn’t bear to see his indifference as he said goodbye. In the car, I chatted as if nothing was wrong. Emmy and I made plans for the rest of the week, and I waved to them as I slipped through the main door of the apartment building.
Once in my apartment, I shut the door and let myself go. I slid down the back of the hard door, exhausted, and emotionally drained. It had taken everything in me to appear unaffected tonight. To prove to my friends I was okay and Aiden and I were nothing different from what we had ever been.
Finally, I stood and flicked on the light. The living room was organized, and when I went into the kitchen for a drink of water, I saw Dee had straightened it up as well. I peeked in her room, to see it was neat and tidy, but I was shocked when I walked into my room.
It was spotless. I looked around, flabbergasted. I wasn’t sure it had ever been this clean. The bottles on my dresser were lined up with almost military precision, and everything was in its place. Books piled according to size. My jewelry arranged. The clothes I had draped across the back of the chair gone and hung in my closet or put away in drawers.
She’d made up my bed so meticulously, it was like a magazine picture. Pillows plumped, the duvet smooth. I didn’t want to mess it up by using it.
I was puzzled, wondering why Dee had spent so much time in my room. We didn’t touch each other’s bedrooms even when cleaning since that was our personal space. She must have sensed my mood earlier and wanted to do something nice for me. I would have to make sure the rest of the apartment looked as good when she came home.
The only thing out of place was a coffee cup on my nightstand. I picked up it and carried it to the kitchen. As I placed it in the sink, I noticed the lipstick stain on it. It was bright pink, a color I had never seen Dee wear. She usually wore a soft berry color. Obviously, something else new I had missed.
I picked up my coat and opened the closet to hang it up. Right at the front sat my purple wellies. Either I had missed them this morning, or Dee had found them in my room and placed them where I would see them.
Now, if only I could find my umbrella.
With a sigh, I dug out my laptop and sat on the sofa, determined to work for a while then head to bed. I only hoped I could sleep.
In the morning, I woke, cramped and stiff. I had finally fallen asleep on the sofa about three. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes, checking the time. It was after eight, so I jumped into the shower and rushed to get ready. It was raining again, and I grabbed the umbrella I had bought to replace mine. It was plain black and matched my mood. On the walk to school, I saw I missed a text from Dee telling me she had arrived, was already overwhelmed with work, and she hoped I was okay. Her last line made me grin.
Hope you liked your surprise! *wink*
I chuckled, knowing she would know how shocked I had been by the clean room. I let her know I was fine, then added: My room is so clean, I almost didn’t recognize it.
A few moments later my phone buzzed, and I saw she had responded.
LOL
I was about to reply when it happened. A car went by, far too fast for this weather and too close to the side of the road, speeding through the puddle and drenching me. I stood stock-still, gasping as the icy water soaked through my clothes. The wind caught my umbrella, tearing it from my hands, and it flew away, over a construction fence, tumbling far out of my reach. I looked down at my clothes. I was soaked through, my phone wet, and with the rain pouring down, I knew I looked like a drowned rat. Thankfully, my wellies kept my feet dry and my knapsack was waterproof. I trudged to school, leaving a trail of water behind me in the hall. At my locker, it took me three tries to open the lock. I had given up on the other one, convinced it was malfunctioning since I often found it open, and bought a new one. I changed the combination and kept forgetting it. Finally, the door swung open, and I heaved a long exhale of air.
“You’re dripping.”
I turned to Louisa, not in the mood for her this morning. “Thanks for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed.”
She glowered at me. “Why didn’t you bring an umbrella?”
“I did. It blew away, and a car drove past and splashed me.”
“Oh.” She scratched her chin. “Want to go for coffee?”
“No,” I stated crossly.
“I thought it would warm you up, that’s all.”
“I don’t have time,” I snapped, slamming my locker door shut. “Damn it.”
“What?”
“I thought I had a pair of sneakers in there. I must have taken them home. I’ll have to traipse around in my wellies all day, making squeaky noises on the floor. Just great.” I huffed.
“You could borrow mine. You’re a seven and a half, right?”
“Um, yes.”
“I have a pair of sweat pants in my locker too. Not very fashionable, but at least you’d be warm and dry.”
Instantly, I felt bad for snapping at her. Dry pants and sneakers sounded better than rubber boots and damp clothes. “That’s nice of you. Thank you.” I met her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m having a bad morning.”
She shook her head. “No, I get it. Stay here, and I’ll be right back. Class was canceled, so we can do coffee. It’ll be great!”
She hurried away, and I looked at my phone. Sure enough, there was a text saying just that. It must have come during my puddle shower. Now, I had no excuse for not having coffee with Louisa.
Except, even though she was being kind, I really didn’t want to.
“We should hang out this weekend. Your sister is away for a while, right?”
I was perplexed. “How did you know that?”
“You said something last week.”
“Oh. Yeah, she is.”
“What about Saturday? We could watch some movies and have dinner?”
“It’s inventory time, so I work on Saturday morning. I have plans after, sorry.”
“Well, Sunday is good too. I could come spend the day, and we can study and everything.”
I passed a hand over my head, too tired to deal with her right now. “Not this weekend, Louisa.”
Her expression darkened. “Why not?”
“I have things to do.”
“Like what?”
“Stuff. Errands, groceries, some designs I have to work on.”
“I’ll go with you. It’ll be fun.”
I drew in a deep breath and counted to ten.
“Louisa, I appreciate the offer, but not this weekend.”
Her lips thinned, and her brow furrowed. She curled her fists on the table and glared at me.
“I suppose your plans on Saturday include Emmy.”
“Yes.”
“Why her? Why not me?”
“Emmy is my best friend,” I said, trying to hold in my temper. “I already had plans with her, and I’m not breaking them.”
“She wasn’t around to help you this morning. I know she gets a ride every day in some fancy car. If she’s such a great friend, why doesn’t she give you a lift?”
Before I could respond, she kept going.
“She’s too busy with her rich boyfriend for you these days. Since Aiden isn’t your boyfriend, she’s ignoring you now. You need to move on. Find a real friend.”
I saw red.
“Emmy is a real friend. My best friend. You know nothing about her, our relationship, or my relationship with Aiden. For your information, she offers me a ride anytime I want one, but I like to walk. If she knew I needed her this morning, she’d have been there in a second, so don’t sit there and judge her based on some silly idea in your head.”
“I’m just saying—”
I interrupted her. “I know exactly what you were saying. Stop bad-mouthing Emmy. If you think that it will make you look like a better person in my eyes, you’re wrong.”
“I’m a much better friend. We have so much more in common than you two do. You and I are so similar, and we’ve become so close. You buy me gifts and everything!”
I gaped at her. I was so done with the conversation. I leaned forward, trying to keep my voice level.
“We are schoolmates. That is it, Louisa. Not best friends. We’re barely even acquaintances. You know nothing about me, and I know nothing about you.” I stood. “Frankly, that’s exactly how I want it to be. I bought you notebooks to say thanks and replace the one you felt I ruined. That was all it was. Not a gift. I’ll wash and return your clothes to you tomorrow.”
“Where are you going?” She grabbed my arm. “We’re having coffee!”
She looked frantic and angry. I shook off her tight grip. “No, we’re done. Leave me alone, Louisa. Just leave me alone.”
I turned and hurried away. But something told me I hadn’t heard the end of Louisa or the conversation.