BROOKE

“Drink,” a hissing voice tells me, and orange hands grip my throat. “Drink!”

I wake with a start, gasping.

I’m alone. There’s no one in my room with me. No orange aliens shoving laced drinks down my throat, no slave collar, no nothing. The room I’m in is empty, my furs spread out on the floor next to the bed. After weeks of sleeping on the ground, the strange bed feels too mushy, too weird. I push the furs off my sweaty skin, shivering.

Just a bad dream.

I wish Taushen was here. His big body would be perfect to snuggle up against until the bad dreams went away.

Of course, then I want to kick myself for thinking such a thing. Taushen hates me. He’s been cold to me ever since the rescue, as if I’m to blame for our situation.

Which, okay, I kind of am to blame. I’m the reason we got thrown in together like we were mates. But I had good intentions. I never meant to hurt his feelings, and after what we shared, to not even be friends? Or to get along like normal human beings that have to live in a very, very small tribe together? It sucks.

I lie back in the furs again, but I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see that orange hand reaching for my throat. With a sigh, I fling the covers back and get to my feet. The door to my room is open—Mardok didn’t want any of us accidentally locking ourselves into the ship, so the “door open” sequence has been set permanently —and I head down the hall toward the room that’s set up as a cafeteria. It’s funny how some things are so strange and space-agey on this ship, but they still have basic things like a medical bay and a kitchen. It’s been days and we’ve been cleaning up the mess the slavers left, and now the ship is clean and tidy, free of the blood that spattered the walls, but it still doesn’t feel cozy. Doesn’t feel like home. It feels…well, kind of like an office building would feel. Cold. Uninviting.

I can’t imagine how Mardok lived here for years. I’d have gone nuts.

Of course, I’m not the only one up. I enter the kitchen area to find Harlow sitting at one of the uncomfortable, sa-khui-sized benches, a strange-looking drinking vessel in her hands. The scent of hot tea is in the air. She looks exhausted, dark hollows under her eyes, and her belly looks enormous in her loose leathers. She manages a wan smile at the sight of me. “Can’t sleep?”

“Nope. Nightmares.”

“Me too. Want some tea? You have to drink it out of this thing, though.” She holds the strange thing aloft, and it looks more like a gravy boat…or a smile—with no handles. “I can’t promise you won’t spill it all over yourself. I already have twice.” She gives me a wry smile. “I miss my favorite cup, but it’s back on the other ship, and it seemed silly to send Rukh to go get it.”

“Tea sounds great.” Better than going back to bed.

She gets up, waddling, and heads to the counter, pressing a few buttons and adding a sprinkle of herbs to one of the strange cups. “It’s so strange to have a ship with parts that actually work when you hit the controls,” she tells me with a little smile.

“I wouldn’t know, I don’t know how to use any of this stuff. I just try not to press anything.” I get up and take the cup from her, because it seems strange to have a pregnant lady waiting on me. She’s right, though. The mug’s hard to hold with no handle, and the inside of the cup is inversely domed, so it doesn’t hold all that much liquid. So strange. I take a sip, and the tea tastes familiar, at least. It’s bitter and strong, like all the sa-khui tea, but I’ve grown accustomed to it and think of it as having my coffee black. Not that we have coffee. I peek at Harlow over my cup. “So you can’t sleep, either?”

“Nope.” She sits down again, her feet dangling like a child on the strange, oversized bench. “Too much to think about.” She rubs her hand over her face again and looks so pale and exhausted that I worry.

“Like Rukhar?” I ask, thinking of her small son.

Harlow shakes her head violently. “I’m trying not to think about him at all, because if I do, I know I’m going to start crying and, well…” She pauses and sniffs, staring at the ceiling. “I’m thinking about other things instead. Like what if these slavers were working with another crew on another ship, and they’re going to come looking for them? Or what if there’s a tracker or a beacon somewhere on the ship that we haven’t found and it’s sending out signals? What if there’s an intergalactic check-in somewhere that I don’t know about or don’t know to ask Mardok, and someone’s coming looking for a missing ship? What do we do then?” She sighs and holds her mug tight with both hands. “And then there are the smaller worries, like what are we going to do with twenty new people, and what about all this technology on this ship that’s now ours, and the guns, and how do we handle how those things are going to change our world?” Her smile is weak. “You know, ‘small’ worries.”

I snort, enjoying the rush of steam from my cup on my face. “Doesn’t feel like a small worry to me. Those are legit things, and it’s normal to worry. Look at how everyone reacted to Kate’s kitten, and it’s just a cat. But you’d think she’d somehow conquered Everest by bringing one into camp. A lot of stuff is new to these guys.”

“A lot. Mardok comments on that, too. He’s struggling right now because he misses his friends.” Her mouth droops a little. “And Farli doesn’t know how to help. To her, being murdered for your ship is inconceivable. She can’t grasp it, just like most of the sa-khui don’t really get it. So it’s hard for Mardok to unload. I worry about him. He’s working frantically on this ship and…”

“And you don’t know what it means for us,” I guess. “Or if it’s even a good idea.”

“I just think that the sa-khui are a good, pure people, you know? They don’t need technology or us humans crapping them up with our ideas like stealing and murdering and slavery. I worry we’re going to ruin them.” The expression on her face grows wistful, and I suspect she’s thinking about her mate. There’s something a little…untamed about Rukh. A little feral. I prefer my guys like Taushen, a little hot and cold, maybe, but not quite so savage.

Of course, then I could kick myself for thinking about Taushen. “It’s rough right now,” is all I say, and drink more of my tea.

She nods, the distant look still on her face. After a moment, she focuses on me and puts a hand on the big table between us. “I just want you to know I don’t have any hard feelings about what happened here.”

A knot forms in my throat. “Oh?”

“At first I thought you were selling us out. I admit I had some…unpleasant thoughts about you for a few days.” She grimaces. “Then I realized that you kept emphasizing families and babies to the aliens, and I realized you were trying to do what you could to keep us all together. I appreciate it, and I wanted you to know that. Losing my boys would have gutted me.”

“I tried to suggest mated pairs,” I tell her, relieved she caught on. “Though I should have grabbed a gun and started blasting, like Summer did.” I’m still amazed at my friend. Who knew she was such a spitfire?

“You did what you could,” Harlow tells me as I take another sip of my tea. She looks thoughtful. “I just can’t figure out why they put you and Taushen together.”

Her expression is innocent—overly so—and it takes everything I have to choke my tea down without coughing. I manage to shrug my shoulders and sputter, “Wishful thinking on their part.”

“I guess so. He doesn’t seem like he was happy with your arrangements.” Harlow grimaces. “That must have made it a long few days. Long for everyone, of course, but I can’t imagine being trapped with someone that miserable.”

“Mmm.” I’m suddenly not all that thirsty anymore. Is she right? Does Taushen hate me?

“It’s so weird,” Harlow says with a little shake of her head. “He used to be so happy. Kind of like a puppy, you know? All eager and ready to take on the world.”

“He was?” I’m shocked. I picture Taushen and “puppy-like” isn’t what I imagine. “Salty” and “cranky” maybe, but definitely not “puppy.” “When?”

“Back when we first arrived. I wasn’t in Georgie’s original group, but I was one of the six pulled from pods, like our sleeping beauties here.” She gestures in the direction of the cargo bay. “I remember Taushen was younger then. About Sessah’s age.”

I think of Sessah, who’s just lanky enough to be in his teen years. He’s not filled out like Taushen, nor does he have the broad chest and shoulders and deep, booming voice. I try to picture Taushen like Sessah. I try to picture Taushen giddy and eager like a puppy.

Nope. Can’t do it. “So what happened?”

“I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “Something over the seasons, I guess. I don’t recall a single huge incident that would have changed him, like the cave-in. Warrek lost his father then, and he grieved, but his personality didn’t change. Taushen’s just grew…more unhappy as time passed. It’s a shame. He deserves something good in his life, you know?” She gives me a regretful little smile. “It’s the mom in me now, I guess, but I keep seeing how miserable he is and wishing something would cheer him up.”

Well, now I feel completely guilty. I think of our nasty, filthy, wall-banging round of sex. And then the next one. And him being all possessive and calling me his mate. And then me waking up the next morning and telling him I didn’t want to do any of that.

I push my tea away, my stomach in knots. Maybe I should talk to him. Just let him know that I don’t blame him for what happened and ask to be friends again. Maybe we can start over without the whole hair-pulling and biting. I don’t hate the guy. I don’t even hate the situation we were forced into—I’ve made poor choices in sex partners in the past, and Taushen was the best I’ve ever had (though maybe that was the roofie talking). As situations go, it wasn’t ideal, but it could have been worse.

A horrible thought occurs to me—what if that was Taushen’s first time?

What if I de-flowered the guy and then acted like he was dirt the next morning?

Ah, jeez. Things just get more and more complicated the more I think about it.

“Har-loh!” A strident voice breaks the quiet that falls between us.

“Uh oh,” Harlow says, and slides to her feet. “I’m in here, Rukh,” she calls out. “Keep your voice down. Everyone’s still sleeping.”

A moment later, a wild-eyed sa-khui hunter tears into the kitchen area. Rukh’s hair is a mess around his face, as if he’s just woken from sleep, and he’s naked. Yikes. I discreetly avert my eyes, even though I know it’s not a big thing for the sa-khui. I’m still not used to seeing big blue junk—and spur—hanging out for all the world to see.

“You were gone,” he says thickly, striding across the room and pulling Harlow into his arms. I watch discreetly from the corner of my eye as he holds her tight against him, stroking her hair. “I woke and you were gone.”

“I’m here,” she replies, her voice gentle. “I just wanted a drink, and I stopped to talk to Brooke. Nothing’s wrong.”

He touches her stomach and then her face, and the wild fear is still in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” she whispers, and then glances back to me, smiling apologetically. “Brooke and I can finish talking in the morning. ’Night.”

“’Night, you two,” I say, and drink my cold tea as they leave. I guess I’m not the only one that needs to unpack everything that happened while we were captive. I think of Mardok, who lost all his friends and old crew with the violent takeover. Of Harlow and Rukh, who had to send their son away.

But Mardok has Farli to hold him throughout the night. And Rukh has Harlow to help him through things.

And Taushen hates me.

I sigh, rinsing my weird mug and placing it back on a shelf. I really need to talk to him in the morning. If nothing else, we can come to terms with what happened between us and support each other. There’s no need for things to get ugly or unpleasant, or even awkward. Gail and Vaza aren’t official, and I’m sure if they broke up…

I pause, because no, I’m wrong there. Gail might be okay if she broke up with Vaza, but Vaza’s clearly over the moon when it comes to Gail. Losing her would break him.

Maybe that’s the problem here. Maybe these guys don’t know how to loosen their grip on a girl. All they know how to do is hold tight.

Of course, I never get the chance to talk to Taushen, because the next morning, the rest of the tribe arrives.