Chapter 16-Jack
Damn it! Why do I keep fucking up? I can’t stay away from this girl. These last few weeks have been going pretty well. We connected. We’ve been getting along nicely. I enjoyed taking care of her when she was sick. Then I fucking kiss her again. Shit, kiss her was an understatement. I practically molested her. I could have gone for days. What happened between us was a tease. No, it was fucking torture and now I can’t get her lips, her smooth skin, her scent, or her pebbled nipples out of my fucking mind!
I couldn’t have been more turned on if she was naked. I wouldn’t have mattered if she had on a snowsuit. Her performance on stage, her looks, and how bad I want her culminated in a desire to kiss her that not even an armored tank couldn’t have stopped.
I am going to push her to run. I know it. She is the best thing to happen to Devil’s Lair. The crowd reaction tonight was fucking awesome. We sounded unbelievable together. On stage she is my other half and our chemistry is undeniable. The crowd eats it up. If tonight is any indication on how good we sound together, this tour is going to be off the charts.
I haven’t had sex in days. That’s my problem. I’m too damn horny and that combined with being drunk is my downfall. It didn’t help that she looked so hot tonight. I feel breathless when I look at her. Still, I can’t continue to succumb to my weakness. For once in my life I have to do the right thing. The right thing is to stay away from Leila, and build this band to the level of success I know we can achieve. That’s why I dropped out of school and disappointed my parents. That’s why I am here.
The elevator doors open to only a handful of people left at my party. My parents left a while ago. My sister is chatting with Hunter, who is still attached to Amanda. Scott and Patti are slow dancing to non-existent music. Jennifer, Malcolm and Dylan are deep in conversation. Trini is collecting cups and bottles around the room. Trini…that’s what I need.
I move behind her. “Trin.” She turns.
“Hey, did you have fun tonight? You were quite drunk earlier. Did you sober up already?”
Huh…did I ever. Yes I am sober now, completely sober.
“Yep, buzz is gone. It was a great night. Sorry you had to work and couldn’t enjoy the party.” I shove my hands into my pockets, not knowing what to do next. Usually we are very comfortable with each other. I’ll tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, or I’ll stroke her cheek. Tonight I don’t feel like having contact. I thought I did, but I suddenly realize my heart isn’t on the same page as my head.
“Leila is great.” She says smiling. I nod and give her a half smile back. “Something you want to talk about? You can come over to talk. I am a good listener.” Trini knows me so well. I might feel better if I talk to someone about what has been plaguing me lately.
“Yeah, I need to talk. You always know what I need.”
“Let me clean up and we’ll go.”
Walking over to Lizzy and Hunter near the stage, I interrupt their conversation. “I’m heading out.”
Lizzy links her arm through mine and says, “Did you like your party, Jack?”
“Yeah, sis. The party was awesome. You outdid yourself.” She really did throw me a great party. I was on such a high, until the end that is.
“Good. You deserve it.” She suddenly grins. “Evan is nice. How well do you know him?”
Hunter pipes in. “I’ve only met him a few times, but he seems like a cool dude. He and Leila are very close.” Hunter notices Lizzy scrunching her nose and quickly explains, “No, not that close. Brother and sister close.”
“Oh, thank god. I wouldn’t want Leila to be upset with me.” She glances up at me with an obvious look, as she remembers what we were doing less than an hour ago. Knowing my sister, she means it when she says she doesn’t want to upset Leila, no matter what she saw. She got all the morals in our family, it seemed to have skipped right past me.
Trini comes up behind me and says, “They said I can take off now. Ready?”
Hunter starts shaking his head and smirks knowingly. Jackass. I give him my own, mind your own business look.
“Don’t wait up.”
I kiss my sister’s cheek turn to follow Trini out of the bar. I guess I can’t blame Lizzy for the look she shoots me.
Trini waves as we depart. I, on the other hand ignore everyone. I don’t feel like saying goodbye.
***
“So spill it. What happened?” Trini is sitting next to me in the center of her couch drinking a beer. I opted for a coke.
“I fucked up, yet again.”
I proceed to tell Trini about the kiss on my roof, how Leila walked in on me with two chicks and how I avoided her for weeks. I told her about making amends and having a really nice night at her place as well as tonight’s kiss. She listens the whole time, not interrupting me once. It’s cathartic getting it all out.
She finally speaks when I’m done with my play-by-play on ruining my relationship with Leila.
“Jack, it takes two to tango. She didn’t exactly push you away tonight, did she?”
“No, she didn’t. But she was drunk, very drunk. I think she would have kept going if the circumstance allowed. It’s really on me. I keep coming on to her. I know that taking it further would’ve ruined everything. She doesn’t know me or what I am capable of. I suck at relationships. Inevitably, I fear I’ll hurt her and drive her away. It may not be intentional but I’ll still disappoint her and the guys. I can’t have that happen.”
She puts down her beer, and leans closer to me. “Jack, you are putting a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself.”
I don’t see it that way. I’m capable of screwing everything up. I know myself. Plus, I only tell her part of it. I leave out the part explaining the pull I have towards Leila.
“I haven’t ever seen you like this. This is tearing you up.” She moves to kneel in front of me, looking up into my eyes. “Do you love her?”
The question sends a jolt through my heart. Even so, I shake my head. The motion is a complete contradiction to my thoughts.
I can’t stop thinking about her.
I desperately want to be with her.
I picture a life with her.
Fuck…I love her.
“Then there isn’t any damage done yet. She’s just another chick you have the hots for, and she’s a friend. Move on. It’s that easy. We both know that you can get your thrills elsewhere. No need to ruin a friendship for a meaningless night of sex.” She pauses briefly. “That is unless you love her.”
Trini continues, but I’m having trouble focusing. I only hear part of her words. I sit back against the couch and become lost in thought. Trini stands and pats my leg before she leaves the room.
She’s right, of course. I need to move on. This could become a cluster-fuck of mega proportions. The ripple effect that could occur from me pursuing Leila would be catastrophic. But I don’t think I care about that part, unless it hurts her in the process. But even then, would I walk away ignoring my feelings and try to be content in just being friends? I’m not sure I could.
At the moment, I have no idea if she feels the same way about me anyway. Having an insane attraction to each other doesn’t mean it’s more. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if she has no intentions of being more than friends?
Besides, it’s not like I can drop to my knees and confess my undying love after only two kisses? Yes, that would work. That would prove I love her, despite the fact she saw me engaging in a threesome just a few weeks ago.
Very convincing, Jack!
I let out a troubled sigh. Either way, I need to find out. I can’t move on, unless I know.