Mickie
I left work early because I’d been far too emotional to be of any use by the time Lanie and Cynthia tracked me down in the stairwell.
I didn’t ask what had happened to Stein. I didn’t really care if I got fired at that point. Dawson didn’t answer his phone when I called, nor answered any of my texts.
Not that I’d expected him to.
But a part of me still held on to the possibility that this was a quick spat which would blow over quickly.
It wasn’t looking like it.
After I’d picked up the kids and brought them home, I needed some time to myself. Really, I just didn’t want them to see me at my worst. They shouldn’t have to witness their mother’s emotional breakdown.
They seemed content with watching cartoons while I held a pity party for myself in the other room. I was in the middle of said party when the doorbell rang.
Hoping it was Dawson—yet knowing it wouldn’t be—I glanced in the hallway mirror.
Yikes.
That was hard to look at.
There was no helping my splotchy face, so I just opened the door.
“Surprise!” Margot yelled.
It took me all of two seconds to work through my confusion. This was the weekend she was visiting, and I had completely forgotten.
I tried to infuse cheerfulness into my tone. “Hey, you’re here.”
She squeezed me to her. “Yeah. Milo leaves for camp tomorrow, but he wanted to stay at a friend’s house tonight, so I decided to leave a day early.” It was then that she really took stock of my appearance, her eyes flitting over my puffy red face and haggard hair. “Oh, my. And it seems I’ve arrived just in time.”
A sob escaped my mouth before I could wrangle it back in. “I’m such an idiot,” I wailed.
“Aw, honey.” She tucked me under her arm and led me toward the kitchen. “Come on. I’ll make us some tea.”
After wrestling with the kids and their screams of “Auntie Margot’s here!” Margot and I were left alone at the kitchen table, drinking our tea.
“What’s going on?” she asked. “Is it Dawson?”
I hadn’t spoken to her since our weekend on the boat. Which meant she also didn’t know about me turning down the Trenton job.
“Yeah, but it’s not what you think.”
She listened carefully as I explained what had happened over the last week. Her smile had gotten wider and wider, up until I started recanting the events of the afternoon. Then it faded, little by little.
By the time I reached the end of my story, I felt even more miserable than I had before.
“I could say I told you so,” she said, her expression grim. “But I won’t.”
I rolled my eyes. “You basically just did, so that’s redundant.”
“Then I’ve made my point, so let’s move on.” She sighed. “I’m sure he just had to blow off some steam, Mickie. He had a right to be frustrated. He’ll be back once he’s calmed down.”
“You think he’ll forgive me?” I whispered.
She patted my arm. “Of course. Everyone makes mistakes. He knows that.”
I played with the string on my tea bag, needing something to do with my hands. “Not just for that. Do you think he’ll forgive me for kicking him out? It’s basically my fault we’ve been apart for two months. He doesn’t always forgive easily.”
Her eyes softened. “With you, he will. It sounds like he already forgave you for that, anyway. Today was just an excuse for him to let some of his frustrations loose.”
I didn’t say anything for a moment. “Sometimes I wonder if the whole thing was a mistake. Kicking him out.”
She sat forward in her chair. “You did what you had to do to keep your family together. Deep down, I’m sure he realizes that. You knew it was going to be hard, and you knew you were going to look like the bad guy. But you did it anyway because you knew it would awaken something in him. And it worked, didn’t it?”
“It was working,” I muttered. “Until today. It feels like I doomed this from the beginning by applying for that job. Like it was all for naught because I ended up failing in the end.”
“Oh, my God, you didn’t fail,” she said. “He knows you love him. And because he loves you, too, you guys will work through this. You just have to show him that you’re not willing to give up, either. Don’t let another two months go by without proving that to him.”
“How?” I asked. “How do I prove that to him, so he won’t doubt me?”
She shrugged, taking a sip of her tea. “I don’t know. That’s for you to figure out. But I’m sure you’ll think of something dramatic.”
I snapped my eyes to hers. “You think I’m dramatic?”
She shot me a deadpan expression. “Mickie, when we were kids, you literally divided our bedroom in half with a line of masking tape, just so I wouldn’t touch the stuffed animals on your bed. And for every time I stepped over that line, you hid one of my CDs from me.”
True. That happened.
She didn’t stop there, though.
“Then in high school, you went to the school board with a petition complaining that the cheerleading squad wouldn’t let Vicki Chambers be on the team.”
“They said it was because she was fat, which was mean,” I replied. “She was only a size ten.”
“You weren’t even on the team.” She threw her hands up. “Oh, and let’s not forget in college when you found out Whitney’s boyfriend was cheating on her.”
I pointed a finger at her. “Hey, you thought sending his car through the car wash with the sunroof open was hilarious, too.”
She pursed her lips, clearly biting back her laughter. “Okay, that was pretty good. I’ll give you that. But my point is that yes, you tend to go kind of over-the-top sometimes. Maybe overreact a little. But it’s part of your charm.”
I knew she was right.
I thought back to one of my biggest freak-out moments, which now lived in infamy in the Cruz family.
The time when Dawson had hung a giant version of the “Dogs Playing Poker” picture on our living room wall without asking me first. I’d walked through the door after a twelve-hour shift with an aching back and throbbing feet, and the picture had been the first thing I’d seen.
I wasn’t proud of my reaction.
I’d gone a bit…psycho was probably the most apt description.
To be fair, I had been six months pregnant at the time. So, I could blame most of that on the hormones.
He hadn’t hung anything up without my permission since.
I groaned, tipping my head back. “Okay, yes. I know I can be dramatic, and I’m working on it. Dawson was just the first guy who was able to handle that side of me. He’s always dealt with it in a way that worked for both of us. When I told him to leave, I figured he would assume I was just being dramatic, and that he’d handle it the same way he always had.” I shook my head. “But he didn’t. He just left.”
“Is that why you married him?” she asked. “Because he knew how to handle you? Because he could take it?”
“No,” I said forcefully. “I married him because he loved me enough to take it. To put up with me. And I love him enough to never stop trying to be good enough for him. To be better for him. To deserve him.”
Her brow furrowed. “You don’t think you deserve him?”
Her scrutiny made me squirm in my seat. “Sometimes I don’t. He’s had to deal with so much in his life, and still he insists on taking care of everyone around him. With how he grew up, no one would have been surprised if he’d just crawled into a hole forever. But he didn’t. He made something of himself.”
She took my hand. “And I’d bet he would say a lot of that is thanks to you. He joined the police academy after he met you, Mickie. His relationship with his mother improved once you came into his life. You’re good for him, just like he’s good for you. You didn’t have an easy way of it growing up, either. I mean, look how I turned out compared to you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Hey, don’t say that.”
She put her hand up, silencing me. “I’m kidding. Mostly. Milo is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But I know I wasn’t a good role model for you when we were young. I drank, smoked weed, snuck out all the time, and obviously, got pregnant and dropped out of school. Everyone pretty much expected you to end up the same way.” She smiled proudly. “But you didn’t. You made straight A’s and got a college scholarship. You’ve made something of yourself, too. You deserve him, Mickie. Believe that.”
Something wet touched my hand. Dammit, when had I started crying?
“When you two met,” she went on, “you were like magnets. It was obvious to anyone around that you were meant for each other. There was this invisible string pulling you two together. Which is why I know you’ll be okay. Because magnets can’t stay apart long. They always come back together.”
I grabbed a tissue off the counter and dabbed my eyes. “Damn you,” I muttered. “I’ve already cried enough today.”
She laughed, pleased with herself. “You’re welcome. Shoot, if my speeches affected Milo the same way, that kid would be putty in my hands.”
I joined in her laughter, and had to admit her talk had made me feel better. Uncertainty was still there in the back of my mind, but it wasn’t as prominent as before. Hope bloomed inside my chest as I thought of Dawson and how far we had come together.
We were strong.
We’d waded through tough times, and we were still here. Our love was now as resilient as ever.
Though the events that followed that conversation with Margot would test that strength and resilience.
Immeasurably.