Chapter 10

 

 

Physiology is the most boring class I’m taking this semester. It’s boring on a normal day, but it’s nearly unbearable today. Today is definitely not normal.

Because two days ago, Aiden kissed me.

As my professor drones on with his boring lecture about cell membrane function, I can’t help but let my mind wander back to that ball pit. I’d felt Aiden’s muscular body pressed underneath mine. His arm was warm, protective, as it wrapped around me. His lips were soft and timid at first, like kissing me was something he wanted to make sure he got right. For those few minutes, I was lost in Aiden’s embrace, my thoughts and worries and stress just washed away with a kiss.

And then eventually, we had to get back to reality. Which is why I’m currently sitting in my class at the university instead of staying in that ball pit snuggled up with Aiden for eternity.

I draw in a slow breath and let it out in a sigh. This is bad. I’m not supposed to be moving through my life like a lovestruck zombie who can’t wait to see Aiden again. This is all fake. I knew it going into it, and I know it now. Fake, fake, fake.

I look up and realize the professor has changed slides on the overhead projector. Shit. I scramble to type it all on my laptop before he switches slides again. I don’t even know what he’s talking about now. This class is important, and I need to pay attention.

I make myself sit up straighter, hoping that a good posture will somehow erase daydreams of kissing Aiden from my mind. It does not work. I glance around the class and see the other students, most of them looking bored, but still paying attention. Am I the only one here who can’t focus?

Yesterday was another long work day. I spent eight hours at the shop with my dad and then went to LaValle for my internship. Martha, my director, let me schedule part-time evening hours as an intern so I can keep working at the shop. I’m not exactly broke, but I definitely need my meager paycheck each week to keep my bills paid. I don’t have to pay rent, but I do have to pay my truck note, utility bills, and everything else.

Because of my busy schedule, I hadn’t seen Aiden yesterday, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected to see him. After the trampoline park, we said we’d have another fake date “soon” but neither of us clarified what soon meant. Like an idiot, I’d kept my phone close by yesterday just in case Aiden wanted to text me.

He didn’t.

And that’s totally cool. This is a fake relationship after all.

Dammit, Jenn. I take another deep breath. I tell myself, yet again, to stop thinking about this guy. Like, seriously. Just stop it. He’s fake. He’s a famous racer and he’s doing me a favor to get back at Jay, and none of it is real and he’ll be gone in a few weeks anyway.

I spend the rest of the class period diligently taking notes and repeating everything the professor says in my head. That way, there’s no room for stupid thoughts about a guy to bother me.

After the lecture is over, I scoop up my laptop and textbook and make my way out into the courtyard. There’s some pop-up food truck in the parking lot selling tacos for charity. It looks pretty good, but the line is ridiculously long. Part of me wants to stay, join the long line and make small talk with the other people there. It could be fun, breaking out of my shell. Expanding my friends circle to include new people and not just the same people I’ve known my whole life from my tiny town and from motocross.

Seriously, every single friend I have is also friends with Jay. Every person I know knows me as Jay’s longtime girlfriend. And every time I run into someone at the shop or in the grocery store, they ask about him. Sometimes I just wish I had a different set of friends, people who know me as me. Not as some prick’s girlfriend.

Despite my desperate need for new friends, my anxiety gets the best of me and I walk right past the taco truck and toward the parking lot. I’ll make new friends some other day.

I’m staring at my text messages with Aiden while I walk, wondering if there’s something I could text him that would be fun and cute and not make me look desperate to talk to him again. But really, there’s nothing. We have no reason to talk because we’re not really dating. I don’t even think we’re really friends. We’re just two people pulling off a scheme together.

With a sigh, I put my phone away, deciding not to text him. I don’t want to look pathetic or desperate.

“Hey there,” a familiar voice says.

At first I think maybe he’s not talking to me, but then I see him standing there, leaning against my truck like he’s been waiting here a while.

I swallow. It’s too late to turn around.

He’s seen me and I’ve seen him.

I curse under my breath, and hold out my keys, pressing the unlock button. “You’re in my way,” I say, stopping several feet in front of him.

Jay puts on a smile like he thinks that’s going to fix everything.

“Let’s talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, except that you’re standing in front of my door, so please move.”

“Jenn, don’t be stubborn.”

I grit my teeth. I hate being called stubborn.

Jay stands there, four inches taller than me and much wider. He’s not as tall as Aiden, I think, but then those thoughts are scared away when Jay tilts his head and holds out his arms like he wants a hug.

A hug? Yeah not happening.

I cross my arms over my chest, as if to make it very obvious they won’t be wrapping around him any time soon. “I’m not hugging you. Get the fuck out of my way.”

“No need to be vulgar,” Jay says, frowning like he’s disappointed in me or something. Fuck that. I’ll cuss even more.

“Leave me alone,” I say. My backpack is slung over my shoulder, getting heavier by the second with the weight of my books and laptop. I’m still holding my keys, and I could maybe press the panic button but I doubt that would do much to scare him off. There’s nothing I can do right now.

I exhale through my nose, keeping my jaw clenched. “What do you want?”

He brightens, a half smile quirking on his lips. He knows he’s won this round and I hate him for it. “I just want to talk, baby.”

I shake my head. “I’m not your baby.”

“Yes you are, Jenn. You know you are. You’re my soul mate, and I love you.” His eyes focus on me. “And I know you love me.”

I shake my head again. “Not anymore.”

He snorts. “Yes, you do. Love doesn’t just go away. Look, I gave you a little break, but now it’s time to get things back the way they were.”

“A break?” I say, my voice getting louder. “You gave me a break up.”

He actually has the gall to look offended. “Jenn, baby, we did not break up.”

“Yes, we did. We were broken up the second you fucked Miranda.”

He rolls his eyes and it’s the same look he makes when I’m telling a customer what type of oil they should use, or what brand of bike is better, and he thinks I’m an idiot and that he knows better than I do.

“Baby, that was a one time mistake. You know that.”

“All I know is that you cheated on me,” I say, gritting my teeth. “I don’t need to know anything else.”

“Baby… you need to calm down. You’ve got it all wrong. I don’t even like that girl. I like you. I love you.”

He takes a step toward me and I take one step back. “Baby, don’t be like this.”

I hate the way he’s looking at me right now. It’s like he thinks I’ll just suck it up and forgive him. “Why did you do it?” I ask. I hate myself for caring, but deep down I want to know. I want to know what’s so bad about me that would make my boyfriend of three years cheat on me with someone else.

He shrugs. “Hell, I don’t know.”

I give him a look. “Seriously? You ruined our relationship and you don’t even know why?”

“Baby, I was just horny. That’s how guys are. She was all up on me and I couldn’t say no. I wanted to, but you know I can’t. That’s just how guys are. We can’t help it.”

“That is not a good enough answer.”

Jay throws his hands up in the air. “I don’t know what else you want from me, Jenn. That’s the damn truth. She came on to me. I didn’t ask for it. She caught me in a bad moment and got naked, and what was I supposed to do?”

“Um, tell her to fucking leave?” I say, sarcasm heavy in my voice. “That’s what you do. You stay away from track whores and stay faithful to your girlfriend.”

“I am faithful,” he says, putting a hand to his chest. “I stay faithful to you. I only love you. I only want you. Miranda was just sex. But with you, it’s love.”

He takes another step forward, and now he’s no longer blocking the driver’s side door of my truck. I must stare at it too long, because suddenly he backs up, pressing his body to the tuck again.

“You’re not leaving, Jenn. Not until we talk this out.”

Dammit.

“Did you even think about me?” I ask, my voice cracking. “When you were fucking her, did I ever cross your mind? Did you think for one second that it might be wrong?”

“Hell no,” he says so quickly that I can tell he’s not lying. “Babe I’m never thinking of you during that.”

My breath catches. “Never?”

He shakes his head. “Not once.”

My whole body goes cold. He’s just admitted to cheating on me more than one time. “And how many times have you cheated on me?”

“It’s not cheating. It’s just sex. Seriously. Don’t be so uptight. If you had bothered to knock, then you wouldn’t have even had to see it.”

White hot rage burns from my heart down to my toes. What a bastard. I keep my face expressionless. I know if I keep talking then he’ll keep blocking my door. All I want to do is go home and maybe cry. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, besides pure unbidden rage. I can’t believe I was so stupid.

I know he won’t leave. Not if I ask nicely. So I decide to trick him.

“There’s a taco truck across campus,” I say, my voice steady. I don’t let my emotions show. “Let’s get lunch and we can talk.”

He smiles. “Good. Let’s go.”

I sling my backpack off my shoulder. “Let me put my backpack up first,” I say.

Just like I’d hoped, he steps away. My heart pounds as I open my truck door. I lean in to drop my backpack on the seat, and then with a quick glance backward, I see Jay checking his cell phone. I jump up into the truck and close the door behind me. His head snaps up, eyes wide. He lunges for me I press the door lock button just before he grabs the handle. His nostrils flare.

I grin and start my engine.

“What the fuck, Jenn?” Jay yells through the closed window.

I press my middle finger to the glass and drive off.