Chapter 23-Leila
Life has been a whirlwind since our photo shoot. The album cover has been chosen, the track order has been set, and the songs are cut and mixed. Our tour kicks off in a few days and I’m a bundle of nervous energy.
Jack and I have stolen time together whenever we could, but it’s been very hard since we’ve been so busy. He has continuously voiced we could spend nights together if we just told Hunter. I almost caved a few times during the throws of passion, but I’m just not ready. I don’t know what’s keeping me from going public.
Actually I do know. I don’t want to be judged…especially by Hunter or Evan. Jack had a very active sex life before I came along. He promised he hasn’t been with anyone else and I believe him. I just can’t process in my brain why he would want to go from having a hot girl almost daily to stolen moments with me. That’s just what they are - moments.
I try to tell myself that’s a stupid mentality, but unfortunately his track record speaks volumes. What if he gets bored and moves on? If our relationship was common knowledge, even if just to Hunter or the guys, and he was to end it to go back to his philandering ways, the humiliation at this point in our success would be fatal to me.
As far as going public to the rest of the world, again it’s stupid, but if I read one negative comment on the Internet claiming I got job because I was screwing Jack, it would be even worst. That’s not why I got the job and I know the truth, but reviews like that could kill my career before it even got started.
That being said, I love being with him. I love everything from having a quiet dinner, to rehearsing, to having sex…whatever it is we are doing. Our time together goes way too fast, and it always leaves me wanting more.
Dylan and I have been have gone out to dinner a few more times during these past few weeks. It’s only platonic. I assured Jack that we were just friends. I did not mention that Dylan alluded to wanting more than friendship. That little tidbit wouldn’t help matters.
Friends or not, I truthfully enjoy his company. It’s easy and comfortable between us. During the times I’m left with nothing but my own thoughts, I can sometimes visualize a relationship with Dylan. If Jack weren’t in the picture, Dylan would absolutely be someone I could be with. It’s not fair to any man I meet from here on. As long as Jack walks on this earth, he is and will always be my weakness.
I’ve been spending a lot of time with my dad and some time with Evan these past weeks. On rare occasions, Evan would join us for brunch. There is still a strain between them but it’s definitely improved. I hope Evan will make the effort to become closer to dad again, while I’m gone.
Evan has seen Lizzy a few times. He gushes about her and I’ve never seen my friend acting this way over a girl. I asked Jack if Lizzy has mentioned Evan, and he said that it seems she is into him as well, but Lizzy has priorities and her career means a lot to her. She has worked hard and will not have anything interfere with that. Evan mentioned the same information to me as well, so I was glad to hear she is being honest with him.
Cliffhangers have been playing bars in the city one day almost every week. Lori has been booking them on nights the guys are off from The Zone. She said she wants to pick her battles with Sal and only when a once in a lifetime opportunity presents itself, will she insist on having the weekend off for the boys. Lori has proven to be perfect for them.
According to Lori, she and Trey have been having a “fucking fantastic time”. She isn’t looking for a relationship at this point in her life. Her obsession with Matt helped her to realize that. She wasted too much time on him. She wants Cliffhangers to be a success, and she wants to prove this is her purpose. Trey has been a nice distraction. The orgasms are off the charts…again, Lori’s words. She said they both decided to end things during our tour. She feels it’s best not to pine away for a rock star while he is off crossing the country and she’ll be too busy with her career. I agreed with her. Besides, I have no doubt that she will find someone else in a heartbeat, especially now that she has moved past Matt. I also feel if it’s meant to be with Trey, it will happen once he gets back.
Dylan’s assistant Cathy has been a godsend. Since exchanging cell numbers, she and I have been chatting often. I love the fact that the guys have to go through Dylan, but I just need to call my newfound friend Cathy to get what I need. She requested a list of must haves from all of us so she could properly stock the bus. She also has my personal list and said not to worry about anything and she would take care of it. I sent her a large bouquet of flowers to thank her for all she has done for me these last few weeks. She argued that she hasn’t even begun to help me yet, but I quickly told her she has tremendously already.
Yesterday we were taken to the tour buses so we could get an idea on living conditions and storage space. This was quite an experience. We were in the bus all of ten minutes and the four hulking men I’ll be living with were making me feel claustrophobic.
There is a living area in the front of the bus, directly behind the drivers. It contains a u-shaped booth that could seat four. Directly across is a long couch with a TV mounted on the wall in the opposite corner. The kitchen area has a small sink, a microwave, coffee maker, and four cabinets, two above and two below. I opened one of the cabinets to find it filled with boxes of Fruit loops.
“What’s with all the Fruit loops?” I asked Jack who was sitting watching me explore.
He shakes his head and says “Friggin’ Hunter has the diet of a five year old.” I laughed out loud as I opened another cabinet to reveal Pop Tarts and Blow Pops. I do thankfully see my pretzels, yogurts and diet cokes in the fridge. These are my only must haves in life. There is a single serve coffee maker on the counter, and at least ten boxes of coffee k-cups squeezed into one of the other cabinets. I look over at Jack and he shrugs.
The bathroom could be compared to that of an airplane bathroom, only with a small stall shower in the corner. Under the sink is a cabinet with removable bins that are labeled with our names. This is where we could store our personals. When I took a look inside the cabinet, I cringed. I wasn’t off the mark when I worried where I would hide my tampons.
A curtain separates the living space from the bunks. There four on each side, each containing a little nook to hold personals, a drawer below the mattress, a built in light above, and a very flimsy curtain for privacy. At the back of the bus is one small bedroom. The whole room consists of a full size bed and a built in closet on one side. We will all have to share this one closet. Our suitcases would be stored under the bus in the luggage compartment.
The bed discussion has been an uncomfortable one. The guys were trying to diplomatically create a schedule. During their argument Jack threw me a heated look. Later that day, he tried to convince me once again of the benefits of exposing our relationship to the guys, a bedroom to ourselves being the latest one.
Physically, I am completely ready to leave. I’ve forwarded my mail, made a set of keys to my apartment for Evan and stored Bessie safely in my dad’s garage. I’ve cleaned out closets, cabinets and drawers to get rid of anything I didn’t need. I am even somewhat packed. It’s hard to fit everything you could possibly need in one suitcase. I’ve pulled things out and replaced them, only to put them back dozens of times. The one thing Jack insisted I take was my photo shoot outfit. He wants me to wear it on stage opening night and I’m not entirely comfortable with that. I do have it packed, but I’ll need a lot of convincing or alcohol to sport that outfit on stage. Those jeans are so tight I could barely walk.
So now I have nothing left to do before we leave, but think. Mentally, I am not ready for this tour. This has been my dilemma since joining DL, because I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. We open the tour in two days in the city. We all received a nice strip of tickets for family and friends. All my guys will be there, the girls, my dad, even Sal is coming. To say I have butterflies over this is an understatement. They are more like bats wreaking havoc inside of me. I just need to get through opening night and I feel I’ll be ok…I think.
Today I spend a few hours with my dad. He made me lunch and now we are looking at old family pictures. Our few hours go by way too quickly. I already gave him my complete itinerary as well as Jack’s cell, Jennifer’s cell, Dylan’s cell…hell anyone’s cell that I will be traveling with.
Dad drops me off at the restaurant where I’m meeting my friends. I hug him super tight and promise that I will text or call as often as I can. He frowns and wells up with tears. I am going to miss him terribly but I know he’ll be ok.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at the show?”
“Yes, sweetheart. I’ll be the one in section three, row two balling my eyes out.”
“Dad…”
Shrugging, he draws me in for one more hug. “I love you Leila.”
“Me too dad.” No sooner do I close the door than he literally peels out of the parking lot, never giving me a second glance.
Once inside, I realize I’m the first one here. While waiting for my late friends, I order a few pitchers of beer and a cheap bottle of house white. Evan arrives a few minutes later and takes a seat beside me.
“Watch my bag I have to run to the ladies room.” I quickly kiss him on the cheek and leave the table. As I’m walking back towards our table I hear a familiar ringtone playing from my phone, and I see Evan holding it while smirking.
Oh crap.
I grab the phone away and say, “Hello.”
“Hey babe.” He replies and my heart stops. It is so sexy when Jack calls me babe or baby, so damn sexy.
“Hi. What’s up?” I try to remain as casual as possible under Evan’s steady glare.
“How long do you think you’ll be out?” He says.
“Don’t know, why?”
“I’m coming over, is that ok? Hunter is out for the night, wanting to spend as much time with Mandi as possible.”
“Yes, that’s fine. I’ll text you that info once I have it.” I hope he decodes my words.
There is a two second pause. “Not alone?”
“Nope.”
“Got it. Ok, text me when you are done. Give me about an hour warning. Oh and babe, I can’t wait to go down on you.” He hangs up before I can respond.
Holy shit…
Avoiding Evan’s gaze, I hang up and silence my phone. I don’t want that ring tone blaring once the rest of the gang arrives. As I start pouring myself a glass of wine, I look up to see Evan gawking at me.
“What?” I ask trying to feign innocence.
“Tie me down?” he asks referring to my ring tone.
Crap!
“Spill it Leila. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. You know I’ve always had a crush on him. It’s a joke. I set it as a joke.” I casually read my menu.
I blatantly ignore his stare when he scolds, “I hope you know what you are doing. If you want to talk about it then just bring it up.” He reaches over and takes my hand from the edge of the menu. “Ok?”
I feel completely torn. I really can’t burden him with this right now. Furthermore, I worry what Evan would think of our situation. I never want his opinion of me to change. That may be a shallow of me, but he has held me on such a high pedestal that I can’t disappoint him. I’m not concerned about his feelings of me being with Jack. I’m more concerned he will think I’m selling myself short and hampering my career.
I nod and lie. “Of course I will.”
Evan continues to assess me with concern in his eyes. I’m not sure that he bought my lie. It’s shortly after that our friends start filing in. Thankfully this distracts Evan. We are a loud, happy, obnoxious group of seven. As we place our orders and are waiting for the food to arrive, Matt informs us that he is dating a girl named Gina who he met at the bar. So that’s why he’s been nice to us. I closely watch Lori for any sign of distress and sure enough, she frowns for the briefest of moments and then plasters a sweet smile on her face. She catches me watching and changes the subject to the last bar the guys played in. She’s thinks she’s so slick but she’s not over him.
A little while later, Logan stands and clears his throat. He beams down at Alisa and she jumps up presenting her hand out for all to see. “We got engaged last night!”
Lori and I start screaming with her while the guys congratulate Logan. This is a big deal. They are the first of our group to take such a plunge. The wedding will be in a year, and she wants Lori and me to be bridesmaids.
The group teases Evan over his “phantom girlfriend”. They aren’t convinced that she exists, and Evan summons for Lori and I to attest the opposite.
Joseph announces he is most definitely still single and may join Match.com soon. By the end of our night, I have laughed so hard my cheeks hurt.
I brought a copy of DL’s CD containing a personal handwritten message for each of them. It’s not an ego thing or that I’m leaving behind my autograph. It’s more of a dedication because I would not be where I am today without them. They took the opportunity to tease me mercilessly. I knew they would.
“Wow Leila, this outfit they have you in will have guys drooling over you.” Joe says smirking. He looks up at me, a new lust in his eyes that was never there before. “When you get back, can we go out to dinner or see a movie?”
Shocked by his comment, I’m speechless until he smirks.
“Shut up, you idiot.”
“You’re so easy to bust.”
I chose to drink more wine and ignore them as they continue to laugh at my expense.
I threaten after a few minutes, “That’s it, no tickets for any of you.”
“Will you be wearing this outfit opening night? Then I’ll need a few more for the guys at my gym.”
“You’re hilarious, Matt.”
I hand out the tickets as the backstage passes they will need for the after party. Jennifer is sending us off with a bang.
I know our night is coming to an end, and I quickly text Jack to let him know. They surprised me with a small cake and an embarrassing rendition of Layla.
We congregate in the parking lot with rounds of good-lucks, hugs and kisses before each going our separate ways.
On the short ride to my apartment, Evan admits, “I love you Leila. I don’t want you to worry about a thing. I promise I’ll look after dad and my mom. I’ll keep you well informed with what’s happening here and we’ll talk every few days, ok?”
The sobs I’ve held in for most of the night finally escape. He called my father dad!
“Why are you balling?”
“You called him dad.” I smile through tears.
“I did? Huh…”
Evan pulls up to my apartment and turns to face me in his seat. “Please be careful.”
“I will, I promise. I love you Ev.”
“Me too. Just remember what you’ve dreamt about your whole life.” He raises an eyebrow poignantly, and I get his message loud and clear.
Smiling, he adds, “If you need me, I’m a plane ride away.”
He leans over and hugs me tightly, kisses my head and releases me. I wipe away my tears as I get out of the car and walk away from my best friend.
I’m lost in thought when I climb my stairs to hear a familiar voice say, “Hey, gorgeous.” Jack is sitting on the top steps near my apartment door looking all sorts of gorgeous himself.
“Hey. You got here quick. How did you get in?” I sit close to him so our bodies touch. It’s been a while since we were able to have a whole night together, and truth be told, I’m thrilled that he is here. I missed him in my bed.
“I couldn’t wait for your text. I’ve been here a while and I have my ways.”
My guess is that he wooed one of my female neighbors.
“How was dinner?” He leans into me and kisses my shoulder. It’s like eighty degrees out but his lips on my hot skin still manage to cause goose bumps to sprout all over my body.
“Fun, sad and depressing.” I answer truthfully. “Matt has a girlfriend, Logan and Alisa are engaged. I’m going to miss those guys.”
“We’ll take good care of you.” He says with a smirk.
“Yeah, I’m sure you will.”
“What’s that?” He motions towards the take out container I’m holding.
“Leftovers. Are you hungry?”
“I can eat.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. I can’t hide my own smirk, as I understand his double meaning.
“So you’ve mentioned.”
He stands, taking my hand and pulling me toward my apartment. Once I open the door he responds, “Time to follow through.”
We are through my door for about three seconds, when he starts undressing me. “I feel so used.” I say smiling until I see his smile drop. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you really?”
“I’m kidding.” Part of me always feels it’s just about the sex with us. But I enjoy him as much, if not more than he enjoys me. I’d be a hypocrite to say I didn’t.
His mood has completely changed. Grabbing one of his hands, I wait for him to look up at me. “Jack, I’m really glad you’re here.” He searches my eyes and wordlessly pulls me into an embrace. Something is bothering him, I can tell.
“Are you ok?”
“It’s not just the sex.”
“I know.”
Bending towards me he places a sweet, tender kiss on my lips. “Ok, so what’d ya bring me?” He grabs the container out of my hands. Wherever he just went, Mr. Mercurial is now back.
Jack heats my leftovers and devours them while standing in my kitchen.
“When was the last time you ate?”
He looks up with a face full of pasta and clarifies, “Food? About an hour ago. You? It’s been entirely too long.” He smiles wide and I want to attack. I’m not usually the initiator but when he says things like that, my lower half ignites. Plus, I feel bad I hurt his feelings.
I walk over to him and take the container out of his hands. Leaning up to kiss him deeply. He makes pasta primavera taste even better. I groan as he takes over and my body starts to pulse from just a kiss.
He pulls away and admits, “I love the sounds you make.” He bends to pull my earlobe in between his lips and I moan pathetically. “Like that. It’s so fucking sexy.”
I grab his hand and drag him into my bedroom. He has me in my bra and panties in record time. I wasn’t expecting him so my underwear is functional and definitely not meant to turn someone on. He fingers the little satin bow in between my breasts.
“I like this.” He says and reaches behind me to unfasten it and soon throws it to the floor. He turns me around and runs his hands down my back until he reaches my white basic panties.
“I like these too. They are very school-girl like.” He slowly pulls them down my legs, as I feel a tremor from his words and his hands. He crouches behind me removing my panties one leg at a time, and I can’t stand the anticipation.
Jack trails kisses up my legs, my ass, and my back until he is standing and pressed up against me. I reach around to cup him through his jeans, feeling his arousal in the process.
“Why am I the only one naked?”
“It’s more fun this way.” He runs his hands over my breasts, pulling and rolling both of my nipples at the same time. As I throw my head back and make one of my noises he loves so much, he whispers into my ear, “You’re so fucking sexy.”
Then he starts kissing and licking my exposed neck, slowly running his hands down my body until his fingers find my aching sex. He doesn’t stop as he explores and strokes me intimately.
“Jack you are driving me crazy.” I say in between gasps.
“Good.” He touts arrogantly. Removing his fingers, he runs his hands around to my ass and then up to my lower back. He pushes me gently until I fall forward and land on my hands with my ass is in the air in all its glory.
He kneels behind me and runs his tongue over my exposed ass until he reaches me from behind. My hands clutch the comforter as he proceeds to drive me to the brink with his lips and his tongue. He pulls me into his mouth and sucks on my most sensitive part. It doesn’t take long for me to tremble from my orgasm.
I bury my face to muffle my screams. He continues until he feels the last quiver leave my body. Then he stands and I hear him unzip his jeans. I can’t move. I know I must look ridiculous with my ass still in the air, but I can’t move. It works well with Jack’s plans, as he enters me from behind and groans deeply. “God, Leila. You feel so good.” He says while pulling out and then back in torturously slow.
He still hasn’t undressed, and it only adds an erotic element to the crudeness of our position. His hands are gripping my hips as my body starts to respond to the sensations of Jack sliding in and out of me. He is working us both up to into frenzy, when my phone rings and stops him in his tracks.
“Don’t stop…the machine will get it.” I push backwards to prompt him to continue. He slowly starts moving again until he hears Dylan’s voice on my answering machine and then he completely stills.
Oh fuck…
“Hey Lei, its Dylan. I meant to call you all day. I’m sorry about last night. I was hoping I could come by so we could talk about it. I don’t regret what happened. I just wanted to let you know that. Please call me when you get in. Bye.”
Jack hasn’t moved the entire time Dylan was rambling on my answering machine. Fuck…
He pulls out and sits on my bed.
“Jack...” I say sitting next to him.
He stands quietly, zips up his jeans, and walks out of my bedroom and out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Instead of talking to me, he just storms out.
What the hell?
Is this a glimpse of what he’ll be like in a crisis? When he gets upset, he’ll bolt?
I can’t have dinner with a friend? Dylan had dropped by, and I had forgotten to mention it. And yes, the message may have alluded that something happened between us. That something being a kiss. But don’t I get a chance to explain, without him assuming the worst?
The more I sit, the more I stew. My anger is off the charts by the time I throw on my clothes and storm out of my room.