Chapter 36
Bellis paced inside Sam’s cell. The space felt cramped with him, Sam, Monroe, and Fatal all crammed into it, with RedKnife and King waiting on the other side of the bars. That fucker Keo came into the cell too, and Bellis was seriously wondering if he needed more holes in his damn head, because he wasn’t sure the Keeper had heard his claim. Right now, Bellis’ inner beasts were on edge, and the man in him was barely maintaining control. Monroe was making it worse.
Monroe had taken the lead once they’d arrived at Sam’s cell and he was doing everything wrong. First, he’d started by informing Sam of the casualties sustained in the battle with the Megalya at the Hive. She’d looked so damn regretful that it infuriated him. None of that was her fault! Monroe was the one who’d conspired with Fatal behind his and Sam’s back to track them to the Hive and attack while they were inside. Hell, neither Sam nor Bellis even knew they’d been followed by the Keepers or the army of Skin Walkers.
After his breakdown of casualties during the battle at the Hive, Monroe launched into a recap of all those injured at the initial attack on the Estate. With each recounting, Sam’s shoulders slumped further and her eyes dipped lower. Finally, she stopped looking at them all together. Bellis’ gaze bore into the top of her head, imploring her to look at him, but she didn’t lift her chin.
Concentrating on fingering a loose strand on the thin mat that comprised her mattress, Sam finally spoke, and it was so damn emotionless that Bellis tensed. “I don’t know why you’re all so surprised. I warned you that I’d hurt you.” She shrugged a shoulder negligently, and when she quickly glanced up, Bellis noted that her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Just one blink and they’d spill…but Sam refused to blink. “As a matter of fact, you should all leave now. I’m angry, and you don’t want to see how cruel I can be when I’m angry.”
Just like the threat, her words were hollow, her tone lacking her usual venom.
Monroe inched closer. “Sam, the point of my recap is to let you know that you didn’t cause the pain that was suffered.”
She gave a mirthless laugh and turned her head toward the wall. She attempted to disguise the brushing of her hand over her cheek, but Bellis caught it. They all did. When she spoke again, her voice was so strong that if Bellis hadn’t scented the tears, hadn’t seen them, he’d have been unaware of them finally falling. “Of course I did.” She crawled over her med bed to cram herself into the furthest corner, drawing her knees into her chest and resting her cheek against a knee. She stared unseeing at the corner with her back to them, still refusing to meet anyone’s gaze. “I didn’t even have to try.” Her voice lowered. “I knew I wouldn’t. I knew I’d hurt people just by being related to him…just by being me. Just by existing. I’ve been as far to the bottom as there is a bottom. That kind of darkness doesn’t leave you. It seeps into you and fills you, until even when you think you’re free of it, the inky tendrils spill from hiding and remind you that you’re forever tainted. They wrap around you, blind you, choke you. They remind you that you belong to them. I belong to them.”
Bellis didn’t want to hear anymore. He wanted to hold her, to protect her, and to thank her for helping them, for proving her loyalty to them by helping him kill her brother. “Sam…”
“Stay away from me, Bellis. I’m dangerous.”
So, that was it? That was her fear? She was terrified that, simply by sharing the blood of a monster, she’d become that monster. It’s why she was avoiding him now, she didn’t want to hurt him.
The realization tore at Bellis, because Sam was trying to protect him again, just like she had in the Hive. Even when she believed he’d abandoned her, she’d still risked her life to save his. Now he was good and pissed at himself for not having the courage to have trusted Sam with his plan, or to have trusted enough in hers. He’d though that by leaving in her Odium’s cell he’d be able to end the war and go back for her. Now, he realized he’d only succeeded in convincing her that her trust in him was misguided. He hadn’t fixed it yet. He hadn’t told Sam he’d had every intention of going back for her, that he’d left her locked up to keep her safe. She genuinely believed he’d abandoned her, just like everyone else she’d loved and trusted had done. “You’re not evil, Sam.”
“Just leave.”
Her lack of emotion was shredding his insides. It was like all the fight had finally left her, like she was giving up on him. On herself. It was panic-inducing. “Not without you.”
She turned to pierce him with angry eyes, the neon-blue pinpoints flashing with the first sign of any real emotion. “It’s too late.” Her lip curled back in a derisive sneer, even as he scented her escalating pain. “It’s not over. You said so yourself. I still belong to them. I am not yours!” She turned her face back to the wall and wrapped both arms around her knees, holding herself tightly. “Leave!”
Bellis stood motionless, unsure if he should just grab her as he wanted and haul her with him, or respect her wishes. She looked so small, so fragile, so lonely, so…defeated. Worse, there had been no hope in her eyes. Before she thought he’d abandoned her, she’d actually held hope that something could exist between them. He’d seen it, felt it. Fool that he was, he’d failed to fan that hope and allow the flame of it to engulf them both. No, instead he’d left her, just as everyone else in her life had done. He was no better than everyone else that used her for what they wanted then discarded her without thought.
“LEAVE!” She screamed, the word breaking on a sob.
Monroe offered in his smooth confidant tone, “You’re free now, Sam. I’d like to offer you a place at StoneCrow. I’ve ensured all there know of your service and sacrifice. I promise, this time it’ll be different. Think on it.” He turned to look at Fatal before directing, “Gentlemen, let’s give the lady some time to decide.” Looking back at her he offered, “The cell is unlocked Sam. The doors are all open.” He turned and stalked from the room with Fatal close on his heels. Keo waited a moment until Bellis opened his mouth wide—flashing fang—and snarled at the Keeper. Reluctantly, Keo left, but not before saying, “Sam, if you need anything…”
Feet crunched in retreat, and then Sam and Bellis were alone. Bellis refused to move. Hands slowly curling into tight fists, he fought the fierce need to go to her, to comfort her, to soothe the pain that he’d caused. In that moment he hated Monroe, he hated Fatal and Keo, and more than anyone, he hated himself. “Sam?”
“Just go.” There was a plea in her voice, and he wanted to obey so that, for once, he could simply give her something.
“I-I…I can’t.”
“Sure you can.” She sniffled. “Do what you did last time. Take one last look, decide I’m not worth it, turn around, and walk the fuck out, Demon!” She chuffed a humorless laugh and lifted her arm to stare at it. “Oh! I forgot. I’m the demon now.”
“You’re not a demon, Samantha, and you are worth it.”
Sam lifted her hands and pressed them to her ears. “Don’t say that to me. Don’t you ever say that to me!”
“I was wrong,” he forged on. “I shouldn’t have walked away from you. I should have trusted you enough to share my plan. I failed you, Sam, not the other way around.”
“You’re failing me alright. You’re failing to convince me, now get the fuck out! I’m not listening to this!”
“I’m not leaving without you.”
“There’s nothing here for you to have with me.” She looked over her shoulder to pin him with angry, wounded eyes. “I’m the traitor, Bellis! Traitor to your kind, traitor to my kind, traitor to human kind! I’m evil and dangerous and…nothing! Just like my brother.” She ran her cheek over the back of one arm and drew in a deep breath, turning to stare once again at the wall. When she spoke again there was a warning in her tone. “I’m Megalya. Now leave, before I make you regret staying.”
“You could never make me…”
He didn’t get to finish before Sam jumped from the bed and crossed to the bars of the cell just beside the door. “Fatal won’t be pleased that you’re cavorting with his prisoner.”
Strong hands on her shoulders brought Sam spinning around to face the Walker towering in front of her, though she still refused to meet Bellis’ eyes.
“You’re not a fucking prisoner anymore. Look at me, Sam.”
She didn’t.
“Look! At! Me!”
The growled words had Sam slowly lifting her tear-filled eyes until they locked on the neon-blue of Bellis’.
“I am not a man, and yet you expect manly reactions from me. I do not trust blindly, and I cannot give the benefit of the doubt. My kind cannot afford such frivolity, but I’m telling you now, Sam, that I was wrong. I should have. If I could go back, I would. I was so concerned with protecting you, that I failed to include you. I made you feel left out, unwanted, used. I turned my back on you, even knowing you are mine. Do you hear me? You are mine! You always have been, and you always will be. If you think I’ll walk out on you again, you’re wrong. That flaw in my character has been corrected, but know this. When I left you in that cell, Samantha, it was for your protection. I thought I could end the war without you. I thought I could keep you safely tucked away while I finished what you started. It was selfish, and now I see that it was wrong.”
“Did you ask me?” she accused angrily. “Not once did any of you come right out and ask if I was working with Monroe. You all just assumed and accused! I was thrown in that cell without ever being given the chance to offer any defense.”
Bellis flinched, because she was right. From the beginning he’d had his doubts, but he’d never just come right out and asked her. He’d failed her from the start.
Sam’s chin dipped, and the look she shot up at him from her black skin and dark brows frowning over his eyes made his gut wrench. She looked like his!
“Take your fucking hands off me, Skin Walker, before I make you regret being born.”
Fuck that! He wasn’t letting her go. Not now, not ever again. With his voice filled with as much dominance as he could muster, he lowered his chin too so she could see just how serious he was, so she could feel his conviction as he gave his one word response. “No!”