Chapter 11
The next morning found Colin gazing out of his office window. He couldn’t get that first kiss out of his mind. The vulnerability in Hernán’s eyes, the tenderness with which he’d removed Colin’s glasses, the heat when he’d brought their lips together… Colin shivered.
Yes, he’d screwed up by taking things too far. Yes, he wanted more than Hernán seemed ready or able to give. Yes, he was taking a risk with his crush on a man who had deep scars etched on his soul.
Yes, he was falling in love.
His boss Maryanne bustled into his office with a set of materials. Tiny and dynamic with black hair pulled into a bun, her bespectacled eyes stayed on the folders in her hand. She said without preamble, “This is the shit for the lobbying group next week that I want you to handle. We’ve got confirmations for two representatives and two senators, the draft agenda, bios for the group you’ll be escorting through and—What the fuck is the matter with you?”
Colin started, heat immediately rising in his cheeks. Maryanne had finally looked up from her notes and focused on his face. She frowned, and so he was sure he looked guilty or…something.
“Oh, just wool gathering I guess,” he answered, trying awkwardly for a nonchalant tone. He failed.
“Did you get laid? I haven’t seen a shit-eating grin that big since the day my brother discovered the bathhouse.”
Colin’s ears burned but he couldn’t stop the smile that stretched his mouth. “Nothing like that. Not that it’s any of your business. Gimme,” he said as he made grabby hands at the folders she held.
She passed him the folders but shook her head. “Deny all you want. I’m taking it as confirmation. Fuck, if you get married and run off I’m gonna be so screwed. You do so well with the lobbying teams.”
“Calm down, Drama Debbie. It’s not like that and I’m not going anywhere.”
She threw herself into one of his visitor chairs. “What’s his name, how did you meet, when are you bringing him by, does he have money we can get him to donate, and Nigel the student intern is gonna be really disappointed because I’ve seen him scope out your ass.”
“Um, what? Nigel?” Colin furrowed his brow. He tried to think of who Maryanne meant. “The skinny guy from Harvard?”
“Yup. He’s wanted to have your babies since the second day he showed up. Is it within my power as your boss to order you to put out for Nigel before you get too committed in this new thing? I want him to move to DC and join us when he graduates next summer.”
“I’m trying to decide which questions to answer and which ones to file away as potential grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit.” He tapped his desk when a distracted Maryanne glanced at her vibrating cell phone. As she looked up again, he announced, “I’m not doing Nigel, it’s new but I really think it’s going to work, and we met in Provincetown. That’s all you’re getting.”
Maryanne snorted. “So cliché. Go to a gay wedding, end up married yourself a few months later. It’s like a social disease with you guys.”
“Whereas you ladies so sensibly show up for the second date with a moving van and two cats.”
“Hah. That one was old when I was still in the test tube.”
“Your moms must have gotten a mix of sperm from Ken Jeong and Chris Rock to end up with you,” Colin teased.
“Don’t forget Lea DeLaria.”
“Do we have to have the talk again about how boys are different than girls?”
Maryanne shot him a middle finger. “You’re just jealous because Lea probably has bigger balls than you and your new boyfriend combined. And I’m way funnier than Chris Rock.”
Boyfriend? Do I have a boyfriend? Colin was too distracted to come up with a response and Maryanne snorted.
“Oh for Christ’s sake. You’re ass over tits about whoever.”
He didn’t bother to deny it, but fiddled with the stack of folders to change the topic. “Are you sure you want me to take this group? It’s an important piece of legislation we’re fighting. Maybe Leslie—”
“I want you to do it,” Maryanne declared forcefully. “You are more than capable of taking the lead. You’ve always been good behind the scenes and I think you need a bigger role.” Colin bobbed his head nervously. “Anyway, I’m worried about Sabeen Hassani pulling out. She’s got a great story but freaks at the idea of public speaking. I’ve done my best to explain that she’ll only be talking to a few people at a time but we could lose her before the Hill visits begin.”
Colin opened the top folder and scanned the list of attendees on his lobbying team. “We’d still have three constituents who can talk from personal experience if we lose Hassani.”
“Yah, yah, but then we have no ‘in’ to talk to Gerragos from Maryland. I’d really like all four constituents so we don’t lose one of the slots. See what you can do with calming her down, okay?”
He set aside the files and his discomfort. He knew he should be able to handle what Maryanne asked, but he didn’t like taking on a public role any more than Sabeen Hassani, apparently. “Okay. I’ll study these materials and we can talk again. Any more harassment, or can I get to work?”
“Oh, you’re working today,” Maryanne said with exaggerated emphasis. “The way you’ve been looking at puppies and children in the park there made me think you’re just mentally choreographing your flashmob proposal.”
“And that’s why I’ll never let you meet Hernán.”
“Hernán!” she crowed. “So we have the first name. Soon all your secrets will be mine.”
Shit. He didn’t mean to give the name. Especially as Colin was going to bring Hernán to the center soon to start volunteering. He’d already decided there was no reason to explain his agreement with Hernán to Maryanne since it didn’t affect the Immigration Initiative’s finances. Still, he had a feeling she’d remember Colin’s slip.
Aloud, he said, “Out, please, or I’ll remember that I really don’t need this job.”
“Okay, okay. Normally getting laid makes people happy but you’re just touchy.” She said it with a smile, though, so Colin knew she was goading him.
Not that she was off-base about his distractedness. He wanted to send Hernán flowers and goopy text messages. He wanted to take the rest of the day off, go home and take Hernán for a lunch or picnic or something. Was the DC zoo open? Gah, he wanted to take the week off and fly Hernán to New Jersey to meet his parents.
Oh fuck me. What would his parents think? How would they act? It was fifty-fifty whether they’d embrace Hernán right away or hire a private investigator to make sure of his motives.
Okay, so no trips to New Jersey yet. He needed to talk to someone, though. Maryanne couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut, so she was out. Brandon wasn’t due back from his honeymoon for a few more days. He could probably wait that long, but just to make sure he was on Brandon’s schedule he grabbed his phone and sent a text:
Hey B. Hope you’re loving Paris still. When you get back can we grab lunch? All good but I need advice.
He jumped in surprise when his phone chirped with a reply a few minutes later.
David’s taking me to opera house in an hour. Do you need to talk now?
It can wait but thanks. You’ll have great time at opera. Gorgeous building.
Brandon returned a thumb-up symbol. Colin set his phone aside to get some work done until he picked up Hernán for their appointment with the immigration lawyer.
Hernán paced around the conference room while Colin fixed himself a cup of coffee from the setup on a credenza. A few minutes later, a woman in a suit joined them. She was a young Latina with long, black hair, perhaps in her mid-twenties, and carried herself with assurance.
“Colin, hi,” she said and held a hand out to Hernán. “I’m Sofia Mosquera. I work with David James.”
“Hernán Portillo,” he responded, shaking with her. “Is it all right if Colin sits in with us for this?”
Sofia took a conference room chair. “It’s fine. One thing I need to caution you about, though, is that with a non-lawyer present the attorney-client privilege won’t apply. While I’m just getting to know you and your story, that isn’t a problem at all. If it gets to the point we’re discussing legal strategy, we may want to revisit.”
Colin spoke up. “I don’t want to jeopardize anything. Hernán, maybe I should take off?”
Sofia apparently noticed the panicked expression in Hernán’s eyes, though, because she said quickly, “No, stay. What Hernán’s going to tell me will ultimately make its way into a public document, so I’m less worried about the privilege not attaching. It’s just something for us to be mindful of going forward.”
Hernán pulled out a chair next to his own. “Please stay,” he begged softly. The vulnerability tore at Colin’s heart.
“Of course.”
Sofia started them off. “Hernán, I want you to know that I’ve handled several immigration and asylum cases successfully. I’ll be taking the lead on preparing your application. When David returns he’ll work closely with us too.”
Colin spoke up. “I’ve worked with Sofia before. She handled the asylum hearing for a woman who came to the center, Aamiina Nuur.”
“I was glad that worked out so well for her.” Sofia returned her attention to Hernán. “What I’d like to do today is hear your story before we figure out the best avenue for you to immigrate legally. From the little David passed along to me by email, we already have some ideas but we don’t want to prejudge the right approach. Once you and I have talked, I’ll do some strategizing with David. We’ll all get back together afterward to talk through next steps. How does that sound?”
Hernán nodded slowly. “I think I understand.”
“Good. I’m going to take a lot of notes as we talk.” Sofia opened a notebook she’d brought in with her and picked up her pen. “Let’s start with your background, Hernán. Where exactly are you from?”
“I lived in San Marcos, in El Salvador.”
“Do you have family there still?”
“Yes, my grandmother and my younger sister Brijith. I also have an uncle who lives just outside San Marcos. Some cousins and aunts, too. Everyone else is in the States.”
Colin appreciated the way Sofia eased Hernán into the interview. She got him talking about easy things to establish a rapport. Gradually she elicited details of Hernán’s father coming to the U.S. and his mother following three years later with Hernán’s older brother.
Colin noticed that Hernán steered away from any discussion of his grandmother, other than to say it wasn’t a close relationship. They talked about Hernán’s love of school. When the conversation began to touch on why he hadn’t finished college, he again redirected to talk about how great his favorite teachers had been.
It was all interesting to Colin, but not germane to the work at hand. Hernán carefully avoided any mention of the things that he had hinted to Colin, or that he was gay.
Sofia seemed to recognize as well that she wasn’t getting the full story she needed. After an hour of the dance, she suggested they all take a break. She caught Colin’s gaze as she left the room and, frowning slightly, tilted her head almost imperceptibly toward Hernán.
Colin got it. Sofia needed him to step in.
When they were alone in the conference room, Colin crouched before Hernán in his leather chair. Hernán flushed and tried to swivel away, but Colin put a hand on his knee to keep him from hiding.
“You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?” Colin asked. “Hernán, you have to go deeper. I get that you’ve kept being gay deeply hidden from almost everybody, but this is a safe space. David’s gay, and Sofia has dealt with several LGBTI cases. I doubt there’s anything you could say that would shock her.”
Hernán slid his gaze nervously around the room. “I understand.” He looked out the window and said, “It’s got to be weird for you, working with this David guy. I mean, he married that man you have a crush on. Brandon.”
Colin frowned as he pushed himself to his feet. Hernán was trying to deflect him as well, but he’d dealt with that often enough in his lobbying activities. He said calmly, “David’s a great lawyer and he can help if you’ll be open with him and Sofia.”
He belatedly registered the tense Hernán had used about Brandon. The man you have a crush on. Did he think Colin was still in love with Brandon?
Perhaps a little honesty on his part would make things easier for Hernán.
“By the way,” Colin added casually, “the Brandon thing is really old news. I thought you understood that but I should be more clear.” Meeting Hernán’s eyes, he said softly, “He’s my friend, and that’s it. There’s someone else I have a crush on now.” It went deeper than a crush but Colin didn’t want to scare Hernán more than he already was.
Hernán blushed but he didn’t look away. His eyes danced back and forth on Colin’s face like there was something he wanted to say. He wet his lips and opened his mouth.
Just then the door opened and Sofia returned. “Ready to keep going?” she asked.
Hernán blinked several times but he kept looking at Colin, standing next to him. Finally he said, “I’m ready.”
He turned to face Sofia squarely. “Colin says I’m not giving you what you really need. I’m trying but this is very hard for me.” He swallowed hard and squeezed the hand that Colin rested on his shoulder. He stammered out, “I…I’m gay.”
Colin beamed at him and Sofia said solemnly, “Thank you for telling me, Hernán. It goes no further than this room until you’re ready. David and I have worked with several people from Latin America who experienced great difficulty in telling their families about being gay or transgender. I’m third generation but my great-grandfather was born in Ecuador and he still says shocking things. Will you talk to me about that?”
Hernán sighed but he nodded again as they all resumed their seats. It went much better the second time.
In a halting voice, he talked about his grandmother and the things she had said to him. He talked about his cousin Rudy and the times he was beaten up for being swishy. How glad he was that Rudy’s father Elías had been able to bring him legally to the States before Rudy could be seriously hurt. He talked about things his father had said in their few conversations over the years so that he knew he’d never be able to come out to his parents.
And finally…
Finally he was ready. He reached out blindly to grab Colin’s hand, and he talked about being a little boy alone in his uncle’s store.