Hannah sat on the park bench, watching the ducks in the pond, laughing as the momma led her babies around like it was a fourth of July parade, all ten of them in a row.
She broke off some of the sandwich she’d brought with her and threw it to some greedy looking pigeons.
She’d been coming to this park at least once a week for the last ten years, sometimes to think over a problem, other times to let her temper cool down if someone had pissed her off too badly. It was like a haven for her.
Situated in the middle of a block of houses, it was a lovely place of calm and tranquillity, right in the heart of London, only accessible to people who lived in the surrounding buildings.
While Hannah didn’t actually live in one of the houses, Alpha Company did own one of the properties, a house divided into three apartments which they kept for visiting staff or clients. As Danny was a director of Alpha Company, he and Hannah, like the other directors, each had a key to the gates, and in the summer, they would often take a stroll to the park to enjoy a picnic lunch.
She smiled as she remembered telling Danny that it was like the park where Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant had scaled the gates, during an infamous scene from the film Notting Hill.
Danny had huffed in indignation, telling Hannah that she’d better not compare him to ‘the wimp’ Hugh Grant, and if she thought Julia Roberts could hold a candle to his wife, she must be nuts.
Hannah sighed, enjoying the happy memory, wishing now that she’d thought to stop off at Alpha Company and drag Danny with her. He always made her smile and brightened every day.
A squawking from nearby birds had Hannah hastily throwing more bread out for them.
“Cheeky things.” She hissed. “Don’t be so greedy!”
She watched the larger birds snag the biggest pieces of bread and fly off, and quickly threw out some smaller crumbs for the little birds. She wasn’t very good at naming them, but she reckoned a couple were sparrows, another couple were chaffinches, and there was at least one robin hopping around amongst them.
“Got room for an idiot on that bench?” The man’s voice made Hannah jump, and she looked up to see JT standing over her.
“I come in peace, I promise.” He held out his hands in a defensive position. “In fact, I’m here to grovel, so, as it could take a while, I’d just as soon do it sitting down.”
Hannah scowled at him, annoyed at JT for interrupting her solitude, but more so for doing it before she’d had a chance to get her head together. She was still angry, frustrated, and mostly upset, so if he said anything to irritate her even remotely, she was likely to go off on him like a ballistic missile.
“It’s a free country.” She shrugged. If the man wanted to grovel and expected her to buy what he was selling, then he damn well better make a good show of it.
JT took off his jacket and placed it on the back of the bench, before sitting down, rolling up his shirt sleeves as he did.
“I’d forgotten how nice it is here.” He murmured, looking around the park.
There were only about half a dozen people in view, with a couple of mums and babies settled down on a blanket enjoying the sunshine, and an old couple on a bench on the other side of the pond, watching the world go by.
That would be her and Danny in a couple of decades, Hannah mused.
“Where do you want me to start?” JT said quietly. “I mean, do you want me to start with the apology? Or do you want me to build up to it, with all the reasons why I’ve acted like a complete asshole these last few days?”
Hannah huffed.
“If you think I’m gonna sit here and listen to you spout all the excuses for why you’ve acted like a complete wanker towards me, then you can think again.” Hannah shook her head. “I’m on my own time now, so I don’t have to listen to your bullshit excuses.”
She was surprised to hear JT chuckle.
“Why is it, that of all the beautiful words in the English language that the Americans haven’t already appropriated, the one you choose to pick up on from Danny’s extensive vocabulary is ‘wanker’?” He grinned at her.
“Would you prefer nob? Or tool? Maybe dick-head?” She asked innocently. “Because I think you’ve qualified for all of them this week.”
“Fair comment.” JT nodded. “I probably deserve a whole lot worse.”
Hannah didn’t respond. She figured that if JT had gotten himself into this fucked-up mess, then he could sure as hell be the one to get himself out of it.
“Have you ever tried to figure out a problem, latched onto the first thing that came into your mind, and then allowed it to overshadow everything else? Even the things that were way more important?” He asked after a few moments.
Hannah immediately thought of all the times she’d been trying to do twelve things at once during a mission. Many a time she’d had to prioritise things, in the full knowledge that lives were at stake.
“No.” She answered bluntly. “I weigh up all the facts before I take any action or make a decision. That way people don’t die on my watch.”
She could feel JT turn and stare at her, weighing up whether she was serious or not.
Finally, realising she was dead serious, he sighed.
“I guess that’s true.” He admitted. “You have the most clinical, rational thought process of anyone I’ve ever met, which is probably why we’re all still alive to talk about it.”
Hannah didn’t respond. She guessed that JT was trying to get to the point, but in typical JT fashion, had decided to take the scenic route to get there.
“The thing is, I guess we both know that my mind isn’t nearly as analytical as yours. And obviously, I do get caught up focussing on one point when I should be seeing the bigger picture.” JT continued. “Logan being a case in point.”
Hannah wanted to snort and mutter ‘Ya think?’, but wisely kept her mouth shut. JT obviously needed to explain this his own way, in his own good time.
“As soon as you came to me about Logan, and his attitude towards Nikita Federova, I had a feeling I knew what was behind it.” JT admitted. “Before he came to work for Alpha Company, I did a background check on him, and with his permission, I spoke to his former commanding officer, a guy I’ve known for more than fifteen years. His CO told me about several missions Logan had been on that had gone to shit, and where men he’d fought alongside for years had been killed. He’d had a tough time, and one particularly bloody mission that would be enough to give anyone nightmares.”
“So, Logan does have PTSD.” Hannah clarified.
“Yes, he does. But most of us do, in one form or another, anywhere on the scale from mild to severe.” JT explained. “Very few people come out of places like Iraq and Afghanistan unscathed, physically or mentally. You should know that just from the Alpha Company family.”
“Of course, I do.” Hannah insisted. “And I shouldn’t have to point out to you that PTSD isn’t just a military issue. I could probably write a book on it, just based on my own personal experiences.”
JT turned to stare down at her.
“I totally understand that, Hannah, and I wasn’t trying to say that PTSD is solely the domain of the military.” JT soothed. “But for some people it’s easier to talk about and ask for help, and for others it takes longer or never happens. But rightly or wrongly, when you raised the issue of Logan’s ability to do the job because of his PTSD, I guess it raised my protective side, wanting to look after my men. I genuinely didn’t feel like it was going to be a problem, so I was prepared to go to battle for my guy.”
“I think that’s part of why I was so hurt.” Hannah admitted, not taking her eyes off the ducklings. “After everything we’ve been through together, all the operations where we’ve worked side by side, and the fact that we’ve been like family for more than a decade, you still threw my feelings under a bus to protect a guy you’ve known precisely five minutes.”
“The information wasn’t just given to me by Logan, Hannah. I didn’t feel it was right to share it with you, as without the detail of the mission, which I couldn’t share because it’s classified, nobody without a military background would understand it.” JT explained. “Obviously, it was different with Drew, as his military history meant he would understand the situation without Logan having to go into too much detail.”
Hannah sat quietly, trying to process JT’s explanation.
“You said that my taking Logan’s side was part of the reason why you were hurt.” JT turned his body so that he was sitting facing her. “Tell me the rest.”
Hannah could feel her face heat up. How did she begin to explain how he’d made her feel worthless?
“When I started with Alpha Company, I was your assistant. You gave me little jobs to do that a five-year-old could do in their sleep.” She pointed out. “You referred to me as your protégé.”
JT snorted.
“Yeah, that lasted all of five minutes before you blew me out of the water and took over the running of the IT department.” He chuckled. “You took us from having adequate IT security capability to having some of the best security-related technology in the world.”
Hannah nodded. Well, it was true, so no point being modest about it.
“What’s my job title, JT?” She asked, the question simple, but obviously confusing for JT who frowned at her.
“Your title?” He repeated. “I thought it was the Queen of Badass.”
Hannah struggled to raise a smile.
“I meant my actual job, JT. What is it I do at Alpha Company?” She pressed. “I mean, you’re the CEO, Luke is Chief Finance Officer, Tony is head of HR, Danny is Contracts Director, Claire is your secretary… You all have job titles that define your role. Am I still your assistant? Is that still my job title?”
“Does it matter what your job title is?” JT teased. “It would be tough to include all the things you do in one job title that would fit on a name-plate for your office door.”
“It matters to me.” Hannah could feel the tears welling in the back of her eyes and tried hard not to sniff. “Because when you were telling me why you couldn’t share Logan’s information, you said it was because you couldn’t share information on one employee with another employee. Like that’s all I am… just another employee. That hurt like a bitch, let me tell you.”
“Hannah…” JT put his hand out to console her, but Hannah wasn’t in the mood to be consoled. She stood up and started pacing in front of the bench.
“No, JT. Look, I’ve never been interested in status, and goodness knows I don’t do it for the money, or I’d have asked for a pay rise long ago.” She sniffed and rubbed the tears from her cheeks. “But I’d like to think I was valued for what I did, and that I was worth more to the company than someone who just walked in off the street.”
“Ok, I think we’ve worked our way around to that apology now.” JT stood up. “Hannah, I didn’t mean any of it. I was just spouting bullshit to stop me from having to explain what was going on with Logan. If what I said hurt you, and it obviously hurt you deeply, then from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry, Hannah. I was stupid, and thoughtless, and had my priorities totally wrong. I’ll do whatever it takes to convince you of my sincerity, since hurting you is as painful to me as if I’d hurt Alice or the kids. I genuinely hope you can find it in you to forgive me, but I totally understand if you need to take some time about it.”
The tears wouldn’t stop flowing now, and Hannah felt JT’s arms go around her shoulders as he pulled her into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He whispered into her hair. “I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to protect one of my men and managing to fuck everything else up in the process.”
Hannah could see how badly he’d been stuck in the middle of a bad situation, but she wasn’t entirely ready to offer forgiveness yet.
“Hang on a minute.” JT stepped back and held her at arm’s length.
Hannah stared up at him, confused.
“You said that if you’d been in it for the money, you’d have asked for a pay rise long ago.” He pointed out. “When was the last time you had a pay rise?”
Hannah shook her head.
“Never.” She admitted.
“What?” JT jumped back like she’d slapped him. “You’ve never had a pay rise? Not once since you’ve worked at Alpha? How the hell has that happened? You’re supposed to have a pay review every year!”
Hannah shook her head.
“I don’t need the money, JT. Danny makes more than enough, and I have the money my mom gave me when I turned twenty-one, if I ever need anything big.” Hannah explained.
“Fuck me!” JT exhaled slowly. “What do you earn?”
“A little over thirty grand a year.” She admitted.
“Oh, for the love of….!” He hissed. “Do you remember when you started working for us, you were put on a starter wage for six months, until we saw how well you got on? It was only ever supposed to be a temporary pay rate.”
“I vaguely remember something. But everything happened so fast, with Danny and I getting together and the kidnapping and everything else, the time never seemed right to bring it up.” She admitted. “And then, I guess, I put it out of my head as I loved what I was doing so much. Besides, you already pay me to license the software I invented. It didn’t seem right to demand a pay rise when I was already getting money for that.”
“Jesus, Hannah! We pay you a fraction of what anyone else would pay you.” JT ran his fingers through his hair in agitation. “No wonder you so easily felt unappreciated.”
“I don’t need the money, JT.” Hannah insisted.
“No, but you’re going to get it, whether you like it or not!” JT barked. “And as for a job title, you won’t need one for Alpha Company for a little while, as if you’ll take back your resignation, which I sincerely hope you will, you’ll only need the one we use for the Guardians.”
“Oh, yeah? And what’s that? Gofer?” Hannah scoffed, still wiping the moisture from her eyes.
“Well, after my conversation with David earlier, when he made it abundantly clear to me that you are the most important Guardian of us all, I reckon Senior Director of Operations sounds about right.” JT smiled. “What do you think?”
Hannah’s mouth opened in surprise.
“And what does that make you?” She gasped.
“Hannah’s Assistant?” JT suggested, with a grin.
Hannah snorted a laugh.
Director of anything sounded good. Senior Director sounded even better.
“I guess I could live with that.” She nodded.
“Thank God for that!” JT laughed. “And for what it’s worth, when we get back to the office, I’m going to speak to Logan, and tell him to discuss his PTSD with you. He has to satisfy you that he’s capable and stable enough to go on the mission. If he doesn’t want to, that’s his choice, but he’s off the team.”
Hannah felt the tears reappearing.
“Thank you. I only ever wanted peace of mind that the team was going to be as safe as we can make them.” She whispered.
“You’ll get it.” JT assured her. “And then, I’m going to see Luke, and I’m going to get him to work out what we owe you for the last ten years, taking into consideration all the things you’ve done for Alpha Company.”
“JT, that’s not necessary, really.” She protested.
“Hannah, it really is.” JT insisted. “To be honest, your annual salary should have been in seven figures long ago, what with productivity bonuses and the like. We need to put this right.”
“But you’ll bankrupt the company if you pay me such a stupid amount of money.” She argued.
“On the contrary, the company can more than afford to pay you what you’re due, and that’s in no small part down to you.” JT smiled. “So, will you stop bloody arguing. It’s a done deal!”
Hannah closed her mouth to shut off any further protests.
Well, that wasn’t the way she’d expected the conversation to go when JT had sat down, but she had to give him credit.
He was damn good at apologising!