Tara
I am laying on the sofa looking up at the ceiling. It’s quiet. I like it. I’m caught up on all my studying so I didn’t have that to do. I ate a little of the food that Bud fixed for me but I put the rest away in the refrigerator with what was left of my lunch. I went over to the convenience store across the street and grabbed some deodorant, a toothbrush, and tooth paste. I barely made it before they closed and trial sizes are better than nothing. Those were a must.
I made sure the door was locked up and I put some boxes in front of it, not that it would stop anyone, but at least I will get a little notice if someone tries to come in. I trust Bud but with the break-ins around the neighborhood it makes me feel better. I took my jeans off and inspected them for stains from today and they look somewhat clean. I’m sleeping in the t-shirt I worked in and I have the extra one in my backpack for work in the morning. I never wear makeup so people are used to the natural look from me. I will need to go home before my next shift. I’m not looking forward to that confrontation but at least if mom throws me out I have someplace to go for a little while and maybe Liam won’t be around.
This room is clean considering it’s not used very much. There’s the big boxes of to-go cups and plates but I could make this place do for a little while. I look in the closet and I find a throw blanket and some couch pillows. It will do for now. I also see some old paperback books and a radio clock combo.
I take the blanket and pillows and throw them on the sofa. I look through the paperbacks and chose one that looks like it might be something I would read. I take it and the radio and put them on the sofa.
I can’t help but think about my conversation with Bud. I know Bud said he wants me for extra eyes but I have the feeling he is just trying to look out for me. I know Bud’s heart is in the right place but I don’t like taking and not giving something in return. I feel like that is too close to how my mom and Sheila are and that is not who I want to be. If Bud is serious, maybe I can work a few extra hours and not charge Bud for it or do some extra cleaning in the kitchen. There’s always extra cleaning hours to keep us good with the health department or cleaning freezers to keep the food rotated. I could clean and organize in here so Bud can get the most out of the space he has.
I must admit, when Bud said I didn’t have friends, it kind of hurt. It’s true but it still hurt knowing it’s a known fact about me. You would think a woman at the age of twenty-two years would have at least one friend. I don’t think I can count the women that work at the library or my teachers. They are the only people I interact with except for the people at work. I know I have been focused on getting my education even if it is taking me longer than the average student but I will get there.
Joey got away from our dysfunctional family and that is my goal. I don’t have hard feelings toward Joey for doing what I have wanted to do since I can remember but I miss him. I am glad he is doing with his life exactly what he dreamed of. I know one day I will have that if I just stay true to the goals I have set. I wish I knew exactly what it is I wanted to do. What career is best suited for me? I’ve never really had a dream except to get away from my mom and Sheila. I just want normal, whatever normal is. It sounds awful even to me. I just know I don’t want to need or to depend on a man to take care of me. I think I am scarred from my upbringing. No, that’s not correct, I know I am.
I make the sofa as comfortable as possible. I’ve slept on worse and at least I feel somewhat safe. I brush my teeth and wash my face. I’ll take a shower in the morning to help wake me up. I hook the alarm clock up and make sure the alarm works. I set the alarm a little early so my hair will have time to dry. I usually wake up by myself. I have an internal alarm that will not let me sleep late even if I have a day I could sleep in. I check the door one more time and put the boxes back. I snuggle up on the sofa and pick up the paperback but I am tired. It seems like my work days never end. I can hear the traffic down below on the street and I think I hear the distinct sound of a motorcycle and my mind drifts to Rome but that is the last thought I have before I drift off.
****
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! I nearly jump straight up off the sofa. I reach over and turn the alarm off. I stretch and turn. Trying to get the sleeping kinks out of my back. Wow, it doesn’t feel that bad. I walk to the window and look out. Still dark outside.
I feel pretty good. In fact, I feel darn good. I fold the blanket up and put it on the back of the sofa. I fluff up the pillows and leave them on one end. I get my clothes and go into the bathroom and take a quick shower. The hot water feels soothing on my body and it wakes me up. I dry off the best I can with the small towels and dress quickly. I brush my teeth and brush the knots out of my wet hair. I clean the bathroom up and hang the towel over the top of the shower curtain rod to dry. I dry the rest of my stuff off with a towel and stick it in my backpack. Making sure I don’t leave a mess. I put all the trash in one bag and tie it up. I make sure I have everything clean and then I put my hair in a ponytail and grab the damp towels. I look around again. I move the boxes back where they were and look at the clock. I still have thirty minutes but Bud will be open already. Maybe we will have time to talk. I walk down the stairs and drop the trash off in the dumpster. I walk in the front door and I see Mildred is already making coffee. I walk back through the kitchen and I see Bud has another cook working with him this morning. I take the towels back and put them in the washer and put my extra t-shirt in with it. I start it and Bud comes in behind me. He is all smiles this morning and I must say I feel the same way.
“How did you sleep last night? Any problems?” Bud asks me.
“I slept great and everything was good. I’ll go back up and get the food from the refrigerator when I get off. I cleaned everything up.” Bud is nodding his head but then he looks at me.
“Does that mean you will stay up there for a while? At least until I can afford a few of those cheap cameras.” I guess Bud was serious about the extra eyes thing.
“I will, but only if you let me work a few extra hours to pay you some rent. It’s only fair.” Bud gets that look on his face when I know he is going to argue with me.
“Tara, you are doing me a favor but I’ll compromise. I’m going to get the phone line run up there today. I have a buddy that owes me a favor. That way you will have a way to contact me if you hear or see anything. You stay for free until I get the cameras set up. Once they are set up then we will talk again about the extra hours. I will move the half bed up there today, also. End of discussion.” I want to argue but I can’t. “Grab what you need because I am taking you to get the things you need from home. I’ll be tied up the rest of the day so we will have to do it now.” Bud is waiting for my response but I don’t know exactly what to say.
“I can do it later.” Is what I come up with.
“Don’t you have class a class tomorrow night, wouldn’t today be better?” Bud is right. “Besides, I don’t want your mom and sister giving you a hard time. This time of the morning they’ll be asleep. You can get in and out without a fuss.”
“I share a room with my sister.” I think about it and Bud is right. I know where all my things are. It’s not like I have that much. “Are you sure? If I wake them up there will be hell to pay.”
“Yes, I’m sure. I’ll grab a few empty boxes we have and some trash bags. It might not be the best way to move but it’s fast.” Bud is the best boss and I realize that Bud was wrong yesterday. I do have friends, him and Sal. They may be my bosses but they are also my friends.
I grab my backpack while Bud is getting the boxes and trash bags. It takes me a while to get to work from my apartment but I am always walking. The ride over in Bud’s truck doesn’t take long. Bud parks in front of my apartment building and it looks quiet. At six o’clock in the morning it usually is. I don’t see Sheila’s car, or mom’s either. I look up and I see no lights on in the windows to our apartment.
“You sure you want to come up? You can wait here and it won’t take long.” I don’t want Bud to witness the way Mom and Sheila will react if I wake them up.
“I’m coming up with you. Deal with , Tara.” Bud sounds like a papa bear. I just hope he doesn’t regret it. Bud gets out of his door and grabs the two boxes. I take the trash bags. We finally make it to the apartment. I open the door as quietly as possible. The living room is trashed. There is beer bottles and take-out cartons all over the place. Bud walks in behind me and takes in the way the place looks. I am ashamed of the pig pen.
“I’m sorry, Bud. The place doesn’t usually look this bad. They must have had people over.” There’s not much else I can say.
“Do you usually clean up after everyone?” Bud asks me.
“Yes, but they don’t leave it this way very often.” I am honest with Bud. He shakes his head.
“Gather up what you need, sweetheart. This time they can clean their own damn mess.” I go to my bedroom and open the door. The room looks like a tornado hit it. Tornado Sheila, but at least she isn’t home. I still have the trash bags in my hand so I strip my bed, pillows and all, and put everything in one trash bag and tie it up. I go to my dresser and start opening drawers. I put everything in another trash bag. I go to my closet and pull down a couple more blankets and put them in another trash bag. I bend down and pick up the shoes I have, three pair, and throw them in, too.
I pick up the trash bags and take them to Bud. “I’ll take these down and be back.” I just nodmy head. I take two of the boxes and go back in the bedroom and clean out the nightstand beside my bed with the rest of my school papers, my mail, and the jewelry I have. Then I go to the bathroom with the other box. I get my personal items out along with my hair products, blow dryer, flat iron, and the little makeup I have. I also grab the towels and wash clothes I bought myself.
I can’t believe I am twenty-two years old and this is all I have. A couple of boxes and a few trash bags. I’ve never been one to hang onto a lot of material things but this is ridiculous. I don’t even own a dress. I know I need to do better for myself.
I go back to the living room and look around. Bud walks back in so I get the boxes so he can get them loaded. When Bud is gone, I go to my mom’s room and open the door. I see she is not home either. I go to her closet and find the box that I am looking for. It holds all our important papers and some snapshots from my childhood. I left these in here so Sheila wouldn’t destroy it if she threw a fit. That’s one of Sheila’s favorite things to do is destroy anything important to me. I shut the closet door and then leave my mom’s room. I go to the kitchen and there’s really nothing in here that is worth taking. I go back to the front room and Bud is waiting on me.
“That’s it.” I don’t know what else to say.
“Let’s get going then.” Bud’s right. I feel sad leaving this apartment. Why, I don’t know. The only thing my mom and Sheila will miss me for is money. I just wish I could turn off my feelings for them both.