CHAPTER FIFTEEN
My body jerked me awake, my eyes wide and staring at the ceiling above while I panicked for just a moment, trying to recall where I was, and whose arms were around me. In my dreams, I had been on a yacht in Sanya with Finley, feeling the hot sun on my olive skin and looking at the world through a pair of five-hundred-dollar sunglasses.
I touched the heel of my hand to my forehead, already mourning the carefree feeling I had on the imaginary boat with my sweet sister.
My cell phone buzzed, and I reached over to retrieve it from the wooden nightstand someone had cut from a log. Finley was texting me. The previous texts were of her looking bored on a beautiful beach, slathered in suntan lotion on the bow of Andiamo, or effortlessly beautiful while she shopped on Hainan Island. The last few texts were the increasingly impatient requests for me to contact her. I read over the saltiest one that she’d sent since she’d left, and couldn’t help but smile.
Ellison, text me back. I want proof of life, or else I’m getting on the next plane to Denver so help me god.
I typed a response but let my thumb hover over the SEND button. Sending I’m alive, I’m happy, I miss you wouldn’t be enough.
Tyler’s lips touched my temple. “Send it.” He cleared the hoarseness from his voice. “She’s worried.”
“She’ll want to call me.”
“That’s a bad thing?”
“She’ll know something’s wrong. She can read me, even halfway across the world.”
“Ellie,” Tyler said, holding my body against his. “You can’t duck this forever. You’re going to have to talk to her sometime.”
I sent the message, and then turned off my phone, sitting up. My muscles ached as I stretched, complaining from the strange position we’d slept in all night, trying to fit on a twin-sized bed.
“I got an invitation in the mail the other day. My brother is getting married again.”
“Again? He’s already divorced?”
“No, they eloped, so they’re making it formal so the family can attend. It’s going to be in St. Thomas mid-March next year.”
I sighed. “I love St. Thomas, but that’s not enough time for me to save.”
He touched my lower back with the tips of his fingers. “I’ve got it. Wanna go? With me?”
I looked over my bare shoulder at Tyler. “Like … as your date?”
He shrugged, stretching his arm above his head. “You can call it whatever you want. I just want you there.”
I looked forward, pulling the blanket up over my chest. “I don’t need a passport for St. Thomas.” I sighed. “I hate this. I feel like this,” I said, gesturing between us, “is paying for whatever.”
He chuckled. “It’s not. I had already planned to ask you to go.”
I offered him a small, regretful smile. “We can’t do this again.”
His sleepy grin was infectious. “You keep saying that. Why don’t you just admit it?”
“Admit what?”
He waited.
“Fine,” I said. “We have a … thing.”
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he said, but the grin was wiped from his face when I stood, taking the blanket with me to the bathroom and grabbing my bath bag and robe from the knob of the armoire on the way.
“Shower?” Tyler called.
“Yeah.”
“Want company?”
“Nope.”
I hung the robe on a hook that was nailed into the divider between showers and let the down quilt fall to the floor, reaching behind the plastic curtain to twist the knob. The water sprayed from the head, instantly steaming. I stepped under, letting the water run over my head and down my face.
My mascara burned my eyes, and I reached for the soap, quickly scrubbing it away. Tyler had kissed me all the way to the bed and undressed me, and neither of us had left that spot the rest of the night. His tongue had tasted almost every inch of my body, making me come over and over until my legs twitched with exhaustion.
Once it was over, though, and I was lying in his arms, I could feel his relief. He practically radiated how at home he felt against me, and all I could think about was that it was getting harder to pretend what we had was just sex. Underneath his thick armor, Tyler cared about me, and I wasn’t sure I deserved that—at least, not yet.
I stepped out of the shower, fully intending to talk to Tyler about where he saw our benefriends relationship going, but a stranger was standing in the doorway, stunned but not at all trying to shield his eyes from my bare skin.
“Does this outfit have sheilas, or are the Alpines allowin’ conjugal visits?” he said.
I pulled my robe from the hook and wrapped it around me. “I’m the photographer. Who the fuck are you?”
He laughed, delighted with my answer. “I’m Liam. This wog is Jack.” Liam was at least six feet two inches, but Jack was taller, and very blond.
“What the hell is a wog?” I asked.
“Ow ya goin’?” Jack said. “We’re just in from Oz.”
“Great,” I said, knotting the robe belt and pulling it tight.
Tyler padded in, glowering at the two men. I’d never seen his expression so severe.
Liam held out his hand to Tyler. His bicep was as big around as my head, and I wondered how he carried all that muscle mass on a hike to a fire.
Tyler stared at Liam’s hand until he took it back, but the Australian didn’t seem fazed.
“There’s an undressed woman in your midst, gentlemen. I suggest you excuse yourself to another room until she’s otherwise.”
Jack slapped Liam on the shoulder. “They’re a bit uptight about nudity. Let’s not piss off the crew on our first day.”
Liam didn’t take his gaze from Tyler’s, but he wasn’t challenging him. With his unrelenting stare and amused grin, Liam was letting Tyler know he was far from intimidated, which only pissed off Tyler more.
The Aussies left, and Tyler joined me at the sink. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, waving my hand dismissively. “You’re no longer the only Alpine hotshot crewmember who’s seen me naked.”
Tyler clenched his teeth. “We should have just had them go straight to Colorado Springs.”
“Then we wouldn’t have had last night.”
He smiled, gently pinching a few strands of my hair. “It’s a political fire. They need all hands on deck. Maybe you should stay.”
I frowned. “And what the hell am I going to do here? Take pictures of flowers? The barracks? Jojo will be pissed if I don’t go.”
“There’s a different TAC team. It’s not just Chief making the decisions. They might not let you up there.”
“I have a press badge. I can go wherever I want.”
Tyler breathed out a laugh. “That’s not exactly accurate.”
I pulled a brush through my wet hair.
“My God, you’re beautiful in the morning.”
“No longer strangely appealing?”
“I never said that about you. I was talking about how much I liked that you smelled like a wild fire.”
I squeezed out toothpaste on my toothbrush, making Tyler grin. I pointed my brush at him. “Don’t even think about it. We’ve got crew here now.”
Tyler seemed unhappy. “They just got here.”
“They’re still crew.”
“Or maybe you heard his accent and suddenly you don’t want us to have a thing.”
I wrinkled my nose. “You’re not serious.”
He shrugged. “Chicks dig that.” He walked off, and I brushed my teeth like I was punishing them.
We packed our bags, and Tyler called Chief, letting him know the Australians had arrived. The guys loaded up in a forestry truck and began the hundred and thirty miles south, down Highway 36 to Colorado Springs.
“How long a drive is it, mate?” Jack asked.
“About two and half hours,” Tyler said. “Give or take.”
Jack adjusted a few times, and I turned. “You must be sick of traveling. When did you get in?”
“Late last night. We drove over first thing this morning,” Jack said. He smiled a lot, making him seem younger, even though he was all muscle.
“Hit the ground running?” I said.
“What’s that, darlin’?” Jack said.
I laughed, knowing it was going to be an interesting drive. We both spoke English, but the slang was going to be a challenge. “Just that you started working the second you landed.”
“That’s the way we like it,” Liam said.
I faced forward, adjusting my seat belt. Tyler had both hands on the wheel, his knuckles white.
“What?” I said. We were sharing the cab of the truck, but the Aussies were chatting, and the engine helped to muffle anything I didn’t direct at them.
“I’m just thinking of this morning.”
“You’re not the only one who’s ever seen me unclothed.”
“I know,” he said, closing his eyes. “I know, but I wasn’t there to witness it.”
“You’re going to have get over it,” I said. “You have to work with these guys.”
“Maybe I could if I knew what the hell we were doing.”
I wrinkled my nose, caught off guard by his sudden ire. “It’s not like you’ve brought it up.”
“Actually, I have. I was trying to be patient.”
“What happened to that?” I asked.
“A man can only be patient for so long.”
“And what does that mean, exactly? Did I miss the deadline I didn’t know I had? Everything was fine two hours ago. Why are you so pissed off?”
He didn’t answer, his jaws fluttering beneath the skin.
Liam leaned up, patting Tyler’s shoulder. “Sorry about your girl.”
“She’s not my girl,” Tyler said.
I curled my shoulders forward and looked out the window, trying hard to seem unaffected. The Aussies were instantly quiet, making the awkwardness even worse. I didn’t realize how much Tyler’s dismissal would hurt. The entire time we’d known each other, I had thought I was the one being pursued, but in that instant I understood why I’d held back: Tyler had left his dad, his friends, his brothers behind. Deep down I knew he was going to leave me, too.
The engine revved, and the tires spun on the asphalt, creating a high-pitched hum. I couldn’t talk, so I folded my arm against the window and closed my eyes, pretending to sleep.
Tyler spoke when the Aussies asked him questions about the Alpines, keeping silent while they chatted in the back seat, discussing their enthusiasm for the hikes in the mountains and the cooler climate.
Liam paused, and then called up to Tyler. “What’s the story with the sheila?”
“Her name is Ellison.”
“Okay, what’s the story with Ellison, then?”
“She’s a photographer for a local magazine. She’s following us around for fire season, documenting what it is that we do.”
“She’s a beaut,” Liam said. “She’s got the lightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.”
Tyler stayed quiet, but I didn’t have to open my eyes to see his expression.
“Does she have a boyfriend?” Liam asked.
“Crikey,” Jack said, disgusted. He clearly understood what Liam didn’t, that something was going on between Tyler and me, even if he wouldn’t admit to it.
“You’re barking up the wrong tree, pal. She’s into girls,” Tyler said.
Technically, he wasn’t lying, but it didn’t make me feel any less pissed. Up until that moment, Tyler had been forthcoming and unapologetic about his feelings for me. Now he was acting like a prepubescent who was trying to act cool in front of his buddies.
The two and a half hours felt like an eternity, and by the time we pulled into the hotel parking lot, my body was stiff and screaming for me to move.
I stepped out onto the asphalt, and then scrambled to pull my camera out of the bag and slipped the strap over my head, snapping pictures of the pink ball of fire behind the thick layer of smoke in the sky.
“That’s nothing, darl,” Liam said. “You should come back to Oz with me.”
Tyler grabbed his duffel and slammed the driver side door, walking quickly into the lobby. Liam and Jack followed, and I walked behind them, standing back while Tyler and the Aussies checked in.
The lobby was drab, decorated in beige and fake plants, and full of firefighters, some of them gearing up to go out, others standing around with a beer in their hand. A chalk sign by the bar read Welcome, Firefighters! Half-price IPAs and appetizers!
Tyler began arguing with the female desk clerk, and then he pulled out his cell phone.
I frowned when he produced his wallet, slapping his credit card on the desk. The clerk ran his card and handed it back with two small envelopes. He looked around for me, and then walked across the room to where I stood.
“Here,” he said, handing me one of the envelopes.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“I got you a room.”
“I could have done that,” I said. “I have a card from the magazine.”
He sighed. “I didn’t know that. Anyway, I took care of it.” I started to walk around him toward reception, but he took my arm. “What are you doing?”
“I’m giving them my card so you don’t have to pay for my room.”
“I told you I took care of it.”
I pulled away from him, glancing around at the different faces in the room. Most of the firefighters hadn’t noticed our exchange, but the Aussies had.
“What is your deal?” I hissed.
“I’m just trying to get you a fucking room, Ellie.”
“No, why are you so mad? You’re like … I don’t even know this person.”
Tyler sighed, looking at everything in the lobby but me. “It’s me.”
“The jealous, asshole you?”
He laughed once, fidgeting. “Who the fuck am I jealous of?”
“Liam saw me naked. So what? It would have ended there if you wouldn’t have not only told him I was single, but fanned the flame of every man’s fantasy.”
“Huh?”
“You told him I like girls,” I snapped.
“It’s the truth.”
“Well, don’t be surprised if Liam asks me for a threesome one of these days.”
Tyler snarled. “Right up your alley.”
“I can’t believe you’re so intimidated by him.”
Tyler took a step closer. “Let’s get something straight, sweetheart. No one intimidates me.”
“You’ve sure been pissy since Liam walked in.”
“I saw you,” he seethed.
“Saw me what?”
“When he walked in on you. You just stood there. Took you a full three seconds to even cover yourself.”
“Oh? So I’m supposed to rush to protect my lady parts because some rude dick walks in on me? You walk around with your ass out all the time at the barracks.”
“That’s different.”
“Why? Because I have tits? When have you ever known me to be modest?”
“Exactly.”
“Fuck you.”
I snatched the envelope out of his hand and stomped to the elevators, mashing the button several times until the door opened. The family already inside slipped past me to the hallway, the daughter wearing a bathing suit and holding a flamingo inner tube around her waist.
I rode up to the third floor, walking down the hallway and around the corner to my room. My shaking fingers fumbled with pulling the key card out of its casing, and then I held up the card to the sensor, but a large hand covered mine, pushing it down.
“Goddammit, Ellie,” Tyler said. “You’re right. I’m jealous as fuck. You’re sending all these mixed signals and some guy walks in on you, sees you naked, then he’s asking about you … I have a million fucking feelings swirling around. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’ve never felt like this before.”
I held up the card again, and the lock buzzed. I pushed down on the handle, looking up at Tyler. “Grow up,” I said, shoving through the door and then slamming it behind me.