Of all the things I thought I’d have to face, this wasn’t it. I knew something was going on with Michael—but I had no idea what. I didn’t expect him to try and push me away though. I’m tired, I’m cranky and the last thing I want to do is fight with Michael.

“Michael, Connor didn’t sleep well last night and I’m tired—”

“That’s just another reason you need to go home,” he interrupts me. At this point, I’m just done.

“Quit being a stupid ass. I’m not leaving you. I don’t know why at this point, because clearly you’re completely stupid, but I happen to love you. I fought to keep you with me and no one—not even you, will get me to change my mind at this point. You told me you loved me. You wanted to be Connor’s father, so it’s time for you to man up and stop trying to get out of your promises.”

“I’m not trying to get out of anything, damn it.”

“Well, it sure looks like it from where I’m sitting,” I respond, liking that I see a spark of anger from him. That’s much better than his eyes avoiding mine.

“I’m trying to be honest with you!”

“Then, I’m sorry honey, but it’s not translating. I need you to speak English.”

“There’s something wrong with me,” he grumbles, and I find my first smile.

“Michael, I knew that when I fell in love with you, despite your sour disposition and your tendency to grunt instead of speak.”

“I’m being serious, Hayden. I think there’s something wrong with me.” I see a flash of fear cross his face. I tighten my hold on his hand, while pushing his hair out of his face with my other one. “You’re always trying to hide this beautiful face from me,” I chastise him gently.

“Hayden—”

“Talk to me, Michael. Really talk to me. What’s going on in that head of yours?” I ask him, praying I’m finally getting through to him.

“I’ve been talking to Annabelle,” he confesses, his dark eyes troubled.

“Your daughter?”

“Yeah. She is my daughter, Hayden. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t father her.”

“I’m sorry Drummer told you…that you had to find out like that, I mean.”

“I kind of already knew—mostly. But it didn’t matter, Hayden. I already loved Annabelle—she was mine in every way that counted,” he stresses. It’s almost as if he’s pleading his case to me, which is the last thing I want.

“I know that, Michael! I’m the last person you ever have to explain that to! You will always be Connor’s father, and I have no doubt in my mind you doted on Annabelle. Is that what’s going on? Are you worried about being Connor’s dad? Because I can understand if you don’t want to take—”

“No absolutely not. I love Connor. I love you, Hayden. I never want you to question that,” he interrupts, and I do feel better, but also more confused.

“Then what is this about?”

“When Drummer had me tied up…I heard Annabelle. She would talk to me, Hayden. She told me you were coming. Hell, she told me when you were there.”

I take a deep breath.

“Honey, you were—”

“Don’t try to tell me I was delirious, or that things like that happen under stress. I know that, but this was different. This was more. I felt her, Hayden…I heard her in my head…and I could…”

“Could what?”

“Smell her. The scent of her shampoo…it blanketed me in that hellhole. The place smelled like strawberries constantly and it’s not the first time it has happened. That day your store was being robbed, it happened then, too, and then again when you went into labor. I know it sounds crazy, I do…but it happened just the same.”

“Michael,” I start and then stop. “You’re not going crazy.”

“Hayden, you don’t understand. I don’t want to be around you and Connor if something happens and I snap. What if I hurt one of you? I wouldn’t do it intentionally, but what if I didn’t realize what was really happening? What if—”

“Michael that day I came to the warehouse, I smelled the strawberry scent, too. I never really smelled how bad it was inside that room. I couldn’t understand why Devil and all of the other men were talking about it so much. I promise you, Michael. I completely believe you.”

“Do you think Annabelle—”

“Honey, I don’t know. Who am I to say she did or didn’t?” I quickly interrupt him. I need to make him understand something. “I will tell you what I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt.”

“What’s that?”

“When you love someone so deeply that it feels like it lives inside of you? That kind of love never dies. It lives on forever. Annabelle will live on because of your love, and I think if there was any way she could reach out to her Dad when he needed her? She would. Because a love like that is special. Unconditional love is something death can never claim.”

“I let her down, Hayden,” he confesses, his voice full of shame and hurt. The tears sliding down his face. He’s not sobbing. They’re just slow running tears that keep dropping. His dark eyes look so bleak my heart breaks. Michael has so much pain inside of him, how can I ever help him so that he can heal?

“You did not, Michael, we—”

“I wasn’t able to save her. I was her father! I was supposed to protect her, keep her safe, and I failed. I failed, and she died,” he says so quietly, I have to strain to hear him.

“You did not let her down. Jan had no business taking her out of the club when you guys were on lockdown. She knew not to. Michael—”

“I knew what kind of woman Jan was, and I still wanted her around to help raise Annabelle. I kept her around so I could live my life without having to change or give up one damn thing. I—”

“You’re talking stupid,” I all but growl. I tighten my hand on his so tight his skin turns white from my grip. “You’re only human, just like the rest of us. You did the best you could do. You loved Annabelle. You loved her completely. Skull told me there were nights when she was sick that you would sit up all night with her, just so she would get her medicine on time. He said there were times when you would get in, after being gone before daylight, and the rest of the men would crash because they were so tired, but you would go to Annabelle and spend the entire evening with her playing blocks and holding her until she fell asleep.”

“But…”

“He said you’d go days without sleep, just so you were always there for Annabelle. He said you wouldn’t allow yourself to fail the club or your daughter. You were one of the few men he could always depend on.”

“I should have disappointed the club!” he yells, and I wish he could stop raking himself over the coals. “I should have taken my daughter away and never let anything touch her. I should have kept her away from—”

“Michael, stop. None of us knows what God’s plan is. If you had left the club maybe she would have lived, maybe she would have died a different way, honey. We don’t know.”

“Don’t say it, Hayden. Don’t say it was her time. Don’t. I hate that shit. People say that crap all the time. It was just her time. God, had a different plan for her. The first thing people do when you lose someone you love, is spout that crap. My favorite is, He probably took her now because if he hadn’t she may have died from cancer or something worse later on. It’s all bullshit. All of it! I’m not sure there is a God, but if there is, who in the hell is he to decide if I can or can’t have my daughter? Who in the hell is he to take my daughter away from me. I loved her, Hayden. I loved her,” he cries and that’s when the sobs start. They shake his body and finally, years of grief begins to trickle out.

I get on the bed and curl into him, holding him with all the strength I have—letting him cry. His head lays on my chest and he holds onto me while he cries. Tears are falling down my face too. Tears for Annabelle…but, mainly my tears are for Michael…for the pain and hurt that is embedded so deeply inside of him. I know now that all of it will never leave him. There’s no way it could.

“I know you loved her, Michael. I know you loved her,” I whisper to him gently, letting my tears fall unchecked and praying my body absorbs every trace of his.

“Why Annabelle? Why, Hayden? Why couldn’t it be me? Why can’t my daughter be here discovering how beautiful life is? Why can’t she be wrapped in love and feel the sun…”

“How do you know she’s not, Michael?” I ask, pulling away enough so I can look in his eyes. I kiss his forehead, because I can’t resist that simple touch. “How do you know, Michael?”

“Because she’s not here—”

“You said that you felt her with you. That every time you needed her, you smelled her shampoo, and you could feel her. Just because you can’t see her, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t real.”

“But—”

“There’s no other way to explain it. I could smell the strawberries too, remember? I felt the warmth when there was no possible explanation for it. Who is to say she wasn’t right there with you, helping her Daddy in any way she could? You know it was her in your heart. You’ve already decided that. Keep that inside of you, Michael. Because that’s proof that somewhere she lives on.”

“I want her here…”

“None of us want to lose someone we love, Michael. But, if this is possible, who is to say Annabelle isn’t happy? That what she sees is even more beautiful? That she’s not completely happy touching the stars?”

“Do you really think that’s possible?”

“I think where there is love, anything is possible, Michael. You taught me that.”

I’d like to say my words reached him, but in that moment our small sterile hospital room goes from smelling like antiseptic to strawberries. I see Michael’s eyes widen in disbelief, and my tears begin falling harder than his.

“I smell them, too,” I whisper, knowing he’ll understand. “I smell them too.”

He pulls up looking around the room and though he doesn’t see anything, I don’t think it matters. He pulls me even closer and buries his head in the side of my neck, his hold on me is a tight bruising force—and it’s never felt so good.

“I love you, Hayden. With everything I am, I love you,” he whispers, and it feels like a vow.

“I love you, Michael. I always will,” I respond and that is a vow. One I will gladly honor the rest of my life and whatever comes after.