I turn over, stretching, and immediately know that Michael is gone. I refused to mention it, didn’t even ask, but I knew that he would be meeting with Victor about Pastor Sturgill. Part of me wanted to know who the man is and part of me wants to just pretend it never happened. That part obviously won. I have so much more to worry about. My plate is about as full as it can get, and who Pastor Sturgill truly is and what’s going to happen to him, are two things that I’ve decided to ignore. I need to concentrate on other things. Least of all of them, is the fact that I now have no job. Worse, with you-know-who getting whatever is coming to him. I’m pretty sure my side business of selling things to the church is over—or at least cut very drastically. Which means I’ve got to find a way for Maggie and me to survive. A part of me feels guilty for worrying about money after losing Charlie. But, Charlie…she was a realist. She was truly a bottom line kind of girl, so I’m pretty sure she would understand.

Looking over at the clock, it reads five in the morning. Michael’s pillow is cold. I have to wonder how long he’s been gone. With a sad, pitiful little sigh, I get out of bed. I jump in the shower after turning on the water and adjusting the temperature. My life has been one emotional crisis after another for so long, I can’t remember normal. Still, right now, I have a smile on my face. My body aches in all the right places and I feel…

I stop because only one word comes to mind and it shocks me. It might even terrify me. I feel…loved. Well-loved.

My heart hammers in my chest, and I have to force myself to breathe. It’s too much, with my past life, to imagine that someone as amazing as Michael might love me. Isn’t it? The most I could hope for is that he might truly care for me…and I think he does. That’s enough. It has to be. It’s more than I’ve ever had, and I can be happy with that.

When I get out of the shower, I throw on a pair of jogging pants and t-shirt, and after towel drying my hair, I decide I’ve wasted enough time. There are two strangers in my house, and Michael is gone. It’s okay. He trusts these men and if he does, then I can. Today is the day I let go of the past. That’s what Michael wants for me and for Maggie. It’s something I want more than I could ever put into words. It’s time to stop living in the past, or at least time to stop letting it affect me and everything I do.

I have this delicious ache when I walk. Evidence that what Michael and I did last night worked muscles that have been in hibernation. That thought makes my smile broaden. I never imagined that I would have sex again, that I would ever enjoy it. Enjoy might be too tame of word for what happens when Michael touches me.

I open up the bedroom door to the sound of arguing. I look at my kitchen and there’s one of the men from last night, along with a new man I don’t remember seeing before along with Crusher and Dani. Shit. I know Michael really likes those two, but spending the day with them before wasn’t exactly wine and roses.

All talking stops the minute I step through my door. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

They look at each other, then back at me. Dani avoids my eyes, and Crusher runs his hand along his five o’clock shadow, and it’s clear he’s uncomfortable. It’s also clear he’s lying When he answers, “Nothing. Are you hungry, Hayden? Dani fixed breakfast. It took her a few years, but she’s finally learning to cook.”

“Kiss my ass, Cowboy.”

“I did that last night if I remember correctly.” he smiles at her but it doesn’t reach his eyes like it should.

“I’m not sure kissing can be used to describe what you did to my ass,” Dani smirks.

“What are you guys arguing about?” I interrupt them for two reasons. One and most importantly, I don’t want to hear what he did to her ass and secondly, I have a feeling their arguing has a lot to do with Michael.

Crusher lets out a noise that reminds me a lot of Michael’s grunts, only his is more drawn out. I look at the other two men and they cross their arms stubbornly. It’s clear none of them have any plans of telling me what’s going on.

“Okay, Dani. You tell me.”

“Why me?” she appears affronted.

“Because, us girls have to stick together.”

“We’re not exactly best friends,” she huffs, but she’s smiling.

“We probably never will be,” I tell her honestly, which makes her laugh. I wasn’t trying to be a bitch; I just don’t want people in my life. If I could move to a deserted island and live with Michael and Maggie and no one else. I’d be happy.

“Beast should have been back by now,” she admits, and fear hits me stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before—and with my history that is saying a lot. On the heels of the fear however, is not panic—at least not right now. It’s anger.

“Do you know where he is?” I ask Crusher, and he shrugs which pisses me off. “Do you know where he is?” I ask again, stressing the words and so help me if I had my gun right now—which Michael took somewhere and hid because he said I’d get myself killed, I’d shoot Crusher!

“Well yeah,” he says, uncomfortably.

“Then you’re going to go check on him and make sure he’s alright then, right?”

“I hadn’t planned on it,” he says calmly, leaning against the counter of my old sink.

“Why the hell not?” I cry.

“Yeah, Cowboy, why the hell not?” Dani adds, rising to stand by me.

“Because this is Beast’s business. He told me to watch you and that’s what I’m doing. He’s probably just taking longer than he planned.”

“Taking longer?” I ask, shaking my head.

“Well yeah. It takes a while to get information out of a man when—well, shall we say, they might not be so inclined to give it to you,” he says calmly, as if he was discussing what color socks he is wearing today.

“So, he’s torturing him?”

“More like sternly convincing him to talk,” Crusher shrugs.

“But he’s a preacher!”

“I don’t think he’s really a preacher, Hay,” Dani interrupts.

“I know that,” I grumble, “and my name isn’t Hay,” I add.

“You’re very touchy,” this comes from one of the men standing close to Crusher.

“I am not,” I complain, rubbing the tension between my eyes, because suddenly I feel a headache coming on.

“You kind of are,” Dani says, and I don’t turn to look at her. My eyes are on Crusher.

His eyes practically sparkle and he snorts in laughter, but tries to hide it behind his hand with a cough. He doesn’t hide it very well.

“Are you going to go help Michael?”

“I doubt he needs it. Like I said, he’s probably—”

“Convincing him sternly, I got it. But, he could need help convincing. You need to help him,” I urge Crusher.

“You do, Cowboy,” Dani tacks on.

“Damn it, Hellcat.”

“If something happens to Michael because you didn’t help him, I’ll make your life hell,” I warn him, knowing he probably doesn’t care.

“Listen, Beast would—”

“If something happens to Beast and you didn’t help him, I’ll make your life hell, Cowboy,” Dani adds, I turn around and look at her skeptically. She shrugs with a wink. “Girls have to stick together. Besides I owe Beast.”

I nod, not knowing what else to say. Maybe I could like her.

“Damn it, Hellcat. You know how these things go. We—”

“You know that thing I do with my tongue that you like when I—”

“Woman!” Crusher interrupts her. I make a note to find out later what she does…Michael might like it…

Her mouth creeps into a smile and she shrugs. “I’m just saying, Cowboy, that could be off the table.”

“Dani,” he warns.

“Permanently,” she says calmly.

“So, what’s your decision?” I ask Crusher, crossing my arms trying to figure out what my next move is if he says no.

One of the men, I think I heard Michael refer to him as Ice, makes a noise like a whip cracking.

“Fuck you. If you knew what she did, you’d be scared too, asshole.”

“Well?” Dani prompts.

“Fine, I’ll go check on him,” he relents.

“I’m going with you,” I tell him relieved, already grabbing my jacket.

“Fuck no you’re not! Beast would cut off my dick if I took you to that damn clubhouse and you got hurt,” Crusher growls.

“I’m going. Either you take me with you, or I’ll sneak away and go to the clubhouse on my own, since you were nice enough to tell me where Michael is,” I tell him, leaving no room for argument.

“Son-of-a-bitch!” he growls, but I feel joy inside, because I’m pretty sure I’ve just won this argument.

“I’m going too!” Dani says, nearly jumping in victory.

“Fuck no!”

“But, Zander, honey, I have to. I need to protect your dick in case Beast tries to cut it off.”

“I doubt he will,” Ice says.

“Yeah, it’s too wrapped around your finger,” the other guy mutters.

“I will shoot you,” Crusher growls.

“Quit your blustering, Cowboy, think of it this way. If I’m with you, then I can’t be hurt. I’ll be with you and you can protect me.”

“I don’t spank your ass enough,” he mutters.

“I completely agree,” she says with a smirk, winking in my direction, and it amazes me that with everything going on, I can find a smile. I swear I’m starting to feel like I’m part of a crazy family.

“Let’s get going. Fuck, I’m going to regret this,” Crusher grumbles.

We head out the door and the men walk to their bikes. Dani gets on the back of Crushers. I know a moment of real fear. I’ve not been on the back of a bike in a long time and there’s memories there I don’t really want.

“Ice, you can take Hayden in her car,” Crusher tells him.

“I don’t think my car will make it to the clubhouse,” I tell him honestly, pushing back my nerves. I can do this. “I’ll just ride on the back of his bike.”

“The fuck you will,” Crusher argues. “Beast will cut off my dick if he sees you on the back of another man’s bike.”

“There’s no other choice. I don’t know where Michael’s keys to his truck are. I’m sure it will be fine.”

“I’m just as sure it won’t be,” Crusher growls, “and Christ, Hayden, you’re pregnant.”

“Ice will drive careful. It will be fine.”

“Beast is going to kill me. Fine you ride with Ice, but Ice, man you better baby that motherfucker.”

“Boss I don’t think I should—”

“Neither do I, but you’re fucking doing it,” Crusher growls.

“Beast is going to kill me,” Ice grumbles, as I get on the back of his bike. It’s a little awkward at first, but thankfully my stomach isn’t huge as it could be.

“We’ll take the back roads. No interstates,” Crusher grumbles, and his face is tight in anger.

I take a breath of relief as the bike starts up, and I manage to avoid going into a panic attack.

I can do this.

I have to.

I don’t have a choice.