Chapter 15

 

 

My phone rings at the ass crack of dawn. I roll over in bed, get all tangled up in Grandma’s quilt, and have to fight with it before my arm is free to reach for my phone. For the smallest second, I allow myself to hope that it might be Jenn.

But the man on the other line, with his gruff voice and annoying cheerfulness is not her.

“What’s up, man?” Marcus says, sounding like he’s been awake for hours, which he probably has. I check the time—nine in the morning—and yawn.

“Not much,” I say, sitting up in bed. The sheets are a tangled mess, probably because I didn’t sleep well last night. I haven’t slept well in the last three nights.

“How many weeks we got left until that wrist is healed?” my manager asks.

“Four,” I say. “That’s when the cast comes off but I’ll have to ask a doctor when I’ll be cleared to ride again.”

“You’ll probably need to wait a couple weeks after that, but you could at least get back with the team by then.”

I nod. “Yep, I’m looking forward to it.”

For a very short while I had allowed myself to think that I enjoyed living here. That staying in the same place was fun because you could make friends, memories. But now I think I’m ready to get back to my crazy life of travel.

I had only thought I’d made friends. What I really made was an agreement.

I chat with Marcus for a little while longer, and then when we get off the phone, I’m no longer in the mood to sleep. I can smell bacon cooking in the kitchen and I wonder if Grandma always cooks a nice breakfast or if she’s just doing it because we’re in town.

I stare at my phone, watching the screen remain blank and empty. Devoid of any calls. Saturday could have just been a busy day. Sunday—maybe she had to be with family or something. But now it’s Monday and if Jenn doesn’t talk to me then my fears will be confirmed.

Having sex with her was a really, really bad idea.

Don’t get me wrong, it was amazing that night. I’ve never felt so close to anyone in my whole life. I even allowed myself to drop the fake boyfriend act and to treat her as if she were really mine. I thought she liked it. She certainly acted like she liked it. The way she moaned and called out my name, the way her back arched as I slid into her.

It was sexy as hell. It was the best night ever.

And then, after cuddling in her bed for an hour, I had done the nice thing and said I better get back home. I was hoping, praying, that she’d tell me to spend the night. Instead, she said, “I’ll drive you home.”

On the short drive back to my house, we’d talked about any and everything—laughing and joking around all topics except the topic of sex. It’s like we just pretended that mind-blowing night didn’t happen.

And then, just before dropping me off, Jenn had looked over at me and called my name.

“Yes?” I said, peering back into her truck while I stood in the driveway.

“All of that stuff was just as friends,” she said. “It didn’t mean anything.”

I swallowed, and nodded. “Of course.”

Then she smiled and waved goodbye. I felt a little punched in the face, but her smile made everything okay. I knew that night wasn’t real—none of it is real—but it’s not like she needed to remind me.

And now I haven’t heard from her at all. I can’t stop wondering that I did something wrong. I’ve gone through the whole night in my head, and it seems like it was just a great night together. I didn’t do anything she didn’t want me to. The only thing I did wrong was pretend that she was my actual girlfriend in my mind. But it’s not like she knows that.

Still, I’m being set aside now and it sucks. Jenn and I had started texting each other all the time, like friends. I want to text her so badly but I don’t know what to say.

I eat breakfast with my grandma and sister, and I’m able to put on a happy face to chat with them. Then Grandma goes out to her garden and Bella takes her laptop to the couch to get started on her school work, and I’m all alone again.

I sit next to Bella, but I don’t want to disturb her studies. I’m sure if I mentioned that I’m having problems with Jenn, she’d be all ears, but she needs to focus right now.

I head outside and walk down the long winding driveway, making sure I’m very far away from Grandma’s garden so she can’t overhear me. I call Jett. He’s on Team Loco and he’s been in a long-term relationship for a while now.

“What’s up?” Jett says. In the background I can hear the rumble of a dirt bike and it makes my chest ache to be back on the track again.

“You got a minute?”

“For you? Always,” he says sarcastically.

I feel like an idiot, but I tell him the whole story with Jenn. I tell him we hooked up on Friday and I spare him the details about how fucking amazing it was. He just needs the facts.

When I’m finished recounting the last couple of weeks he says, “So what’s the problem, dude? You fell for her, huh?”

“No,” I say, knowing it’s a lie. “I mean, I thought we were friends. Now she’s not even talking to me.”

“Sex will do that,” Jett says. “It’s the one thing that turns friends into something else.”

“So what should I do?”

He considers it for a moment. “Well, you could tell her how you feel.”

“I can’t do that,” I say, shaking my head. “What’s the point? I don’t even live here.”

“Long distance can work if you want it to,” Jett says. “But if you don’t want a relationship with her and you’re just going to leave in a few weeks, maybe you shouldn’t do anything.”

That’s not the advice I wanted to hear. “That’s the best you’ve got?” I say.

He chuckles. “Man, you either go for it and tell her you want to date her for real, or you realize that you don’t want to date her for real—because of the long distance or whatever your reason is—and if that’s the case then you need to just let it go. No sense in stringing her along, ya know?”

“Yeah… I get it.”

He’s right. I know he is. She clearly doesn’t feel the same way about me that I feel about her. Telling her I’m crazy about her—in a real way, not a fake way—would only put her in a bad position.

I thank Jett for his advice and then we chat about the races for a bit. He’s still holding his first place position on the team, but Zach is in second with Clay in third. Apparently, Clay’s bike had a piston malfunction in the last race and he didn’t get to finish the race.

When we’re finished talking, I walk back to the house feeling only slightly better. I know Jett is right. This whole thing with Jenn started out as pretend. Just because I wanted there to be more doesn’t mean I’ll get it. And it would be wrong anyway. Jenn lives here, and has her life here. I don’t technically have a home anywhere. I just need to get over her.

I head to the gym and get a good workout, and then I come home around dinner time. I didn’t see Jenn at the gym, but I’d also made sure not to look over at the PT area. I figured if she was there and she wanted to talk to me then she could be the one to make that choice.

At home, Bella is ordering pizza delivery. “You want some?” she asks.

“What I want is a drink,” I say.

She lifts an eyebrow. “They don’t sell alcohol at the pizza place.”

I laugh. “Is there a bar around here?”

“You okay?” she asks, tilting her head.

“Yeah, I just miss motocross,” I lie. “I talked to the guys today and it’s got me bummed out. I could use a drink.”

“Well the only bar around here is pretty gross but there’s the Mexican food place over on Maple and half the restaurant is a bar. People say they make the best drinks.”

“Perfect,” I say. “You wanna come with me?”

She shakes her head. “It’s Monday night, which means my favorite show comes on and Grandma and I always order pizza and watch it.”

“Boring,” I say, teasing her.

She rolls her eyes. “You can take my car if you want to go, but you shouldn’t drink alone.”

“I won’t,” I say, which is also a lie.

“Ohh,” Bella says, wiggling her eyebrows. “I forgot about your fake girlfriend.”

I just let her think what she’s going to think and I head out alone. The truth is, I am definitely drinking alone tonight.

The restaurant is packed, even though this is a fairly small town. I find a spot at the bar and order a Jack and Coke. That’s a sad person’s drink, and I’m pretty fucking pitiful right now.

“I’ll have what he’s having,” a girl says as she slides onto the barstool next to me.

She looks over at me, flicking her dark hair over her shoulder. “Hey there, sexy.”

I give her a nod of acknowledgment and take the glass the bartender slides over to me.

“You’re new,” the girl says. “You’re probably the hottest guy in this place.”

“Uh, thanks?” I say, taking a sip of my drink. The liquor burns down my throat, warming me. Once I finish this thing, I’ll feel two percent better about Jenn.

The girl is staring at me. She’s about my age, and she’s wearing a thick line of black eyeliner that kind of looks bad. I guess she’s pretty enough though. Nothing spectacular. She’s not like Jenn. Jenn doesn’t have to hang half of her boobs out of a black tank top to get any attention, and this girl clearly does.

When the bartender delivers her drink, she holds the glass out to me for a toast. I’m not going to be rude, so I clink my glass to hers. “To meeting new people,” she says, giving me a flirtatious grin. I guess for once it’s nice to meet a stranger who isn’t a raving motocross fan. She has no idea who I am.

She takes her glass and drinks the whole thing in one shot.

“Damn,” I say, impressed.

She grins. “Your turn.”

I didn’t come here to get drunk, but downing one drink won’t hurt, I guess. I meet her grin with one of my own and then I chug the drink in one go. Whoosh.

My glass slaps the bar.

“Another round,” she tells the bartender. She puts a hand on my arm. “What’s your name?”

“Aiden.”

“Hi, Aiden,” she says, giving me a flirtatious look. “I’m Miranda. Nice to meet you.”