CHAPTER EIGHT
Sophie
I walk into the gym Monday evening to see Kolan headed toward the change room in nothing but gym shorts and a towel slung around his neck, his hard, bare body slick with sweat. The moment his eyes lock with mine, my heart skips a beat.
“Hey,” he greets me, his deep, smooth baritone making my knees weak.
“Hey.”
“Sorry, I lost track of time. I’m just going to have a quick shower. I’ll be out in five.”
All I can manage is a nod, my throat dry from images of him under the hot spray.
Don’t go there, Sophie.
As he disappears into the locker room, I put my gym bag down and climb into the ring to stretch, hoping it will distract me from my dangerous thoughts, but it’s no use. If I thought he consumed me before, that’s nothing compared to how much I’ve thought about him since our night together in Charleston.
It was the best night I’ve had since I lost everything. It felt so good to have someone to talk to and hang out with again. And it was even better that the someone was Kolan. I saw so much more of that kindness I had glimpsed in him this past week. From him buying me the bracelet because he knew what it meant to me, and the way he never hesitated to take pictures with the group of boys, then sponsored them to go to nationals. It showed just how truly generous he can be. A far cry from what so many people seem to think about him.
I’ll admit when I first met him, I was intimidated like so many others. He does give off an unapproachable vibe, but I have a feeling it’s a façade to keep people away. I’m just not sure why he does it.
The one thing that’s been consuming me the most since that night is the way it felt to be in his arms as he carried me back to his SUV. I felt…safe. A safe I haven’t felt in years. It’s dangerous and something I should never let myself feel, because as long as Daniel is still breathing, I will never be safe. It’s the cold, hard truth, and I need to remember it.
My depressing thoughts come to an end when I clue in to one of my favorite songs coming from the radio. Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud.”
I let the beautiful words wash over me, blanketing my soul, and begin humming along with the melody, allowing my body to sway back and forth to the base vibrating from the speakers. The sound grounds me, anchors me in place while every bone and muscle in my body yearns to submit to the seductive beat.
Since the dance-off the other night, it’s as if something has broken loose inside of me, a piece of the old me returning. I’ve decided to grab hold of it and embrace it. Dancing is the one thing that always made me happy, and since I’ve been robbed of everything else, I’m going to take that part of me back. Even if it’s only in private.
I’m completely lost in my euphoria when awareness creeps up my spine. Spinning around, I see Kolan standing on the other side of the ring, watching me. My breath catches at the intensity of his gaze.
“There’s something about this gym that makes me want to dance,” I say with a smile, trying to lighten the tension filling the air.
“Dance away. I like watching.” His voice is as dark as his eyes—beckoning me. I should look away, break this spell he seems to have over me, but I can’t. If anything, I want to drown myself in it.
Without thinking about the consequences, I reach out to him, offering my hand. “Doing it is so much better than watching.”
He gives me that sexy smirk of his. “Sorry, baby.” My tummy dips at the endearment, just like it did the other night. “I’m all about doing but not when it comes to dancing. As in…I can’t. I’ve never done it before.”
A frown pulls at my face. “Never?”
He shakes his head.
“What about school dances? Or prom?”
“I never went.”
His expression remains stoic but those simple words have pain striking my heart. Everyone should dance at least once in their life.
Stepping closer to him, I take his large hand in mine and pull him to the center of the ring. My eyes train on his chest as he reluctantly follows.
“This goes here.” I bring his one hand to my lower back then show him how to hold my other as I move it between us. When I try to sway us, his feet remain planted, and that’s when I finally meet his eyes.
He stares down at me, his jaw ticking. “I don’t give up control to anyone, Lia. Ever.”
His hard words remind me of what I saw online the other night when I looked him up.
I nod, not wanting him to back away. “Okay, then you lead. All you have to do is move side-to-side, as slow as you want. Your hand on my lower back will guide me.”
He watches me with indecision. I can’t tell if he’s just scared or if he really doesn’t want to do this.
“Dance with me, Kolan. It soothes the soul,” I whisper, praying the extra push works.
It does. Ever so slowly, we begin swaying back and forth. His steps are stiff and awkward but it doesn’t matter. I’m pretty sure I’ve never loved dancing with another person so much in my life as I do right now.
“Listen.” Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back slightly. “Let the music move your body, feel the beat and match it.”
I wait for him to follow the instruction but a low growl penetrates through the air instead. My eyes spring open, a gasp parting my lips as he yanks me against his hard body. My heart thrums with speed when I feel his very large erection pressing into my stomach.
His hand coasts up my spine, grabbing a fistful of my hair before tugging my head back. The sting sends heat creeping down my thighs, racing all the way to my toes, curling the ends ruthlessly.
“If you don’t want this, Lia, say something now.”
I try to figure out what this is. A kiss? More? Does it matter?
No, it doesn’t.
“I want it,” I whisper, my voice shaky. It may be a mistake, but I have a feeling he will be the best mistake I ever make.
“I tried,” he says, just before lowering his mouth to mine.
My eyes fall closed as I wait with bated breath, knowing this man’s touch is going to change my lonely existence forever.
A loud bang breaks us of our moment.
With a yelp, I cling to Kolan in fear and look at the door to see a little boy charging in with tears streaming down his face.
“Please, you have to help me!” he pleads.
Kolan springs into action. Jumping out of the ring, he kneels in front of him, grabbing his small shoulders. “Benny, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
The hysterical little boy shakes his head. “No, it’s my mom. She won’t wake up. She passed out, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Why didn’t you call 9-1-1?”
“Because we don’t have any money for the doctor,” he explains, his harsh sobs breaking my heart. “Please. I don’t have anyone else. Will you come look at her and see if you can wake her up?”
Kolan scoops him up into his arms and grabs his keys from the front counter before looking at me. “Come on.”
“No, don’t worry about me. Go. I can close up.”
“Lia, now,” he snaps the order.
Knowing now is not the time to argue, I hurry to climb out of the ring and grab my bag before following them out the door.
“How did you get here?” Kolan asks as he deposits the boy in the back seat of his SUV.
“I ran. I live that way.” He points down the street, off to the left.
Closing the door, Kolan opens the passenger one for me before running to his side. We climb in at the same time. I barely have my door shut before he peels away.
As Benny gives him directions, he tosses me his phone. “When we get to his place, call 9-1-1 with the address.”
I nod then glance back at Benny whose eyes are wide and terrified, tears streaming down his face. I reach out to touch his leg, hoping to offer some comfort. It takes about five minutes before we arrive at the run-down apartment building. I call 9-1-1 as we race into the building, giving the operator the address and remain on the line as she instructs.
Kolan bursts into the apartment with Benny in his arms. There on the kitchen floor, lies a woman in a waitress uniform, unconscious. Placing the boy to his feet, he rushes to her side and drops down next to her. “She has a pulse.”
After I repeat that to the operator, my attention draws to Benny as he sobs, looking down at his mother. I kneel next to him and wrap an arm around his small body. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. The ambulance is on its way.”
He nods but doesn’t look convinced. Thankfully, the paramedics arrive quickly, then the three of us follow behind them to the hospital.
Forty-five minutes later, we’re sitting in the waiting room with Benny between us, his small hand linked with mine. Kolan bought him a soda and snack shortly after we arrived and asked if there was anyone he could call. Benny told us they have no family. Apparently, he and his mom only moved here recently and don’t know anyone, which is why he came to the gym. When Kolan asked about his father, pain had flashed in the young boy’s eyes before he told us that his father left them a long time ago. It was clear the subject is sensitive for him so we dropped it.
A doctor enters the waiting room a short time later with a woman in a dress suit next to him. “Santiago?”
“This is her son, Benny,” Kolan says, as we all rise, reaching out to shake the doctor’s hand.
“Hi, Benny,” he acknowledges him with a short nod before looking back to Kolan. “Mrs. Santiago has pneumonia. She was diagnosed with it a week ago but didn’t take the medication she was prescribed,” he explains, disapproval evident in his tone.
“ ’Cause we can’t afford it, asshole!” Benny shoots back, defending his mom.
Kolan puts a hand on his shoulder to calm him. The doctor ignores his outburst and continues. “We started her on IV antibiotics. She will need to be here for a couple of days before she’s well enough to go home.”
“I’ll take care of the medical expenses and any medication she’ll need after,” Kolan says, warming my heart.
“That’s very generous of you. I’m sure she will appreciate it.” He looks to Benny now. “Benny, this here is Vicki Jenson, she’s with family services.” I notice Kolan visibly tense. “You’re going to go with her until your mom is better.”
Benny steps back, panic twisting his young face. “What the hell do you mean? I ain’t going anywhere with her.”
“It’s okay, Benny,” the lady assures him with a smile, reaching for his shoulder. “It’s just for a few days until your mom is well enough to come home.”
Kolan steps in front of Benny before she can make contact. “Don’t put your hands on him.” His icy tone forces her back a step.
“Mr. Slade,” she addresses him stiffly, obviously aware of who he is. “Benny has no family here, and it’s protocol that he be taken into the state’s custody until his mother is better.”
“I don’t give a shit about your protocol. He isn’t going anywhere with you. God knows where he would end up.”
The doctor shifts uncomfortably while Vicki’s back stiffens. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You’re all the same. You don’t give a shit about where he’s placed or who he’s placed with. Just as long as someone takes him.”
“That’s not true. We always interview our families and check up—”
“Bullshit,” he snaps, making me flinch. “I’m not about to let him get sent somewhere unsafe. He’s coming home with me.”
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t work like that. How do I know you can provide a safe environment? Your temper right now proves otherwise. It also wasn’t long ago that there was a warrant out for your arrest.”
I stiffen, my blood heating in Kolan’s defense, but before I have the chance to speak, he does. “Charges that were dropped and you damn well know it. You haven’t seen my temper yet, lady, but put your hands on him and—”
“He’s safe,” I interrupt before he can really get himself into trouble. “Kolan would never hurt Benny.”
“And who are you?” she asks.
“A friend. I also work at the sheriff’s office and can vouch for him.”
“I don’t recognize you,” she says, pretty much insinuating I’m a liar.
“I’m new there, but I also know Sheriff McKay will back him as well. Benny knows Kolan. It makes sense for him to be with someone he trusts right now.”
“Yeah,” Benny speaks up, grabbing Kolan’s hand. “He’s my friend, and I want to stay with him.”
It’s clear by her expression she disagrees.
“Why don’t we speak with Benny’s mother,” the doctor suggests. “She is conscious, and I know she wants to see Benny as much as I’m sure he wants to see her. He could ask her about staying with Mr. Slade.”
“Yeah, I wanna see my mom.”
Vicki sighs. “Come on then. Let’s go speak with your mother.”
She reaches for Benny’s hand but Kolan blocks her again. “I’m coming, too. He doesn’t leave my sight.”
The doctor is the one to respond. “That’s fine; however, it will be up to Mrs. Santiago whether you come into the room or not.”
Kolan nods then looks at me.
“Go on. I’ll wait here,” I tell him.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
He hesitates for only a moment before following the doctor and Vicki, keeping Benny close to his side. Once they’re out of sight, a heavy sigh escapes me as I try to tamp down my own fear that’s been fighting to surface. I hate hospitals and haven’t been in one since the night I ran.
Wrapping my arms around my body to ward off the sudden chill, I try to distract myself. I wander down one of the halls, making sure to stay close to the waiting room, and stop to look at some of the plaques on the wall next to the vending machines. I’m so caught up reading the names that I startle when someone clears their throat.
I spin around with a hand over my heart to see a doctor getting coffee from one of the machines.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologizes.
“It’s okay. I didn’t hear you walk up.”
He raises a cup at me. “Coffee?”
“No, thank you.”
After filling his cup, he leans against the vending machine, his eyes remaining on me as he takes a leisurely sip. “Do you find our awards interesting?” he asks, gesturing to where my attention just was.
I smile. “No, not really, just trying to keep myself busy while I wait for my friend.”
“You’re here for a friend?”
I nod.
“Too bad.”
I frown, finding it’s an odd thing to say. “Why do you say that?”
“Because if you had needed a doctor, I could have offered my assistance,” he says, flashing me a charming smile.
My fingers move to my scarf as I shift nervously.
He extends his hand to me. “Blake.”
“Lia,” I say, accepting his gesture, but immediately regret it when he holds my hand longer than necessary.
“Nice to meet you, Lia. I don’t recognize you. Are you from around here?”
“I just—”
“That’s none of your business, Doctor.”
I turn to see Kolan standing behind me with Benny beside him, his eyes as hard as his tone.
“Hey, guys,” I greet them.
“What’s going on here?” Kolan asks, his eyes trained on Blake like he’s about to rip him apart.
I don’t get the chance to explain before Benny cuts in. “Looks to me like this fool is treading on your territory.”
Oh god.
I quickly speak before the situation can get more uncomfortable. “This is Blake. We ran into each other when—”
“I know who he is,” Kolan interrupts. “How’s your wife, Doctor?”
Wife?
I turn back to Blake, seeing a cocky smirk on his face, but his eyes are narrowed in irritation. Rather than respond to Kolan, he straightens from the vending machine and looks at me. “It was nice to meet you, Lia. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
“Bye.” I wave to his retreating back, not wanting to be rude. Bringing my attention to Kolan and Benny again, I clear my throat and try to break the tension. “So, did everything go okay with your mom?”
“Yeah, she’s gonna be okay, and she said I can stay with this guy,” he says, jerking a thumb at Kolan. “So it’s just the Champ and me for a few days and we’re going to paartay.” He dances, making me smile.
Kolan grunts, his tight expression easing. “Hardly, kid, you have school. Which is why we need to get out of here and put you to bed.”
“Aw man,” Benny grumbles as we make our way out of the hospital.
They decide to drop me off first before going back to Benny’s to grab his stuff. I give Kolan directions to the small two-bedroom house I rent. It’s located on a quiet street and within walking distance to everywhere I need to be, especially work. It was a blessing I found it, otherwise I would still be staying at the motel. There are not many apartment complexes around, so when I found the house and saw the rent was affordable, I jumped on it. Especially since the landlord allowed me to rent on a month-to-month basis.
Benny does most of the talking while Kolan remains silent. I’m having a hard time gauging his mood and worry he’s upset with me, though I have no idea why he would be. When he pulls onto my driveway, I reach for the door handle and turn to say good-bye but he surprises me by getting out.
I glance back at Benny and give him a smile. “Good night, Benny. I’m glad everything is going to be okay with your mom.”
“Bye, Lia, thanks for everything.”
I didn’t do anything, but I nod anyway and move to get out as Kolan opens the door for me. I take his outstretched hand as he helps me down, the warmth of his touch shooting all the way up my arm.
Silence rains around us as he walks me to my door. Climbing the cement stairs, I turn around to say thank you and find him standing right behind me. My back meets the door, my pulse racing as I stare up at him.
Unable to bear the silence any longer, I finally break it. “Are you mad at me?” I ask, worried for his answer.
“Why would I be?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
He moves in closer, his hands bracing against the door on either side of my head. “Yeah, I’m mad,” he admits. “But not at you. I didn’t like that fucker being close to you.”
“He was just grabbing a coffee and introduced himself,” I rush to explain, not wanting him to misunderstand. “He was only there a few seconds before you came. We were just talking.”
“I don’t care. I didn’t like it.”
“Why?” I ask.
His eyes close, jaw flexing. “It’s better for the both of us if I don’t answer that.”
He’s right, I know he is, but disappointment still strikes me.
“I’m not sure what my schedule is going to be for the next few days now that I have Benny,” he says, changing the subject. “I’ll text you when I know more then we can book our next lesson.”
“No problem. You just worry about Benny. If it’s easier, I could see someone else,” I suggest, not wanting him to feel obligated.
Something dangerous flashes in his eyes. “Nobody gets you but me.”
Those possessive words should terrify me and have me running in the other direction. I know how dangerous they can be but with Kolan, they carry a different meaning. They don’t scare me. Maybe because I’ve belonged to someone for so long that I’ve never wanted. If there were ever someone I could choose to belong to, it would be this man standing in front of me.
My eyes remain locked with his as I gaze up at him, a million words dangling in my throat. Being this close to him reminds me of the kiss we nearly shared earlier.
As if sensing my thoughts, he closes the small gap between us. A swift inhale moves into my lungs, my fingers curling into his shirt when he leans in to drag his nose across my cheek, bringing his mouth to my ear. “Go inside before I end up doing something we both won’t be able to walk away from.” His lips brush my skin ever so softly before he steps back.
I want to reel him back in, to soak in the warmth and safety he brings me, but know I can’t. It would be selfish of me because it will only be a matter of time until I’m gone again.
“Good night, Kolan,” I whisper before turning around to enter the house.
“Good night, Lia.”
Closing the door, I rest my forehead against it, releasing the breath that’s been trapped inside my chest. After clicking the lock in place, I head to my room and get ready for bed, skipping my usual evening tea.
As I take off my clothes and change into my pajamas, I make sure to avoid the mirror in my room, unable to stomach what I unveil when my scarf comes off. I crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling, listening to nothing but silence. My heart grows lonelier with each passing moment, and I begin thinking about my family.
Glancing at the clock, I see it’s late, but now more than ever I need to hear my mother’s voice. To know they’re all okay. It’s been two months since my last phone call to them, and even though each time rips through my wounded heart, it also brings me peace.
I reach for my prepaid cell phone and dial the landline before covering the bottom with my hand. My heart thunders with every ring until it stops altogether when my mom answers.
“Hello.” Her voice is soft but she doesn’t sound asleep.
“Hi, Mom,” I whisper, even though she can’t hear me.
“Hello?”
“I miss you guys,” I tell her, ensuring my hand is gripped tightly over the transmitter.
“Sophie, baby, is that you?” she asks like always, her voice thick with the same searing pain tearing through me. “Please, honey, say something.”
I bite my lip, tears rushing down my cheeks as I fight the urge to talk to her—to confirm that it’s me even if she already knows. “I love you. I’m doing okay and hope you all are, too.”
“Is it her?” I hear my dad ask, sounding close.
“Sophie, if you can hear me, please come back to us. Come home,” she pleads. “Everything will be okay. We’ll help you and get through this together. We’ll protect you.”
She doesn’t realize that no one can protect me and this is the only way to make sure they stay safe.
“Please, baby, we all miss you so much.”
My throat begins to burn, and I feel myself weaken. “I love you all so much,” I say again. “Give Dad and Tess a kiss for me.”
“Soph—”
I hang up, cutting off my dad’s gruff voice. My phone drops to my chest the same time a sob explodes from me. Turning on my side, I hug my pillow and cry out all my pain and frustration. I cry until exhaustion sweeps over me and I’m pulled under, knowing I will wake up and live out another lonely day.