Animate Me / Chapter Seventeen / Magic Jeans

“I was hiding under your porch because I love you.” ~Dug, from Pixar’s “Up”

“So you’re trying on a ‘cute’ outfit at this Fred place?” I ask as we turn onto Melrose Avenue. “’Cause if they have dressy yoga pants, that’d be my suggestion.” I grin, and as I glance over, I see she’s grinning too.

“Hmmm, maybe they have some stretchy black velvet ones,” she teases.

“Yeah, fancy ones like that. Now, we’re talking,” I agree.

“Well, my personal shopper picked a few things so we shall have to wait and see.”

“Personal shopper? What does that mean?”

“If left to my own devices, I would wear jeans and hoodies everywhere. So Arnauld has this woman who works at Fred Segal’s put things together for me. It annoyed me at first, but I have to admit that it saves me time because I don’t like shopping for clothes much.”

Svengali Arnold strikes again.

“Well, that makes two of us,” I agree. “My idea of clothes shopping is stuffing a few things in my cart at Target on the way to the video game aisle.”

“So is that why you looked so thrilled about this outing when I first asked?”

“Well, let’s just say I can think of other ways I’d rather spend our time together, but I’ll get through it.”

• • •

“What do you think?” Brooke asks as the salesman holds up a pair of men’s jeans with really narrow legs. I’d be very irritated with how close this guy is standing to Brooke, but when we approached his area he was practically grabbing another guy’s butt, so I’m not overly concerned. Besides he spent a little too much time assessing my body to figure out what style and size would work on me, so I’m pretty sure he’s pitching for the other team.

I’m having trouble focusing because there are so many distractions here in Fred’s collection of individual boutiques. To start with, our salesperson’s name in this one is not Joe or Bill or Dave, but Ransom. What the hell, kidnapper dude? I really wish he was out somewhere on a casting call rather than trying to help Brooke make me hip.

I turn back towards her to see that she’s holding up a tiny pair of jeans.

“Is that one of those pairs of skinny jeans? Seriously, I get claustrophobic just looking at them. I may as well just wear tights and go for the superhero look.”

Brooke makes a face at me.

The salesman, who confuses me again by being the straightest looking gay guy, gives a wry smile. “I don’t blame you. They’re a bit restrictive. I don’t care how stretchy the fabric is.” He reaches for another style and checks the tag for sizing. “What about these? They have a great fit. They’re True Religion.”

“Holy jeans? Well, that’s a new concept. But they’re still too small looking.”

“You always wear your jeans baggy, Nathan,” Brooke says. “This is a chance to try something new. Besides, they’ll show off your great butt.”

Great butt? She really likes my butt! I can’t help smiling.

The salesperson nods with conviction, and I pretend I don’t notice. He also hands me a dress shirt to try on.

“Okay, I’ll try them on for you, Brooke.”

When I tentatively step out of the dressing room I can tell by their expressions that they’re pleased. I’m not sure about the fancy looking shirt with colorful stripes and this freaky print with weird little shapes lining the collar and cuffs.

“Why are there amoebas on this fabric?” I ask, showing her the cuffs. “It looks like something under a microscope.”

“Those are paisleys.” She laughs. “You weren’t joking about not being into fashion.”

“You can say that again,” I say to Brooke. At least she looks pleased…actually, really pleased. Her expression makes me think she’d like to join me in the dressing room for some fun. Well?” I ask holding out my arms. “Is this what you had in mind?”

Ransom lifts his hand and makes a motion. “Turn,” he says. As I pivot and am halfway around, he stops me and lifts up the bottom of my shirt. “Perfect fit,” he concludes.

I’m guessing my butt looks great.

“Yes,” Brooke agrees with a heavy sigh. “You look so handsome, Nathan. None of the girls will be able to resist you tonight.”

Great, the girls won’t be able to resist me. What about you Brooke?

My nerves are completely frayed. I have no idea what’s really going on.

“Okay, we’re done.” I say to Ransom. “I’ll take them.”

He nods briskly as I head back to the dressing room. I don’t even care at this point what this will cost me, I just need to get out of here and away from Fred’s shrine to fashion. If Brooke keeps admiring me I’m going to pull her into the dressing room so we can make out, and send all the over-priced jeans hanging around us tumbling to the floor.

Luckily Brooke’s shopping seems less traumatic for her than my experience. She refuses to let me see what she tries on, so her personal shopper, Noelle, sends me to the gift boutique where they have an eclectic selection of art and design books to occupy me. But as I notice her enter the gift shop to find me, it’s evident that she wasn’t in the dressing room too long before she picked something out. Nothing better than a decisive woman, I think to myself.

“Can I buy you lunch?” She asks coming up alongside me as I flip through a book about deviant art.

I turn and smile at her, relieved that the earlier heaviness has lifted. I put the book back on the shelf and linking her arm through mine, she pulls me to the café in the next area. We set our bags alongside the table, open the menus, and get situated. As soon as we’re settled, I turn towards her.

“Can I hold your hand?” I say.

She smiles softly at me, and I feel her hand graze my thigh under the table until it finds mine. Her fingers curl into my hand and I gently rub my thumb across her soft skin. I feel instantly calmer, happier.

The waiter comes up and I’m grateful to be able to order a burger, even if it is infused with pesto. Brooke orders one of those girly salads and despite the distraction, doesn’t let go of my grasp. I study her face and the way her lips turn up when I gently squeeze her hand.

“Brooke, can I ask you something?”

She nods at me, wide eyed.

“Is it really important to you how I dress?” I point at the bag with my purchases. “’Cause no matter what I wear, it’s still me inside. You know I don’t care about clothes and stuff like that.”

She looks surprised by my declaration. “I’m not trying to change you, if that’s what you think,” she replies. “You just never seem to understand how attractive you are. I thought maybe wearing something special tonight would make you feel good. You were so confident at the Emmys in your tux.”

“Screw the clothes. What makes me feel good is when you look at me the way you did that night, and just now when I stepped out of the dressing room.”

She tips her head, considering what I’ve said and a look of worry shadows her expression. “I should be more careful. It’s just hard for me to hide my attraction to you.”

“But I liked the way you looked at me, it made me feel wanted…it felt good,” I argue.

“But I was going to start controlling myself. Until I get my situation straightened out, my attraction to you and our physical relationship just confuses everything.” She gently eases her hand out of mine and places it on the table, then fiddles nervously with the silverware.

I feel frustration fire up in me. I know this is Arnold’s influence. “But I don’t want you to stop being with me.”

She looks down nervously and takes a sip of water as I persist with my point.

“Remember when our friendship got off track and you wanted to stop touching me before? I couldn’t stand not seeing and being close to you and you missed me too…didn’t you?”

She nods solemnly.

“Well, that just didn’t work, and it won’t now either,” I insist.

I can’t resist asking the obvious. The timing of her new reticence about us immediately followed her getaway trip. “Is all of this because of Arnold? Did he say something to you while you were in Santa Barbara?”

“Yes,” she admits, her expression getting very dark.

“And…”

“Nathan, listen to me. I’m trying to work some things out and you can’t be in the middle of it. But meanwhile you need to stay as far away from Arnauld as possible. Promise me.”

“I wish you’d tell me everything and let me help you. I’m not afraid of him.”

“Well, you should be.”

“What’s he holding over you Brooke because frankly I don’t understand why you’re with him at all? What aren’t you telling me? Did you even want to go to Santa Barbara?”

“No, and I should’ve refused. We ended up arguing most of the time.”

“So it wasn’t romantic?”

“Hardly,” she huffs.

“You know Nathan, the honest truth is that since we’ve met, all I’ve done is distract you and pull you into my mess with Arnauld. Here things were moving along with you and Dani and suddenly I’m the one you’re spending time with, opening up sexually with. I’m comfortable for you, an older woman involved with another guy, showing you the ropes. But I’m not the type of girl you really want, the kind of girl who’d be good for you.”

I’m stuck on the idea that she thinks she’s just a distraction. I look at her bewildered.

“And as this progresses, I’m doing things without thinking of the ramifications for both of us. Ever since we made love, all I can do is think about when we will do it again. I swear, I wanted to follow you into that dressing room earlier. For goodness sake, I was thinking about you the entire time I was in Santa Barbara.”

I can’t even feel the thrill of her declaration because of the question lingering in my mind. “Did you tell Arnold that we slept together?”

“No, I just couldn’t. Honestly, the way things were going, I was afraid to.”

I look down, twisting the napkin in my lap. Everything is so simple to me; I love Brooke and she should be with me. But as everyone in my life points out, I need to not pressure her, because for Brooke, this is very complicated.

“Arnauld has also accused me of losing my edge at work. I really need to get my shit together.”

She looks stressed and it makes my heart heavy. I want to hold her and make it all go away, but I fear it will only make things worse.

“Can I ask you one thing, Brooke?” I say.

She nods, her eyes sad.

“Why are you so sure you’re not the right kind of girl for me? You’ve got to understand how much I care about you.”

“Because I know you Nathan, you want a girl, one special girl to split that little foil packet of Pop Tarts with. You want a nice, sweet girl who will always be by your side—a solid relationship like your parents have…a marriage and kids, who hopefully like cartoons more than soccer.”

“Am I that transparent?” I ask.

“You’re wonderfully transparent and so sincere. It’s one of the things I love most about you.” She smiles tenderly. “But you have to know, I’ve never been that kind of girl. I’ve never had a good relationship, and I’m not sure I’d even know how. Also, I’m so into my career I’d probably make a terrible mother, and besides, I’m selfish.”

“No, you’re not, Brooke,” I insist, refusing to let her say that about herself.

“If I weren’t selfish, Nathan, I wouldn’t have dragged you into my mess.”

I realize in that moment that I believe in Brooke more than she believes in herself. I want to shake her and make her see that these feelings she has for me are all sign posts pointing to the road she should head down…the road that I’m waiting for her on. But she isn’t ready yet—I’m not so completely dense not to see this. I need to calm and placate her and try to buy more time.

“What do you want from me, Brooke? Just tell me.”

She looks at me with a twisted expression somewhat like gratitude, mixed with discomfort.

“Arnauld told me that you’re taking Dani to the party tonight.”

“How the hell did he know that?”

“He has his ways. He seems to know quite a bit about you and Dani.”

“What does he say he knows? Nothing has happened between us. He’s just messing with you because he knows I care about you too much.”

Brooke suddenly looks very tired and defeated. Something’s really weighing on her and I wish she’d tell me what it is.

“Will you just really try to have a good time with Dani tonight? Focus on her. Give her all your attention.”

My heart drops but I’m not surprised. Perhaps she thinks it will solve something if Dani and I actually get together, but I know it won’t because it’s never going to happen. I decide to lighten things up because I sense she isn’t going to tell me anything more today and she looks so defeated. “But I’m going to still talk to you tonight.” I insist. “I want you to show me your new fancy yoga pants.”

She smiles and shakes her head. “Oh, Nathan…”

The only thing I know when we finally finish lunch and get up to leave, is that tonight is going to be a test of not just my acting abilities, but my self-restraint as well. When I see Brooke on Arnold’s arm, it’s going to take everything I have not to go mad.

• • •

“Who are you, and what’d you do with my Nathan?” Dani exclaims after she sees me at her door.

“Very funny, Dani. Can you just let me in, or do you want to humiliate me a bit more first?”

“No, that was enough,” she asserts, opening her door wider.

“What?” I ask, getting irritated with her gaping mouth.

“It is pretty amazing how much you’ve changed. I wasn’t kidding about barely recognizing you. You’re kind of hunky now.”

“Hunky?” That is a word I was certain would never, ever be attached to me. I don’t even know how to process that idea in my geek brain.

“Yeah, and where did you get that outfit? Cause I know for a fact that they don’t sell Cavalli at Target.”

“Brooke took me to that Fred Segal’s place today.” I state matter-of-factly.

“You were shopping at Fred-fucking-Segal’s?” she exclaims.

Clearly that has significant meaning to people of the fashion persuasion.

“Yup,” I admit.

“Damn,” she grumbles. “I wish Nick loved me the way you love Brooke. You’d do anything for that woman.”

I let out a long, sigh. “Yes, I would.”

Looking at her sad expression, and knowing what I know about Nick, I can’t help but encourage her.

“Don’t be so sure Nick doesn’t feel that way too, Dani. You just have to give him a chance to show you.”

When we walk into the Palace, for a moment I forget that I’m a geek. To an outsider it could almost look like I’m a hip guy out with a hot girl, the night lying before me ripe with the promise of plenty of booze and hot sex. But when I trip on the way in, I am reminded to both myself, and the entire nightclub crowd, who I really am. You can wrap a package any way you want, but that doesn’t change what’s inside.

I pause to gather myself before we move into the main room for the party. I can’t shake the weight of worry knowing what’s at stake tonight. Frankly it’s a relief that Dani is searching to spot Nick as hard as I am looking for Brooke. She finds him first, and grabs onto my arm. His angry eyes pierce through me as he watches us walk in. Since he and Dani started talking again he seems to have lost his tolerance for seeing us together. But Dani isn’t going to stop this game until she’s at least kicked a field goal.

“Come on, Nathan,” Dani says, pulling on my hand. “Let’s go get a drink.”

Most of the Beaver gang is here already, huddled around a table close to the bar. It’s weird to see everyone all dressed up and in a party mode. Despite his threats of wearing a dirty T-shirt, even Andy’s wearing a relatively unwrinkled button-down shirt with no stains. Although I’m pretty sure there will be stains by the end of the evening.

Joel seems particularly animated this evening. He’s brought an outside girl with him and he introduces her as his new girlfriend, Laura. Who knew? Joel is quite taken with this new girl who is Japanese with long black hair and a beautiful face. She seems to have a nice low-key demeanor, which is a good balance to his frenetic energy.

Laura tells Dani that she works at a doctor’s office and met Joel while taking his blood. He almost passed out and she had to tend to him.

“With extra-special care,” he explains, smiling as he wraps his arm around her waist. She smiles at him in response.

How romantic. Only Joel could hit on a girl while she’s draining him of his life force. But regardless, it’s rare we have non-toon people penetrate our covert little world so she adds some intrigue to the evening.

Despite my wandering eye, I still haven’t spotted Brooke and her absence unsettles me. Shouldn’t she be here already? Maybe Mojo has kidnapped her again and is sucking out her life force like he tried to do in Santa Barbara. Next time I see her she may be a zombie, devoid of any traces of the girl I fell in love with.

Unnerved, I push my way up to the bar to get my much-needed second beer. This is going to be a very long night.

I have rejoined the group with Dani’s Diet Coke, trying to ignore Nick’s glare as I hand it to her. I don’t know why the ass doesn’t just make his move with the girl he obviously loves. But then I reprimand myself: Big talk from the pussy who can’t even come clean with Brooke. I look down at the ground and try to drum up a Wayne-ism to pull me out of this funk I’m spiraling into.

But when I lift my eyes Wayne is the furthest thing from my mind. Brooke steps into the room, and she’s a vision. Never mind the fact that she’s with the monkey, her beauty outshines everyone around her. She’s wearing some very fitted black jeans, almost as good as yoga pants. Her fancy purple velvet-looking top is lower cut than I’ve seen her wear before and the long sleeves sweep down dramatically. I also notice a necklace sparkling around her neck.

Her eyes scan the crowd and when she sees me standing next to Dani her eyes flicker, and she smiles sweetly. Just when I smile back, Arnold wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her aside. Mojo fury flares up inside of me for messing up my moment. If I were Marvin the Martian, I would’ve blasted him with my x-ray gun without a second thought, leaving Brooke with far fewer complications in her life, and Arnold, a little pile of cinders on the floor.

I try to refocus on our group’s conversation as I down my beer. Andy keeps cornering the people carrying around trays of tiny food, and before we know it, we’ve eaten the equivalent of a meal. I finish off a third beer a little too quickly as I watch Brooke and Arnold work through the room.

In my overwhelmed and beer-edged stupor I notice the music get louder, and I get nervous as I see Dani start to bounce to the beat. She had her hard limits with our arrangement. Well, mine is dancing. No, just no…it’s not going to happen.

Minutes later she shimmies up close to me.

“It’s time to boogie, Nathan,” she croons.

“I can’t dance Dani,” I insist.

“I’ll teach you,” she responds, forcefully pulling me toward the dance floor. For a small thing, she’s powerful and irritatingly determined.

She leads me to the middle of the floor so the non-dancing lookie-loos won’t notice us as much. She takes my hands and then has me mimic her, stepping side to side. She’s so enthusiastic that it’s hard to stay mad and before I realize it, she’s moving our arms together so it almost looks like I’m dancing. What do you know? I guess I actually am dancing. I’m no John Travolta, but I’m still moving in sync with the pounding bass. It must be the magic, butt-hugging jeans Brooke talked me into buying.

Once I get more confident, Dani lets go of my hands and let’s loose. Damn, that girl can dance. Her sexy moves are drawing a lot of attention, most notably from Arnold and Brooke, who I suddenly realize are dancing nearby. Never one to miss an opportunity, when Dani realizes that Brooke’s watching she begins to drape and grind herself all over me.

The whole thing sets off a scene straight from an episode of Friends. Brooke starts looking territorial, which arouses me, thereby making me dance funny. Arnold reacts by doing something akin to dirty dancing with Brooke (with an astounding sense of rhythm, I might add) which of course, makes me want to kill him. Meanwhile it’s pretty clear that Nick is getting ready to strangle me. Just when things look like they’re going to implode, the DJ shakes things up, and puts on a slow, romantic song. We all stop, stunned and try to quickly regroup.

Arnold takes the lead by pulling Brooke into his arms. Dani responds by wrapping herself around me, and Nick grits his teeth. I know this isn’t going to end well. I take a deep breath, place my hands on Dani’s hips and prepare for the worst.

I feel his hand on my shoulder first. Nick pulls me away from Dani and then steps between us.

“Thanks Nathan, I’ll take over from here,” he says simply.

Dani’s eyes blaze, as he pulls her into his arms.

I pause, unsure for a moment as to what’s the right thing to do.

“I can’t take another minute of this,” he says to Dani.

She tips her head, watching him, as I stand there like an idiot.

“You belong to me, baby,” he tells Dani, loud enough for me to hear. There’s a still moment where their eyes meet and everything shifts. Even I can feel it.

“I do?” she asks softly, looking up at him. There’s so much love in her eyes.

“You always have, always will, and I’m going to do right by you this time.” He gently runs his fingers along her cheek. “I love you, Dani,” he insists.

The next thing I know they’re moving slowly, in perfect synchronicity, under the hot blue lights. They sway together for a moment before he tips his head down to kiss her. Once he does they’re lost to each other and in their own world.

It’s clear that the game is over. I can’t even panic about the fact that it’s happening here in front of everyone, I’m too overwhelmed with a strange mixture of envy, yet happiness, to see them back together.

I step away, hoping to go unnoticed, but there’s no way I’d be that lucky. When I look in the distance, I see Brooke watching Nick kiss Dani. She looks surprised, and worried at the same time.

Great. Fucking great.

She looks over at me, her concern evident, but she can’t do a thing to help me when Mojo’s arms are wrapped around her.

I stand still, as bodies move around me. I want Brooke. I need Brooke. And Brooke doesn’t belong to me.

I turn on my heel and frame by frame, I move away from a scene only a fool could animate. All I know is that I’ve earned this moment with my lies and deceit.

This script is hopelessly flawed. Stop the sequence; put your pencils down. It’s time to go back to the drawing board.

My head’s pounding as I head straight down the hall. I feel like I can’t get a breath…that if I don’t get some fresh air I just may lose it.

I push my way out the glass doors to the balcony and curl over the rail, attempting to suck in the cold night air. My mind races as I figure out my exit strategy. At this point no one will miss me anyway, and Nick will be taking Dani home. I turn to head back inside and towards the club entrance when from the corner of my eye, I see the door open.

I turn slowly. Brooke. She’s come to check on me. My heart surges to know she cares enough about me to leave his side.

She looks worried. “Are you okay?” she says softly.

“I don’t know what I am,” I answer honestly. “This is a weird night for me.”

“Do you feel bad about what happened with Dani and Nick?” she asks.

“No. I think they are meant to be together. I always did, really.”

“You did?”

I nod my head slowly. “And Nick’s a good guy.”

“He is, but you’re better, Nathan. You’re the best…I hope you know that.”

“Well, I know that you make me feel that way.”

She smiles softly but doesn’t say anything.

I take a deep breath. “I wanted to be the one with you tonight Brooke. I can’t stand to see you with Arnold.”

“Oh, Nathan…” She sounds despondent. Maybe she’s apprehensive and thinks I’m on the rebound or something.

It’s time. I’ve got to do it…

“Brooke, we need to talk. There are some things I need to tell you.”

“Okay, but this isn’t a good time or place. I just needed to make sure you’re okay. I really have to get back inside.”

I swallow hard. Maybe she really doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it if she rejects me. I just nod, as I watch her, my eyes wide and searching.

“Come on…let’s get back,” she urges.

“Actually, I’m going to leave now. I think I’ve had enough excitement for one evening. Can we get together tomorrow to talk?”

“Wait…you’re leaving now? Are you sure? You’re going to miss my speech; I think it’s next. I really want you to hear it since you helped inspire it.”

I help inspired her speech? Wow.

“Okay, yeah…I wouldn’t want to miss that. So I’ll stay for your part and then I’ll take off.”

“Okay,” she says sadly. “Hey, can I give you a hug?”

I smile and step towards her and when her arms wrap around me, everything feels better. I even feel hopeful for a moment until we are interrupted.

“Brooke.”

Arnold’s voice is dark and heavy in the cool night air. Every muscle in my body tenses.

“It’s time,” he insists.

She pulls away from me and looks into my eyes. “Come on,” she whispers.

I nod silently.

She turns and approaches Arnold, and he flashes me a dirty look over his shoulder, as they step back inside.

Before I follow, I close my eyes for a moment, and take a slow breath trying to calm myself. But when I open my eyes they’re gone, swallowed by the inky darkness of the club.

Will I go after them? Will I fight for her? Or will I give up my Brooke dream and slide back into my little life?

This decision is what it’s all come down to, as I face the harsh reality of Arnold’s hold on her. One moment Brooke is a satellite circling my heart, the next she’s lost to me in another galaxy.