Chapter 4
At that precise time, Lynn was lamenting over the past and looking towards Timothy playing in the backyard. She sat there relaxing after a hard day’s work. I wasn’t exactly true, but there was a lot more weighing on her mind than just the obituaries. She had dug out her old life back when she was in high school. The old flame known as Bailey was very much right there in her face. Photos of them looking in love and making everybody jealous around them were something that seemed like a lifetime ago.
“Mom, you are not even listening to me.” Timothy was telling his mother about his day and there was this faraway look in her eyes like she wasn’t even on this planet. He imagined that she was some kind of clone and that she was taken over by some alien. It would’ve been so cool to be part of anything science fiction, but he knew the difference between what was real and what wasn’t. “I was telling you about how I stood up to my bully. He punched me in the eye, but I tackled him and brought him down onto the ground. I did exactly what you told me to do and it worked. I got his respect. I don’t think I’m gonna have any more problems with him.” He walked over to his mother and put his hand gently on her shoulder. There was a tear in her eyes like she had lost her best friend. “I never want to see you cry. Whoever is making you feel this way, you tell me and I’ll make sure that they never do it again.” Timothy was always protective of his mother and there was a strong bond between them that could not be broken by anybody.
“I’m glad to hear that you didn’t let it get out of hand. I think it’s a known fact that once a bully feels that the person that they’re picking on is standing up for themselves they will back down. It’s not always the case, but mostly they are insecure little boys that haven’t had the kind of upbringing that you have. I’ve done everything I can to shelter you, but I know that I have to let go. You need room to spread your wings and become the man that you’re going to become.” Lynn touched her son’s hand and she remembered the day that he was born. His little hand reaching out and grasping onto her finger had made it impossible for her to let him go.
“You’ve always been good with dispensing advice, mom. I just want you to know that I will always be there to listen to you. There will be never a time that comes that I will forget about how you sacrificed for me. I will love you, until the day that I die and that’s a promise that I intend to keep.” He got a huge hug in response and at first it made him feel uncomfortable, but he soon realized that this was his mother’s way of holding onto the dream of keeping him a little boy for as long as possible.
Lynn let him go. She was probably suffocating him. Pressing him to her chest was a little bit too much for a kid that was growing up a little bit too quickly for her liking. She knew that she was going to have to see Mandy. It was not a conversation that she was looking forward to. She had sent her a voice message, thankful that she didn’t pick up when she called. She got another voice message back saying that they could meet at the old diner on Main Street. Amazingly, it was still standing after all this time. It had changed hands two times and the first owner had died of an unexpected heart attack while doing what he loved. He was cooking in the kitchen when he was overcome and collapsed. He was dead before he hit the ground with a massive coronary.
Lynn saw the letters and she read each individual one at least a few times over the years. Bailey was quite the wordsmith and most people didn’t know that he could string a sentence together. He was considered to be that heavy handed jock that pretty much had nothing going on between the ears. She had known differently and there was a sweet and compassionate man underneath the hard muscles that made her weak kneed and gave her something to think about for the future. She still looked back and wondered why Bailey even gave her the time of day. It wasn’t like he didn’t have his pick of the litter and women were practically drooling over him from the moment that he became quite the football star on the field.
It wasn’t just the letters, but it was also her articles back in the day that had her wondering what would have happened had she been able to satisfy her yearning for adventure. She knew that she wouldn’t give up Timothy for the world, but that didn’t make her any less anxious to change things for the better. Five years had gone by in the blink of an eye. She wanted to believe that she could keep him that same small baby that would cry out for her in the middle of the night. She didn’t want to think about him in his teenage years and the way that his dimples would have women waiting for their chance to get their hooks into him. She could only teach him respect for women.
Lynn looked over towards the light of her life. She had to place her hand up to her heart to realize how much he meant to her. The articles and that dream of taking the world by storm was only a pipe dream. She knew that many people changed professions later in life, but she felt like she was stuck and there was no way out. Holden had given her that lifeline when she was drowning in debt and thinking that there was no way out from underneath it.
Over the years she had gotten these very infuriating phone calls from a man breathing on the other end. The last time was a month ago and she screamed bloody murder into the receiver to try to get a necessary reaction. She had no way of knowing that those phone calls were coming not only on the anniversary of her first date with Bailey, but also on other dates that had become important to them. All she knew at the time was this disembodied breathless sound on the other end of the line was causing her sleepless nights. She didn’t want to think that she had a stalker, but it was the only thing that made any sense. She kind of founded it strangely endearing that somebody would take the time an effort to try to tell her their intentions without coming out and saying it.
“I know that you’re having a good time, Timothy, but we really do need to get inside for supper. We’re having your favorite, spaghetti and meatballs with some my special seasoning on top. I know how you like it spicy and you are exactly like your father.” Lynn saw the look in Timothy’s eyes and knew that there were questions that she was not ready to answer. “Please god…don’t let him ask me that one question. I know that he’s curious, but I don’t want him to think that his father will come riding in on his white steed to rescue us both from this mundane existence. He’s out of the picture. It was a fleeting moment that I used to regret. The only thing I don’t regret is what came of it. I can’t imagine being this damn happy and not having a father figure to show him how to shave and to catch a ball. He has never been the least bit curious, but I know that eventually he’s going to ask. I’m not going to be the one to bring it up, but I won’t begrudge him the chance to know where he came from. I thought I put it to rest.”
“Mom, I know that I’ve been hard on those couple of men that you’ve dated, but I never did believe they were good enough for you. The way they looked at you had me wanting to punch the both of them square in the nose. I do want you to find someone and I would never try to take away your happiness. I just think that we’ve done amazing on our own. We don’t need anybody and the only thing that we need is each other.” Timothy wanted to say something about his father, but being abandoned and left to be raised by his mother made him feel that there was nothing to talk about. He never did know his father before his passing. He never needed a father figure.
“I appreciate your concern for my love life, Timmy. Those that I date in the future will have to know that we are a combined package.” “I want to find the love that will keep me smiling into my twilight years. Those two men that my son talks about were looking not to get tied down. One mention I had a son and it was like I was screaming fire in the middle of the theater. They raced out with their pants ablaze and that cardboard cutout metaphorically making a shape of their bodies running through the door. If I really wanted to see if anybody was serious enough to make a commitment, all I had to do was announce my dirty little secret. Not one stuck around long enough. They were always polite, but made the necessary excuse to end the night abruptly.”
“I just never want to see you lose your smile.” Timothy took his mother’s hand and they walked into the house with Lynn holding the box of memories underneath her arm.
Lynn looked down at this little joy in her life and she knew that she had done one good thing. It had cost her dearly and the sacrifice was something that she thought she would never have to do. She had promised her mother on her dying breath that she would never find herself lost in the dark. Her mother told her to be her own light and not allow any man to hold her down from her dream. Lynn had never thought for a moment that any man could make her lose that part of herself, but it did happen. The father of Timothy had taken her breath away and made her think that anything was possible. She looked back on the way that he made her feel and it caused her to swallow hard at the realization that she had given up too soon. “Timothy’s father will always be special to me. He gave me something. I don’t think that I could be any grateful. I only wish that he was here right now. He could make things all right with just a smile. I want him to know how he grew up, but there’s no way that he can be here for him. I told him that his father cared for him deeply and that his death was quite sudden. I carry his memory in my heart and in the small locket that I wear on a necklace around my neck.”
“I feel like I’m superman and I can do anything. I feel better than I have in days, mom. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you about the bully sooner. You made good sense and even though I was scared, I still did exactly what you said I should. I did get this letter that I have to give you from the principal. They have what is called a zero tolerance on fighting.” Timothy was all smiles. Skinning his knuckle fighting someone twice his size gave him a sense of confidence that he didn’t have before. He was walking a little straighter and the frown that he used to have going to school had turned into a huge smile. He projected a kid that could take care of himself.
“The one thing that you need to know about your father is that he would be here if he could. It wasn’t his idea to leave you alone like this. I just hope that I have filled his shoes and believe me those shoes are considerably bigger than my own.” I have small feet. Taking on the role of father and mother has been quite daunting. This kid is a chip off the old block. I look down at him and I know that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Tomorrow, I meet up with Mandy, but I know that she has a hard time taking no for an answer. I just hope that I am strong enough to tell her in no uncertain terms that there’s no way that I can be her maid of honor. I’m a little surprised that she even asked and it’s not like we’ve been close the last five years. We’ve gone our separate ways and the only real connection we’ve had is the obligatory Christmas cards and birthday cards.
Lynn went ahead and made supper and was quite pleased to see that her son had learned his lessons well. He did not try to shirk his duties and was setting the table. She did all the cooking, but he was an avid pupil that stood by her side to learn every thing that there was to know about pleasing a woman. He didn’t know it, but learning to cook was an aphrodisiac that would have most women looking at him like he was the second coming. He even washed the dishes and took out the trash. She had taught him from an early age that responsibility was not something to be taken lightly.
They finished for the evening and he was allowed 1 hour of television before going to bed. There were very strict rules, but ones that were supposed to give him some structure. She saw her little boy growing up right in front of her eyes. It was hard not to look at him and see his father looking back.