CHAPTER 19
White hot rage flows through my body, exploding out of my fists as I duck and punch my opponent in the side. Shit! He catches me on the chin and my head snaps back. Shaking it off, I land a diagonal kick to his ribs and he grunts in pain. Before he can retaliate, I cuff him with a left cross on his jaw.
“What the fuck!” Damien roars and loosens his gloves and head gear, throwing them on the floor.
I stand there, staring at the mat as sweat drips down my back. He’s pissed and he should be. We’re supposed to spar, not actually fight and I caught him twice in a row. Hard. Being a lefty gives me a huge advantage in the ring and I just used it against my best friend when he wasn’t expecting it.
“What is your fucking problem today, Forrester? This is bullshit!” Damien stalks out of the cage and grabs his water, taking a long drink before turning his flashing eyes on me.
“Sorry man,” I say lamely as I step down from the ring. “I have a lot of shit going on in my mind.” I make a random hand gesture over my head.
“Don’t fucking take your problems out on me,” he hisses. “Get your shit together before you get in that ring, understand?” He snatches up a towel and wipes the blood from his nose.
“Damn Damien, I don’t know what to say.”
Jesus, I’m a fucking pathetic ass. What kind of man takes his girl troubles out on his best friend?
“Well fucking control yourself. I know that’s a problem for you sometimes, but I’m not going in that cage with you until you can manage it!” He throws down the towel in disgust.
“Fine. You’re still coming to California though, right?”
Damien’s supposed to train me while I film Mind of the Enemy over the next six weeks. I play a CIA operative during the Cold War with Russia. I have to stay in shape, which means I need Damien.
“Are you going to stop being a prick?” he asks. I look over and see the corner of his mouth turn up.
“I can try. But you and I both know that prick and Drew Forrester are synonymous, so it may be a difficult transition.”
“Yeah, I know.” And he does know. After this many years of knowing me, he’d be blind not see what an asshole I am most of the time.
I unstrap my gloves and throw them in my bag, holding out a taped hand to my best friend. He doesn’t hesitate before clasping it and shaking wholeheartedly.
“I’ll see you later.” I grab my gear and take off, pissed at myself.
Bruce is waiting out front, so I jump into the back seat of the Town Car and slam the door. “Home,” I snap. He pulls out into traffic and I run my hands through my damp hair. I can’t let this thing with Sydney affect every area of my life like this. All I can do is hope that she follows through on her word.
Once I get home, I shower and start packing for California. Keeping busy will stop me from obsessing over her.
The buzzing of my phone a few hours later pulls me from my misery. Sydney. She called.
“Hey babe,” I say, trying to exude calm instead of relief.
“Hey.”
“Are you headed home?”
“Yeah, stuck on Lexington. Traffic is pretty bad.”
Something’s not right. She sounds freaked out. Ten brief seconds on the phone with her and I’ve forgotten about my shit and am paying close attention.
“Sydney, you sound weird, are you ok?” Do you need me to kick someone’s ass for you?
“Ummmm, I had a really shitty day at work, that’s all.”
Bullshit, something’s going on.
“I don’t like this. I need to see you. Can I come over?” I ask her. I’m silently thankful that she called, but my gut is twisting at the tone of her voice, at the thought of someone upsetting her.
“Yes please. I’d like to see you.”
I close my eyes and thank god that she wants to see me. All that freaking out for nothing.
“I’m at home packing for California, so just have your driver swing by and get me and I’ll ride over with you.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in thirty to forty-five minutes depending on traffic,” she says. She sounds a little better than she did when she first called.
I grab a small bag and shove a change of clothes and my toothbrush in it and pull on the hat that Sydney gave me in St. Bart’s. Hopefully, her driver won’t look hard enough at me to see my face. Since it’s already dark out, I don’t think it will be a problem.
My phone buzzes from my pocket.
Sydney <Turning down your street>
I throw my bag over my shoulder and leave my brownstone the second her car pulls up to my curb. I can’t be on the sidewalk any longer than necessary.
I open the back door and slide in next to Sydney. She looks gorgeous as usual, but stressed out, also as usual.
She smiles at my duffel bag and my Good Luck hat. “Wishful thinking, Mr. Forrester?”
I can’t help but smile back at her playfulness. Maybe my Sydney is back. “A man can hope, Sydney.” I kiss her lightly on the lips. “We can talk later, just relax babe.”
She seems happy to accommodate my request, cuddling up under my arm for the quick drive over to her loft.
We ride the elevator in silence again, this time surrounded by a completely different atmosphere than yesterday. Sydney leans against me, letting me wrap my arms around her protectively. Her day must have been really shitty to allow me to comfort her like this. Yesterday she acted like she wanted to slam the door in my face and never see me again.
She lets us into the apartment and I drop my bag by the door, wanting to help bring her out of her bad mood. I gather her in my arms and hold her tight. “Are you hungry? I can order something.”
“Actually, I really want to soak in the tub. Care to join me?”
The thought of being naked in the tub with Sydney sends a wakeup call straight to my dick. I lean down and whisper in her ear, “A guy would have to be crazy to turn down an invitation like that.”
She smiles and heads to her room to start the bath. Instead of following, I turn toward the kitchen and grab two beers out of the fridge. I think we both need a little help relaxing tonight.
The water is running when I enter the bathroom and find Sydney standing in her work clothes with her hair all knotted up on her head, looking lost. I set the bottles on the edge of the tub and walk over to her.
“Let me undress you,” I whisper. I remove her jacket and place it on the counter. She lets me lead as I pull her silky tank top off and toss it aside, her eyelids heavy with desire.
“Turn around.” She doesn’t even hesitate my terse command. I unzip her skirt and let it drop to the floor. Sydney kicks it away and waits for my next demand. Compliant Sydney is sexier than I could have imagined, which I did, a lot.
I hold out a hand and guide her to sit on the side of the tub. Running my hands down one long, toned leg, I reach her tiny foot. I carefully remove her high heel, my eyes never breaking contact with hers. I do her other leg, letting the shoe fall to the tile floor. I shift forward, nudging her thighs apart with my body so I can move closer to her. I take my hat off so I can press kisses up and down her flat stomach.
Turned on to a point where I may not be able to stop, I get up and undress quickly, throwing my clothes in pile. “Stand up, Sydney.” My voice is laced with desire. She immediately gets up from the edge of the tub.
The sight of her makes my pulse race through my veins, she’s so beautiful. I reach around and remove her bra, hardly able to believe that she’s mine. Her body is pressed into my front, searing my skin with her heat. I run my fingers along the waistband of her panties, letting them fall to the floor before I kick them aside. Shit, all I want to do is lift her onto the counter and pound into her until she screams my name. My dick is so hard it feels as if it’s going to explode if I don’t do something about it.
A silent struggles ensues in my head, my mind fighting my body for control. I hold out a hand and help Sydney get into the steaming water. Sliding in behind her, I hand her one of the beers and take a giant swig of my own.
“Mmmmm, the water feels so good,” she moans.
My dick is pressing into her back and if she’s going to make noises like that I’m going to lose the ability to restrain myself. “You feel so good. Talk now or later?”
“Later,” she sighs, melting back into my chest.
If she doesn’t want to talk, then maybe I can help her relax. I place my beer down and put some of her body wash on my hands. I lather it up and slide my hands over her soft skin, down her arms, her chest, then to her breasts. When she whimpers and arches her back, I freeze in place. She’s as turned on as I am. Does it make me an asshole to want her so badly when she called me to comfort her after a bad day?
Fuck it, I’m hard as steel. If she wants me to touch her, then that’s what she’ll get.
I move my hands over her breasts again, this time tugging on her nipples and rolling them into stiff peaks. I pour more soap into my hands and wash down the curve of her back and around her small waist. She presses her ass against my stiff cock and I can’t think about anything but sinking into her.
As usual, when I’m around Sydney, my brain takes a back seat and my libido takes over. I reach down and slide a my hand down her abdomen and over her clit and she moans. She starts pushing her tight, round ass back against my dick again, driving me insane and increasing the aching in my balls. The hot water, the smell of her skin, the slick soap… my senses are consumed by need. After thinking for twenty-four hours that I might never be with her again, touching her naked body overrides all of my rational thoughts.
I don’t notice her hand until it reaches back, grips my cock and places it at her entrance. I nearly come right there from the searing pleasure. She slides down onto it, letting me fill her up completely and I convulse from the sensation.
“Ahhhh, Sydney.” She stills for a moment, then starts bouncing up and down on me, her pussy gripping tight as she slides back and forth. “Fuck, I can’t believe how good you feel.”
I can’t restrain myself. Any shred of willpower has been demolished by the searing pressure of her tight heat. I’m overwhelmed by her responsiveness, by the hot electricity pulsing through my cock as she strokes it with her slick sex. It’s never been this intense for me, both physically and emotionally. I lean forward and bite at her neck and shoulder, rasping my teeth over her skin as she writhes on my dick with reckless abandon.
“Yes Drew, oh God,” she screams as she slams up and down, grinding her sweet ass wildly on top of me. I’m close to losing it, so I grab her waist and help to lift her up and pull her back down over and over as I thrust my hips to hit that sweet spot. The raw carnality of it engulfs me and spreads out from my throbbing cock to every nerve ending in my body.
I groan as my balls tighten and I come spectacularly at the same time that Sydney falls over the edge, throbbing endlessly as her pussy clamps down. Her willing body accepts every last drop that I release as it pulses around me.
Holy fuck! I’ve never felt anything like that before. I can die now and say that I’ve experienced the best sex a man could ever have.
Sydney collapses back onto me, her damp back to my chest, as we both catch our breath and come down from our climax. I’m so spent I can barely move, so I lay my head back on the cool tub and close my eyes. I feel her turn around in the water to face me. When she moves and I slip out of her, my brain switches back on and panic sets in.
What the fuck did I just do?
Holy shit, I just fucked her without protection! Even in the shower in St. Bart’s I was able to stop in time to pull out before I lost my mind. I never lose control like this. Stunned, I still can’t believe I just screwed her without a condom. I’ve never forgotten before, that’s how much this girl gets under my skin.
Sydney is facing me, we’re sitting chest to chest with her legs around my waist. Is she going to hate me? I fucking hate me right now. I wouldn’t blame her for hating me. I’m supposed to be the one that protects her and right now, I feel like a failure.
I lift my head and find her inches from my nose. Cupping her face, I kiss her softly on her gorgeous, pink lips while I stroke her cheeks with my thumbs. Sydney snakes her arms around my neck and kisses me back affectionately. I don’t think she realizes what just happened.
I have to tell her what I did. “Sydney, I didn’t wear a condom.”
I watch as her face falls. Adoration replaced by anxiety, contentment by confusion. I did that. I put that look on her face. What the fuck kind of man does that?
Disgusted with myself, I scoot her off my lap and get out of the tub, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist. I shove my hands through my hair and snatch up my clothes. Stalking out of the bathroom to pull on my shirt and jeans and toss the towel aside, pissed as fuck.
I have no idea how to fix this.
I’m supposed to protect her, this sweet, vulnerable, damaged girl. And I just fucked it all up with my dick. I fantasized before about her riding me bare and now that I’ve done it, I feel like a piece of shit. Not just because it was wrong, but because it felt so fucking fantastic that I would give my left nut to do it again and that makes me a selfish bastard.
Sydney comes out of the bathroom and quietly ducks into her closet to get dressed. Well, I’ve worried about what she would think of me if she saw my fucked-up over-protective side. I think I’m about to find out.
She leaves the closet and walks calmly into the living room without saying a word. I follow her, unable to comprehend how she can be so composed after my massive screw up. When she gracefully sits down on the couch, I can’t bring myself to join her. I’m too agitated. Instead, I pace back and forth in front of those goddamn bookshelves that hold the pictures that reveal nothing in the sterile apartment that gives me no hint of who the fuck Sydney really is.
Sydney is quiet, watching me with a wary expression on her beautiful, flushed face. Alright, if she’s not going to speak then I will.
“I can’t believe I was so careless! I’ve never done that, never!” I yell, continuing my pacing as I berate myself.
“Drew, calm down,” she says evenly.
What? I snap my head up to look at her. “Calm? Sydney, I’m pissed at myself. I can’t believe I did that to you. I’m so sorry. I just don’t even know what to say.”
Her clear blue eyes widen in shock. “Wait, I was just as caught up in the moment as you were, Drew. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t want you to do.”
Is she fucking kidding me? No way is she taking the blame for this.
I drop to my knees in front of her and lay my head in her lap. “I’m so sorry, Sydney. It’s the first time I’ve ever forgotten to use protection. I’m supposed to take care of you and look out for you, not put you into more stressful situations.”
“I’m sure it’s fine. Look at me.”
I can barely bring myself to do it, I’m so ashamed. She pulls her fingers through my wet hair as I meet her apprehensive gaze.
“It’s okay, Drew. I run so much I don’t even get regular periods, so I’m sure nothing will happen. You don’t owe me an apology. I won’t allow you to feel like this. It was consensual, and we’re both adults, we’ll deal with whatever happens.”
I can see in her eyes as she tries to reassure me, that she’s freaking out over the fact that she might get pregnant. I’ll admit, as fucked up as it sounds, the thought of Sydney carrying my child, whether now or someday down the road, makes my heart explode with pride. It’s stupid, I haven’t known her very long, but I know she’s the one I want, my forever. I’ve been completely numb for almost ten years and in the ten minutes I spent with her in my gym, I changed. She changed me.
Now, like everything else I try to discuss with her, she’s shutting down and cutting me off. It’s as obvious from the look on her face as if she held up a sign saying “conversation over”. I have no choice but to go along with her decision. If I push her, she’s likely to slam shut her protective doors and keep me out permanently. As much as I want to throw her down and force her to talk to me, I’m too afraid of her deciding that I’m not worth it.
“Alright, but I don’t like this at all Syd.” I sigh in frustration at her ability to cut me off from discussing anything involving us. She’s not getting away without at least a warning. “But I trust you. If you say you’re not upset, then I’ll let it go, for now. Just understand that I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you, not even me.”
“Let’s order some food,” she says, changing the subject and letting me know that this conversation is without question, over.
Pissed and irritated by my strained capitulation, I order Thai food to be delivered and we eat in silence, the stress of my fuckup combined with her constant state of denial is hanging over the kitchen table like a dark cloud. I attempt some small talk, but it’s forced and unnatural. It’s only when I tell Sydney that I’ve known Chad for over ten years that she seems genuinely interested in the conversation.
“Drew, how old are you?” she asks, her complexion turning a deep scarlet.
I smile. She’s asking me a personal question. “Twenty-nine, I’ll be thirty on March 8th.”
She suddenly looks sick. What the fuck? “What, am I too old for you or something?” Jesus, what if she thinks I am?
“No, that’s not it. It just reminded me that I have something to ask you, related to my work.” She stands up and puts her dish on the counter. “Are you done? Let’s go into the living room.”
Like a condemned man on his way to the gallows, I follow her to the living room, knowing that whatever she’s going to say I’m not going to like. I’ve never felt this way before, downright fucking insecure around a girl. She brings out the best and worst in me.
Sydney motions for me to join her on the couch and sits quietly for a moment. This is not going to be good, I can tell by the look on her face. She’s freaking out. What would that have to do with her job? I’m always so fucking confused around her. She fucks with my control so easily.
She inhales deeply before starting. “Okay, you know that I’m redesigning the new nightclub at the Warren. Well, when one of these clubs launches, they have a huge party. They invite people who will bring the most exposure to their business, like…you know…celebrities and what not.”
I stiffen up at the mention of celebrities. Fuck, does she know about me? That can’t be it. She wouldn’t have wanted to see me tonight if it was. She most certainly wouldn’t have fucked me in her bathtub.
“Ummmm, the bigwigs that run the Warren Hotel chain saw the interview in GQ.”
That fucking prick piece of shit Reynolds?
I whip around to look at her. “The interview with Adam Reynolds?” I snap a little harsher than I should have. I can’t help it, I despise that slimy bastard.
“Yes, that interview,” she confirms. “He mentioned Verve and that he knew about it through me, and called the Warren to get an invite.”
Yeah, how could I forget? He’s such a pussy he tries asking her out in a fucking interview instead of face to face like a man.
I can’t let her see how pissed off Reynolds makes me. I’m not going to explain it and I don’t want her to ask. Not that she’d ever actually ask me anything remotely personal. I drop my Andrew Forrester mask into place and play it cool. “Okay. Is that why you were so unhappy when you left work? You already knew about the article.”
Well, ummmm…” She stumbles on her words and turns bright red with embarrassment. What the fuck is going on? “So, the mention in the article set off a firestorm of A-listers calling to get on the invite list. Management at the Warren feel it’s only right to repay Adam by granting his request to be at the party…and…ummmm, his request to be my date.”
What. The. Fuck.
This girl, who hates celebrities so much that just looking at an article in GQ sent her into a full blown panic attack. Who won’t even watch television. Who is my fucking girlfriend and I can’t even tell her what I do for a living. Is going to a party with Adam Fucking Reynolds?
I can’t hide my anger anymore, a red haze drops over my vision and my fists ball up tightly in front of me.
“And you said yes?” I ask through clenched teeth.
She avoids my furious glare. “No. Not at first.”
“Not at first,” I repeat. So she said yes.
“Drew, I said no! I told them I was seeing someone, and I wasn’t going on a date with anyone but you.”
Holy Fuck! She mentioned me to her bosses! Then she does knows who I am.
“You mentioned me?” I choke out. I think I’m having a heart attack.
A flash of anger crosses her face and she narrows her eyes at me. “Well, I told them I was seeing someone. I didn’t mention you specifically. Why, do I embarrass you or something?”
She thinks she embarrasses me? Jesus, I would parade her around everywhere I went if I could just get past all the secretive shit she’s hiding from me.
Now I’m even more pissed. “Of course you don’t embarrass me Sydney!” I yell. “You’re the one who doesn’t want to talk about anything, or know anything! I’m just shocked as hell that you would even tell anyone that I exist!”
She exhales quickly, my words stung. “That’s how you think I feel about you? That I want to pretend you don’t exist?”
Great, now I’m an asshole.
“No, that’s not what I meant, shit. I don’t know Sydney, I’m still stuck on the whole date with Adam Reynolds bomb you dropped on me. I don’t share,” I grit out between clenched teeth.
I’m so angry and confused. I run my hands through my hair in frustration, ready to pull all of it out if it will help me deal with this unbelievably bizarre crap.
Sydney is suddenly on her feet in front of me, her cheeks red with anger. “It’s not a date!” she shrieks. “I told them I would only go if I could bring you and that Adam understood that we,” she motions back and forth between the two of us, “would hang out with him and talk to him but that’s it!” Her chest is heaving in and out with rage.
Fuck this! If she’s going somewhere with Adam Reynolds then I want answers. That prick fucked me over once, and he’s not doing it again.
I stand up and face her, towering over her as she fearlessly meets my furious stare. “But you can’t stand celebrities, Sydney! That’s what you said! There will be cameras and famous people everywhere! I just don’t get it!”
“I don’t like any of that shit, Drew! I hate it! It fucking ruined my life, okay? I’m still screwed up from it. I don’t want to go to the party at all, but when the boss of a multi-billion dollar hotel chain tells you to show up at his party, you have to show up! I have no choice!” Sydney huffs and sits down heavily on the couch, crossing her arms and sticking her lip out in an adorable pout.
Now I’m the bad guy here. Adam motherfucking Reynolds wants my girl and I have to fucking take it like a chump because it’s for her job. I want to find him and punch the ever living shit out of his stupid fucking face.
I slump over, defeated. I can’t win this argument. Not with only half of the information available to me, and Sydney’s not about to tell me the other half. I drop onto the seat next to her and attempt to control my fury. I don’t like to lose, especially to that fuckwad Reynolds. There’s no way he’s going to make a move on my girl and live. I take a deep breath, making a concerted effort to not sound like the raging lunatic that I’m hiding inside.
I can’t believe I’m backing down. It goes against everything I feel, everything I am, but I know if I push this and tell her she can’t go with that asshole because she belongs to me, I’ll lose her.
“I’m sorry Sydney. I won’t ask you about your past, since you aren’t ready to tell me, but I won’t know if I can go with you until I get to California and see how my schedule is and how the project is going. I understand that you have to be there, but I’m not going to pretend to like it. In fact, it makes me want to punch Adam Reynolds right in the head.”
Or destroy his fucking arrogant British ass with my fists. Or my feet. Or both.
I see her jaw drop slightly, then she closes it tight before apologizing for her job. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for dumping this on you. It’s on your birthday and it’s probably not your idea of a good time. If you can’t make it, I get it.”
Sydney sounds defeated too, like she really doesn’t want to go. And honestly, I believe her. She doesn’t want to do it but her asshole of a boss is making her. To keep Adam Reynolds happy. That fucker better hope I can’t make it that night. He has no idea what he’s started by forcing my hand by screwing with my girl. Again.
I lean in and touch my nose to hers. “I’ll try my best to be there, if for no other reason than to keep him from hitting on my woman. Let’s go to bed.”
I have no clue what just happened or how tonight went so wrong but I know one thing, if I see Adam Reynolds again, I’ll fucking kill him.