Cami
MYRIAD EMOTIONS AND thoughts flittered through my brain. Fear and dread settled into my chest. A paralyzing lethargy poured over my body, making escape impossible. The fact that I should have listened to Aiden or let Emmy come with me drifted into my mind. Minutes passed as we stared at each other, and with a sinking heart, I realized the cab driver would leave any second, and I would be stuck here, with Louisa.
Alone.
No one would know, until it was too late.
I thought of the self-defense moves Aiden had shown me. They had never included disarming someone with a knife. I swallowed and cleared my dry throat.
“Louisa. We’ve been looking for you. We’ve all been worried.”
She tilted her head as if unable to comprehend my words. Her voice was robotic. “I’ve been here.”
“This-this whole time?”
“Your sister’s closet is very deep. It’s a great place to sit and wait behind her clothes. Her soup is good. Even cold.”
I wanted to weep. Aiden had looked in Dee’s room. So had the police. I hadn’t even thought to tell them how far back the closet went, and it wasn’t something easily noticed. All you saw were Dee’s clothes lined up, neat and in order and undisturbed.
“I thought you went home with your mom.”
She laughed, the sound brittle. “Like she cares. She left me a message and said she heard I was misbehaving again. She said I needed to stop it or she would cut off my monthly allowance and put me back in the hospital.” She shook her head. “You all are so anxious to get me to go away, so I decided to play your game. I told her I would come on my own, and I even called the school and pretended to be her, and Mr. Hob bought it.” She changed her voice. “Of course, I do a wicked imitation of my unfeeling mother.” Her eyes glittered. “I knew you had to come home soon.”
“What do you want?”
She moved, more ribbons of fabric falling from her lap. She ignored my question. “Take off your coat.” She stepped closer. “You aren’t leaving.”
I hesitated, and she jerked her arm, the knife flashing. “Now.”
I dropped my coat to the floor, knowing my phone was in my pocket. It was always on vibrate during the school day, and I felt it buzz against my feet. I wondered if it was Emmy checking on me and if she would call the police when I didn’t answer.
“You don’t take care of your things, Cami. You don’t deserve to have them.” She waved her arm. “All your nice things and I had to straighten them for you.” She narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t even say thank you.”
“I-I didn’t know it was you. That-that was very kind of you. Thank you.”
She shook her head. “You don’t appreciate it. You have never appreciated anything I did. I even tried to give you a push in the right direction.” Her mouth twisted into an evil smile. “Still, you didn’t learn.”
I gaped at her. “That was you? You pushed me down the stairs?”
“Technically, I shoved that Jen girl. She fell into you, so I didn’t touch you. In the chaos, no one noticed me.” She grimaced. “No one ever notices me.”
I felt ill.
“You showed no appreciation for anything. Not the notes, going for coffee, or my friendship. Even loaning you sneakers when your feet were wet or coming all this way to see you.” The knife in her hand caught the light as she clenched her fist, the sight terrifying me all over again.
“Did you cut them?” I asked. “My boots?”
“You deserved it,” she confirmed. “You were rude.”
“You took my umbrella.”
“You left your umbrella by the lockers. Discarded.”
Now I remembered. It had rained, and I left it dripping there so it didn’t get my locker wet. The sun was out when school finished, and I had forgotten it. But I hadn’t discarded it.
She wrinkled her nose, as if laughing at a private joke. “It was fun sometimes moving things around so you couldn’t find them. Making you look for them.” She grinned, her lips twisted and evil. “Making you frown for a change.”
Despite my terror, she made me angry. “That was a shitty thing to do. Mess with my head like that.”
She scowled, not caring. “Just paying you back.”
I wanted to scream at her and ask her what she was paying me back for, but I was too scared of her answer.
“My scarf and cuff were here, in my room.”
“I liked them. You had spare keys by the door, and I took one.” She shrugged as if that was acceptable. She wanted them, so she took them.
“You could have asked if you could borrow them.”
“So you could say no again? You kept saying no to me!” Her voice rose with each sentence. “You barely noticed me. You have time for everyone else. Emmy, the project group. Work. Your sister. Aiden.” She scoffed. “But me, you ignored, no matter what I did. You didn’t even get it when I changed my hair!”
“I’m sorry,” I offered, confused and unsure what else to do. “You’re right. I was a bad friend. I just get busy, Louisa, and I forget. You know what it’s like. Between school and responsibilities, you just forget. I-I didn’t mean to ignore you.”
She scowled, and I kept talking.
“Why don’t I make us coffee now, and we can talk. I-I know about your sister, Jessie, and I’m sorry. We could talk about her if you want?”
Her voice rose even louder. “I don’t want to talk about her. We were so close, then she left me and I was alone!”
I realized hearing her sister’s name upset her, and I quickly tried something else. “Okay,” I soothed. “Maybe watch a movie and relax. That would be fun, wouldn’t it? Just hang for the day?” I babbled, trying to figure out my next step, my phone buzzing like crazy at my feet. I needed to stall and keep her mind off whatever plan she had. I needed to distract her.
She paused, the knife turning in her hand. The closer she came, the stronger the scent of my perfume grew. She had doused herself in it to cover the stench of her unwashed body. And, no doubt, to smell like me. But it wasn’t pleasant on her. Instead, it was sickly sweet and rancid.
“You can have a shower, and I’ll get you fresh clothes while the coffee is brewing. I’ll change into something comfy too.” I edged toward the door, praying she didn’t notice.
“How stupid do you think I am?” she asked, her voice suddenly dripping with rage.
“I-I don’t think you’re stupid at all. I was just offering—”
“You think you’re so much better than me. That you’re too good to be my friend,” she spat, moving between me and the door.
“No,” I protested. “That’s not true, Louisa.”
“Hanging with rich people who pretend they care about you. You think Aiden is going to love you? He likes to fuck you, but that’s all. I saw the way he looked at me. He’d be just as happy to fuck me. He’s not in love with you. You are pathetic. Worse than me.”
I knew she was crazy and spouting bullshit. Still, her words struck a nerve.
“I know,” I stated. “I know he isn’t in love with me.” I passed a weary hand over my face. “Tell me what you want, Louisa. Just tell me.”
“I want you to like me,” she screamed, stepping forward. “I want you to be my friend and care about me!”
I regarded her sadly, her words reminding me of what I wanted from someone else.
“You can’t make someone love you, Louisa. I’m sorry.”
It happened in slow motion. One moment, she was staring at me, livid and shaking. Her arm lifted, and I knew any second, I would feel the pain of that knife. I prepared to defend myself, trying hard to recall what Aiden had taught me, and fighting against the panic that threatened to engulf me instead.
The next moment, there was the thundering of footsteps, and Aiden appeared, catching us both off guard. Louisa recovered, pointing the knife at him. I gasped, terrified she would strike in his direction and he would be hurt. He moved fast, and in seconds, the knife sailed through the air and Louisa spun away, a crumpled, sobbing heap on the floor across the room.
I met Aiden’s horrified gaze. His chest was heaving, his body shaking as he reached out to me.
“I’m okay,” I managed to get out.
He wrapped his hands around my arms, pushing me toward the door. “The police are on their way. Go sit in the living room.”
My gaze skittered to Louisa. Her body shook with the force of her sobs. Despite everything, I felt a strong, abiding sorrow as I looked at her. Inadvertently or not, I was part of the reason she was in this position.
“Sunshine.”
I tore my eyes away from Louisa and looked at him.
“Let me handle this. Go.”
Numb, I stumbled away.
I slumped into the armchair, my shaking legs unable to hold me upright. My mind raced with everything that had occurred recently, and especially today. I dropped my head into my hands, remembering Louisa’s garbled words. The way she spat them at me and the fear she instilled as she went on about how hard she had tried to get my attention. How much she wanted to be my friend.
Shame washed over me as I realized I had acted no better toward Aiden than she had with me. I had tried to push him into liking me more, wanting me the way I wanted him. It was time to stop. He was never going to change, and I needed to accept that. To accept him as a great person, someone who was part of Emmy’s life and with whom I would have to interact for a long time. I would never do anything that would force her to have to choose between us, so I needed to change my behavior.
I lifted my head, feeling weak and weary. Aiden shook the officers’ hands and let them out of the apartment. They had taken Louisa away, and I had given my statement to the police. Aiden shut the door, his hand resting on the wood. His wide shoulders slumped, and I was certain he was as exhausted and emotionally drained as I was feeling.
He sighed and straightened, crossing the room and sitting on the chair opposite me. He kept his voice low and gentle, as if speaking to a frightened animal.
“Are you all right, Cami?”
I wanted to fling myself into his arms and tell him no. To explain how terrified I had felt, more so than I had ever been in my life—right up until the moment he had disarmed Louisa and I knew he wasn’t going to be hurt. I couldn’t bear the thought of him injured because of me.
Instead, I only nodded. “I’m fine.”
“What do you need?”
Inside, I screamed, “You!”
However, again, I repeated myself. “I’m fine. Really.” I swallowed. “How . . . ?” The word hung in the air.
“Emmy phoned Bentley. She told him you had come here, and I heard your message. I had my phone on vibrate because of the meeting, but I saw your number and checked the message. Bentley had forgotten to turn his off, and when he saw her number, he answered. I was already on my feet when he told me to go. I drove here like a madman. I kept phoning, but you didn’t pick up. I knew something was wrong. I called the police, frantic. I beat them here.” He shook his head and closed his eyes, his hands shaking. “Seeing her in front of you with a knife is an image I will never get out of my head. I can’t even think about what might have happened if I had been a few minutes later . . .” His voice trailed off, and he opened his eyes, his gaze tormented.
“I don’t think she would have hurt me.”
“You’re wrong. She wasn’t thinking,” he snapped. “Her mind wasn’t processing reality anymore, and right and wrong didn’t exist. Rage, the grief over her sister, and her hatred had taken over, Cami. She finally snapped.”
I didn’t want him drowning in any more guilt. He already carried enough around. “Then you got here in time, and you saved me, Aiden. Thank you.”
“She was here the whole time. Waiting. I missed it.”
“She was smart.” I stroked his clenched hands. “Stop blaming yourself. I’m not.”
“I would never have forgiven myself. I’m not sure I can forgive myself for what occurred today. I should have listened to my gut.”
“You have to let it go. We thought it was over. Her mother lied about her whereabouts because she was too lazy to care or actually do anything. Louisa played everyone. It’s on her and her family.” I shook my head ruefully. “Some of the responsibility is even on me. Not you.”
I stood. “I’m going to take a bath. You can let yourself out, okay?”
He frowned, standing as well. “You really think I’m going to leave you alone after what just happened?”
I drew in much-needed air and curled my hands into fists, seeking strength. “Aiden, I can’t express my gratitude enough. For everything you’ve done for me. But it’s over. She’s in police custody, and I’m safe. I need a bath to warm up, then I’m going to lie down.” A shudder ran down my spine. “I’ll nap in Dee’s room or here on the sofa.” I wasn’t sure I would ever sleep in mine again. “Before you go, though, I need to apologize to you.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Apologize?”
I swallowed to rid myself of the lump that was forming in my throat. “For my behavior. I know you don’t have the same feelings for me as I have for you. I have pushed and forced my way into your life, and you’ve been amazing. I know you allowed me to hang around because of Emmy and Bentley, and you’ve been patient with me. You told me right from the start there would never be a relationship beyond friendship between us. Even when we were intimate, I knew how you felt, but I was arrogant enough that I thought you would change your mind. That somehow, you would know I was different, and that I could be what you needed.” I brushed my hair off my face. “I kept pushing you—trying to force you to feel something you didn’t. Just like Louisa did with me.”
He started to speak, and I held up my hand.
“Don’t. Please. I get it now. I really do. I promise you it won’t happen again. I won’t make you uncomfortable, and I won’t do anything to embarrass you. Our best friends are getting married. It’s inevitable we’ll be around each other, but I won’t push anymore. I promise. I’ll just be Cami—Emmy’s slightly weird friend and someone who will be grateful to you for the rest of her life.” Leaning up, I pressed my lips to his cheek. “Thank you.”
He stood stock-still, a muscle working in his neck, but he said nothing. Desperate to keep my emotions hidden, I went down the hall and quietly shut the bathroom door behind me. I leaned against the wood, covering my mouth with my hand as the tears began to drip down my cheeks. I dashed them away and bent over the tub, pushing down the plug and turning on the tap. I grabbed Dee’s citrus bubble bath, needing a different scent than my usual jasmine. I would never again wear that fragrance.
I heard the telltale sound of the door closing firmly at the front of the apartment, and with a quiet sob, I disrobed and slid into the water. Aiden was gone, and I was alone. I laid my head back and let the tears flow. I was so exhausted I couldn’t weep. No sounds came out, only tears rolled down my cheeks, hot and heavy. I let them go, knowing I needed to mourn. I had so many regrets, and I was going to relive them every time I saw Aiden. I could only hope the pain would lessen and one day I would be able to smile at him again without my heart breaking.
I startled when the bathroom door opened, and Aiden came into the room.
“What are you doing?” I gasped, wiping my hands across my cheeks.
He shrugged, flipping the lid to the toilet down and sitting on it. He had changed, and he rolled up his sleeves, careful not to look at me. “You didn’t give me a chance to reply, so I thought I would come in and take advantage of the fact that you couldn’t walk away while I said my piece.”
“I thought you left. I heard the door.”
“I went to my car and grabbed my bag. I always have a change of clothes with me. I didn’t want to smell her on me anymore.”
“I’m never wearing that perfume again,” I admitted.
He bent forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, and shook his head. “No, Cami. I love your scent. That perfume didn’t smell like you at all when she wore it. It was overpowering and sweet. Frankly, on her, it made me nauseous. On you, it’s light and airy. I like it. Your scent calms me like nothing else does. Don’t let her take that from us.”
I had no idea how to reply to his statement.
“Oh.”
“As for what you said earlier, I think I’m the one who owes you an apology.”
“I doubt that.”
His unique eyes burned into me. “You have been offering me the gift of your love—without an agenda or any chance of it being reciprocated—and all I have done is treat you badly.”
“You haven’t treated me badly—just the opposite. It’s not a gift if you don’t want it. I know that now.”
He raked his hands through his hair roughly and huffed out a curse.
“It is a gift. One I wanted so much but was too afraid to take.” He kept on talking, not giving me a chance to reply. “Today, when I realized what was happening, the danger you were in, I kept praying.” He snorted. “I never pray—I’ve never believed in any of that shit. But I did. I prayed and begged that you’d be safe—that you wouldn’t be hurt, or even worse.” His eyes drifted shut, then snapped open, once again pinning me with his gaze. “I promised, I swore, if I got there in time, if you were safe, I would tell you.”
“Tell me what?” I breathed, terrified, yet enthralled with his words.
“Tell you everything. How I feel about you. Why I pushed you away. Why I so desperately want you, even though I don’t deserve to have you.”
“You want me?”
He lunged, moving so fast that before I knew what was happening, he was on top of me in the tub, his heavy torso pushing me into the porcelain. His mouth claimed mine as he buried his hand into my hair and yanked me tight, holding me close. His kiss was possessive, deep, and carnal. He moaned low, the sound reverberating in the room.
I whimpered, unsure where his actions came from, afraid to believe they meant what I hoped they did, and still so in love with him, I wasn’t sure it mattered.
He dragged his lips over my cheek, pressing them to my ear. “I feel, Cami. I feel so much, and I’m fucking terrified of what I feel. I need you to help me.”
“Tell me what you need.”
He kept his voice low, as if ashamed to say it out loud. “Hold me for a minute. Let me feel you against me so I know you’re okay.”
“She didn’t touch me, Aiden. You got here in time.”
“Please. I need that.”
I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the tremor that went through his massive form. I could feel his lips moving on my skin, but I had no idea what he was saying. He ghosted his hands up and down my back, never settling anywhere, but touching me so reverently, I felt the tears begin to well again. He had never touched me this way before now.
“Please don’t,” he murmured. “I hate it when you cry. My chest aches.”
“I-I don’t understand what’s happening, and I’m scared to hope that maybe it’s something . . .” I sucked in a long gulp of air. “Significant.”
“I want it to be.”
“But?” I whispered, my heart in my throat.
“I have things I need to tell you.”
“Now?”
He drew back, bringing his hand up to cup my face. “Yes, but I think maybe I should wait until you’re out of the tub. You’re very distracting like this.”
“Like this?”
A slow smile spread across his lips, and his expression changed, becoming lighter. “Wet, slippery, naked, and far too tempting.”
“You’re all wet now too.”
“I have another shirt.”
“I’ll get out. We can talk. I can have a bath when you leave later.”
He pressed his lips to mine sweetly. “What if I don’t leave?”
“Then you can join me and wash my back.”
His mouth was warm as he kissed me one more time. “Okay, deal.”