BROOKE

It takes Taushen a little time to warm up to the concept of vacation. It’s almost like if he’s not busy for every minute of every hour of every day, some invisible force is going to appear and slap his hand, chastising him. The first day of our official “vacation,” we stay in the cave, hanging out and getting comfortable around each other again. We play games to make the time pass, and I rack my brain to try to come up with entertainment. Playing cards is out, since we don’t have paper. I could probably manage to make bone dominos, except I don’t know how to play anything like that. We settle into the most basic of games after a time—Truth or Dare and I Spy. I keep things squeaky clean because the last thing we both need is to muddy the waters between us with some filthy “dares.” It’s like it never occurs to him that the game can be played any way other than innocently. Taushen enjoys the heck out of the games, and nothing makes me feel better than seeing a genuine smile curve his hard mouth. He needs more smiles, I think.

It snows hard for two days, so we stay in our little cave. Well, mostly. Taushen makes me go out with him to the nearest cache, and we dig it up, counting inventory to make sure that the tally marks on the marker are correct. We excavate a frozen quill-beast, recover things, and then set a few traps so we can replenish before we leave.

Taushen catches sight of my wrinkled nose and distaste at the frozen dead animal and just hoots with laughter. “You said you wished to learn to hunt. I am teaching you.”

“I would have said anything if it meant a vacation,” I grumble, but I resolve to suck it up. Preparing what looks like frozen roadkill can’t be worse than whatever they do to food at the chicken nugget factory back at home.

On day three, the weather clears, and we decide to head to the fruit cave to get a change in our diet. Plus, after a few days of snow, I’m looking forward to hanging out in a sauna-like cave.

At the fruit cave, we give ourselves a day or two to bake in the heat, eat all the fruit we can stomach, and then we head out back into the snows again, this time heading for Taushen’s icicle cave in the mountains. We take our time walking, and as we trudge through the valleys and over rocky cliffs, we chat. Taushen’s so easy to talk to, and our conversations are endless. It’s like I can start on one topic and end up on a completely different one and he follows me completely. After a while, it’s almost like our brains are in synch. We share stories of our childhoods, I tell him all about my horrible ex-boyfriends, and he offers to beat them up if they ever show up as slaves.

It’s awesome.

The travel with Taushen actually makes me realize how long it’s been since I had a true, honest-to-goodness best friend to share my thoughts and secrets with. I love it. I love that I can tell him anything and he won’t judge me or think I’m silly. He thinks that being a hair stylist is wonderful, because I got to make people smile and feel good about themselves. He thinks that I’m smart and that I work hard. And even though he teases me about my hunting skills, I don’t give up. Everyone’s bad at everything in the beginning, and you just have to stick with things. I’m determined to stick with hunting, if nothing else, so he can be proud of me.

Every day we grow closer in our friendship, and I think I’m so lucky that we could be friends after everything that happened. That he’s not trying to hold a grudge or possess me. That he’s fine with being just friends.

It takes about two weeks before I start to wonder if I’ve made a mistake.

Maybe it starts when we get to the ice cave. After days on end of walking, hunting and traveling, we make it to our destination. On the outside, it doesn’t look like much. As Taushen mentioned, the exterior of the cave is tiny, with the entrance so small that you have to bend over just to get inside. I can well imagine horns scraping along the rock, and I think he’s brave for ever coming in here in the first place.

But then we get inside, and Taushen lights a torch.

And it’s the most beautiful, surreal place I’ve ever been. Crystals cover every inch of the cave, as far as the eye can see. He’s right that the ceiling isn’t tall, and it’s a bit like standing inside of a hollow egg. If I reach a hand up, I can touch the ceiling, and it extends, cocoon-like, into the rounded cavern. It’s definitely too small to make a comfortable sort of cave.

But oh, the view. Thick, blocky crystals crust the ceiling. Long, drippy crystalline icicles hang along the edges and down the walls. Along the floor, stalagmites rise up to meet their sister stalactites, and those seem to be made of a shiny crystal as well. It’s like stepping into a rock candy paradise…or a big people-sized geode. The torch that Taushen holds up seems to make everything glitter, and in the back of the place I can see the hint of the pond he mentioned, and the steam curls that let up from the water itself.

It’s incredible, and I tell him that. I’m surprised he’s not looking at it, but his gaze is fixed on me, as if he doesn’t want to miss a moment of my reaction.

“I come here when my heart is sad,” Taushen says softly. “And somehow, this place makes my spirit glad once more. That I can see such a place and touch it. That I can live where such a thing can exist, and then, perhaps, I think everything is not so bad.”

And my heart just aches and aches for him.

I just wanted to be friends…didn’t I? Just wanted my freedom.

Wasn’t interested in a partner. At all.

Guess I’m pretty good at lying to myself, because what I’m feeling right now is decidedly…un-friendlike.

That could be a problem.

Ever since we’ve decided that we’re going to be friends and just friends? Things between us have been so, so great. I haven’t felt uncomfortable around him and there hasn’t been any weird tension. We can laugh together about the dorkiest of things, and even when there’s accidental nudity or something equally embarrassing, we both just laugh it off. The friendship is the only thing that matters, and now it’s like all the anxiety is gone and the only thing left is the awesome, easygoing vibe between us. It feels like a deeper, unshakable bond than just sex.

I’m scared to mess it up.

I’m also ashamed to admit to myself that I’ve been thinking about the sex a lot.

Maybe I’m a perv at heart. Maybe I can’t have a friendship with a guy without wanting to get him in the sack. Maybe I’m the problem, but it seems like the closer we get as friends and the more I know about Taushen, the more I wonder if I’ve made a mistake.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so quick to scream freedom and I should have let the guy claim me instead. Of course, then I’d have to give up our wonderful friendship, which right now is the only good thing about this ice planet.

That and this gorgeous cave, of course.

I can’t change the vibe between us, though. Things have been going so good.

I tell myself that we can just be friends. That sex doesn’t matter.

That I shouldn’t notice the way his arms flex when he throws his spear. Or the way his face lights up when he sees me wake up in the morning. Or the delighted laugh he gave when I flung a snowball down the back of his tunic and then tried to run (unsuccessfully) for the hills before he caught me.

I shouldn’t notice that his tail is incredibly mobile and it moves with his mood. If he’s sleepy, it flicks slowly. Angry? It lashes. Pleased? It’s a sensuous undulation that moves back and forth and makes me think dirty, dirty thoughts.

I also shouldn’t notice that I like the way he smells when he sweats, or that he makes the most adorably sexy groans when he sleeps, as if he’s dreaming about dirty, sexy things.

My mind is definitely in the gutter lately, and that’s a problem.

I’m the one who demanded friendship. I feel like I can’t change my mind now, even if I wanted to.

I wanted freedom, and I got it. I wanted a friend, and I got it.

Didn’t think I’d want more than that.