Dana

Things were happening fast.  Oceania was already on her way back to Miami, and it would only be a few more days before I’d probably be saying goodbye to Hutch and Blu forever. 

I tried not to think about it that way.  If he leaves, I told myself, then I’ve had a wonderful week, an amazing experience that has changed my life for the better.  It’ll be sad for a while, I’ll miss them, sure.  But I’ve lost more in my life, and I got over that too.  I’ll be fine, no matter what.

I was on my way to find Hector to tell him that his dream had come and gone, that he’d been close, but luckily for us all he was not close enough. 

“Dana, wait.”  I turned to see Caroline approaching me.  Her dress uniform blazer was buttoned up, her white skirt pulled as far down as she could manage, showing as little of that sexy skin as possible.  “Hold on a minute, Dana.”  I didn’t have any reason to want to hear what Caroline could have to say, but I was too distracted to spurn her.  Arriving behind me and walking alongside, she said, “I just have to say to you personally, Dana, how sorry I am about what happened with your ... with Mr. Hutchinson.  What you saw in that hallway wasn’t his fault.  It was all on me, I swear.”

“Caroline, I -- ”

“No, Dana, listen to me.  I was jealous, I admit that.  I mean, he’s quite a catch, you of all people would have to admit.”

“Me ... of all people?  Why?”

“Well, you’ve obviously become quite close, and I think that’s great, Dana, I really do.  I wish you both all the best, I want you to know that.”

“Um, okay.” I really wasn’t sure what to say, because I wasn’t sure that I believed her.  And if she was being sincere, I had grave doubts about what was truly inspiring that sincerity.  What does she want, I had to wonder, what’s she hoping to get out of all this?  So I decided to stay quiet and let her talk, which was the best way to find out; let her reveal herself.

“Anyway, I’m sure you two will be very happy together.  Who knows?  Maybe you’ll come back, get married right here onboard.  Your father could officiate!”  It was a bit far ahead, but I couldn’t deny that the thought had crossed my mind, though of course I wasn’t about to admit that.

“That’s good of you to say, Caroline -- ”

“And in the meantime, we’ll take good care of him, don’t you worry.”

“Take care of him?”

“Of course!  I mean, not the way you have.  None of us could really bring your father that kind of support, obviously.  But he’s a grown man, after all, the captain of a cruise ship.  I think he can handle life on his own.  Though I guess it’s been a long time since he’s been alone.  Probably not since he was a young man.”

“My mother was his childhood sweetheart.”

Caroline nodded and set her hand on my arm.  I flinched, but she left it there.  “See what I mean?  It’ll be good for him to get our of your shadow for a while.  Who knows, maybe he’ll find a woman, get married.”

“Out here?” I asked her, as I’d asked myself dozens of times over the previous ten years.  “Where?  Who?”

Caroline seemed to think it through, green eyes rolling in her white face.  “I dunno, a single passenger maybe.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to live on a cruise ship, be a captain’s wife?”  But I’d lived on a cruise ship for ten years, and I knew there were plenty of things about it that might not appeal to everybody, or to anybody once the facts came to the surface.  It was isolated, it could be monotonous, and the stream of new but eligible full-time lovers was almost nil.  I’d gotten amazingly lucky with Hutch, but not only didn’t that kind of thing happen very often, it was practically a miracle; and out at sea is not where you want to count on a miracle to happen.  “Anyway, what matters is that you do what’s right for you, Dana.  This is your life, this is your time, you can’t let it just slip by because you feel an obligation to your father and maybe ... well, never mind.”

“No, Caroline, go ahead, say what’s on your mind.”

Caroline seemed sheepish, brows arched under her brassy curls.  “I’m sorry to have to say it, Dana, but I’ve been thinking it a long time and maybe you should finally hear it.”

“I’d like to.”

“It’s fear, okay?  There, I said it.  You’re afraid of the outside world, and so is your father.  That’s why you both came out here to sea, fear of what took your mother, fear of what took that Hutchinson girl’s mother away from her.  Fear of losing another loved one.  But you can’t let fear guide you, Dana, you must know that.  You can see it in that little girl’s life just the same way I can see it in yours.  And I know you’re doing the right thing, urging her not to be afraid, helping her out of her shell.  And that’s a beautiful, loving thing to do, Dana.”  Caroline gave my arm a little squeeze.  “I want to do the same for you, Dana.”

We chatted a moment or two more and she left me with my thoughts.  Is she really thinking about my best interests?  She’s not a terrible person, it could be that she feels badly about what happened.  But in all the time I’ve known her, she’s always looked out for herself.  I admired it, I even emulated it, now it’s beginning to worry me.

But is she trying to guilt me into staying with her talk about my responsibilities to my dad?  All that bullshit about him finding somebody else; he never will, not on this floating frat-house.  What she’s trying to tell me is clear, that I’m abandoning him, that I should cut Hutch and Blu loose for my father’s benefit.  And she may have a point, though my father would never let me make a decision based on that, not ever.

And what about all that nonsense about me being afraid, about my father being afraid?  But my blood ran cold to know that this was as true as anything Caroline had said, anything I’d ever heard her say.  There was no denying it, whatever her motive was.  We were both afraid, and that was no reason to make a major life decision.  But what bothered me was why she’d bring it up.  She must be trying to use reverse psychology, but ... to get me to leave or to stay?  Why would she rather I break up with Hutch and remain here ... with her?  It’s be a lot better for her if I just disappear and make my father a wealthy man in the bargain.  If I were her, I’d sit tight, make friends with me, and then hit on my father ...

I stopped walking, a thrush of realization passing through me, warm and heaving.  Of course!  It’s too brilliant to catch, just the type of strategy Caroline would employ.  But what do I do about it?  I won’t go toe-to-toe with Caroline in a game of sexual manipulation, I wouldn’t stand a chance.  That’s not my game anyway, that’s not the kid of person I am and not the kind of person I want to be or will ever be.  Still, I can’t leave Hutch, and I can’t just leave my father in the hands of that devious seductress.

But I didn’t have much longer to think about it.  Hutch himself ran up to me as I stepped into the reception area.  He seemed winded, anxious; I’d never seen him like that and it instantly worried me.  My first thought was of Blu.  I knew Caroline wasn’t looking after her, as I’d just left her moments before.

“Where’s -- ?”

“The Imax,” he answered, knowing my question.  “Dana, listen to me.  I want you, Dana, you and only you.”

I broke a nervous smile, Caroline’s apology making just a little more sense.  “Right here ... now?”

“No, Dana, I mean that I want you to come home with me, with me and Blu, come and live with us.”

“Hutch, I ... ”  I glanced around, breaking a nervous smile.  I didn’t expect this invitation, or for it to come so quickly or at that particular place and time.  “Is there some rush, or -- ?”

“There is, Dana, yes.  I want to know that I don’t have to face a life without you.  I don’t want to spend another moment unsure of whether you’ll have us, whether you’ll give us so much yourself, and give up such a big part of what you are.”  Yet another facet of this truly remarkable man revealed itself; not only the sleek, suave Master of the Universe, not only the primitive alpha male, all strength and assertion and natural hunger and drive.  Here was a man who hungered for love, who had doubts he dared not reveal but to a select few, and I was among that few.  I was flattered, I was honored, and I was suddenly horny as hell.  “Say yes, Dana, say that you’ll come back and share your lives with us, and let us share or lives, and our love, with you.”

“Yes,” I barely managed to push out, no breath in my lungs. There was no room for breath, nor room for doubt in my heart or questions or riddles to confuse my mind.  We were kissing again, that was all that mattered, and we’d go on kissing like that for the rest of our lives.  But just how long or how short that would be, neither one of us could have guessed.  At that moment of heated passion, love and lust, promise and improbability, we didn’t want to think, we didn’t want to know.

We wanted to fuck.