After our second time having sex and talking over Finn’s worries together, I felt confident that this thing we had going between us was going to last. That it was for real—that he was the one for me. I felt so sure of it.

Until the night when we had our first, official date. At that point, I hadn’t felt quite so sure.

I’d felt excited for the date, at first. We had brainstormed what we’d wanted to do for it. Finn had said we really had to think about it—that it was important because it was our absolute first date and all. We’d wanted it to be memorable.

So, we’d decided on a fancy dinner in Stelline City at one of the nicest restaurants the city had to offer. I’d made the reservation and bought him flowers—the whole shebang.

I’d showed up at his place about forty-five minutes before the time of the reservation, which had given us time to drive into the city and get to the restaurant a little early.

He’d looked absolutely stunning in a pin stripe suit. His hair had been slicked back, and I’d never seen him look quite this sexy.

“Wow.” I’d smiled at him as I’d opened his front door.

“You’re not looking too bad yourself.” He’d given me a kiss on the cheek.

I’d walked him to the car and opened the door for him, shutting it behind him before I’d gone to my own door.

It was in that moment I paused. He really did look amazing, and I knew I should have been having the time of my life, on my first date with the man about whom I was crazy. But, for some reason, I just… wasn’t.

The car ride was intensely awkward, which was weird because usually we had no shortage of topics about which to talk. But, I tried to be considerate of what we discussed, making sure it was date worthy, and he seemed to be doing the same, because neither of us brought up work or the anomaly. We just quietly thought to ourselves, waiting to arrive at the restaurant.

At first, I thought it was just the anticipation of our first date that caused this awkwardness. I mean, we’d put a lot of pressure on this particular date. It was stressful all around. But, once we got into things at the restaurant, I felt positive things were sure to calm down.

There was a valet at the restaurant, and when we got out of the car, I took Finn's arm in mine. I had to admit, it did feel good to walk in with him. I felt a sense of pride in looking like his date. And why shouldn’t I have? He was a damn good-looking guy.

“Hello,” I said to the hostess. “I’ve got a reservation for two at six o’clock.”

“Right, of course.” She smiled back. “You’re our only reservation for six. Your table is already set up—just follow me.”

It was a gorgeous restaurant. It had these beige ornamental tiles lined in a diamond shape across the floor, a smaller white tile providing a criss-cross pattern. There were these exquisite red curtains adorning every window.

The window we were sat next to had the curtains pulled back, however, to show a gorgeous view of a small pond, decorated with a waterfall and an assortment of rocks. The setting could not have been better for a first date.

I pulled out Finn’s seat for him, and he smiled as he sat on the red velvet cushion. Before I could even take my own seat, a waiter in a black suit was there to take our orders.

“Hello, gentlemen. I’m Arnold, and I’ll be your server tonight. What can I get started for your drinks?”

“Can we get a bottle of the house Chardonnay and two waters with lemon?” I ordered for us, hoping at the last minute that Finn wouldn’t mind that. He didn't seem to.

“Absolutely, of course. And, I’ll give you some time to decide on your food.”

“Perfect, thank you,” Finn spoke up.

We were still quiet as we sat there. It seemed the awkwardness from the car actually had followed us into the restaurant. But I also tried to assume that this was because we were flipping through our menus, and, once we were done, the conversation would flow as naturally as it always had.

But it didn’t. We ordered our food, both getting this seafood pasta dish which neither of us could fully pronounce. But afterward, we were pretty stuck for conversation.

“So… really beautiful place,” Finn said.

“Oh, completely. Gorgeous… do you like the pond?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yes, the pond is very nice.”

It was so weird. I felt like I was on a blind date or something with someone I’d just met. It certainly didn’t feel like I was on a date with the best friend I’d known my whole life.

As we ate our food in near silence, only occasionally trying to start a conversation that died out a few seconds later, I started to wonder if this was all a mistake.

I mean, I knew I had feelings for Finn. And he had them for me. And when we’d been together sexually, it had been phenomenal, truly. And yet… I wondered if we’d pushed this too far.

Maybe we’d both been wrong. Maybe we weren’t fated mates. This all felt so unnatural compared to how our friendship usually felt. Maybe what we were meant to be was simply… friends.

I didn’t like the idea, because my feelings for Finn were incredibly intense. But, from everything I’d learned about fated mates, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Nothing was supposed to be awkward. Conversation usually flowed quite naturally between two people who realized they were fated to one another other. Once you connected, you were connected for life.

I’d never worried about this previously, because Finn and I had always had a great connection. Our chemistry as friends was fantastic. But, now that we were actually dating, that all seemed to die out.

I paid for the meal when we were finished, though Finn reached for the check. I pulled it away faster. I just wouldn’t have felt right letting him pay. It was more traditional that the alpha paid, anyway.

“So,” Finn said awkwardly after I signed our check. “What do we do now? Do we just… go back home?”

As awkward as this whole experience had been, I didn’t want to do that. It felt so wrong to let our date end on this note.

“No, no…” I said slowly. “Let’s not. We should go do something. I mean, we’re in the city, right? We used to love spending time in the city.”

Finn seemed apprehensive about this plan, which told me he found this date just as awkward as I did. He probably just wanted to go home and end this tension, but he couldn’t very well say no now.

“Sure, yeah, we should check out some of our old haunts. I think the arcade isn’t too far from here.”

I laughed. “Is that appropriate? I mean, for us to show up at the arcade dressed so nicely?”

He shrugged. “Who cares. I mean, you can be kicked out of a place for being underdressed, but nobody kicks you out for being overdressed, right?”

“Very, very true.” I nodded. “Sure, let’s go.”

We had finished the bottle of wine, probably because we’d both been trying to calm our nerves. But, we were both relieved to find that the arcade now sold beer for people who were of drinking age. Of course, we both got one before getting some dollar bills transferred to change.

I downed my beer quickly, and that mixed with the wine made me pretty tipsy. I thought Finn started to look a little tipsy, too.

“Holy shit, look at this!” He ran over to the back of the arcade excitedly.

“What? What is it?” I asked as I followed him.

He smacked an arcade game on its side. “Do you remember this thing? It’s absolutely ancient! They used to have it back when we were kids!”

At first, I didn’t recognize it, but then it dawned me. It was an old racing game.

“Holy shit…” I muttered. “You’re right. Didn’t this used to be our favorite game?”

“Yes!” He laughed excitedly. “Do you remember that time we spent all the quarters our parents gave us on this machine? Like, literally all of them. We didn’t play a single other game.”

“Oh my god, I totally forgot about that.” I looked at the machine and gave a mischievous grin. “So, you ready to get your ass kicked on this thing?”

He scoffed. “Are you kidding me?! I was the reigning champ. You’re on.”

We both got in to the racing seats, popped in our quarters, and we were off.

We were both pretty competitive. It was all in good fun—neither of us really got mad when things didn’t go our way or anything, but we were both in it to win it.

And we kept trading off. I’d win one, then he’d win one, then I’d win two. We were trying to get a championship going, but we kept tying up.

Before I even realized, an hour had passed and we had done nothing but tease each other and play this damn game.

And I soon realized that the awkwardness had faded away. It had completely dissipated. Once we’d entered the arcade, actually, everything had felt so natural and comfortable, once again.

But did that mean… we actually were only good as friends? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know what to make of it.

“Come on, we gotta go,” I told him. “I think the arcade closes soon. We don’t want to be those guys.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said as he got up. “Hey, we should see if that ice cream parlor down the street is still open. You remember that place? With the pumpkin ice cream?”

“Oh, shit, yeah!” I was surprised how many of these places I’d totally forgotten about. “I fucking loved that pumpkin ice cream.”

“We both did! And everyone acted like we were so weird for it.”

We left the arcade and walked down the street. It all felt so familiar, walking down here with him, though we hadn’t done it in many years. But, we’d gone to downtown Stelline all our lives. As young kids, teenagers, young adults… it had been our favorite place to be before we’d gotten busy with the guard.

Thankfully, the ice cream place was open, and we each got a pumpkin cone and took it outside where they had these small, iron bistro tables. We each took a seat.

“Oh man,” he moaned after taking a lick. “This is just like I remembered it. I can’t believe we’ve let so many years pass without getting this!”

“I know, right? It’s so good. And why don’t more places sell pumpkin ice cream?”

I smiled as I stared at him. He was so cute eating his ice cream. This was how I’d imagined our first date would have gone, with me not being able to take my eyes off of him, constantly reminded of how strongly I felt for him.

“Was this date weird for you?” I asked him.

It was blunt, a little bold, but I didn’t want to beat around the bush. That wasn’t what we did. We were honest with each other, above all else. We always told each other what we thought.

“Yeah… he muttered. “At first, it was really awkward. But I mean, it’s great right now.”

“I agree, it’s great right now…” I let my sentence trail off as I tried to formulate the words in my head.

“What is it?” he asked.

“It’s just… when we did something romantic, it totally flopped. And once we decided to screw the romance, things finally started to feel good. Is that a bad sign? Like, is this a sign that we’re only meant to be friends? Nothing more?”

Finn looked surprised. “Oh… that’s not what I was thinking at all.”

“What were you thinking?” I asked.

“I was thinking that we were trying to force ourselves to be something that we’re not. You know, a vision of what romance should look like. The way we’ve seen other people do dates, the way they are in the movies. But, just because that didn’t work for us doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be romantically involved. I think it just means… we’re not conventional. And, we’re really not. We’ve never been traditional guys. We need to not try to force our relationship to be something it’s not. Maybe romance for us is friendship, with a lot of dope sexual chemistry.”

I had to laugh. “You know what… I never considered that, but I think you’re totally right. I think I had some preconceived notion of what dating my fated mate was going to be like. But, maybe it’s this. Maybe it’s getting pumpkin ice cream and wasting an hour of our lives on an arcade game.”

“But isn’t that better?” He laughed. “Isn’t this so much better than those boring fancy restaurant dates? Isn’t it nice to just be yourself and feel completely comfortable and have a blast?”

I took another lick of my ice cream as it began to melt around the sides. “You know what? It is. It really, really is.”

I stared at him for a moment, and then, a thought just hit me. He could see the epiphany on my face, too.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I was just thinking about how I’d assumed my feelings for you had come out of nowhere. I only recently started thinking of you sexually, so I assumed that I’d only ever seen you as a friend. But when you put it this way, all our past hang outs feel like dates.” I put my hand on top of his. “Finn, you’ve always been the only person with whom I wanted to hang out. You’re the person I come to with all my problems. You’ve been special to me for so long, but I just didn’t see it. I assumed I wasn’t gay, and, when I started having feelings for you, I thought you were the exception. But maybe you’re not. Maybe I’ve been gay for a long time, and I just didn’t notice it. I mean, dates with women never felt like this for me.”

Finn began to blush a little. “Yeah, me either. Dates with women definitely never resonated like this for me. They were always… well, they were just always different. A lot more boring, a lot less comfortable. I assumed that’s what dating was. But, after being with you, I’m thinking that’s not true. Maybe it’s supposed to feel fun and natural and like you’re just spending time with your best friend.”

I couldn’t believe I’d ever even doubted it. He was right. This date wasn’t a reflection of our failure as a couple. If anything, it showed just how close we were. So close that we didn’t need to get dressed up and put on a show. We could just be together, enjoying each other’s company.

As I looked out at the ocean shore, which was just a block away from us, I thought… this was happiness. Being here with him, this was what happy felt like.

And I hoped I’d get to keep feeling it.