CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Kolan
Sometimes, doing the right thing fucking sucks.
Night has long since fallen as I stand on the beach, listening to the waves crash against the shore. I came out here shortly after arriving home because I couldn’t stand the silence in my house, and I haven’t moved since.
It’s been hours since I last saw her—touched her, held her—and already I’m a fucking mess. Walking out of that hospital without her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I never intended to give her up. It was only nights ago that I was buried in her sweet body, confessing how I would never let anyone take her from me. Yet, here I stand. Alone. Because I love her enough to let her go—to let her have the life she deserves.
The one that was stolen from her.
Nothing else matters except her happiness, and I know what makes her most happy is being with her family and dancing. It isn’t here with me.
The thought only sharpens the ache that has taken up a permanent residence inside my chest. Shaking my head, I decide that drowning my sorrows in a bottle of Jack is a hell of a lot better than wallowing in them. My feet sink into the cool sand as I make my way back up to the house. Climbing up the few steps to my patio I come to an abrupt halt, my chest seizing at the sight of her standing next to my pool.
Arms wrapped around her middle, the hem of her soft yellow dress whispers across her thighs as the slight breeze catches her long wavy hair, brushing it across her tear-stained cheeks. If not for the misery on her pretty face, I’d think I was fucking hallucinating, but in my fantasies she would never look as sad as she does right now. It takes every ounce of control I have not to take her in my arms and kiss the hell out of her right now.
“How did you get here?”
Smooth start, asshole.
“Taxi,” she responds quietly. “I was going to call, but I didn’t think you would answer.”
I remain quiet because she’s right, I probably wouldn’t have.
“Why did you just leave me like that?”
The tremble in her voice tugs at my heart, and I fight like hell against the pull. The one that’s been there since she came into my life—one that will never go away.
“I wanted to give you time with your family.”
“So you were going to come back for me?”
Silence descends again because we both know the answer to that, and I can’t bring myself to say it.
“Did you really think I was just going to get on a plane tomorrow and pretend the past couple of months never happened?”
“You should,” I tell her, the words feeling bitter on my tongue.
“That’s really what you want?”
“This isn’t about what I fucking want,” I snap. “This is about you, Sophie. It’s about taking your life back and living out all of the dreams you had before that sick fuck took them from you.”
“Well, dreams change,” she cries out. “What about us? What about all the time we’ve spent together? I’m in love with you, Kolan.”
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, a forceful blow to the chest. I shake my head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The hell I don’t. Don’t tell me what I feel. Don’t treat me like I’m some stupid girl who can’t make her own decisions.”
“Then don’t make stupid decisions!”
“Why is it stupid?” she asks. “Huh? Why is it so hard for you to believe I love you?”
Because no one else ever has.
My jaw snaps shut, teeth grinding as I bite back that reply.
“So this is it?” she asks, tears beginning to stream down her beautiful face. “You’re going to throw it all away, just like that?”
My hands fist at my sides, throat on fucking fire as I refrain from dropping down in front of her and begging her to stay.
Jesus, I don’t know if I can do this. Even if it’s the right thing.
She shakes her head bitterly. “Well, you can think I’m stupid all you want, but at least I’m not a coward.” Her words hang in the tense air between us before she turns around and moves for my back door.
Panic grips my chest and sends me into motion. My bare feet eat up the concrete as I catch up to her. I slam my hand on the sliding glass door before she can open it and crowd her against it, feeling her back tremble with her stifled sobs.
“Please don’t cry, Soph,” I plead, my throat feeling raw. “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“All you’re doing is breaking my heart.”
I bury my face in her hair, her agony igniting a fire in my chest. “I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t want this. I’m just trying to give you back everything you lost. I know how much you’ve missed your family.”
Wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand, she turns around in my caged arms and peers up at me, her sad eyes knocking the wind straight out of my lungs. “Of course I have but this isn’t the same as last time. I can talk to them every day. They can come here, and I can visit them. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, Kolan. I can have you both.”
“And what about dancing, huh? What about everything you were working toward? I’m not letting you give that up for me.”
“I don’t have to. I can dance anywhere.”
“It won’t be the same and you know it.”
“Sure it will but even if it wasn’t, even if I had to choose, I’d choose you. I would always choose you, Kolan, because I love you more than dancing.”
I shake my head in disbelief, feeling completely undeserving of her.
“Do you feel anything for me?” she asks, her voice wavering. “Have the past couple of months meant anything to you?”
“Jesus, of course they have. I fucking love you, Soph. It’s not about that. It never was.”
Her hands fist my shirt, eyes pleading. “Then don’t send me away. Don’t throw us away.”
I drop my forehead on hers, my breathing harsh from the emotions threatening to suffocate me. “Be sure, Sophie. Because if you stay, then you better know now I’m never letting you go.”
She gives me a watery smile. “Promise?”
Instead of responding with useless words, I cup her neck and bring her in mouth to mouth, sealing both of our fates. I inhale her cry of longing, tasting the saltiness of her tears, and swallow every bit of pain I’ve caused her.
“I love you so much,” she whimpers, locking her arms around my neck.
“I love you too, baby. So fucking much.” My hands slip under her dress, a strained groan ripping from my chest when I feel the scrap of silk between her round bare globes. “Goddamn, I need you.”
“Then take me.”
With a growl, I cup her bare ass and hoist her up, her long legs hugging my waist. I reach for the door and am about to charge into my house like the fucking Flash when she stops me.
“No. Here.”
“What?” I ask like an idiot. I’m so fucking blind with need that I can’t think straight.
“Here. Make love to me out here.”
Groaning, I carry her over to the double chaise lounge and gently lay her down, never losing contact with her mouth as I position myself between her sweet thighs. I rip the top of her dress down, tearing the strap from her shoulder.
“Oh, this is my sister’s,” she worries, her voice breathless.
“I’ll buy her a new one,” I promise. “And I’ll buy you one too because it looks really fucking good on you.”
Her laughter trails off into a harsh gasp when I take a pink nipple in my mouth, my tongue rolling and teeth grazing the tight bead.
“Yes!” She knocks my hat off my head, her fingers gripping my hair as she arches into my mouth. Her hips lift, the heat of her pussy burning me through my jeans.
“Damn, Soph, you’re on fucking fire, baby.”
She reaches for my shirt, tugging it up my back. “Take this off, I need to feel your skin.”
I lift only enough to let her pull my shirt over my head before I take my place again, another groan vibrating from my chest at the feel of her soft curves. Her nails bite into my back, the sting of pain shooting straight to my dick.
My mouth fuses with hers as I reach between us to fumble with my belt, the need to be inside of her overriding everything else. As much as I want to take my time and worship every part of her body, I need her too fucking bad right now.
“Kolan?” she whispers against my lips.
“Yeah, baby.”
“Can I be on top?”
My efforts cease as I pull back to look down at her. The only time I’ve ever had a girl over top of me is tied up, her hands bound above her head and linked to the chain hanging from a ceiling.
Sensing my hesitation, she gives me a small smile, but there’s no denying the flash of disappointment in her eyes. “Never mind. It’s okay. Come here.”
She curls a hand around my neck to bring me back to her lips, but I switch our positions instead. With an arm under her, I roll to my back, bringing her over to straddle me.
Her eyes widen with surprise, and I wait for panic to set in. It hovers, threatening to claim me, but it doesn’t break through…not yet. Maybe because she looks fucking perfect above me right now. Or maybe it’s because I’d give this girl anything she asked for if I knew it would make her happy.
“Are you sure?” she asks quietly.
“Yeah, baby, I’m always sure when it comes to you.”
She reaches down, her hand grazing my jaw. “You control it all. I just want to feel you this way.”
Reaching under the dress bunched at her waist, I rip the thin silk from her hips. Her blissful moan fills the air as she lifts herself up enough for me to free my hard cock and center myself. Slowly, I lower her down on me, the heat of her hot pussy yanking a hiss from my mouth. My teeth grind as I resist the urge to drive up inside of her.
“Oh god, I love the way you fill me,” she moans, head falling back as she takes me all the way to the hilt.
“Me too, you feel so fucking good, baby. Always so good.” I barely hold onto my restraint. My fingers dig into her hips as I give her time to adjust, when all I want to do is roll her over and fuck the breath out of her.
Bracing her hands on my stomach, she begins rocking back and forth, her movements slow and unsure. My grip on her hips helps guide her, while she finds her rhythm.
“There you go, baby,” I praise, allowing her to set the pace.
Her expression is soft and eyes hooded, the pool lights dance across her soft skin, casting a glow over every inch of her perfect body, making her look like the fucking angel she is.
My angel.
“Lift your dress, Soph. Show me what you look like riding my cock.”
A fiery whimper parts her lips as she gathers the bunched material in her hands and lifts it. I watch as my cock disappears with each smooth glide, her pussy sucking me into its hot depths.
Glancing up, I discover her gaze transfixed between us. “We look good, don’t we, baby?”
“Yes,” she breathes, her teeth sinking into her plump lip.
Unable to resist, I reach up, tugging at the soft flesh. Her lips part and her tongue darts out to wrap around my thumb, sucking it like she would my dick.
It fucking unravels me.
With a growl, I pump up into her, fucking her hard and fast. Her scream of pleasure pierces the air, nails raking along my abs as she fights to hold on.
“Oh, god, Kolan. Don’t stop,” she begs, her pussy clenching around me, begging to keep me inside.
“You’re close, baby. I can feel it. Give it to me, Sophie.” Slipping a hand between us, I find her swollen clit, my knuckle barely grazing her sensitive flesh before it sends her over the edge.
She tosses her head back on a heated cry, ecstasy washing over her face as her pussy locks down on me. Fire pools low in my stomach seconds before I self-destruct with her, filling her with everything I have.
She drops down on top of me, her skin damp. I hold her close, absorbing the way her heart thrums strong and steady against mine when only days ago I thought it would never beat again. My lungs lock up at the memory.
She lifts her face from my chest, her eyes searching mine. “You okay?”
Reaching up, I brush a stray hair aside, cupping her cheek. “Yeah, Soph. Are you?”
“I am now that I’m with you.”
I reverse our position, flipping her to her back. The quick action draws a squeal of laughter from her. “Good. Get used to it, baby, because you’re stuck with me now.”
She graces me with a smile. “There’s no other place I’d rather be.”
Dropping a swift kiss to her lips, I reach under the edge of the lounger and pull the drawer open, grabbing a few fresh towels. I finish removing her dress and use one towel to clean her then drape the other over her hips before folding her in my arms.
She curls into me, her bare leg fitting between my jean-clad ones, making me wish I took them off. “I have no idea how I’m going to explain my sister’s dress to her,” she says with a shy smile.
“I’ll bet she forgets all about it when you tell her you aren’t going back home tomorrow.” I meant it to be a joke, but there’s no denying the truth of my words.
“They already know,” she tells me, her fingers touch my lips. “I spent the entire afternoon catching up with them, and I told them everything before I left tonight, including that I wanted to stay.”
“I’ll bet they were real happy about it.”
She shrugs. “They understood. However, they did say that if everything worked out tonight, like I hoped it would, then they’d cancel their flights and stay longer to spend time with me. They want to get to know you. They already like you,” she adds with a smile. “Especially my dad.”
I grunt. “I’m sure he’ll change his mind once he actually gets to know me.”
“Not possible. They’ll love you even more.”
It shouldn’t bother me one way or the other. Usually I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, but I do care about them because I know they mean a lot to her.
“You saved my life, Kolan,” she says softly. “You were there for me when no one else was. You’ve taken care of me and been my friend when I needed one most. That alone makes them love you forever, but I know it will become so much more when they get to know the honorable man I fell in love with.”
My hand moves to her neck, fingers tracing the rough skin. “I’ll always take care of you.”
“I know, and I’ll take care of you.” She follows up the promise with a kiss to one of the scars that mark my chest before propping her chin on her fist to look at me. “Do you have any idea how it feels to lay out here with you like this and know no one is watching. To not have to look over my shoulder anymore or be scared of being seen.” Her eyes begin to water but there’s no denying the peace I see reflecting back at me. “It’s the most freeing feeling in the whole world.”
“You are free, Soph, and you always will be. I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.”
“And you’ll continue to teach me how to kick ass, right?” she adds with a smile.
“Damn straight.”
With a giggle, she rests her cheek back on my chest and stares out at the pool. A comfortable silence descends on us as she traces my tattoos. Minutes later, I feel her breathing begin to even out.
“You want to move inside to bed?” I ask, my lips brushing her hair.
“Can we stay out here tonight?”
“Yeah, whatever you want, baby.”
She snuggles in closer. “Good, because I want to sleep out here in your arms, under the stars, then wake up in the same place and watch the sunrise. Then do it all over again…night after night.”
It sounds like the perfect fucking plan to me.