CHAPTER 18
I wake up so early it’s still dark outside. We’ve left the retractable walls open so the warm ocean breeze can blow into the master bedroom and I can hear the rustling of the trees outside.
Once my eyes adjust, I can see Sydney asleep next to me. She let it slip once that she has bad nightmares but I’ve never seen her have one. Maybe she’s too exhausted from all the amazing sex we have. The thought makes me smile even though there’s no one to see it.
I gently brush her hair away from her face. She’s lying on her stomach, her pale skin glowing in the dark room. The sheets are tangled up in her legs leaving the rest of her body exposed, not a stitch of clothing in sight. I fight the urge to touch her, not wanting to be a douche and wake her up for sex, again.
I decide to get up, my mind too busy to sleep anymore. It’s our last full day here and I have to leave for California in a few days. Will Sydney still want to see me when I get back? She’s so fucking secretive I have no idea how she feels about us, about me.
Annoyed with myself, I grab my phone and head outside, sitting in one of the huge lounge chairs on the back deck. An uneasy feeling claws at my gut. I have no idea what to do. I’m so used to women using me for my name and me using them for sex. How the hell do regular people do this shit? How am I supposed to do this shit when neither will allow the other to know anything about them?
Frustrated beyond belief, I feel like punching something. Control your shit Forrester, I warn myself. Sydney most definitely wouldn’t want to see me again if I woke her up by destroying some of Chad’s crap or busting my hand on his wall.
Damien taught me a few techniques when I feel out of control. I breathe deeply for several minutes, distracting myself by checking emails and reading the schedule for the shoot. I pause to watch the sun rise over the Caribbean, the sky turning purple, then orange and finally a brilliant, cloudless blue.
Not paying attention because I’m busy responding to an email from Jane, I’m caught off guard when Sydney sinks down into the chair and curls her soft body up next to mine.
“Hey.” I pull her closer to me.
“Hey, are you okay? You seem so sad sitting here. Did you sleep okay?” She gently rubs her hand over my arm.
Shit. So this is what it’s come to? The chick is comforting me. I need to have my head examined when I get home. I’m supposed to be the strong one, looking out for Sydney, making sure she’s protected.
Well, she asked a question, something she never, ever does, so I’m going to answer her.
“Yeah, I’m great. I’ve been checking emails, prepping for work. Just thinking about going back tomorrow and having to leave for California later in the week. About how little we really know about each other. About how much I’ll miss you.” I angle my head so I can see her eyes, read her expressions since she never says anything with words.
I can see the conflict on her face. She doesn’t want to reveal anything, but she desperately wants to give me what I want, to make me happy.
Then she says something I’m not expecting, “What do you want to know?” It’s so quiet I can hardly hear her.
Holy shit! I sit up straighter, facing her fully so I can see all of her. She keeps her gaze lowered, refusing to look me in the eye. Once again, anger courses through me. An overwhelming desire to seriously maim whoever fucked her up like this.
Even though she doesn’t like it, she’s giving me my chance to ask her something, so I’m going to take it. Go big or go home, as usual. Hopefully, it doesn’t backfire on me.
“Why don’t you watch TV or read magazines or go to the movies?”
I watch as her mouth pops open in shock and she shrinks back, not enough to be obvious, but her body curls in on itself in a protective posture. She wasn’t expecting that question. Now? Now I feel like a dick.
“I….it’s just… I mean,” she can barely speak.
Shit, I need her to believe me when I say I won’t hurt her. I reach over and tug on her chin, puling it until she’s looking at me. I can see the inexplicable fear behind her glistening blue eyes.
“Sydney, you can trust me. I care about you.” I silently beg her to let me in.
Her words come out in a rush, stilted and forced. “It has to do with my parents, their divorce, it was ugly. It was public.” She closes her eyes and takes a shaky breath. “That’s really all I can give you right now, I’m sorry.”
I pull her legs over my lap and take her face in my hands. She opens her eyes, just inches from mine. “Thank you, Sydney. For what it’s worth, I’m happy that you trust me, even if it’s only part of the story.”
I can’t help but wonder what the hell her parents’ divorce has to do with hating TV. Was it turned into one of those shitty daytime movies or something? She has money, obviously. Maybe they’re loaded and her dad’s a big CEO or something. Maybe they dragged her through the courts and the newspapers and fucked her up. I don’t know, it doesn’t make sense.
I’ll think about it more later. Right now, I want to taste her. I lean down and run my tongue over her soft lips, begging for access. She draws in a breath and opens her mouth to me, letting me taste and explore every inch of her depths with slow, lazy licks of my tongue. Our mouths slide together as we nip and tease and drink each other in.
Breathless, Sydney breaks the kiss and climbs on top of me, grinding her hot little pussy over my rock hard dick, a scrap of lace the only thing covering it. Not wanting to, but feeling the need to show her we’re more than just sex, I stop her.
Sydney stills her writhing hips, but not without frowning in disappointment. Shit, as much as I want to spend all day fucking her I have to at least act like a gentleman and offer to take her somewhere today.
“So, what do you want to do on our last day here?”
She sulks, “I thought I was showing you what I want to do today.” Sydney grabs my face and sucks my lip into her mouth, whimpering as she resumes shifting back and forth on my lap.
Unable to contain it, a groan escapes from my throat. She’s so fucking sexy, I literally can’t think with her sitting on my dick, just a few thin pieces of clothing between the two of us. When she reaches down and unzips my shorts, gripping my cock firmly and stroking it, I’m done fighting her.
“Sydney, what are you doing to me?” I whisper. She’s destroying every notion I ever had about remaining single forever, convinced that every girl I met just wanted my money or my fame.
She doesn’t answer me. Instead, she gets up and with a heated look in her eyes, she shoves me back on the chair and rips my shorts down to my ankles. Powerless to do anything but stare, I watch as she drops to her knees and starts licking the head of my dick seductively, moaning as her tongue swirls around and around.
“Fuck!” I groan, my hips thrusting up from the contact with her hot mouth.
Looking down at her, I catch the hint of a smirk on her face right before she takes all of me deep in her throat and swallows around my cock, momentarily causing my brain to shut down. Hissing through my teeth, I run my hands through her hair and coil it up in my fists. It feels so fucking amazing I swear I might pass out from pleasure. Sydney sucks slowly, almost painfully so, but perfect at the same time. I try to control the pace by thrusting my hips but she won’t let me, continuing to go at her own speed not matter what I do.
I can’t help but grunt in frustration, wanting so badly to take control, throw her down, and fuck her senseless for tormenting me, but I hold back and give her this. She continues her slow, deliberate torture, sucking hard and swirling her tongue around with each stroke until I can’t take it anymore, her mouth is so fucking perfect. Unable to fight anymore, I lie back on the chair and let her have her way.
Once I give up on trying to control the situation, Sydney speeds up the pace, simultaneously giving me what I want and destroying my willpower to stop her. Panting, I groan as I reach the edge, my hips bucking up from the chair, her fingers grip my thighs almost painfully to hold me down which only heightens my pleasure. My reaction gives Sydney even more determination and she deep throats my entire cock and swallows as I come into her mouth. I think I almost black out from how long and powerful the orgasm is.
Stunned, I try to catch my breath, but it takes me a minute to slow down and sort through what just happened. I rake my hand through my hair, confused by my feelings. I don’t like surrendering control, but that was un-fucking believable. Abruptly, I sit up and grab Sydney’s face, kissing her deeply, turned on by the taste of myself on her tongue.
“That was without a doubt, the most intense orgasm of my entire life. You own me, Sydney.”
She says nothing, smirking like she won the battle. I don’t think so sweetheart, you may have won the battle, but I won’t stop until I’ve won the war. I stand up and throw her over my shoulder, carrying her to the bedroom as she laughs. I toss her on the bed and make love to her until she has no choice but to feel the same way that I do about her.
My phone won’t stop buzzing as we lie in bed and gently caress each other. I can’t stop ogling her and I keep catching her sneaking sideways looks at me. She’s so fucking cute.
“You can stare at me if you want to Sydney. I won’t stop you.”
A expected, her face turns bright red from my observation. How can she be embarrassed after everything she just let me do to her body? “I wasn’t staring,” she insists.
I laugh at her. “If you say so, but one of these days you’re going to admit that you enjoy eye-fucking me.”
She leans in close enough for her lips to brush against my ear and whispers, “I prefer just fucking you.”
I sigh and pull her on top of me, crushing my mouth to hers, and get pissed when my phone buzzes for about the hundredth time since I got up this morning.
“You can check it if you have to,” she murmurs against my lips.
I don’t want to move, but I know if I don’t answer the incoming emails, the phone will start ringing and I really don’t want to deal with that.
“Sorry,” I grumble as I get up and pull on a loose pair of shorts.
“Going commando?” Sydney jokes as she lies back on the bed, completely naked.
“Were you just checking me out again?” I say to her as I get my phone off the dresser.
“Not at all,” she laughs.
Well, that’s not an admission, but at least she’s not dying of humiliation at my flirting.
I check the notifications. Fucking-A, there are tons of last minute schedule changes, possibly requiring me to leave for California a day early.
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath.
“Is everything okay?”
I turn to find Sydney right behind me, unfortunately, with a towel wrapped around her insanely hot body.
“Yeah, I mean no. Not really.” Sighing, I try to explain to her without freaking her out. “There have been some schedule changes for the project in California. I have to answer some of these emails.”
I feel like a giant asshole for having to work on our weekend together.
“It’s okay Drew. I’ll go shopping downtown while you handle your emails. Philippe can take me, right?”
“Yes, he can. Are you sure you’re okay with this?” It’s been my experience that women will tell you one thing, but they really mean another and get pissed if you don’t know how to read between the lines. I don’t think Sydney is like that, but what the fuck do I know?
Her eyes soften. “Of course it’s okay. I’ll just shower and get ready. Can you call Philippe for me?”
I lean down and give her a quick kiss. “You’re perfect, you know that don’t you?”
She scoffs at my declaration. “Yeah, don’t I wish,” and heads off to the bathroom.
Baby, if you only knew how perfect I think you are.
I dial Philippe and he picks up immediately.
“Yes, Mr. Forrester?”
“Hey Philippe. Sydney wants to go shopping downtown. Can you come get her and take her around?”
“Of course, what time?”
“Be here in about thirty minutes.”
“No problem, I’ll be there.”
“And Philippe, I don’t want anyone fucking with her or anything happening to her. Are we clear?”
I know I’m being an ass, but if I can’t be there to protect her, he damn well better do his best in my place. I couldn’t go shopping downtown even if I wanted to. Someone would recognize me and the shit would hit the fan.
“Yes sir, very clear.”
“Good. See you soon.” I disconnect the call and finish getting dressed.
After Sydney leaves with Philippe, I grab a bowl of fruit for breakfast and head outside to sort through this scheduling crap. Irritated at the changes, I call Chad first, not really caring how early it is in L.A. He always was one of those annoying morning people so naturally, when I call, he’s already awake.
“Drew! What’s up? How’s the villa?”
“Chad, it’s great. That boat is fucking over the top though, dude.”
“Isn’t it?” The fucker actually laughs.
I guess he figures you can’t take it with you.
“So, what the hell is going on with the shoot?”
“Done with the pleasantries already, I see,” Chad responds in a sarcastic tone.
I exhale in frustration, my head fucking hurts already. “Listen, I only have three more days with Sydney. If this happens, I’ll only have two.”
Silence.
“Hello? Chad? Fuck! Are you there?”
“I’m here, Drew. I’m just speechless. You’re so done,” he says, laughing his damn ass off.
“Ha-ha fucker. Get your laughs in but I’m dead serious, I don’t want to lose a single day with her. She’s very… closed off. Once I’m gone I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“You mean with you or with her?”
Jesus, I’m fucking talking about chicks with Chad of all people, for the second time in a week.
“Her.”
Silence again.
Then Chad starts laughing all over again. “Are you telling me that you like this girl, as in really like her, and you don’t think she’ll wait for you while you film in California? That’s fucking rich!” He continues laughing at me.
“It’s not funny, asshole!”
“It’s not funny Drew, it’s just so surreal. The ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ can’t get the one woman he wants to commit to him. C’mon dude, you gotta see how it sounds!”
“I know exactly how it sounds, Chad. It’s still my fucking life you’re laughing at, and you know I hate that ‘Sexiest’ bullshit.” But as mad as I am, he’s right. I’m a total sucker for this girl and I have no clue if she even wants to see me again once we get home.
“I’m sorry Drew, really I am. Can’t you just ask her?”
“I don’t know Chad. She’s very, very private. Someone fucked with her and now she acts like she has more to hide than the NSA.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“I know. So what’s with the changes?” I ask, wanting to direct the conversation away from my love life.
I hear him sigh. This isn’t going to be good. “The studio had to change one of the locations last minute. The abandoned airstrip scene can’t be filmed at John Wayne airport anymore. Apparently, whoever we got the permit from wasn’t in a position to approve it and now Orange County won’t allow it.”
“Shit.” I drag my hand through my hair and get up to pace in front of the pool.
“Right. So now we have to find another site last minute. There’s a little airfield outside San Diego that said we could film there, but it’ll take an extra day to get the props and crew back and forth. That’s why we have to start a day sooner. The entire schedule is fucked up from this one change.”
“Jesus, so I have no choice? That’s what you’re saying.”
“None of us have a choice, Drew. The studio is already pissed at the extra expense. They’re not going to be okay with you delaying filming to spend time with your new girlfriend.”
“I know that Chad!” I hiss. Now I’m getting pissed off. I should know by now that I can’t take this many days off from working out without the stress and the anger building up inside me.
“I’m not trying to make you mad. Shit, you’ve been in this business for ten years. You know how it is.”
And I do. I know exactly how it is. Which is why I don’t live in L.A. I got my fill of the whole backstabbing, everyone out for themselves experience my first year out there.
“Alright, I’ll be there,” I tell him reluctantly. He’s right, I signed a contract and this is my job.
“Now,” Chad continues, “Did you get the email about the last minute rewrites?”
Jesus Christ. It never ends.
Sydney came back from shopping and we spent the rest of the day by the pool, relaxing and just enjoying each other’s company. I haven’t told her that I have to leave a day early for California. I’m nervous about freaking her out. I guess I’m officially without balls. Damien will be so excited.
We’re about to land in New York and Sydney is sound asleep, her head in my lap as I gently rub her back. Gail comes in and tells me that we need to get ready for the approach.
“Okay, I’ll get her buckled in.” I thread my fingers through Sydney’s long hair. “Sydney, we’re almost home. You need to put your seatbelt on, babe.”
She opens her eyes and looks confused as she sits up. I reach over and buckle her belt for her, smiling as I snap it in place.
“Thanks.” She smiles back at me.
“You’re welcome.” I lean over and kiss her sweet mouth.
“I can’t believe I fell asleep. How long was I out?”
“I can believe it. We didn’t exactly do a lot of sleeping these past few days. You’ve been out about an hour,” I tell her.
Her mouth falls open at my suggestive statement. She tries to pretend that she’s offended, but she’s a terrible actress. I always know what she’s thinking or at least how she’s feeling, even if I don’t know why.
I wink at her when she starts laughing and waggle my eyebrows.
“We’ll be on the ground in fifteen minutes,” Gail says as she breezes into the room and checks that everything is prepared for landing.
Without being obvious, I watch Sydney and notice that the closer we get to New York, the more anxious she becomes. I’ve seen panic on her face before, the first time I met her she looked just like this. It’s like she wants to run away and never look back.
Shit, I hope she’s not changing her mind about us. I told her I’d come back to the city several times during my six weeks in California and she made it sound as if she’d be happy to see me when I’m in town. Now, it seems as though she can’t get far enough away from me.
Sydney almost looks sick to her stomach as the plane touches down at Teterboro and taxis to the hangar. She’s trying to hide it from me but I can see that her hands are shaking and her face is pale and drawn. What the fuck is happening to the fun, playful girl I was just on vacation with?
Before I can ask her, Gail comes back into the cabin with our winter coats. “You’re not in the Caribbean anymore. The captain says it’s only forty degrees out.”
“Thanks,” I say to Gail as I watch Sydney button her coat up over her chin, clearly trying to hide her facial expressions from me.
Suddenly, there’s a freezing blast of air at my back. I turn to see Bruce entering the cabin and grabbing our bags, heading quickly back down the stairs with them. I lead Sydney over to the door and a ball of barbed wire knots up my stomach from the sight in front of me.
It’s easy to recognize the looks on the pilots’ faces, the eager expression people get when they’re excited to meet me. Well, not me, but Andrew Forrester, mega-A-list actor. These guys were told to specifically act as if they didn’t know me and instead, they’re acting like giddy schoolgirls. Fuck!
One of them speaks as we reach the doorway. “Mr. Forrester, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he says, shaking my hand and acting like a complete asshole.
Out of the corner of my eye I catch Sydney’s expression. She’s completely perplexed as to why the pilots would be ass-kissing their passengers like this. I turn back to the over-eager pilots and give them a dark look that lets them know I’d be more than happy to rip their hearts out of their chests if they don’t stop fangirling all over me.
Shocked at my anger, they immediately tone it down and politely shake Sydney’s hand. “Miss.”
She returns the gesture, dumbfounded as to what just happened, I’m sure.
This is one time I’m glad that she doesn’t ask a lot of questions. We get in the car and sit in awkward silence all the way back to Sydney’s loft in the Village. It’s dark in the car, but I can tell that something’s not right. Her posture is stiff and she won’t look at me or touch me.
Is she dumping me now that we’re back in New York? Did I do something to piss her off? I’m wracking my brain but I can’t think of anything specific. She only started acting weird after I woke her up on the plane. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my stomach cramps when I think of Sydney breaking up with me.
Shit.
Bruce stops in front of her apartment and she leaps out of the car as if it’s on fire. Great, she can’t wait to get away from me, running again. I’m not giving up this time. She’s going to fucking talk to me.
“I’ll bring your bag up Sydney,” I tell her as I smoothly lift it from the trunk, making sure my hat is down low and my coat collar is turned up so passersby don’t recognize me.
She doesn’t thank me for helping her up. Instead, she makes a face when I insist on accompanying her to her door. She knows me well enough by now to know I won’t let her drag it upstairs alone. Plus, I’m not letting her off the hook. She’s going to tell me what I did that made her act like this.
Sydney avoids eye contact the entire elevator ride up to the 8th floor. I stare at her, willing her look at me, but she’s stubborn and determined. I don’t even rate a glance. When the elevator doors open, she sprints down the hall to her door just to get away.
At least Sydney holds the door open for me and waits in the foyer instead of slamming it in my face. She’s expecting me to drop her bags and leave immediately. Fat fucking chance of that happening. I carry her luggage to her room and set it next to the bed, taking a seat in one of the chairs by the windows to wait.
Having no choice, she follows me into her room and slowly sinks into the opposite chair. I can see her trembling from stress, her gorgeous face looks tired and worried, her eyes are wide and fearful.
“Sydney, are you upset with me?”
Don’t tell me you’re leaving me.
I rest my elbows on my knees to get closer to her, staring into her eyes and holding her gaze.
“No, Drew. I’m not upset with you. I’ve had the best weekend. Really, it was wonderful. I’m…I guess I’m just nervous about work tomorrow.”
She’s lying to me, I know it and I’m sure she knows that I don’t believe her. What is she really worried about? Is it whoever hurt her before? I’ll kill the bastard if that’s what it is.
I lean back, frustrated that she’s not going to elaborate. She said it’s not me and I have no choice but to believe her, pushing her will only drive her further away. “One of these days Sydney, I’ll get you to trust me. If you say it’s not me, then I believe you. But I don’t like leaving here knowing that you’re upset and won’t tell me why.” I reach out and take her shaking hands in mine and kiss our intertwined fingers.
If she only knew that I’d happily take a bullet for her. All she has to do is tell me what she’s afraid of, who she’s afraid of, and I’ll do my damnedest to fix it.
Syd’s made her decision though, she isn’t ready to let me in. I drop her hands and stand up, crushed by her unwillingness to confide in me. She jumps to her feet when I get up, her eyes glassy and wet with unshed tears.
Shit, don’t fucking cry. It’ll destroy me.
“Drew. I’m sorry I can’t tell you. Please, be patient with me. I have…issues that I’m dealing with. And I am dealing with them. I don’t want you to feel like any of it is your fault. You’re perfect. This weekend was perfect.”
She stretches up on her toes and kisses me, hesitantly. I have no idea how to respond, she’s upset and I don’t want to be a dick and take advantage, so I just stand there uselessly. When she runs her tongue over my mouth, I instinctually wrap my arms around her and kiss her back. The thought crosses my mind that if she freaks out and leaves me, this may be the last time I kiss her. I tighten my grip and greedily devour her mouth with mine. Forgoing breathing just to taste her a little longer.
When it ends, I lean my forehead down to hers and give a cryptic, but honest response. “Whatever it is Sydney, it can’t be that bad. It won’t change how I feel about you. And hopefully, if you ever find out something about me that is unexpected or surprising, you won’t let it change your feelings for me. Call me tomorrow after you leave work.”
Inside, I’m freaking out knowing there’s a chance that she may not call me.
“Yes, I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I kiss her quickly one more time and leave before I do something stupid, like scream and punch a wall out of frustration. I hope I can wait until I get home to do that.