chapter twenty-five
Can you drive Becca to gymnastics tonight?” she asked, sliding blueberry waffles into the toaster. “I have a few meetings and a conference call with Adam.”
He paused to study her, a slight frown creasing his elegant brow. “Sure, but this is the third night in a row. Do you need some extra help?”
She forced a smile, pouring some orange juice for Becca. “Just nearing crunch time. Want to make sure everything’s perfect, and I need to help Charlie a bit at the office.”
“You’re doing an amazing job, Syd,” he said seriously. “We’ve already got three houses complete and right on schedule. Cushman is happy. The suppliers are getting what they want. I’m just worried you’re pushing yourself too hard.”
“I can handle it.” She rechecked Becca’s backpack, slid in an extra bottle of water, and called her down to breakfast. “Appreciate it.”
Her daughter skipped down the massive staircase, hair in a perfect ponytail. “Look, Mama, guess who did my hair this morning?”
Sydney stopped to study Becca, tapping her finger against her lip. “Hmm, Mr. Ted Bear? Or Barbie?”
“Daddy! Didn’t he do good this time?”
Sydney laughed, taking in her husband’s beaming face. “Yes, he did great,” she said, her heart wrenching a bit. “You’ve come a long way since the recital.”
“I just stay away from pink sparkles.”
Becca giggled, sliding into her chair and keeping up her chattery morning conversation. Sydney concentrated on the familiar chaos, loving the banter among them all around the breakfast table. They had finally settled into their own routine. Days slipped by and melted into one another in a blur of happiness, laughter, and productivity. Tristan embraced his role as father and husband with a grace that humbled her. As time passed, Sydney admitted that from the outside, they had a perfect marriage and family.
Yet she still longed for more.
Every night, he wrung orgasms from her body and she spilled words of love from her lips. Every night, he gave her his body with a fierce devotion and passion she couldn’t fight.
And every morning, he slipped a little further away from her.
Her marriage was a facade. It was as if the years had dissipated and left her the same young woman who allowed him to protect his heart for too long before walking away. Back then, it had been enough. She would’ve settled for any crumb of his affection.
Now Sydney knew she deserved more.
Soon she’d have to make a decision.
“I’ll meet you over there this afternoon?” he asked, straightening his tie. “I have a closing today.”
“Fine. Good luck.”
He paused beside her chair. Then tipped her head up. “I’ll see you later. Have a good day.” He kissed her, slow and thorough, with a tenderness that made her whole being sigh with pleasure.
“Ew!” Becca said. “Kissing is gross!”
Tristan grinned. “I’m glad you think so, sweetheart. Keep on that track for me, okay?” With a wink, he left, leaving her staring at the closed door.
She finished breakfast, got Becca on the bus, and headed to the job site to get an early start. The day and evening passed quickly, and she took her time driving back home, lost in thought.
She had committed herself to this marriage because she loved him. Believed with enough time, he’d begin to trust her again. Open his heart. Love her the way she loved him. But months later, he still shut himself off. She was losing herself a little bit more every day, and it might be time to confront him. It was time Tristan Pierce took a risk with her and laid his heart on the line.
When she walked into the mansion, the downstairs was quiet. Kicking off her shoes, she headed up the staircase to check on Becca. As she approached her room, she heard them talking and paused in the doorway. A smile rested on her lips as she listened.
“Why does the princess always marry the prince at the end of the fairy tales?” Becca asked. “Do you always have to marry someone you kiss?”
Tristan’s low chuckle warmed her heart. She heard the rustle of bedcovers. “Definitely not. Fairy tales were written a long time ago, when women had no other opportunities other than getting married.”
“They couldn’t be CPO like Mama?”
“CFO. And no, not back then. They’d marry, have children, cook, clean, and stay home.”
“That sounds boring. I thought I wanted to be a princess, but I think I’d rather be an animal doctor. Or work on houses like you and Uncle Cal and Uncle Dalton and Mama. I like HGTV.”
“You are so much smarter than those princesses,” he said.
“Yeah, ’cause if the prince gets me mad, I have my own money to go somewhere else.”
Tristan’s laugh pumped up the room with joy. Becca laughed with him. Sydney shook with mirth, ready to step in and give her daughter a high five, but Becca’s next question halted her mid-stride. “If you don’t get married because you kiss, then why do you?”
“Because you love someone.”
“We can’t get married! But you love me, right?”
She squealed out loud. He must have been tickling her. “Silly girl, of course I love you. Parents always love their children, though. Adults are the ones who fall in love and decide to get married.”
“Like Mama, right? You love Mama?”
She froze. Heart beating madly, she stood poised at the door, straining to hear his answer. A short moment of silence fell heavily in the air. Her breath caught as she waited.
“I love our family, Becca. And I love you more than anything in the whole world. Get it?”
“Got it.”
Their voices mingled. More laughter. Sydney backed slowly away from the door. Very quietly, she entered her bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. Everything around her remained the same. Inside, everything felt different.
“Hey, I didn’t hear you get in. How was your day?” He stepped inside, shutting the door. He’d changed out of his suit into a pair of faded jeans and a simple black T-shirt. The scent of the ocean filled her nostrils. He was barefoot.
This man finally belonged to her. Her husband. The one who claimed her heart and made her body weep.
But it wasn’t enough.
She made sure her voice didn’t wobble. “I overheard you talking to Becca.”
He smiled and shook his head. “Now, that was an interesting conversation. Decided she didn’t want to be a princess. She’d rather have a job and make money. Who do you think she learned that from?” He walked to the dresser, removing his silver watch.
“You told her you loved your family.”
“That’s right. I do.”
“But not me.”
He stiffened. She watched him while he seemed to gather his composure before turning back around. “What are you talking about? I told her I loved our family and her.”
“Yes, but when she asked you directly if you loved me, you didn’t answer.”
His brows snapped in a frown. “Semantics. What are you getting upset about?”
“I think you know.”
He stilled. Studied her figure. Already the familiar distance shrouded his form, wrapping him up in protection. This time, she wouldn’t allow it. His voice held a touch of defensiveness. “Sweetheart, let’s not do this tonight. Things have been good between us. Have I done something to show I wasn’t committed to this marriage? To you?”
A sigh broke through her lips. “No. Commitment isn’t what I was questioning. Neither is responsibility. What I’m questioning is your feelings for me, Tristan.”
He braced his legs apart, placing his hands on his hips. His pose reminded her of a warrior ready to do battle. “We’ve moved forward. We’re happy. I don’t know how you could possibly doubt my commitment to you.”
Temper coursed through her veins. She stood from the bed and faced him. “There’s that word again. Commitment. Oh, you’ve done your duty well, marrying me to be with Becca. You’ve said you moved on. But have we really, Tristan? Or do we just keep replaying the past, over and over?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I forgave you for keeping Becca from me!”
“I don’t need your forgiveness for doing something I was pushed to do! God, don’t you remember how cold you were when you left? How you treated me like we’d never grown up together or been a part of each other’s lives? Like a responsibility you didn’t want anymore? You came back because you were lonely, not because you truly wanted to be with me. I had no choice, and I’ll back up my decision to the very end because I did it all for Becca.”
“How do I know you ever planned to tell me?” he asked. “How am I ever supposed to trust you again?”
She blinked back angry tears, shaking her head. “I don’t know. All I can tell you is when Becca was older, I always intended to give you both the truth. When we began to grow close after I made CFO, I saw a different man. One who was ready to really open up his heart. I knew it was time, so I took a leap of faith. But then it happened again. You shut down and closed up, and I’m fighting for something bigger, Tristan. I’m fighting for us.”
“You want me to say the words? Will that help everything go back to the way it was so we can move on?”
Pain shredded through her, but she kept her gaze steady on his. Even now, his golden eyes swirled with a hint of fear, as if losing control was beyond him. Diane had always told her he was the one she worried about the most, and Sydney knew why. It was so hard for him to admit vulnerability and give trust. To be open enough to say I love you without holding back. Losing his mother had just made everything worse, made it easier to shut himself off.
Was it even possible for him to take such a risk?
“You still don’t understand,” she said softly. “Or you don’t want to. If you can’t give me your heart completely, we don’t have a chance. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I can’t be mad at you for not feeling the same way. For not loving me like I’ve always loved you. But I can’t pretend not getting it isn’t destroying me a little bit each day. Is this what you want? Don’t we deserve to show Becca how two people should truly love each other?”
“Becca is shown every day how two people should treat each other. Why do you always have to push for more? For things I can’t give you!”
Shock carved out his expression as he threw out the words. The truth seeped into her skin and bones and soul. He didn’t love her the way she needed. She’d believed this marriage would give her the time and space to win his heart. But the waiting game couldn’t go on forever, especially when each day she’d resent him more for not loving her enough.
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t understand, Sydney. I didn’t mean it like that.”
A sad smile curved her lips. “Yes, you did. I’d rather have the truth than a lie. We can’t keep doing this, Tristan. Eventually we’ll hurt Becca, and she deserves more. You’re an integral part of her life now, and I don’t think you ever have to be afraid of not being involved with her on a daily basis. But being married to you? I can’t do it anymore.”
Was that panic she spotted in his expression? He took a step forward, his hand reaching out. “No. We can work this out. Dammit, do you really want to lose what we’ve had? What we’ve built?”
“Yes, I do.” She squared her shoulders and told her own truth. “Because I deserve more than you can give, Tristan Pierce. It’s about time I realized that.”
She walked away with her head held high.
This time, when she went into another bedroom for the night, he didn’t come after her.