I’ve never been in love.  I’ve held a lot of women that said they were, but the emotional connection was never formed with me.  Bethany danced in my thoughts even when we weren’t together.  My reaction to her attempted betrayal had been out of character for me, as was my decision to give her another chance.  I told her I didn’t give second chances and that was true, but the reality was that I normally didn’t even give people a first chance.  I kept myself guarded from things that could hurt me because it was easier that way.  I opened myself up to Bethany—I gave her the power to hurt me.  The way I felt after I thought she was throwing away what we were building for something as foolish as blackmail made that clear in my mind.  I had no idea what it was about Bethany that brought things I thought would never exist within me to the surface and burned brighter than anything else had burned before.  She was all I thought about as I finished up at the office and when I got back to Sloane’s house, she was still on my mind.

“You work later than I ever did.”  My brother’s voice came from the kitchen when I walked through the front door.

“There’s a lot to do if I’m going to give the school back to you with the walls still still standing.”  I walked into the kitchen and my eyebrows raised in surprise.  “You’re cooking?”

“I’m trying to keep busy.”  He flipped a hamburger in the skillet and I saw peeled potatoes that had been chopped into wedges sitting on the cutting board.

“Need any help?”  I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer.

“You can put some plates on the table if you want.”  He pointed to the cabinet where the plates were kept.

“Sure thing.”  I nodded and opened the cabinet.  “You’re not drinking tonight?”

“No, I took your advice and spoke to a psychiatrist today.  She gave me some good advice.”  He looked over his shoulder and smiled.  “She also gave me some good drugs.”

“I see...”  I nodded and walked to the table.

“Nothing crazy—just something to take the edge off and keep me from running to the bottle.  She put things in perspective and I haven’t felt this good in—at least a year.”  He finished cooking the hamburgers and moved them to a plate before he started frying the potato wedges.

“So what did she say?”  I felt my curiosity rising as I saw his jovial mood.

“I’m setting unrealistic expectations and I need to realize that I can’t change the world.  I can only control what goes on in my sandbox.”  He pushed the potato wedges around in the skillet.  “If I’m not happy with what I’m doing, I need to find something that makes me happy.”

“So what is going to make you happy?”  I picked up the plate with the hamburger patties and grabbed the buns from the top of the fridge.

“I don’t know yet, but I aim to find it.  Maybe it isn’t Grantham University.  Maybe it isn’t teaching at all.”  He shrugged and started salting the potato wedges.

“Does that mean you’re ready to go back to Grantham?”  I wasn’t ready to leave, but he seemed to be in a much different place than when I first took over for him.

“No.”  He shook his head back and forth quickly.  “What you’re doing is a blessing.  I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know I need time to figure it out.”

Sloane finally finished cooking and we sat down to eat.  There was definitely something different about him.  Either the medication was taking him to a new realm of happy or he was genuinely at peace after meeting with the psychiatrist.  I never dreamed that he would have such a drastic turnaround so quickly.  I figured he would need intense therapy just to get him out of his funk.  If the miracle of medicine was that good, then I might need to see a psychiatrist the next time I got in a foul mood.  Fortunately, that wasn’t the case for me.  I was walking on a cloud of bliss after my time with Bethany.  We devoured our dinner then walked into the living room.  I continued drinking beer while he sipped water.  He actually stayed up pretty late, just talking about the old days and some of the things we did when we were kids.  It was the first time we had actually sat down and had a conversation like that in a long time.  Even before I caused us to be estranged by having sex with his wife, we weren’t really close—not like brothers should be.  We were more like strangers bonded together by a common bloodline than family.

***

THE WEEK FELT LIKE torture.  I couldn’t have Bethany in my arms and it was like a part of me was missing.  We had casual glances—sometimes a warm, wet kiss filled with our passion when I could pull her away from the crowd in the hallway—but life was in the way of what we both desired.  I couldn’t really bring her to my brother’s house, the moment was never right after school with other teachers hanging around, and she was actually making an effort with class.  A few times I watched her in the library, smiling as she got frustrated with an assignment or tried to figure out what she was reading in her textbook.  She was like forbidden fruit and while I would have wore our relationship with a badge of honor if I could have, I knew it would have destroyed my brother’s career to even tell anyone about it.  Someone knew, though—Mr. Matthews had been silent, but he knew the truth.  He was a loose end and I didn’t like it.  After several days passed, I was convinced he was going to let it go, even if he did shoot me an angry glare every time I saw him.  My mind was too full of Bethany to really delve into the the possibility of what he could do if he decided to tell the wrong person about what he saw.

“Tonight...”  Bethany’s lips lingered against mine in my office.

“Yes.”  I nodded quickly.  “I turned in a detention form.  It’s Friday night so none of the teachers really want to do it.  I told Mrs. Smith I would handle it and she practically did a back flip.”

“She’s ninety years old...”  Bethany grinned and her eyes sparkled as she started to laugh.

“She’s agile for her age.  She was just overcome with joy.”  I shrugged and laughed, pulling Bethany close again.

Her lips were like crimson-coated fire against mine.  I would have devoured them and pulled her into my office to feel her naked body against mine in an instant if I could have found a way to make it work.  When I heard my secretary walk in, I had to pull away quickly and pretend like I was scolding her.  My secretary gave me an understanding nod—thinking Bethany was in trouble again.  Bethany left and I spent the afternoon doing paperwork.  When I first arrived, my days were filled with a line of students in need of punishment, but the lines had gotten so sparse it was almost boring.  I did what I could and passed the rest to the Assistant Principal.  The technicalities were a little over my head and the budget might as well have been Greek, but I was getting better with it as the days went by.  The day ended and I was anxiously awaiting Bethany’s arrival, but I heard footsteps that were too hard to belong to her.  I looked up to see Mr. Matthews entering my office.  He didn’t wait for an invitation and I could see by his body language that he was walking with a purpose.

“Mr. Thorne.”  He gave me a nod and took a seat across from me.

“What I can do for you, Mr. Matthews?”  I leaned back in my chair and looked across my desk at him.

“I’ve been trying to decide how to talk to you about this and while I usually struggle with confrontation like this, I don’t want to spend the weekend going over it in my mind again.”  He looked down for a moment.

“This is about Bethany?”  As if on queue, I saw her in the corner of my eye.  I quickly shook my head at her and she left the office once she realized Mr. Matthews was there with me.

“Yes.”  He nodded.  “I tried to rationalize it in my head.  I’ve had a weak mind.  I’ve thought about—damn have I’ve thought about it—but you did it.  You didn’t just think about it, you didn’t go home and masturbate to the thought—you actually did it.”

“I did.”  My anger started rising as he referenced her in a way I didn’t like, but I bit my tongue since he did control a good portion of my fate.

“It is just further proof that Grantham University is the work of the devil.  These freaking kids, man.  They’re devils in tartan skirts—bullies in knee socks.  I can’t do it anymore.”  He finally lifted his head.

“You’re quitting?”  I raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“No.”  He shook his head quickly.  “I need my pension, but I can’t stay here until I retire.  I need you to get me out of this nightmare.”

“What are you suggesting?”  I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I don’t like this school, but it’s a necessity.  Hell, it keeps these bastards out of regular schools.  I’m glad they’re all in one place—I just don’t want to be trapped in here with them.  If you would write me a letter of recommendation, I could find a different school.  I would even teach in the ghetto!”  There was a hopelessness forming on his face, even as he laid out what he wanted in front of me.

“I see...”  I nodded and sighed.

“I don’t want to say anything about what you did.  I used to respect you; I really did.  I felt like you were in hell with us, so you could relate.  Since you’ve started turning things around, it feels like there a divide.  Some of the students respect us and that is a nice change, but you can’t change them all.  It just isn’t possible.  I need out, Mr. Thorne.”  His expression continued to reflect concern as he struggled with his words.

“So you don’t respect me anymore?”  I tilted my head and stared him down.

“It—it is hard to respect you when you’re having sex with one of the students.  Not just any student—the queen of this nightmare.”  He took a hurried breath and exhaled sharply.

“I’m going to level with you, Mr. Matthews.”  I didn’t feel like I had much to lose with him.  He already knew something much worse than what I was about to tell him.  “I’m not Sloane Thorne.”

“What?”  His eyebrows almost touched his hairline.  “Of course you are.”

“No.”  I shook my head back and forth.  “Grantham University broke Sloane—even worse than you.  I’m his twin brother, Anton.”

“Anton?”  He tilted his head in contemplation.  “Wait, Anton is in prison.”

“I was.”  I nodded and smiled.  “But I’m out now and I saw a chance to do something good with my life.  So, while you’re judging me, just remember what kind of man I am.  Things have changed because I’m not afraid of these students.  I put them in their place and if their parents decide to fuck with me, I put them in their place as well.”

“The rumors about Braden’s father are true?”  His face reflected shock.  “I thought it was just something the students were making up.”

“No, it’s all true.”  I nodded.  “I need you here at this school, Mr. Matthews, but I’m going to need you to grow a fucking backbone.  You’re a teacher.  These kids can either learn from you or they can wallow in their mediocrity.  If you really want to leave Grantham University, then I’ll write you the letter you want.  Before you make that decision final though, I’d like you to consider what I’m about to say.”

“Okay...”  His face had started to lose color as he realized who he was sitting in front of.

“My brother will be back in a couple of weeks.  I don’t plan to hand him the keys to a kingdom in disarray.  You know what I did with Bethany Lewis, but you need to consider this—I don’t plan to stop.  Even when my brother returns, I plan to keep seeing her.  I might even marry her some day.  Bethany isn’t your problem.  The students aren’t your problem.  The problem is you.  You won’t stand up to them.  You live in fear of them and their parents, but I’m telling you this—I will handle anything that happens.  If they fuck with you, I’ll snap them in half.  That’s the kind of leader I am.”  I slammed my hand down hard on the desk and Mr. Matthews practically jumped out of his chair.  “Grantham University is changing and you can be part of the solution or you can get the fuck out of my school.”

“I—I need time to think.”  He pulled his hands close to his chest and started wringing them together.

“You have until Monday.  Either you figure out how to fucking deal with your class, or you can leave.  I don’t give a shit either way.  I want you here, but if you don’t want to support the change I’m trying to bring to this school, then you’re just wasting my time.”  I leaned back in my chair again.

***

I WASN’T SURE WHAT Mr. Matthews would decide, but my words to him were real.  If he couldn’t support me, then he didn’t belong on my staff.  I preferred to have him there, even with all of his faults.  I saw the same kind of lost spirit in him that I saw in my brother when I got out of prison.  Mr. Matthews knew the truth and what he decided to make of it was on him. 

I pulled out my bottle of whiskey and took a swig before getting up to leave for the day.  Bethany had tried to come see me and it seemed like I had lost my chance to see her.  It would be an agonizing weekend without her touch but there was nothing I could do about it.  Mr. Matthews had dominated my time, but the discussion was necessary, even if thoughts of having Bethany in my arms were burning me up inside.  I hoped she would still be around when I walked out of my office, but all I saw was Braden standing across the hallway.  It was definitely too late for him to be at school, but the smirk on his face suggested he was waiting on me. 

“Mr. Thorne.”  He grinned and walked towards me.

“What do you want, Braden?”  I let out a sigh and stared at him.

“I just wanted you to know that my father...”  Braden chuckled.  “He has a big surprise for you next week.”

“Is that so?”  I shook my head with another sigh.  “Hasn’t he already figured out that he shouldn’t mess with me?”

“Enjoy your weekend.”  Braden started walking away from me without acknowledging my words.  “Next weekend is going to be epic.”

I regretted not exchanging numbers with Bethany as I stood in the hallway.  All of the classrooms were empty—just like my arms.  She was supposed to be in detention, so I checked there just to make sure, although I didn’t expect to find her waiting for me.  My conversation with Mr. Matthews had taken far too long.  I locked up the school and headed to my car with my blood boiling.  I was angry at Mr. Matthews and angry at Braden—both of them had put stress on me that would last through the weekend.  I wasn’t sure what Braden’s father had in store for me, but I wasn’t surprised.  I had put him in place, but he did seem to give up fairly easily for someone as rich and powerful as he was.  I hoped that the surprise had nothing to do with Bethany.  I didn’t think Mr. Matthews had said anything and I trusted Bethany not to share it with someone like Braden, but I couldn’t help but worry when I got home.  My brother was still in good spirits, which was a welcome change.  We sat up late into the night talking again before he finally went to bed and I stretched out on the couch.

I really hope this doesn’t come crashing down next week.