Michael’s words hit me like a hard slap to the face. I’m such a moron. Does he really think I don’t want to be seen with him? That seems unreal to me, but his parting shot at me seems to indicate that.

I walk slowly back to the reception area. My mind keeps going over everything that just happened. How could Michael think I wouldn’t want to be seen with him? That concept is so foreign to me. I think I’m in shock.

“Miss Graham,” the receptionist calls, demanding my attention.

“Yes?” I ask, walking to her.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to reschedule.”

“What? Why?”

“The doctor is booked up and when we called your name you weren’t in here. It wouldn’t be fair to put everyone in here off while we wait for you now, would it?” I look around the room and there are a few people here, but only like three or four. Besides, I was only outside for five minutes, ten tops.

“I really need to see the doctor. I was only outside for a few minutes. Surely, you can work me in. I am supposed to have my ultrasound today, it’s the first time since I got out of the hospital.”

“I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do,” she says and the look on her face says there is, but she’s not doing it. It also signifies she’s doing this on purpose and hates me.

I hate her too, and I’d like nothing more than to slap the hell out of her. I don’t though. I have bit my tongue since moving here and I continue doing it for one reason. I need quiet. I need to be accepted here if only for my daughter’s sake. If what Charlie says is true, Whitley is the only place close that I might be safe from the Dwellers. Somehow my useless brother managed to do one thing for me. He somehow gave me a sanctuary. I am grateful for that, even if I hate him for so many other things. I need safety for Maggie. I can’t let closed-minded people like this bitch push me away or cause me to react.

Charlie always tells me that stirring shit only spreads the stink around and attracts more flies. She’s not wrong, and really, I’ve had too much shit…too much. I don’t want more, and I don’t want any of it to splatter on my child. If I had the money, I would have moved farther away. I would have moved to a place no one had heard of the Dwellers. I don’t have that luxury, and I’m scared I might get in a bigger mess. The Dwellers consider me their property, even now. They have a lot of enemies. That much I know for sure. What happens if I end up among those people who think they can use me to lash out at them? Or worse use Maggie.

So, as much as I hate it, I took the small house my brother gave me and the sanctuary I’m told he found me. I still don’t know why he did it. Maybe he felt guilty. I don’t fucking know or particularly care. He sent me a goodbye letter years ago telling me his sins had finally caught up with him and that he was sorry. It was too little and way too late for that to mend whatever bridges had been burned between us. I don’t know what happened to him. From the hints in the letter, I figured it wasn’t good. I hurt over that. I did. Yet, and I know it sounds cold, I had washed my hands of my brother. When I needed him the most he betrayed me. He betrayed me in the worst way imaginable. He may have helped me in the end…but by then too much damage had been done. I hope God has mercy for him, I’m not a good person, because I have none.

“When can I reschedule?” I ask the receptionist, feeling deflated. If I had any pride I’d tell her to go fuck herself, and I hate myself that I don’t. She gives me a date which is just a couple days away. I look at the card, nod my head in agreement, and leave.

I walk outside feeling completely dejected. I shouldn’t have panicked about Michael. I just didn’t want him to see the way the girls in the office treated me. I really didn’t want him to see how the doctor felt about me. I saw the look on Michael’s face that day in the diner around the Dwellers. I think if I saw it again—or something worse, it would crush me. In a very strange way it feels like I have a friendship with Michael now, and I really want to keep it.

I look down at the appointment card in my hand again. Maybe I can ask Pastor Sturgill if he could start taking me into the city for my appointments? I could trade baked goods for the ride. It’s not ideal, but as I’m getting farther along in my pregnancy, I’m starting to worry. If these people hate me this much, what happens if something goes wrong and the baby and I are in danger? If they look at me now like I’m worse than the dirt under their fingernails, how can I trust them to guard my child’s life when it counts the most? Of course, the other side of that coin is the fact that the Dwellers are in the city. My sanctuary, such as it is, could be in danger. I’m worrying enough about the actual delivery, but Charlie assures me the Dwellers are terrified of the Torasani family, and those are the people my brother brokered a deal with. I’d feel more secure if it wasn’t so confusing and…unknown.

With a heavy sigh, I take off walking. I should go to the diner, but I just have too much on my mind right now. I pull my thick blue shawl tighter around me and take off walking the direction of home. It’s a nice day for a change and maybe my time alone will help clear my mind.