The world was in black and white.

Tears streamed down my face, washed away by the water from the shower as it streamed down on me. I was sitting on the floor, curled up with my knees to my chest as I thought about what I’d done.

It’s not your fault, I kept telling myself. But that was little comfort in my situation. My heart was killing me and I didn’t know what to do about it. It was torture, and the more I thought about Terry the worse it got.

What was he doing? Had he stayed at the farm, or was he out on the bike doing his best to keep his mind off things? I kept praying that I’d hear a knock at the door and find him barging in to take me away from all this—to find that he’d understood what I’d done and why I did it—that he’d made the choice for me and was rescuing me from my life of imprisonment.

But the longer I sat there the more I felt that was impossible.

And then the spite started to set in, and I found myself picturing him at a bar in downtown Austin, grinning over a glass of whiskey at some cute little omega, ready to lose himself in a night of crazy, wild sex that he’d use to scrub the memories of me from his mind.

He wouldn’t do that! I told myself. I was sure of it, but I couldn’t stop the thought from invading my mind. Every terrible scenario was playing itself behind my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it.

Brad hadn’t come upstairs with me. It was possible he’d rounded up the troops and gone back to the farm to teach Terry and his pack a lesson. I was praying he hadn’t. I’d left for that very reason—to protect Terry from the wrath of my family. If it had all been for nothing…

“No!” I cried out as the tears fell. My chest felt like a giant’s foot was pressing down on it. I leaned my head back against the wall of the shower and sucked air, focused on my breathing and tried to slow myself down.

I was going through all the pain and heartbreak of a breakup without any of the resolution. Normally, a breakup ends with some kind of fight, a blow up or some event that just solidifies everything. But this—this was something else. It was as though we’d just dissolved without so much as a goodbye. Which was true.

I didn’t even say goodbye to him…

Was he feeling what I was feeling? He was an alpha. He was stronger than me. I knew that much. But he had to be hurt but what I’d done. If only I’d had a chance to explain it to him. But at that moment, I knew I had to act to prevent any violence from happening. I would never have been able to live with myself if I’d been in any way responsible for Terry or any member of his pack being hurt.

I should get up, I thought, looking up at the water raining down on me. I almost resented the lavish shower of my apartment. It was big enough for four people, with heads all over the place. The walls were covered with small bronze tiles that shimmered when the light hit them. What I wouldn’t give to be back in a small tub with a shower head being held in the arms of my fated mate.

Could one deny their fate? Would I really be able to keep myself apart from Terry? Shouldn’t some kind of miracle intervene to bring us back together? I’d been picturing my life with him from the second we bonded in the stairwell, and now looking into an uncertain future with him was like facing a black hole. And I felt so, so very small.

Finally, I got to my feet and turned off the water. I stood there a moment before I grabbed my towel and stepped out. There was a restless energy inside me, being assaulted by a seemingly bottomless sorrow and emptiness.

I dried off and made my way back into the living room, where I stood and stared out at the lights of Austin for quite some time. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I couldn’t help but hope that something would happen to rescue me from the terrible choice I’d been forced to make.

Terry would arrive—barge in and sweep me off my feet and carry me back to his bike, throw me on the back and speed back to the farm. Brad would come in and apologize. My father would show up and override him, tell me that if I’d found love I should pursue it no matter what.

But of course none of that happened, and I stood there staring at the city like a child, lost, feeling my hope slip away from me as the moments passed.

I tried telling myself I was just being overly dramatic—that I’d be over it by the morning. But I knew I was lying to myself. But what if that lie was enough to save my heart? Finally, I threw on a pair of pajama bottoms and crawled into bed. I lay there in the dark for a while, my mind racing.

Just fall asleep, I kept telling myself, knowing that the more insistent I got the longer it would take. But I didn’t know what else to do.

The sun was coming up when I finally felt the heaviness in my eyes as the world began to slip away. All I could see was his face. All I could think about was the moment I realized I had to leave him behind. And every time I did, my heart broke all over again.