Remi had always loved his job. Yeah, there were days it tore his heart out and shifts that dragged for hours. This also wasn’t the first time things had been a bit tense with Travis. But on the whole, Remi counted himself fortunate that he was lucky enough to look forward to heading into work.

For the first time in a long time, however, he’d been a bit reluctant this morning. And the reason why scared him a little.

He and Kris had spent the last couple of days going through all the possibilities for expanding the bar’s mission statement in preparation for his meeting with PJ tomorrow. The guy was kind of an ass and had been wary to schedule anything. But Kris had firmly insisted it was in the bar’s best interests and eventually gotten a time locked down.

Remi was proud of him. But it had come as a bit of a shock when he’d felt a slight pang leaving him on Wednesday morning. They pretty much hung out all the time now when Remi wasn’t at the firehouse.

And yet Remi still hadn’t come out to him.

Which was crazy. Because now when they talked about ideas for all these LGBT groups and clubs and activities, they just said ‘we’ all the time. Like it was both their community. Because it was. Kris just didn’t know that yet.

What was Remi so afraid of? Was it rejection still? That didn’t really fly. Kris talked about all kinds of queer people with the same amount of respect. Perhaps it was because he was kind of a girly guy himself. Fem, Remi thought he’d called it. Gender obviously wasn’t a clear-cut thing to him, not like it was to people like Remi’s dad.

Yesterday he’d said neither gender nor sexuality were as binary as people liked to make out. Remi had asked him to explain a bit more, and what it came down to was gray areas. Which was funny, for such a colorful guy. But the way Kris told it, things like gender and sexual preferences weren’t just black and white. They could be in a messy gray area in the middle. His eyes got kind of misty when he talked about it. He obviously liked the gray area and wasn’t afraid to get things messy and complicated.

So why was Remi being such a coward over this? Surely being bi fell quite nicely into that gray area. Was he really so scared Kris would treat him differently?

“Oh my god,” Holby said. He’d just walked in the common area with Alondra and they both immediately changed course to veer toward the kitchen area. “What the hell smells so good, Washington?”

Remi grinned. He wasn’t sure why, but the cure for feeling blue about leaving Kris at home was apparently cooking. On a crazy whim, he’d woken up early so he could swing by JJ’s before his shift and pick up everything he needed to make a vat of macaroni and cheese for everyone for dinner.

“It’s my mom’s recipe,” he said proudly. He’d forgotten just how much he loved making this. Actually, he’d forgotten how much fun cooking was in general. What better way to show people you cared about them than a delicious, hot meal made from scratch?

He had spread himself across the whole counter. The macaroni was bubbling away in a pot, and then he had bacon, chives, nutmeg and shredded onions all sizzling in a pan on the stove while he grated several types of cheese. He also had a bowl of beaten eggs ready for the sauce and a buttered casserole dish for when he put it all together in layers, kind of like a lasagna.

“This doesn’t look like my mom’s mac’n’cheese,” Holby said in awe.

Remi chuckled. “Nothing against your mom,” he said. “But ain’t nothing that beats Mama Washington’s recipe.” He took the pan that had been cooking the bacon and slid the meat onto a plate to let it rest a minute. Then he dropped more butter in, watching it melt quickly so he could sprinkle flour into it to thicken it up for the base of the sauce.

By this point, Greg had wandered over from the TV. When there wasn’t baseball to watch, they had moved on from shark documentaries to a nonstop Sharknado marathon. Remi wasn’t sure how people could watch such ridiculous movies, but Greg seemed pretty into it. It was impressive that he’d pulled himself away.

As if hearing Remi’s thoughts, he wagged his finger at them. “I ain’t missing the good stuff today. You making enough for everyone, Washington?”

Channing scoffed as he skipped into the kitchen. “And the third watch, too, by the looks of it,” he said with a chuckle. He reached over to snag some cheese from the pile Remi had made. Remi smacked the back of his hand with a spoon.

“Uh uh,” he said with a grin at Channing’s indignant look. “You sit your ass down and wait.”

“Fine,” Channing said with a roll of his eyes. He stalked off toward the TV and dropped down beside Travis, who had not moved from his dent or shown any interest in the commotion in the kitchen.

Remi didn’t care. If the old grump was keeping to himself, that was better for them both at present.

Once the flour was mixed into the bacon-flavored butter to a smooth consistency, Remi began stirring in whole milk while he prodded the other simmering pans as well.

“So, it all goes in the same dish?” Holby asked dubiously.

Remi nodded. God, he couldn’t remember a time when his mom hadn’t made this for them. She always made a vat for church events, family birthdays, barbecues. It made a mean side dish for when Dad cooked steaks on the grill or even as a cold salad for later in the week with meatloaf.

“This here’s for the cheese sauce,” he explained as he poured the beaten eggs in after the whole milk. Then he added some chili sauce for kick before sprinkling in all his different cheeses. “I’ll just stir the pasta into this, then take the bacon and onions I sautéed, then sort of layer it all up. Oh shit,” he said happily, looking around his workspace. “I need to season. Where did the herbs and spices box go?”

A loud tut from near the TV made him and the others turn their heads. Alondra folded her arms. “Something to say, Travis?” she asked.

Travis didn’t bother to look around but waved his hand by his head. “Nah,” he said.

Remi shrugged. He couldn’t summon the energy to care anymore what some old fart thought of him.

“So now the roux is done, I just dump it on the pasta and start layering it all up,” he said as he sprinkled the crispy onions and bacon in his buttered pan to begin.

Another scoff came from the other side of the room. “Okay,” Travis snapped. He dropped the remote on the coffee table with a clatter and deigned to turn around to face them. It was like he was glued to that damn sofa. “This is what I’m talking about!” he cried, gesticulating toward Remi.

Alondra dropped her head back and let out an exasperated sigh. Holby shook his head. “What, exactly, are you talking about?” he asked.

Remi could feel his anger threaten to start boiling. But he wouldn’t let it. He wasn’t going to allow Travis to spoil something he’d not been brave enough to do in all the years working at the station. This was his mom’s special recipe and he wanted to share it with his other family.

Travis rolled his eyes. “Sautéed and roux,” he said with air quotations, like they were dirty words. He stood in indignation and came around the sofa. Wow. Remi was honored. “Not even two weeks with a gay in your house and you’re talking all poofy like.”

“I think that’s just French,” said Greg with a frown, crossing his arms.

Remi shrugged, spooning out creamy, squelchy macaroni and cheese over the onions and bacon. Fuck, it smelled good, even if he did say so himself.

“You know what, Travis,” he said calmly. “If a man cooking makes you that uncomfortable, I pity you. If it makes you feel any better, you don’t have to have any of this. You can make yourself a sandwich with that dry, tasteless beef you like so much. But I don’t give a fuck if you think this is girly or if using the proper words to describe something is gay.” He sprinkled the last of the chewy bacon on top of the last layer of pasta, then coated the whole thing with parmesan cheese. “Because, the thing is, there isn’t one fucking thing wrong with being gay. Or effeminate. Or different. I’m done trying to convince you otherwise.”

He yanked open the oven door, slotted the baking dish inside, closed it and set his timer for twenty minutes. Then he grinned at Travis, who was frowning at him.

“And as for ‘the gay’ living in my house, his name is Kris. He’s got more heart, more color and more courage in his heart than you’ll ever have. More to the point, he’s now my friend. Not just my best buddy’s little brother. My actual good friend. So by disrespecting him, you’re disrespecting me. So knock it off.”

Travis blinked and crossed his arms. Then he dropped them to place on his hips. Then he folded them again. “Why the hell do you care so much about the gays all of a sudden?” he said sullenly.

“Because I’m a human being,” Remi said. He was calmly tidying up the mess he’d made while cooking. His mom had taught him to take pride in his workspace. It felt like he’d forgotten that over the past few years. But thanks to Kris, Remi was starting to remember that was the kind of guy he really was again.

Travis scoffed and shook his head. The rest of the team were looking between them like they were watching a tennis match.

“Maybe you’re one of the queers, too,” Travis said, a challenging tone to his words.

Remi knew he was clearly meant to take it as bait. His heart rate sped up. But not because he was goaded. But because he felt brave.

“So what if I was?” he said, amazed by the steadiness in his words.

He turned away with all his dirty dishes and utensils piled up to drop them in the sink. He heard Travis splutter before he turned the water on.

Fuck. His heart was like a goddamned jackhammer in his chest.

But the world didn’t end.

“Yeah,” Alondra said in a slightly scathing tone. “My friend from college is gay and married to another woman, so what?”

“So’s that tennis guy,” said Holby, clicking his fingers. “Here in town. Tyler Florman. He came out a while back, right?”

“And that chick, Peggy, at the auto shop,” added Channing with a snicker. “She’s a total-” He cut himself off so abruptly Remi glanced over. Channing cleared his throat and nodded. “Lesbian lady person,” he said.

Remi suspected he had been about to use a less than appropriate term. But the fact he had stopped himself was kind of a victory in its own right. Let alone that he was defending Remi’s side of the argument.

Good god. Had he just come out? Sort of. He felt light-headed.

He shifted his gaze from Channing to Travis. “I get this is hard for you,” Remi said as sympathetically as possible. “Back in your day, men were men and women were women. But the truth is, queer people have always existed. This isn’t a craze or a trend. We’ve lived in a society for the past several decades that likes to make everything out to be black and white.” Remi smiled at him. “Welcome to the gray area.”

Travis didn’t seem to have anything to say to that.

Whatever Sharknado movie was playing came back from a commercial break, drawing Greg back in. Alondra and Holby started talking about whose turn it was to restock the paper towel dispenser. Channing popped some gum and flicked through a magazine before remembering he had his tablet right in front of him and started playing a noisy game.

Eventually, Travis turned and slunk back to his spot on the couch, leaving Remi to do the dishes in peace.

He was dizzy with happiness. This was it. This was what he needed to kick his ass into gear. He had almost come out to his coworkers. So now he wanted to come out for real.

To Kris.

Man, he was lucky to have such a great friend in his life. It wasn’t like Remi was replacing Leon for his younger brother. But Kris was something else to him already, even after only a short amount of time. He hoped he would be proud of how Remi handled himself just now. It was funny how Kris was the first person Remi wanted to tell his news to these days.

He grinned the whole way through doing the dishes, thinking about how his victory with Travis would make Kris smile.

He loved it when Kris smiled.