I was scared. So very scared. Terrified, even. My stomach felt like it was twisted into knots, and I was on the verge of throwing up all day.
It was the day before school returned, and I didn’t want to go because it would mean facing them. I had managed to avoid them for most of the summer since they were away for half of it, and I had been holed up in the bookstore getting comfortable with Ryder for the last few days.
I couldn’t even bring myself to say their names for fear of breaking down. I had been doing great over the last week, mainly because of Ryder. When I didn’t have to see them, I could ignore the pain. It was easy to forget the humiliation and the betrayal, but that was about to change. I was getting myself ready for my first day back.
I could no longer hide behind my books or spend hours punching my anger out at the gym. I had to go to school and face everything and everyone I’d been trying so hard to avoid. I would walk in there as the new me. The real me…with a fake boyfriend and a fake smile masking my hurt. I would show them I didn’t need them and they hadn’t broken me. I would be happy and carefree and enjoy myself.
I hoped.
My phone buzzed on the side table as I was searching through all the new clothes in my closet for something to wear.
Ryder: Pick u up in the a.m., B.
My stomach dropped at the sight of the B, and I felt cold. That was the name Chace would always try to call me. I hated it when we were together, and I still hated it after we’d broken up. How had I not mentioned it to Ryder before, after we spent every day of the last week together?
Okay, not a lot of it was spent talking because we were reading most of the time. It was weird how easily Ryder and I got along. Most days when I was working, he’d happily come and sit with the Romanovs or read quietly on the sofa. Then, when I finished my work or if it was slow, I’d join him. We didn’t need to fill the silence with useless chatter, and it was never uncomfortable. It was nice.
Me: Ok. Don’t call me B. I hate it.
I winced as I typed the “B” and hoped that would be the end of the conversation. It wasn’t.
Ryder: Y? I need a nickname 4 u. It’s what happens in relationships, right?
I laughed at him having to question what happened in relationships, like I knew any better than he did. My last one was my first, and it didn’t end well.
Me: Yes, I guess so. But not B. I just don’t like it. He used to try and call me B, but I wouldn’t let him and he hated it.
I tried to explain to Ryder why I hated B even more now, but I wasn’t sure it made much sense. He liked pet names and would try B out every now and then to see if I’d come around to liking it. I didn’t. I’d ignore him and he’d get mad, but eventually he stopped calling me that.
Ryder: Sorry, B. ;) Suck it up. I’m still calling u that. Imagine how pissed he’s gonna b when u let me use his nickname and like it.
I could imagine the devious grin on Ryder’s face as he typed that response.
Ryder clearly had no problems ignoring my request or feelings. I groaned, knowing he was right. It would drive Chace crazy to hear Ryder call me B, but I still didn’t like it. I knew I was making a big deal out of it, but it wasn’t my name. If my mother wanted to call me B, that’s what would be on my birth certificate, not Bailey. Maybe we could compromise.
Me: Grrrr, you win, only when he’s around though, then it’s Bailey.
I agreed begrudgingly.
Ryder: I can live with that. C u 2moro. We will make a big entrance. ;)
An entrance? Oh no! I didn’t want attention, but if we were making a big entrance, we would certainly gain the attention of the entire school. Ryder always had the attention of the whole school. There would be enough focus on us as a couple as it was. We didn’t need to draw any more attention to ourselves. Why did I agree to a fake relationship with Ryder? Oh yeah, to get payback for my broken heart. It had better be worth it because I was already beginning to regret it.
I finished picking out my outfit for the next day and set my alarm for the morning, needing to get up a little bit earlier to wash and style my hair. Calling out good night to my mother, I slipped my pyjamas on and climbed into bed. I pulled my psychedelic printed comforter up to my chin and buried my face in my pillows.
It turned out that my style was a little more random and bright like my mother’s, along with being a little edgy and cool. My room no longer looked like a Harvard dorm room but now fit in with the rest of the house and my mother’s unique taste.
I was awake in the morning before my alarm went off, a feeling of dread settling in my stomach at the thought of the day ahead. Quickly climbing out of bed, I made my way into the bathroom to shower, the hot water relaxing the muscles and easing the tension in my neck immediately. I spent time drying and lightly curling my hair so it sat in long waves down my back. I kept my makeup simple but lined my eyes with kohl to make the brown pop. I wanted to look as different from Christina as possible.
Sliding on a blue maxi dress and sandals, I was almost ready to go when I heard a car horn outside. I stuck my hand out the window, signalling to Ryder to give me two minutes. I grabbed my bag and ran downstairs. My mother stopped me on the way out the door with an apple in her hand, eyeing my outfit.
“Isn’t that a bit casual for school?” She raised her eyebrow at me, but I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Compared to what I used to wear, yes, it was very casual. And I liked it.
“No, it’s fine. You know I updated my wardrobe, and I feel more comfortable in this than pleated skirts and polo shirts.”
“Who’s outside?” she asked, completely ignoring my reply and handing me the apple.
“Uhm, just a friend from school. Ryder.” I fiddled with the straps on my bag nervously. I hadn’t mentioned Ryder or our fake relationship to her all summer. Not because I was embarrassed or ashamed, but because I didn’t know how to explain to her that I was fake dating the school’s player in a pathetic attempt to get back at Chace.
“I’ve never heard of him. I thought you were avoiding your friends.”
“I am. He’s new. I mean a new friend. He comes to Maurice’s. I gotta go. I’m going to be late.” I kissed her cheek and turned to the door.
“Okay, sweetheart. Have a good day. Try not to let them get you down.” She smiled at me and closed the door when I stepped out. I quickly threw the apple over the fence into the neighbour’s rose bushes, feeling too nervous and sick to eat. It could fertilise the garden or something.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to see Ryder staring at me through the windscreen of his early model muscle car. Walking slowly toward the car, I couldn’t stop the nerves. My hands were shaking, and I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up or something equally embarrassing. I paused for a moment and closed my eyes, trying to rid my mind of unwanted thoughts before opening the car door and sliding in beside him.
“Hi,” I said, my voice a whisper as I avoided looking at him.
“Ah, hey.” He cleared his throat, but his voice sounded all gravelly as he backed his car out of my driveway. Was he sick? He didn’t look sick. He seemed fine the other day when I saw him. Maybe he was nervous too. Ha! Who was I kidding? This was Ryder. He didn’t get nervous.
“You look hot. Chace is gonna kick himself when he sees you.” He smirked at me and began chewing on his lip ring.
“Uhm, thanks.” I was twisting my hands nervously in my lap, wondering if the whole plan was a bad idea. Maybe I should have just changed schools instead. No, that was ridiculous. I could do it. I could walk into that school with Ryder with not a care in the world. I had to do it.
“We are going to make a huge entrance. You ready for that?” He grinned, but I shook my head at his question. No way was I ready for that. I wanted to tell him to take me back home, but that would have been stupid. I had to get it over with. It would be like ripping off a Band-Aid. Once it was done, I would wonder why I ever freaked out.
I hoped.
“It will be okay. Trust me. I got our class schedules already, and we have homeroom with both of them,” he said. How did he get our schedules? We didn’t usually get them ’til we got to school.
“How did you manage that?” I asked him.
“I charmed the administration lady early this morning. She gave me yours, mine, and both of theirs.” Of course he charmed the admin lady. He could charm anyone. I wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t want anyone to see me yet. I hunted around in my bag for my sunglasses. They would at least shield part of my face from the stares I was sure to get. I needed to pull myself together.
Ryder pulled into the parking lot, the engine rumbling. Everyone stopped to stare at him like always. You’d think he was a freaking celebrity, the way the girls drooled and the guys glared. Feeling self-conscious, I put my head down and willed myself not to throw up. Ryder rubbed a comforting hand over my back as I moaned into my hands.
He pulled into the parking spot reserved for him by the front gate and told me to wait in the car. The spot wasn’t officially reserved for him, but everyone knew it was Ryder’s spot. You only parked there if you wanted your tyres slashed or something.
I waited in the car while Ryder got out, unsure of what he had planned and hoping that it was nothing too crazy. I could feel people staring and trying to sneak a peek while I kept my face as hidden as possible. My fears were confirmed. Everyone was staring and pointing and whispering. I was grateful for the tinted windows and my new makeover because it seemed no one was quite sure who I was yet.
I suddenly wished it was still the summer holidays and I’d had more time to prepare for this. All that time Ryder and I spent together in the store didn’t seem like enough. I wasn’t even sure I could act like his girlfriend. Maybe we should have practised more.
I was yanked out of my thoughts when my door opened and Ryder leant in to see me.
“Ready?” He smiled softly and brushed a curl out of his face.
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head. I swallowed the lump in my throat and slowly dragged my eyes up to meet his. They were sparkling with what was unmistakably mischief.
“Come on, Bailey. I got you. Let’s teach that little bitch a lesson he deserves.”
I still didn’t understand why he wanted to do this. To help me? No, I didn’t think so. Well, not entirely. For his own selfish reasons? Yeah, probably. But surely there must be a better way for Ryder to get back at Chace than pretending to be my boyfriend? I just didn’t get why he would go to the trouble.
“Come on. Get out of the car. We’ll wait until everyone has gone in before we go in, okay? Just get out of the damn car.” He held his hand out to me politely, but he was anything but. Hesitantly, I placed my hand in his, and he pulled me out of the car, bringing me to his chest. He pressed me against the car and put his hands on either side of my body, caging me in but also blocking half the school’s view of me.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I leant my head on his chest, hiding further and trying to control my breathing, which was now coming out in gasps. I was beginning to panic again. My chest felt tight, and I couldn’t see properly. Oh God. I felt like I was going to pass out.
“Hey, it’s okay. What is wrong with you?” Ryder asked, leaning in to speak quietly in my ear.
“Panic attack,” I gasped.
“You’ll be okay. Just freakin’ relax.” Ryder brought his hand up and cupped my face, making me look at him while rubbing soothing circles on my cheek with his thumb. “Just breathe, Bailey.”
I began to relax at his gentle touch and harsh words, taking deep breaths in and out. “See, it’s not so bad, is it?” he asked. I shook my head, letting it fall to his chest again.
“I don’t like the attention. So many people are staring,” I mumbled into his chest. He surprised me by letting out a loud laugh.
“Of course they are. You are the smoking hot mystery girl who just showed up to school in my car. Everyone wants to know who I’m screwing.” He smiled momentarily while I cringed at the thought of people assuming we were sleeping together. I didn’t want people to think that I was just another one of Ryder’s girls. Suddenly his body stiffened.
“Damn, here they come,” he mumbled. They who? They them? Oh no. I couldn’t do it yet. I still wasn’t ready to see them. My breathing started quickening again, and the queasy feeling in my stomach returned. I didn’t want to see them. I should have just told Ryder to take me home. I felt hot.
“Ryder?” I looked up at him and was about to ask through my erratic breathing when he caught me off guard and captured my face between his hands pressing his lips to mine. I froze for a second, not knowing what to do. Why was he kissing me? Was I supposed to kiss him back? Of course I was. I was his fake girlfriend, and I should act like it. I moulded my lips to his and moved them in sync. I could feel his smile as I slowly relaxed into him and the kiss, my breathing suddenly evening out.
Ryder’s hands travelled down my sides and came to rest on my hips. He pushed me back against the car. I began to panic that people could see me, so I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck to keep my face hidden a bit longer.
Ryder’s tongue traced along my lips slowly, making me gasp in surprise, allowing him in. Suddenly it dawned on me that I was kissing Ryder Jones. That was the one thing the entire female population—and some of the male—of this school dreamed about.
Ryder’s lips pressed harder against mine. His tongue slowly began exploring my mouth, and I’m sure I heard him groan. All thoughts and sounds of the crowd surrounding us were lost. Oh my God, I was kissing Ryder freaking Jones.
His fingertips traced a line from my hips around my lower back and then back across my stomach, leaving a burning trail in their wake. My heartbeat picked up, and I was sure he could feel it. Who knew kissing could feel like this? I tried not to think about how many other girls had felt his lips against theirs or his hands across their skin. If I thought about that, I would freak out again. We pulled apart when we heard the bell signal the beginning of class. Wow!
“Whoa!” Ryder smirked at me and licked his lips. “That was…”
“Terrible? I’m sorry. You caught me off guard,” I apologised and put my head down again, too embarrassed to look in his eyes knowing I was a terrible kisser.
“No. I was gonna say that was hot. Feel free to kiss me like that whenever you want. I can’t wait to get you into bed.” He chuckled at my obvious discomfort, my face heating up again. I slapped his chest, making him laugh harder.
“You’re a perv. Why did you kiss me anyway? Some warning would have been nice.” I brought my hands back down to my sides, and he leant against the car, blocking me from the view of a few students who were dragging behind.
“I’m your boyfriend. I have the right to kiss you whenever I want. And they were walking toward us. Just wait ’til they realise it was you I had pressed up against my car.” He laughed again.
The final bell sounded. Ryder looked around to see if the coast was clear.
“Let’s roll,” he said, grabbing my hand and dragging me toward the doors.