Chapter 24- Jack
I’m beginning to hate this guy. He needs to back the fuck off!
Is that why she wanted to be discrete? To hide our relationship from Dylan? Last night she said she was home finishing up with packing. She never told me she saw Dylan. I couldn’t get over here, but what would have happened if I showed up without warning? What would I have found?
Fuck.
I’m assuming that I know something happened between them. I may not trust Dylan but I trust Leila. Besides, its not like he knows I fell in love with this girl. Hell, it’s not like she even knows I fell in love with her. I’ve never told her.
Sitting out here on her stoop brooding is definitely not the smartest thing I could be doing right now. I feel like a complete ass, by the time I climb the stairs to her apartment.
I knock on her door and wait for her let me back in. After a few seconds, without a response, I knock again. “Leila, open up.”
“Just go away.”
“I will stand here all night. Please open the door.” More silence follows my request. “Please, Leila?”
She finally pulls the door open but doesn’t move aside to let me in.
“I’m sorry.”
“What exactly are you sorry about Jack?”
“I guess for acting like an ass mostly?” The look on her face tells me that was the wrong answer.
She stares me down while waiting for a better excuse. I try again. “I’m sorry that I assumed the worst?”
“I’ve told you nothing is going on between us. It hurts that you don’t trust me.”
I cut right to the chase. “I do trust you, but Dylan wants more, doesn’t he?”
She shrugs but doesn’t answer. “Yes.”
I suspected Dylan intentions, but hearing her say it causes my blood to boil.
That prick.
“Do you?” There is double meaning to my question. Does she want more with him or with me?
She looks over at me and doesn’t respond immediately. At last she shrugs. “Jack, he’s just a friend.”
“Can I ask you one more question?” She nods. “Has he kissed you yet?”
Taking a deep breath, she practically whispers her response. “Last night. He stopped by with dinner. I was surprised to see him. He only stayed an hour because I told him I had a lot to get done. As he was leaving, he kissed me.”
We look into each other’s eyes for what seems like an eternity. I can’t hide my displeasure.
“Jack, I don’t have feelings for Dylan. I don’t.”
At this point she lets me take her in my embrace. “Thank you for telling me. I do trust you.”
She pulls away and shakes her head. I cannot read her thoughts and as I bend to kiss her she stiffens in my arms.
“Leila?”
“Jack, you stormed out. You never even gave me the chance to explain.”
“I acted like an ass. I’m sorry.”
She watches me for a long time. She finally takes a deep breath and speaks. “Jack, you don’t think it’s hard for me to see you with a girl, and wonder if you’ve fucked her? Or if you want to?”
“Leila, I haven’t been with anyone since…well it’s been a long time. Believe me.”
“This is only going to get harder once we leave tomorrow. I need to concentrate on adjusting to my new life, and on my career while you need to focus on yours. Maybe we should stop.”
“No.” Crap, why is she doing this?
“Jack…”
“Leila, this isn’t just a fling for me. I can’t just turn this off. I’m in this.”
Releasing her, I walk over to the couch. Its time I told her what she means to me.
“Leila, please come here. I need you to listen to everything I am about to say.” I guess she senses the unmistakable resolve in my voice and doesn’t attempt to argue with my request. She slowly walks over and sits next to me on the couch, but purposefully leaves a distance between us.
“Leila, I started to have feelings for you the day you walked into the studio.” The look of surprise on her face doesn’t deter me at all. “Of course I didn’t know that at the time. My feelings for you started off slow. I would wonder what you were doing at that moment or picture you laughing in that adorable way of yours. I yearned to share something with you that I thought was funny, just to see and hear you laugh. Then it became something more consuming.”
I look down at my hands. “I have never felt like this in my entire life. I had no idea why I was acting the way I did. I was in a constant bad mood, instead of walking on clouds from the tour and the album. I was falling in love with you and subconsciously I knew I couldn’t be with you. The realization of both hit me like a baseball bat to the head. It was the night of my birthday party. I tried my damndest to hide it. I felt if I admitted my feelings, inevitably I would screw things up and you would run. I haven’t been with anyone else. Once I felt you, I couldn’t think about another woman.
“I tried to stay away from you, Leila but it wasn’t possible. It made me angrier that I had to deny what I felt. The kiss we shared first at on my roof, and later at my party were the cruelest forms of torture. Once we spent such a great day together after your farewell party, I needed you like I need air to breath. Now…now I want nothing more than to show everyone we are together. You aren’t ready for that though, and I don’t want to push you or pressure you. Even so, I want the world to know I love you.”
She sits stunned.
“Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?” She asks very quietly.
“I’ve only known you for a few weeks. At first I just wanted to be with you, in any way I could. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized friendship wasn’t enough. Falling in love with you doesn’t make sense to me. It’s never happened before and I didn’t handle it well. I’d convince myself to stay away, then one look at you and I’d kiss you. Then I’d convince myself it was a mistake, then one look at you and I’d kiss you again. Then I’d convince myself we should just be friends. Then I’d convince myself maybe we could be together, and maybe I should tell you how I felt. But I was scared you wouldn’t believe me. I barely could believe it myself. Or what if you didn’t feel the same? I still have no idea what you are feeling. I was tormented by these confused feelings.”
She leans forward and takes my hands in hers, yet she doesn’t speak. She remains motionless, stunned into silence.
“Baby?” She looks up almost forgetting I was sitting next to her. “Am I scaring you?’
“No…yes...” She looks lost as a few tears slowly slide down her face. A tiny seed of doubt festers in the pit of my stomach. What if she doesn’t feel the same?
“Babe, talk to me.”
“Your words don’t scare me. It’s how this’ll work that does.”
“Why?”
“Jack, I think I fell in love with you the first day I met you. My feelings weren’t a slow build. Mine were like a freight train running through my heart.” She stares at me, nodding slowly, her eyes still moist from her tears. “I’ve been dealing with very similar emotions. I wanted to be with you so badly yet knew it wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do. You’re like a drug to me. I can’t stay away from you.”
“Jeez, Leila.”
Closing the distance between us, I clutch her body to mine. We cling to each other like neither of us want to let go. Eventually she pulls away with the lost look still obvious in her eyes.
“You’re holding something back. Leila, tell me.”
“Jack, I am terrified of what people will think.”
“Who cares what people think?” I respond angrily.
“Let me rephrase it. I’m terrified how this will look.” I run my hand through my hair. I’m sure the frustration I feel is written all over my face.
“Let me explain. I’ve wanted nothing more than to become a rock singer since I was a little girl. I still do. I don’t want you to think it’s more important to me than you are, but it’s part of who I am. I worry of the backlash we would get if we went public. Others might think that I only got the job because we’re together.
I never thought of that. It would only need to be one negative comment, to cause rumors to run ramped all over the Internet. How would that affect her career?
“I understand.” Taking both her hands in mine again, I tug until her gaze meets my own. “We don’t have to go public. I get how vulnerable you are in this situation, but I don’t think we need to deny our feelings and not live our lives.”
Leila sits quietly as she processes my words.
“Babe, I would never let anything hurt you. Everyone we know is aware of why you got this job. The world will know, too, the minute we go on tour. Your talent is undeniable.”
I take her face in between my hands and bend to kiss her gently. “We’ve wasted so much time fighting this. I’m done with that. We love each other and that’s all that matters.”
I kiss her a second time and profess my love once again. I’ll say it every minute of every day so she knows and never forgets it.
“I love you.”
Smiling wide, she has never looked more beautiful. It’s seems almost impossible, I know. How can someone who is perfection, be even more perfect? It’s the love in her eyes that makes her even more beautiful.
I never want to forget the look of pure love and joy on her face at this moment. I know it will be forever etched in my memory, but I still want evidence that this magnificent woman loves me.
Pulling out my phone I snap a few pictures of Leila.
“What are you doing?” she asks while laughing.
“I want to remember how you looked at the moment we professed our love.”
Blinking, she sits motionless for a few seconds looking stunned again. “That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
I kiss her gently and snap a few more pictures. I notice a tear falling slowly down her cheek. Using my thumb to brush it away, I kiss her gently before saying, “Why are you crying?”
“Because I love you.”
“I love you too.”