Animate Me / Chapter Fifteen / A New Man

“Don’t talk to me about importance! Because of you, the future of this entire universe is in jeopardy!” ~Buzz Lightyear to Woody

My face is pressed against her neck as I try to remember who I am. Oh my God, that’s right, I’m Nathan, and I just had the best orgasm of my life. A moment later, however, I realize that I’m probably crushing the woman who put me in this blissful state.

“Brooke?” I ask, my voice heavy with concern as I regretfully lift up and move off of her. The withdrawal of my manhood from its happy new home is particularly jarring.

“Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah,” she purrs as she settles on her side, up against me.

We lie silently for a while. I’m spooning her from behind, holding her tightly, grateful that I seemed to satisfy her despite my past history. I don’t think there’s ever been a time I was more curious to know what she’s thinking. I just can’t wait any longer…I need to know. I clear my throat.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” I whisper. “Was it okay for you? Was that too hard?”

“No, it was perfect. It was all perfect.” She lets out a long sigh.

“Then why are you so quiet?”

“I’m just thinking.”

“About?” I run my fingertips lightly along her arm.

“Was it what you imagined?” she asks quietly. “Was it what you hoped for?”

“Actually a million times better,” I respond. “I can’t tell how many times I’ve dreamt of it being like this.”

“With Dani?” Her voice is soft and tender.

She knows the answer to this question. Maybe she wants to know if I’m brave enough to admit it. I take a deep breath. “No, with you,” I admit.

I can feel her body shift even though she stays quiet for a minute. I hold my breath waiting. Embarrassed, I decide to deflect the question back to her. I take a deep breath for courage before planting kisses along her shoulder. “Have you ever imagined doing that with me?” I try to stay calm despite my pounding heart; I desperately want to hear her answer.

Say yes, Brooke…say that you dream of me making love to you every single night.

“Yes, I’ve imagined it. I’ll tell you a secret,” she says softly. “Sometimes at work I want to lure you from your cubicle into a conference room. Then I imagine pushing you down into the chair at the head of that long table, undoing your jeans…”

“Yes?” I gasp, as I excitedly wait to hear the next part.

“…and then sinking to my knees and taking you in my mouth.”

I swallow hard. Whoa…in the conference room? “Well, that could be arranged,” I say.

“Would you like that?” she asks in a raspy voice.

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” I sputter, thrilled to know she’s fantasized about me too.

We continue to talk, undoubtedly both of our minds racing with the information we’ve shared. But after a few minutes the conversation shifts, I feel her soften into my embrace and then she speaks up again.

“Can I ask you something, Nathan?”

“Anything.”

“Tonight, the way you looked at me…the things you’ve said. This feels like it’s more than sexual attraction. It almost seems like you’re falling in love with me.”

For a moment I can feel the worry start to bubble up somewhere deep inside but I try to calm myself enough to respond to her.

Be brave…

“What if I am?” I say softly.

She’s so still, probably in shock. Well, I’m in shock too.

Please answer, Brooke. Say something…anything.

“You’re so important to me…but I’m so afraid to complicate things…mess this up.”

Complicate things? That sounds like a problem with a business deal. That doesn’t sound like love. My heavy heart falls.

“Everything with you is different, Nathan.”

“Different?”

“There are things I’ve never felt with anyone before. Sometimes I don’t know how to handle it, and it scares me.”

I pull her closer. I can’t help wondering how much of this is about Arnold. “Do you love him?” I ask, trying to mask the sadness in my voice.

“Arnauld?”

I can’t even speak; I just nod my head against hers.

“In the beginning I felt something I thought could have been love. But actually, now I understand that I never felt that way about him.”

Be brave…deep breath. “Do you think you could ever fall in love with me?”

There’s a long pause. I know this isn’t easy for her. I brace myself, in case her words crush me.

“I have so many feelings about you…as I said, I’m scared. I need to sort them all out. But you’ve got stuff to sort out too.”

Not really. I know my love for her is permanently etched into me, like a tattoo on my heart. But she’s still thinking of Dani and all the fiction I created while trying to build a bridge between our worlds.

It suddenly occurs to me that maybe this is too much for her…her fear of commitment may ultimately cause her to push me away. I can’t let that happen. I decide to soften the edges. I know she just needs time to get used to the idea of us.

“You won’t pull away from me, will you? I can still see you, be with you?”

“Yes, yes,” she sighs and pulls me closer. “I need you Nathan. Don’t worry, I won’t let you go.”

I skim my lips along her ear and into her hair. “Okay. Please don’t, Brooke. I need you too.”

We hold each other until the room grows brighter. She finally speaks up. “Hey, are you hungry?” She asks shifting to face me.

“Starving,” I smile, trying to keep things light.

“Pancakes?”

“Oh yeah…I’ll help.”

We tumble out of bed and pull our nightwear on before heading off to her kitchen. We’re sitting close at her breakfast table, our feet criss-crossed together.

“These are so good,” I say happily as I finish off my first stack.

She nods happily. I take a sip of coffee and look at the clock. Seven, I don’t need to be at work for another few hours. I help myself to more pancakes and settle in. It occurs to me that every morning could be like this if Brooke ever chooses me.

When we’re done I carry our dishes to the sink and start washing. She presses up behind me. “Oooo, I love a man who washes dishes.”

I press back. “I love a woman who makes me pancakes.”

“When you’re done you wanna watch cartoons?” She asks grinning.

“You need to ask? You pick. I’ll watch whatever you want.”

I can’t even imagine feeling happier than this.

When I finish the dishes we crawl back in bed, curling up together to watch Toy Story. Even though I imagine I’m more like Woody, I always root for Buzz. I love his unwavering confidence in his abilities. It almost doesn’t matter that he can’t actually fly as long as he believes he can.

When it’s finally time for me to leave, I pull on my tuxedo slacks and white undershirt, and sling my jacket and shirt over my shoulder. I look like one of those wild party boys the morning after…after he was up all night long in bed with a beautiful, sexy woman.

Hell, yes.

At the front door Brooke wraps her arms around me and I run my fingers through her hair. It kills me to leave her and the little cocoon we’ve wrapped ourselves in.

“What time are you going in?” I ask.

“I’m not sure I’m going in today,” she admits. “I might just take the day off and rest. It was a big night, you know.”

I grin. “Yeah, I’ll say. When can we talk then?”

“I’ll call you in the afternoon before you go to Starbucks.”

“I do home deliveries,” I tease.

“I’m sure you do,” she teases back as she opens the door. She leans into me and kisses me. “Thank you.”

“Please don’t thank me. Last night my whole life changed. You gave me an experience I was starting to think I’d never have. So if anyone is going to be giving thanks it’s me.”

She smiles shyly, takes my face in her hands and kisses me once more.

I regretfully move away from her, towards my car. But despite my reluctance to leave her, I’m energized knowing I’m a new man as I walk out the gate, a better man than I was when I entered just over twelve hours ago. And it’s all because of Brooke.

• • •

With everything on my mind, I’ve forgotten about my new haircut. Combined with my new glasses, my look is definitely different. But I’m reminded of this fact, as I pass the check-in desk in the lobby of Sketch Republic. The receptionist’s eyes widen and her mouth falls open as I walk past.

Honestly, it’s rather unnerving and I fear the worst when I finally face my gang. Unfortunately my trepidation was not unfounded.

“Ooooo look who got cleaned up for the Emmys,” Andy drawls as I turn the corner into production.

“You wish you could look this good, doofus,” I shoot back.

“Preet-taaay!” howls Joel.

Damn.

Genna peeks out of her cubical. “Wow, Nathan. You look really great with that haircut. I love the hot glasses too.”

I blush. “Thanks Genna.”

Just then Nick steps out of the break room and eyes me warily.

“Hey, Nick.”

He folds his arms over his chest. “How was the big night?”

If he only knew. “Oh, the Emmys were all right I guess, if you like that sort of thing.”

“New haircut, new glasses…it looks like you’re trying to impress someone. Am I right?”

I can’t imagine why he looks worried about me. With his piercing blue eyes and longer, wavy blonde hair he’s always been the golden boy here with the ladies. His handsome looks and charming personality insured that he could have had almost any girl in this building.

“I didn’t want to embarrass Brooke. I had to do something.”

“Hmmm,” he responds before he turns away. Maybe he and Dani haven’t made up yet. He still doesn’t seem to trust me. I guess I was less of a threat when I looked like a weirdo.

As I watch him walk away I realize that if this is the worst of the fallout from my makeover, then I can handle it. I’m sure there will be some caricatures down the road, but how bad can they be?

When I get to my cube I realize that my cell phone is still turned off and when I check it I see that there is a call from Dad’s lawyer. I listen to my voicemail and am surprised to hear that Sharper Edge Comics sent over a proposal Friday. They must really be ready to move on our deal. He asks me to call and discuss details after lunch. I smile to myself. Everything is looking up.

At noon a bunch of us head over to Subway. I lag behind to walk with Dani whose spirits seem a little low.

“You okay?” I ask.

“I guess,” she replies, looking down and picking at her blue nail polish.

“Nick?”

She makes a face. “I don’t think he wants me, Nathan. When he took me home from the get together he didn’t even kiss me and come inside.”

“Did you ask him to come in?”

She grins. “Yes, as seductively as I know how.” But then her expression falls. “He must be over me. He’s probably into someone else now.”

“No. He would have told me that.” I say with conviction. “He wants to be with you. I think he’s just afraid that it may not work out again.”

“Yeah, well to hell with that! Why is everyone so goddamned afraid? Sorry, but I’m getting really tired of pussy men who don’t just say what they want and go for it. The bottom line is that women need to know they’re wanted.”

Could it really be as simple as Dani says it is?

Just then we reach Subway, and I pause before I pull the door open for her. “Shall I tell Nick that?” I ask as I try to imagine what Brooke would say to all of this.

“Be my guest,” she says, looking determined. “He only has so many more chances before this ship sails.” I’m not sure if she actually means that. With the smile she gives me, it’s hard to say for sure.

Women can be such a mystery.

• • •

I call the lawyer, Walter, right after lunch and go over the proposal. I’d already prepped him with my insistence of holding onto my character rights. I agree however to give them exclusive publishing rights for three years and their production company first look for any television or film deals. All of that sounds ridiculous to discuss at this point, but Walter insists that it must be determined up front or we’ll regret it later. By the time we get off the phone I can’t imagine this deal getting settled, but it’s certainly worth a try.

At three-thirty I get a text from Brooke.

No coffee for me today handsome, I’m still in bed.

Handsome? I grin ear to ear and text her back. No special delivery?

That’s very tempting, but I’m sure you should be at work.

Well, Joel is waiting to see this scene :- (

Yes, you be good. There will be other times to be bad :-)

Okay, rain check then?

Yes, and I’ll call you tonight. xoB

My heart soars as I sign off, so happy that she not only remembered to contact me but she flirted with me as well. My bliss lasts for a solid hour until it is shattered with a phone call from the ice princess, Alana, Arnold’s assistant.

“Arnauld wants to see you right now.”

“Now?” I question. “I’m supposed to meet with Joel to go over my scene.”

“Do I really need to repeat myself? Arnauld wants to see you now.”

“Okay, I’ll be right up.”

“Hurry,” she snaps before hanging up.

So many emotions surge through me as I ride up the elevator that I’m sure I’m flushed by the time I reach Alana’s desk.

“He’s waiting,” she hisses. “Go right in.”

This is bullshit. I’m not going to let him intimidate me.

I half step into the royal chambers. “You wanted to see me?”

He gives me the Arnold glare. Who does he think he is, Lex Luthor? Hey, he sort of looks like him, now that I think of it.

He flicks his wrist and points to one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Sit,” he commands.

So now I’m a dog. Careful Arnold, I may bite.

I fold my arms over my chest as I sit down. “What’s up?”

He shifts in his seat and the door magically closes behind me, just like it did my last visit here.

“How’d you do that? I ask pointing to the door.

He ignores my question. So I lean over to peer under his desk and notice a foot pedal not far from his fancy shoes. Ah…so he is the Wizard in his own little Oz, pretending he has magic powers but in reality it’s smoke and mirrors.

“What’d you do to her?” He growls and I sit up quickly.

What the hell? “What do you mean, what’d I do to her? Is something wrong with Brooke?”

He studies me carefully, and I’m getting the makeover stare. He narrows his eyes. It’s ironic that he doesn’t seem to like the change with my haircut and new glasses since he’s the one who prompted it.

He finally speaks up. “She’s not coming in today, and she never misses work.”

“I didn’t do anything to her,” I state firmly. “She just seemed really tired when I left. That was a big, stressful night for her. She was nervous.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Well you sound like quite the expert on Brooke’s feelings. You better not be fucking with me, Evans.”

He knows my last name.

“Have you talked to her?” I boldly ask.

“Of course I’ve talked to her. We’re having dinner tonight. I’ll find out then what you aren’t telling me.”

I sit quietly and wonder if Brooke will tell him everything. How does an open relationship work exactly?

“You didn’t try anything with her, did you?”

Screw you, hairy back. I’m not giving him anything. I want to protect Brooke.

“Would it matter if I did? As you pointed out before, I’m a total dweeb. She’d never want to be with me. So what are you worried about? Who am I compared to you…the president of this company?”

He eyes me suspiciously and flips his computer screen toward me. “Explain this.”

I study a picture that was taken of Brooke and me right before we went inside for the show. She’s so beautiful and I’m frankly stunned to realize how good we look together. I want a copy of this: first so I always have proof that it happened, and secondly so I can frame it for my bedside table.

Yet on the other hand, I can’t get past the fact that it’s creepy that Arnold tracked the picture down and has been studying it. I guess the way Brooke and I are gazing at each other with adoration doesn’t help the situation.

Wow. We really look like a couple in love. Worried, I try to play it off cool. “What about it? That’s right before we went into the auditorium for the show.”

“What the fuck is she doing in that dress? That isn’t the one I picked out for her.”

“You’re really asking me why she’s wearing that dress? Shouldn’t you ask her that?”

“Oh, you can bet I will,” he glowers.

I lean in towards his screen. I know I shouldn’t but I open my mouth anyway. I just can’t resist.

“What the problem anyway? I think she looks really great.”

I get the death glare again. He’s really good at that.

“You know Evans, a good friend of mine was at the Emmys and he didn’t like the way you were looking at Brooke.”

“What did he mean by that?”

“He said you looked like you wanted her,” he states, an ugly edge to his voice.

I don’t like any of this. I can’t let him intimidate me. “Really, like I want her? All that in a look that he observed at a big packed event?”

“I just want you to know that I’m watching you. Every move you make. I know you’ve been Brooke’s cute little project, and she loves your computer help, and how you bring her coffee every afternoon. But bottom line—you’re distracting her. I don’t like it, and if I decide to, I will stop all of it.”

My stomach drops. “Stop it?”

“I don’t want Brooke distracted. I need her focused. So just be aware that you’ve been warned. Time to make other plans for your Starbucks playtime.”

“But…” I start.

“That’s it.” He says abruptly, cutting me off. “Get back to work.”

I rise with hesitancy. I want the last word, but I know I can’t have it. He has control right now over the two greatest passions in my life, Brooke and my work. He can easily crush me. So as I stagger out of his lush office and back down to my crappy cubicle I vow that somehow, someway I will change things so Arnold no longer holds in his grubby hands all that I consider most precious. I have to figure out how to protect the two parts of my life I know without a doubt that I can’t live without.

Thirty minutes later I’m still flip-flopping my cell phone back and forth across my desk as I draw. I still have five drawings to do before I leave and my focus is completely shot. Maybe I need to call Brooke and tell her what Arnold said. Maybe I shouldn’t. I would rather do it in person, but she’s seeing Arnold tonight…there is no time. Maybe, maybe…I agonize until I can’t take another moment, and I pick up the phone and tap on her name.

“Ha, you caught me! I’m watching more animation!” She laughs.

I smile, despite my inner agony. God, I love that girl.

“What are you watching?” I ask.

“Despicable Me. Have you seen it? It’s really good.”

“No, but I’ve been meaning to. You’ll have to loan it to me. What’s it about?”

“It’s about a really bad guy, who becomes good and does the right thing.”

I think of Arnold. If only life were more like cartoons: we could drop anvils on people’s heads, wear roller skates with rockets, and really bad guys, like Arnold, could magically become good.

“If only…” I moan.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

My fingers grip around the phone. “Arnold called me into his office.”

“Why? What did he want?”

My mind races…how do I explain how testosterone fires up a Neanderthal when another caveman wants his woman?

I decide to underplay it so she doesn’t worry, but at least knows he talked to me. I don’t want her surprised in case he brings it up at their fucking dinner.

“I think he just wanted to know how things went at the Emmys.”

“Really?” she asks, sounding suspicious.

“I don’t think he cares for me much. He didn’t seem to like my haircut either.”

“I’m sure he didn’t,” she scoffs. “He doesn’t tend to like guys who are better looking than him.”

How does she do this to me? I’m unsettled, and she still makes my spirits soar. She thinks I’m better looking than Arnold, who I know is considered very handsome.

She falls quiet again.

“What Brooke?”

“It’s just weird, why didn’t he wait to ask me? We’re having dinner tonight. I’m curious if he’ll mention talking to you.”

“Are you going to tell him about last night?” Please say no, please say no. I know if she does it’s all over.

“Well, we normally tell each other everything…no details, just the general idea. But I need to see what he’s up to first. I’m not sure what I’ll do.”

This time I get quiet.

“Nathan?”

I don’t answer, the fear choking me, taking my breath and words away.

“Nathan,” she says softly. “I know this looks bad to you, but I’m not going to let Arnauld tell me what to do. If he doesn’t like it, that’s his problem.”

“But you warned me. You told me it’s complicated.”

“Yes, I did. But if it were so easy, how worthwhile would that be? I thought about you a lot today. Do you believe in me?”

“So much, Brooke…so much.”

“Good… then I want a Buzz Lightyear drawing on my cup tomorrow. Okay?”

I smile while my heart thunders, and I imagine she can hear that too. “Okay.”

But when we say our goodbyes and I hang up, I curl over my desk as my fear flares, a burning torch on a dark desolate street. Only hours ago I finally held all my dreams in my arms…I just can’t lose her now.