JULES
I’ve never had a long-distance relationship, but from what I see in the movies, it’s the worst. It’s the ultimate test for a couple, because it’s a perfect breeding ground for insecurity and jealousy and mistrust.
But Garrett and I, we’re different. We like each other so freakin’ much, for starters. My day with him in Manhattan was the best one in my entire life. I had fun and I was happy, and it wasn’t just the excitement of being in a place that was on my bucket list.
It was Garrett.
He made me feel so alive that day. The way he looked at me when he thought I didn’t notice was the most heady feeling I’ve ever felt. The way he held me in his arms in his bed nearly made my heart jump out of my chest with all the emotion that was bursting from it. The memories of the nights we fell asleep together makes me so unbelievably happy like a sappy idiot.
I thought that as long as we’re secure and trust each other, all will be fine.
But boy, am I wrong.
So. Freaking. Wrong.
The first couple of weeks wasn’t too bad. I was still giddy from the endorphins that came from really being in a real relationship for the first time ever. Garrett is the hottest man I’ve ever seen, and he oozes confidence and charisma in spades. We had phone sex every night, and his sexy New York drawl in my ear made me climax harder than I ever did playing with myself. Even the mere thought of him was enough to make me turn red. The other girls at The Barracks teased me about it endlessly.
Then it started going downhill.
Our calls grew less frequent as Garrett’s work picked up. The phone sex we had gradually made way for heartfelt conversations where we grabbed every second we could to talk to each other. They dwindled from hour-long calls to half-an-hour ones, and now two months on, it’s a ten minute exchange snatched from his busy day. Fifteen if I’m lucky. Some days, we don’t call at all.
This doesn’t make me lose interest in Garrett; it just makes me miss him more, but it scares me that he seems so okay with our distance. He sounds distracted when we talk, and I always hear the tell-tale clickety-clack of his keyboard in the background.
I’m reminding myself that he’s dedicated to his work and that it’s a good thing. Meanwhile I distract myself with everything I can think of. A day trip to Denver with my friends, giving myself a crappy haircut, binge watching way too much TV.
But as the weeks go by and I hear less and less from Garrett, I realize that I can’t keep lying to myself. We’re drifting apart, and at the rate we are going our relationship will fizzle into nothing in weeks.
I don’t want that, because the thing is, I’ve gone fallen in love with the man. And even though we’ve only spent a grand total of three days together, I have a feeling that Garrett cares for me too. I know I didn’t imagine the way he looked at me at the airport that day as I was leaving, like a part of him was being taken away from him. That thought is the only thing that’s been keeping me from going crazy the past two months.
I’m not sure now that it’ll be enough to sustain us. We’re only a third of the way through the six months until we can meet again, and things are looking terrible.
“Stupid,” I mutter as I lie in bed after a late shift. Falling in love on a long-distance relationship. Way to get my heart broken.
But I also know that something’s gotta give. Later when he calls, I’ll ask Garrett to set aside a little more time to talk tonight. It isn’t too much to ask. Relationships take work, and ours sure needs more of it. A lot more.
I get up and settle back against my headboard, surfing the Internet on my laptop as I wait for Garrett’s call.
Before I realize it, half an hour passes. I check my phone, there’s still no call or text from Garrett.
I frown. Maybe he got too busy and forgot. No biggie, I’ll just give him a call.
The dial tone rings and rings in my ear, and then it clicks.
I draw a breath to say hi, but then his voice speaks first.
“This is Garrett Hudson. Leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you when I feel like it.”
I bite my lip in disappointment. “Hey, it’s me. I was just—”
Missing you?
Feeling miserable without you?
Shaking my head, I cancel the half-recorded message.
For some reason I feel like crying in frustration, but I squeeze my eyes shut and count to ten. Crying isn’t going to bring Garrett and I closer. No point in wasting precious energy.
My phone rings a few minutes later, and I grab it with more urgency than is classy.
“Hey babe, I got a missed call from you?”
“Yeah, um, I was waiting for your call…”
“Shit. I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t realize it’s this late.”
“No problem,” I say, forcing a cheerful tone. I hear noises and chatter at his background. “Are you at the office? Is this a good time?”
“Not really, but what’s new? I’m at a bar, actually, some shitty company event. Hang on—” He says something to someone away from the phone, then he speaks to me again. “Hey, I gotta call you back, they need me at a table.”
“Oh sure, I’ll wait for you—”
“Garrett,” a feminine voice suddenly whines close to his mouthpiece. “Don’t go, I’ll miss you.”
My heart stops. “G-Garrett?”
I hear a muffled curse from him, some sounds of scuffling and a giggle from a woman. She has to be right up against him for her voice to sound so clear over the phone.
I swallow hard, my throat going tight. “Garrett, who is that?”
“Gimme a sec.” More sounds of scuffling, then he lets out a breath of exertion over the phone. “That was a colleague, she’s drunk. Look, I gotta call you back—”
“No, you’re not hanging up on me again. Garrett, I don’t like this.”
“Yeah, me neither, but I promise I’ll call you back in a few hours—”
“No, I mean I don’t like this.” I blink back the tears in my eyes. “Whatever we’re doing.”
There’s a stunned silence on Garrett’s end. “Jules, you knew it wasn’t gonna be easy.”
“I know that, I just didn’t know it’ll be harder for me than it is for you! I’m the one calling you and going to your voicemail. I’m the one wondering where you are when you disappear for twelve hours at a time! And now you’re with some woman—” I break off as frustrated tears fall onto my cheeks. “This isn’t what I wanted.”
“You think I like this? You think I like not being able to see you or talk to you whenever I want? You think I like going on your Facebook and seeing photos of you and some fucker with his arms around you?”
“Lucas? He’s just an old friend!”
“Yeah, he sure looks friendly with the way he was gaping at you.”
“I didn’t do anything!”
“I know. I’m just saying that it’s hard for me too, okay?”
My heart breaks at the way he just snapped at me. Garrett’s a straight-forward guy, but he’s never lost his temper at me before.
“It isn’t supposed to be like this,” I whisper. “We’re not even happy together.”
“Jules. What are you saying?”
I inhale shakily. “I need a break.”
Garrett swears. “Jules, stop.”
“Just give me some time to clear my head.”
“We’ll talk later, when we’re both calm.”
“I’m calm.”
“I’m not. I’ll talk to you later.” Garrett pauses like he wants to say more, but finally he just hangs up.
“Shit!” I fling my phone at my pile of laundry across my room, then turn around in my bed and fall face-first into my pillows, crying in frustration and trying to forget the voice of the woman over the phone. I know Garrett isn’t cheating on me, but I’m bitterly jealous of the woman who gets to be around him while I’m thousands of miles away at the other end of the country and hopelessly in love. We’re not just separated by distance, but by our very lives.
What the hell do I do now?
“I hate this.” I curl into a ball and hug my knees, blotting my wet eyes against my pillow. “I hate this so fucking much.”