CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Sophie
The part of my soul that I thought died earlier today flares with hope and life, reminding me that not all is lost.
I am not dead.
Not yet anyway. I don’t know how much time I have left. I guess none of us know that, but I do know I will not belong to Daniel.
Not now. Not ever.
I will take what I want and what I want is Kolan. The man who taught me how to fight. Who reminded me of the person I am. Who makes me feel beautiful—scars and all. The one who has captured my heart like no other ever has.
If my time does come to an end in the near future then I will at least have experienced this. To know a loving touch.
A wanted one.
My fingers thread through Kolan’s hair as his lips command mine. He may have the control but together we breathe life into each other’s battered souls. The raw pain and violation I felt earlier slowly melts away as I lose myself in him.
No pain.
No fear.
No past.
Nothing in this moment but us.
My arms wrap around his neck and my legs around his waist as he stands, his large hands cupping my bottom to keep me close. “Let’s take this inside, baby.”
I sigh my agreement against his lips, not wanting to sever contact for even a second. Unfortunately, there’s no other option when he closes the door and locks the house up by entering some numbers into a keypad. While his attention is on that, mine strays out the window, wondering if he’s out there this very moment, watching us. A shiver runs down my spine at the thought.
“Hey.” My gaze swings back to Kolan’s. “He’s not out there, but even if he was, he’s not getting in.”
“How do you know there’s no cameras in here? Maybe he broke in while you were at the gym.”
He shakes his head. “He’s too much of a fucking coward to come into my house. There’s also no way he penetrated my alarm system. It’s one of the best and it’s going to be even better come tomorrow. I swear, Soph, you’re safe here.”
I bury my face in his neck, not wanting to think about Daniel anymore. As he walks us down the hall to his room, my lips find the hard angle of his jaw, feeling the day’s stubble as I kiss my way to his ear. My tongue darts out with a soft lick before I nip ever so gently with my teeth.
The growl that erupts from him hits me between my legs. “Be careful, baby. When it comes to you, it won’t take much to push me over the edge. Something I don’t think we’re both ready for. Not tonight anyway.”
His warning only fuels the desire inside of me—desire of the unknown. I need to tread carefully, because as much as I want to experience every side of Kolan, this is all new to me.
Do I tell him that? Is that something you tell someone? Or do you just let it happen?
My conflicted thoughts cease when my back meets the massive king-sized bed, Kolan’s hard body following on top.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” he asks.
A smile touches my lips, my hand moving to his swollen jaw from his fight with Cortez last night.
Was it really only last night?
“I’m thinking about how lucky I am to have met you,” I tell him, which is true. I think about that all the time. “And I’m also hoping I don’t disappoint you.” The admission falls on a whisper as I debate whether or not to tell him everything.
His eyes narrow with disapproval. “There’s not a goddamn thing you could do to disappoint me, Soph. I already know having my cock buried deep inside of you is going to be the best fucking thing I ever do.” His mouth swoops in to capture mine, silencing any more doubt or insecurity.
A moan tears from me, my hips lifting at the feel of his erection.
“You feel that, baby?” he croons, pressing down further at the juncture of my thighs. “This is how hard I am for you. How hard I’ve been for you from the first night you walked into the gym.”
Elation fills me, knowing he’s wanted me for that long. I tilt my head to give him more access as his mouth trails lower. For the first time, I don’t feel the urge to recoil from his touch on my throat. Instead, I relish in the way his lips caress and love every wound, healing the ones I also bear on my soul.
My hands reach down for the hem of his shirt, tugging it up. “Take this off, I want to feel your skin against mine.”
With a groan, he sets to his knees, getting rid of the shirt with a swift pull from behind his head. Before he can come over top of me again, I sit up, my hands finding their place on his hard abdomen. His muscles flex beneath my fingertips as I trace his tattoo above the waistline of his sweats. A word I will forever associate with Kolan because he is everything a warrior should be.
Strong.
Brave.
I bring my lips to follow the path of my fingers but his hand snags my wrist before I make it too far. My eyes lift to his, finding them dark and hooded. “Please, let me touch you.” It’s the one thing I’ve regretted from our previous times together. I want to touch him too, know every line, curve, and flaw.
There’s a small tick of his jaw before he releases my wrist. Exploring his hot skin and hard angles, I come across a few scars on his chest, ones I never noticed before. They are faint and hardly noticeable unless you’re really paying attention, but I count every one. Seven in all. I resist the urge to ask, not wanting to ruin this beautiful moment.
Eventually, I slip my thumbs into the waistband of his sweats, pulling them low enough to free him. A sharp inhale moves swiftly into my lungs at the beautiful sight of him. He’s large, even larger than I expected, but what has shock rendering me frozen is the metal barbell piercing the head of his penis.
“Oh my god.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. Looking up, I see him watching me in amusement. “That must have hurt a lot,” I say, my eyes dropping back to the piercing.
“Yeah, but it hurt so fucking good.” His rough voice elicits goose bumps across my skin. “Does it bother you?”
The uncertainty in his voice has my eyes snapping back up to his. “No,” I rush to say, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “Just caught me off guard is all. I wasn’t expecting it. I uh…I haven’t…seen one before.”
“And it’s going to be the only one you ever see if I have anything to say about it.”
His possessive words add to the fire burning inside of me. Tentatively, I lift my hand, fingering the piece of metal with fascination. A low growl pushes past his throat as I brush the soft velvet tip. Feeling a little bolder, I encircle his shaft, my fingers unable to fully wrap around him.
He pumps into my firm grip with a hiss, a tiny drop of liquid peeking out of the narrow slit. Unintentionally, my tongue sweeps out across my lips, wondering what it tastes like. Before I’m able to find out, Kolan’s hand weaves through my hair, tilting my head back to meet his gaze.
“Not tonight,” he growls. “Lift your arms.”
Releasing him, I follow the order, allowing him to remove my tank top. With a hand to my chest, he guides me to my back, his hungry eyes devouring my naked breasts before he moves over top of me.
My gasp and his groan mingle through the air the moment our skin meets. His hard to my soft, sending electricity to shoot through every cell of my body.
“Jesus, you have the softest skin I’ve ever felt,” he murmurs, his lips trailing over that softness. When he captures a hard nipple with his mouth I cry out, my back bowing as pleasure blazes through me.
I’m a writhing mess beneath him as he delivers the sweetest torture to both sensitive tips. Each fiery lick of his tongue and sharp nip of his teeth takes me higher. I lift my hips, colliding with his hard stomach as I seek friction.
“Kolan, please,” I beg. “I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to feel you inside of me.”
I need it.
I need him.
With a growl, he reaches down, his hands moving to the side of my small lace shorts before tearing them from my body. A sharp gasp leaves me that quickly trails off into a moan when he brings his piercing to my aching flesh.
“This what you want?” he asks with his hand wrapped around his shaft, gliding the cool metal over my throbbing clit in a way that has my eyes rolling back in my head. “You like that, Soph?”
“God, yes,” I whimper.
He never penetrates, his piercing inflicting the most exquisite sensation my body has ever felt, taking me to the brink of destruction.
“Just wait until I fill this hungry little pussy.”
His dirty words send me hurtling over the edge into a sea of blinding light, anchored by nothing more than pure need.
“Good girl, scream for me, baby.”
Pulling my arms from around his neck, he pins them over my head before driving into me with a savage thrust, turning pleasure into pain.
*
Kolan
The moment I enter her, I freeze, ice forming in my veins when she cries out. The agony in her voice as I break through the barrier causes me to tense above her. A barrier I didn’t expect.
“Jesus, Sophie,” I breathe, staring down at her. “You’re a fucking virgin?”
She nods, her wide eyes filled with pain.
Pain from me.
“Shit, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s my fault. I should have told you,” she says, her raw voice gutting me from the inside out. When I begin to pull back she wraps a leg around my waist, taking me even deeper. “No. Please don’t stop.”
A tortured groan escapes my chest as I rest my forehead on her shoulder. “I don’t deserve this, Soph.”
“Yes, you do. I want you, Kolan. I want this with you.”
How the fuck am I supposed to give her this when I have no idea how?
“Please,” she says again.
With a relenting breath, I release her hands. The gratitude in her caress proves to be worth the small sacrifice. I press my lips to the corner of one eye where a tear hangs loose, waiting to shed. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
“I’m fine. Just don’t stop.”
I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.
My jaw locks, muscles coiling tight beneath my skin as I fight against every instinct I’ve ever known. Instead, I move slow and steady. Careful to set a pace I think she would be comfortable with, not wanting to fuck this up worse than I already have.
Confident hands map out the planes of my back, encouraging every gentle stroke. Being touched while inside of a woman is foreign to me, it’s something I’d never allow, but if there’s anyone in the world whose touch I want, it’s hers.
She gazes up at me, her eyes filled with trust and something else. Something I’ve never seen from someone before.
“This okay?” I ask.
“It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
I shake my head, so undeserving of this.
Undeserving of her.
Her hand reaches up, finger tracing my lips that hover inches above hers. “Kiss me.”
With a groan, I take her lips, losing myself in her taste while trying to concentrate on not pounding her into the mattress. But the battle is lost when the heat of her pussy grips me tight; sucking me in further with each calculated thrust.
I can fuck for hours and not bat an eye, but this girl has me ready to blow at any moment.
Her breathy moans penetrate the thick air around us, carrying with it the weight of this moment. Intense heat licks down my spine as I change the angle of my thrust, moving deeper, harder.
“Oh god.” Her fiery whimper is the only indication I get seconds before she falls apart beneath me. My name pushes past her lips on a piercing cry, her pussy locking down on me.
It feels fucking incredible. Too incredible.
The cold realization hits me fast. “Shit!”
Bracing myself above her with one hand, I pull out, gripping my cock with the other. I pump once, twice, before covering her flat stomach, marking her.
With my heart pounding, I rest my forehead on hers, our labored breaths mingling with the remnants of what just happened.
“Don’t move, baby. I’ll be right back.” Pressing a quick kiss to her forehead, I reluctantly throw on my sweats and head into the bathroom.
After grabbing a warm washcloth, I come back to sit next to her and begin cleaning the small amount of blood between her legs, my cock stirring at the sight.
“Sorry,” she whispers, her cheeks stained pink with embarrassment.
“Don’t be. I’m not.” If anything, it makes me never want to wash my fucking sheets again.
Turning the cloth over, I begin wiping her stomach clean, still not believing I fucked her without a condom. I’ve never done that before. I don’t think I even have any here. All of my shit is at the club, and I haven’t been there in months.
“Are you on the pill?” I ask.
She shakes her head, giving me the answer I expected. “I should have thought about that. I’m sorry.”
The guilt in her voice has me tossing the washcloth across the room into the hamper before coming to lean over her. “I’m not sorry about a single thing that just happened, so you shouldn’t be either.”
“I’m not. It was the best moment of my life,” she confesses. “But protection is something we should have talked about, especially since I’m not on anything.”
“I’m clean. I’ve always used a condom, but I don’t have any here. We need to get you on something, because now that I know what it’s like to be inside of you without it, I don’t ever want to use one.”
She bites her lip as the beginning of a smile lifts the corners. “So that means there will be a second time?”
Is she serious?
“Yeah, baby.” I rest my lips against her cheek. “And a third,” I murmur, trailing my mouth to her jaw. “And a fourth,” I continue, kissing down to her neck. “And a fifth. And a sixth.”
She wraps her arms around me with a laugh. “Okay, I get the point.”
“Good,” I say, laying one more kiss on her pink lips before pulling back to look at her. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Soph. If I had known, I would have been more careful.”
Her smile falters, eyes dimming. “No. It’s my fault. I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m probably the only girl on the planet who’s still a virgin at my age. I never had the chance to date much less…”
I’m thankful she trails off because I don’t want to talk about that bastard, and I definitely don’t want to think about her being with anyone else. The thought makes me violent.
“Well, you’re not a virgin anymore,” I tell her, my cock aching with the knowledge of me being the only one to have her.
Her smile returns. “No. Not anymore. Thanks to you.” She tugs on my hand. “Come hold me. I want to sleep in your arms all night.”
Lying next to her, I pull her in as close as possible, arranging her soft, naked body to face me. I drag the sheet up to her hips then wrap my arms around her to keep her warm.
“I need to tell you something,” she says, her timid eyes locked on mine.
Well shit, nothing good ever follows when a sentence begins like that.
“What?”
“I knew about you,” she admits sheepishly. “I found out you were…into that lifestyle shortly after I met you. I didn’t know what it was so I looked it up online.” By the uncertainty in her eyes, it’s clear she didn’t like what she saw.
“It isn’t for everyone, Soph.”
“I know, and I’m not judging. I just…don’t understand it. Why would someone want a person to hurt them?”
“It’s not like that. It’s not that kind of pain.” Even though there are pain whores out there, that’s really not my style. “Not everyone is in it for that. There are a lot of other reasons people do it.”
“You do it for the control,” she states, but I answer it as a question.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because when you’ve lived without it for so long and you finally have it, you will do everything in your power to keep it. It’s something I won’t ever live without again.”
I hate admitting that to her. I don’t want to scare her away, but it’s something I need her to understand. I’d do almost anything for her but giving up control isn’t one of them. Especially when she has the power to completely destroy me.
Her hand lifts to my face, hazel eyes holding mine. “I’ll never take it from you, Kolan. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
“I know.”
“You’ve been doing it for a really long time, huh?” she whispers.
The tone of her voice lets me know exactly where her thoughts are. Flipping her to her back, I come over top of her. “Yeah, I have. But make no mistake, Sophie. You are different. Tonight was different. We are different. Nothing or no one has ever compared to you. You get me?”
I may have fucked a lot of chicks but that’s all it ever was. I never felt shit for any of them. The girl beneath me is the only one I’ve ever cared about.
A bright smile lights up her face as she wraps her arms around my neck. “I get you, and I feel the same way. No one will ever compare to you.”
“Damn straight they won’t,” I say, eliciting a laugh out of her like I hoped to.
“Kiss me, Kolan, and don’t stop.”
With a growl, I seal my mouth over hers, my cock stirring for a second round with her. Knowing she can’t handle any more tonight, I decide to worship every part of her body with my mouth instead, devouring her pussy until she screams my name for the third time.
After I’ve laid claim to every inch of her body, I hold her in my arms until she falls asleep and decide this very second that I’m going to keep her forever.