Chapter 19

 

 

Another disadvantage to living a life of always traveling is that you don’t exactly have a general physician. I used to see Dr. Wolff when I was a kid and lived with my mom in Orlando, but I haven’t been to him in years. I rarely ever get sick, and the one time I had a cold in Colorado I swung by an urgent care center to get some medication. So after the ER doctor had put a cast on my arm and told me I needed to have it checked in six weeks, I just kind of forgot about it.

Which is why Bella and I spend all morning calling around to find a good doctor here in Louisiana. I’m tempted to fly back to Orlando and call up Dr. Wolff, but I don’t want to leave my sister and grandma just yet. We’ve had a good time these last six weeks. When I wasn’t obsessing over a girl that didn’t want me, it was fun being with family. I’ve gotten used to Grandma’s amazing cooking and it’s been fun spending time with my sister now that she’s practically an adult herself. Spending time here has reminded me that my whole family doesn’t suck. Just my mom and older brother.

In a way, I can’t believe the time has flown by so quickly. My first couple of weeks here were beyond amazing, starting with that night in the hot tub with Jenn. And then my heart was ripped out when she ghosted me. I had to learn to move on with my life and stop watching my phone for a call from her. Even now, four weeks later, I have no idea what went wrong. Did I do something? Did she move on? I know it was all fake and I know I fell a little harder than I should have but I wish she would have at least told me why she was done with me.

But I found a way to pick up the pieces of my heart and move on. It was all fake, I tell myself. I say it almost every day. Then, when I’m not lying to myself about how I’m over her, I start blaming myself. Because I could have called or texted her too. I could have put myself out there. But I can’t stop thinking that maybe I obligated her into fake dating me. I was a little pushy in that hot tub. I did try my hardest to win her over. I barely even knew her but I knew I wanted to be around her. I needed more of her and maybe I pushed her into something she didn’t want.

So I did the right thing for once. I stayed away. I haven’t called her. Haven’t texted. And she’s avoided me, too. I guess this is how it is now.

My cast comes off today and I’ll go back to Team Loco soon and this whole thing with Jenn will be just a memory. A sad, beautiful, too short memory.

“You excited?” Bella says, her hands gripping the steering wheel of her car that still smells like Jenn.

“Hell yeah,” I say, pumping my casted arm in the air. “I’m so ready to get rid of this thing.”

“I think it smells,” she says, curling her lip.

She’s right. It smells. Like a locker room that needs to be sanitized. I probably shouldn’t have worked out so hard these past few weeks, but I had to stay in shape. No matter what, I’m going to sweat a bit and that sweat doesn’t come out of a cast.

“I’ll keep it and hide it under your bed so you can smell me forever,” I tease.

Bella laughs. “Not happening. I’m going to ask the doctor to burn it.”

We found an orthopedic doctor a couple of towns away and it takes about an hour to get to my appointment. My sister fills out my paperwork for me since it’s difficult to write with my cast, and then we’re finally taken back into the exam room.

“How are you feeling?” the doctor asks me when he enters the room. He’s youngish, probably mid-forties.

“I’m ready to get back to work,” I say.

He grins and pulls up the rolling chair to sit on it. “I understand. Casts are no fun. I hear you’re an athlete?”

I nod, watching as a nurse comes into the room with a tray and the cast saw.

Bella sits straighter as the doctor turns on the saw. “Are you scared?” she asks me.

I shake my head.

The doctor chuckles. “No worries,” he tells her. “There’s not a blade on here.” He taps the saw end to this bare forearm and nothing happens. “This piece here vibrates very quickly and that’s what cuts through the cast. You might feel a little warmth, but it won’t hurt.”

I hold out my arm. “Let’s get this over with.”

The saw seems to take forever since I’m so anxious to have my arm free, but eventually the doctor cuts through both sides of my cast. He pops off the top and a rush of cool air hits my skin.

My arm is paler than the rest of me, and my arm hair is all flattened.

“How’s that feel?” the doctor asks.

I hold up my arm and slowly flex my wrist. “Feels stiff, but good.”

The doctor examines me and my x-rays, comparing both of my arms together. My right forearm is much smaller than the left one. Looks like I lost quite a bit of muscle.

“I’m going to prescribe two weeks of physical therapy,” the doctor says after my exam. Then you’ll need to see a sports doctor to determine when you can ride again. You have one of those, right?”

I nod. “There’s a doctor that travels with my motocross team. He’s the one in charge, I think.”

“Great,” he says, marking something in my file. “I’ll get you that PT paperwork and you can be on your way.”

“Do you know about how long it’ll be before I can ride again?” I ask, desperation in my voice.

He gives me a pitying frown. “I’m afraid not. Might be a couple weeks, might be a month or two. Just take it easy for now so your bones don’t get too stressed.”

I nod, annoyed by his answer even though I figured he wouldn’t have good news. I’m ready to get on the bike now. I miss it so much it hurts.

My phone rings as Bella and I are leaving the doctor’s office. It’s a Facetime call from Jett.

“What’s up?” I say, holding the phone out in front of my face.

“Let’s see it,” Jett says. “Show me that naked arm.”

I laugh and hold up my right arm. He lets out a low whistle. “Damn, that’s a nice sight,” he says jokingly. The picture blurs as he turns the phone around to where Clay and Zach are sitting in our team’s motorhome. “Look at that, boys.”

“Nice,” the guys say.

Jett’s face appears on the screen again. “So when are you cleared to ride?”

I shrug, walking slower than usual so I don’t trip over something on the walk to Bella’s car. The last thing I need is to break another bone. “I have two weeks of PT and then we’ll see.”

“That’ll go by quick,” Jett says.

“Says the guy who isn’t banned from riding,” I retort. “It’s going to take forever.”

“Tell him the good news,” Zach calls out in the background.

Jett grins at me. “We’ve got this weekend off. We’re coming to see you.”

“No shit?” I say. Beside me, Bella looks over, eyes wide. I know she’s got a huge crush on all the guys of Team Loco. “Here in Louisiana?”

“Yep,” Jett says. “Clay just booked us a hotel. It’s like half an hour from where you are because that tiny ass town doesn’t have any hotels.”

There’s some noise on Jett’s end and he turns the phone until I can see all three of the guys. “We’re bringing a big rig,” Jett says, which means a motorhome. “We’re gonna hit up that local track near you, soak up the fame.”

I snort. “So this is a paparazzi opportunity not a visit to see your injured friend? Dickheads.”

They laugh. “We wanna see you too, baby,” Zach says, blowing a kiss to the camera.

“But mostly we want to ride a local track without the pressure of a nationals race,” Clay adds.

“Y’all are a bunch of assholes,” I say playfully. I know they’re joking around. I get off the phone and feel a thousand times better. My arm is free, my friends are coming to visit, and soon I’ll be back to my normal life. Maybe I’ll even forget about Jenn and finally find a way to move on from the constant dreams of what we could have had together.

 

 

Or not. Monday afternoon I’m sitting in the driver’s seat of my sister’s car, my heart thumping nervously in my chest as I stare up at the LaValle Fitness and Physical Therapy Center. I tried very hard to find a PT place that wouldn’t remind me of Jenn, but this is the only one within driving distance. Damn small towns. Damn my stupid luck.

I know Jenn is just an intern and she only works here a couple days a week, so she’s probably not even here. I scoured the parking lot and didn’t see her truck, so that’s a good sign. I’ll just have to find a way to schedule all my appointments on days when she’s not here. It shouldn’t be too hard. I’m only supposed to have therapy three days a week, and they’re open on Saturdays which is good because I know she works at the bike shop on Saturdays. I can do this. I can avoid her—at least physically.

But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to avoid the thoughts of her. She was my dream girl. She was beautiful and smart and stunning in every way. She had the softest skin and the sweetest smelling hair. Her lips were perfectly matched to mine. Our bodies were perfectly matched. There’s no way I’ll ever find someone who can compare to Jenn Doherty. There’s just no way.

I stiffen and let out a sigh. I can’t think like that. I can’t feel the tingle in my toes when I remember how she smiled. I sure as hell can’t think about her body moving in tune with mine while we reached levels of ecstasy that I hadn’t thought possible. It was just one night with her, and yet it replays in my mind every night before I go to sleep.

And every time I’m in the shower.

And well, all the time.

I’m thinking of her beautiful body right now, even though I shouldn’t. She doesn’t belong to me. She never did. I hope she’s moved on from that shitty ex-boyfriend of hers. I hope she’s happy.

But most of all, I’m glad she’s not here.

I walk inside and smile at the guy behind the front counter who is used to seeing me in here to work out. This time I avoid the gym section and head toward the right. I’m trying to figure out a way to coordinate my PT schedule without making myself sound like a weirdo. I can’t exactly say, “Please schedule me every day that Jenn isn’t here.”

An older woman with cropped graying hair and purple scrubs welcomes me. She introduces herself as Martha and then goes over my paperwork with me. Standard PT stuff, which is good, she says. My broken wrist wasn’t complicated, and it has healed nicely. Now I just need to get the muscles and tendons back in shape in a healthy way that won’t cause further injuries.

I start to relax after a few minutes. Jenn’s not here, and this will be fine. I just have to stop thinking about her.

Martha leads me behind a curtain that hangs from the ceiling. There’s four separate sections like this, each with a padded table to sit on. She tells me to wait a moment and then we’ll start the ultrasound.

I’m gazing off in the distance when someone walks up and pulls back the curtain. “Hello,” a soft voice says. “I’m here to do your ultrasound.”

My head snaps up, my heart thundering in my chest. Oh God no, this can’t be happening. She hasn’t seen me yet. She’s looking at the paper on her clipboard. Then her eyes meet mine. She freezes.

“Hello,” I say, because what the hell else should I do? Jump up and make a run for it?

Jenn takes a deep breath. “Hi.”