Chapter 19
Aware first of the simple act of breathing, a great sadness settled in Sam’s chest like a heavy stone. Bellis had allowed her to inject whatever the fuck was in the needle into her neck.
Her eyes slowly fluttered open, light temporarily blinding her as she blinked against the stark intrusion. Either I’m in hell and it closely resembles a house, or I’m still alive.
She attempted to sit up, but the effort made her head throb and her mouth suddenly go dry as her stomach heaved violently. She moaned and rolled slowly to her side. Where is he?
She heard movement in another room, but couldn’t do more than simply lie on the bed and listen. Placebo? Jenny had clearly filled the syringe with something other than the toxin she’d led Sam to believe she held, but why? She was shocked to discover that they’d let her live.
When Bellis suddenly filled the doorway, her angry eyes met his amused gaze. He’d let her attempt to take her own life, and now had the audacity to grin about it.
“Get out!” The words came out harsh from her too-dry throat, and her cheeks singed in fury as his too-cocky grin only broadened at her command.
“It’s my house. I’m not leaving, and I’d thought you’d be a little more appreciative of your life.”
His house, huh? She glanced around quickly before her pink tongue darted out to lick her parched lips. It didn’t help. “Get! Out!”
His grin vanished as he strode toward her, moving with a predatory grace that quickly reminded her that he wasn’t just any other man. He dropped to his haunches, leveling his face with hers. “Monroe says you’ve been working with him.” He tilted his head to the side, gauging her. “You’ve been working with the Walkers to track down Megalya?”
Obviously! She ground her teeth together and muttered, “Finally.” More loudly she asked, “If Monroe confirms, why bother asking?”
He ignored her question. “Monroe sends his apologies, Sam. He didn’t know you’d been taken from the Estate. It wasn’t what he wanted.” Quietly he studied her then asked, “Why? Why help us?”
“Because I’m not some heartless bitch,” she ground out accusatorily. She knew it was what he thought of her. It’s what they all thought of her, what she had made them think of her.
“So, you’re not a heartless bitch. You’re not a Keeper either…or a Walker for that matter. You risk your life with your actions. What do you get in return?”
After all she’d sacrificed, after all she’d done on their behalf, here was a Skin Walker questioning her motives. The insinuation that she’d acted for some personal gain almost hurt more than the fact that he’d been willing to let her kill herself to prove her loyalty. Almost.
Still too weak from whatever drug he’d let her inject into herself; she couldn’t do more than roll to her back and stare up at the ceiling. It took long minutes before she was strong enough to muster enough strength to roll onto her side facing away from him. “Leave.”
A fierce growl was the only warning she got before rough hands gripped her shoulders, and then her body was pinned under the solid mass of Bellis’ frame. Piercing dark eyes sparked with rage as he snarled at her, his face so close to hers that their noses actually touched. “I want to know why you would risk your life for Walkers!”
His hold on her shoulders was crushing, and Sam could only lay helpless under the assault even as her own anger sparked. “I’m sorry if it offends you that I’d risk my life for your kind,” she spat from between clenched teeth. “If it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t extend the same courtesy to you.”
He threw back his head and roared. The sound was deafening, and quickly extinguished Sam’s bravado. She knew better than to taunt a Walker. Still, she couldn’t help it. Something about Bellis goaded her to confront him.
When he dropped his head to scowl at her, the gleaming pinpoints of neon-blue in his eyes had grown to fill his eyes as they sparked with fury. His nose touched hers again and he snarled, “Why such hatred of me?”
Swallowing hard, Sam held his gaze. “It’s not hatred of you. It’s an aversion to men.”
Her words clearly shocked him. Some of the ferocity left his features and his grip on her shoulders loosened by a fraction. “Why would you hate men?”
Regret and anguish flashed in her features before she steeled her face to a mask of indifference as she remembered the misery of her loss. It took her a moment to ensure that her voice wouldn’t waiver. Taking a deep breath, she spoke with upmost conviction. “Men. Use. Women.”
Sam tried to control her emotions, knowing that with his heightened senses he’d easily scent her grief if she dared for even a second to let herself reflect on what she’d endured. She watched his nostrils flare as he attempted to glean more from her scent than she was willing to give with words. She tore her eyes from his, turning her head to focus intently on the wall. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it. Think about something else. Think about revenge. Think about the anger…think about hate!
“I’m not like that, Sam. I’m a good man.”
“I wouldn’t know,” she instantly replied, eyes still locked on the wall. “I’ve never met one. And you can stop touching me now.”
She could feel Bellis’ eyes as they bore into her. He was trying to read her, scent her, to discover her secret—a secret he had no damn business knowing.
“What did he do to you?”
His words were so soft, Sam knew that, if she looked at him, she’d see pity in those gorgeous eyes. The sight would break her. Her façade would crumble, and she’d confess all to this God among men. The frightening thing was, it wasn’t because he pitied her, or hated her, and not even because he held her down under his weight. She’d confess it all to him because, after all the years of clinging to her hatred, she finally wanted to share it with someone else and let it go. She wanted to lay her burden at Bellis’ feet and see if he was strong enough to rescue her from the turmoil. The suffocating blanket of hatred that made her recklessly risk her life on the flimsy excuse that it was for a good cause. After confessing her role, something had changed in her. That dark, heavy weight she’d been carrying for so long had cracked. She felt almost light, like a tremendous slab of stone had held her down for so long, and now, new life was peeking through the cracks, straining for the sun. It was too soon for all that shit. Yet, finally, after all the years of solitude she knew—felt deep down—that she could feel something for Bellis. It honestly and wholly terrified the shit out of her.
They lay there for long minutes, his body pressed to hers. And with each passing minute, her awareness of him ratcheted higher. She knew what he was doing. He was waiting for her to show him that there was some good part of her, some pure part, some vulnerable heart that was still left. It was something she’d never do. She might be an asshole, but she wasn’t a fucking asshole, and the last thing she’d do would be to awaken any interest from Bellis StCroix, because she had no intention of forming any type of bond or relationship with him. No, she wouldn’t destroy another the way she’d been destroyed. She wasn’t a fucking coward. She knew what betrayal could do, and she’d fought long and hard to keep from becoming the very thing that had twisted her. If there was a redeeming quality about her, that’d be it, and yet it wasn’t enough to offer up to anyone. She’d be no Walker’s Angel, no Keeper’s mate, no man’s wife. All hope for that had burned away years ago. It had been seared from her with each abuse inflicted on her by the Megalya monsters, by Kennedy and Odium and their ultimate betrayal.
“Samantha?”
The use of her full name spoken softly, so imploringly, by what she knew was one of the fiercest of all Walkers had her blinking back the tears that flooded her eyes. No weakness. NO weakness! “Get. The fuck. Off me. Demon!”
She knew he hated when she called him that, his cheek always twitched when she used it, so she’d hoped it would work. It didn’t. Bellis leaned even closer, smashing her breasts between them as he growled in a sexy rumble, “Not until you talk.”
“Fine!” she clipped out. “What? What do you want to know?”
“I want to know about him.”
Sucking a deep breath was hard with his weight pinning her, but she managed, and then she talked.