I DREW HER body against mine, like I’d dreamed of doing for so long. It was effortless to slide my arms around her waist and relish in the sensation of embracing her flame. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers. “That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?”

“And what’s the answer?” She sounded so desperate for one, but I couldn’t give it to her. I had no idea what would come next, or where we’d end up. I wanted . . . well, I wanted her. There was no point denying it anymore—if there ever had been.

Every inch of my body longed to be near her, to claim her, to possess her. It was only a tiny logical part of my mind that still argued she was evil. In my heart, I could no more believe it about her than I could about myself.

I trailed my fingers into her hair, and she lifted her face up to meet my gaze. Her warm body pressed against mine, and the fire in her touch ignited raging infernos throughout my skin. She licked her lips, and that little movement was all the permission I needed to make my claim and declare everything with my touch.

Ever so slowly, in case my actions caused a negative reaction in her and made her flame hotter, I moved my mouth to hers. Drawing her bottom lip between my teeth, I ran my tongue across the smooth surface. My body quaked in anticipation as I held her tighter and explored her mouth with mine in small, tentative steps. My heart sang as she reciprocated each movement.

There was no part of me that could be untangled from the vines she had wrapped around my heart. Her world was about to become that much more dangerous simply by her proximity to me. I knew it but for the moment, I didn’t care.

Would she leave if she knew?

The answer was probably in the affirmative.

Shouldn’t she at least be given a choice?

Resisting a sigh as my conscience argued with my need, I pulled away from her embrace. “Evie, I don’t want this.”

“What?” she asked. Her incensed tone made me wince as it occurred to me that she’d misunderstood my statement.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want her. The opposite was true. I craved her, above me or beneath me; I didn’t care which. I ached to touch every inch of her, to have her writhing against my hold as I explored her body repeatedly. The reason I had to stop was because I didn’t only want the sexual connection. I wanted her but I wanted her to understand what that meant. A relationship with me would increase the danger in her life, and she couldn’t decide what she wanted without knowing the risks. She deserved better than that. We both did.

“What I mean is, I don’t want this now, like this. I don’t want to be shaped by my mistakes. I want what we had in Ohio before I stupidly threw it all away.” I barely realized I’d raised my hand to scrub the back of my neck until I saw her eyes assessing the movement.

“But you can’t turn back the clock.”

“I know, and I’m not trying to. I just . . .” My breath caught in my throat, and I tried to clear it. “God, why is this so hard?”

How could I explain to her that I’d spent the last two years with my heart and my head locked in a constant battle over her? That time, combined with being here with her, made me certain about what I wanted.

Even as I thought about the risk to her life, the countless monsters that had been beheaded or shot at my hand flashed through my mind. She needed to understand my side of the battle or the litany of scars that crossed my torso would be sure to disgust her. She had to know about it all, had to know why I was willing to destroy them and why my family would destroy her. If she didn’t, she’d be going in with closed eyes, and that would get her killed.

Thoughts of what my family would do to her sent chills through me. If they were to discover that I was here, merely contemplating having a relationship with a phoenix, she would be dead before I even had a chance to utter my first word of explanation. If they ever found out about her, it would bring untold danger into her life. They wouldn’t pause long enough to consider my feelings or whether they were wrong about her true nature. She would be just another creature slaughtered for the cause, or worse, captured for study by the Assessors. I fought down the bile that rose in my throat at the thought of her in their hands.

The Assessors were a special team within the Rain whose job it was to interrogate and test the subjects. Most were only a margin less psychotic than some of the monsters we hunted out in the field. Their primary function was to ensure that the lore was accurate and that the information about how best to destroy the creatures we hunted was assimilated out into the field.

Despite officially being little more than pencil-pushers and desk jockeys, constrained to the office and only facing monsters that had already been captured and subdued, they were each individually responsible for at least as many deaths per year as field operatives were. They gave me the creeps, which was why I hadn’t lasted long in the program. Despite that though, I could generally understand the need for them and was willing to use my skills to help them where I could.

In truth, it was selfish of me to even be in Charlotte asking Evie to take the risk for me, but I couldn’t stay away. Despite that need to be with her, I’d rather walk away with the memory of this pristine moment than have her drive me away later because of the danger my family posed. “I just want you to be sure that you want this, that you want me, before we go any further. We come from two different worlds and mine isn’t safe for you. Being with me will be dangerous.”

She sighed as if I’d asked the most ridiculous thing in the world of her. “Clay, the world is dangerous to me because there are people like the Rain in it. I’m no stranger to living day to day, or doing whatever is needed to survive.”

Even though I needed her to see the risk, I was selfish. I didn’t want the threat of death or the truth of the deeds I’d done in the name of saving humanity to drive her away.

“I’m just saying that I’m willing to walk away from that part of my life for you, but I can’t be with you unless I know that you’re aware of the risks.”

“You won’t hurt me.” The way she said it, it almost sounded like an earnest statement, but it was clear from her posture and from the doubt in her eyes that she didn’t really believe it—at least not completely.

“I won’t,” I assured her. “But that doesn’t mean my world won’t come back to haunt us.”

“If I said no, that I didn’t want this and walked out of here, will the Rain stop hunting me?”

We both knew the answer to the question, but she wanted me to confirm it. She was what they considered to be an evil creature. If they caught her trail they wouldn’t let her go free, and I told her as much with a shake of my head.

“Then any danger they pose isn’t your fault, is it?” She surprised me by reaching one hand up to caress my cheek.

The sensation of her willing touch spoke to the dark places in me that just wanted to take her in my arms and have my way with her. I closed my eyes as she pressed her lips against mine. My tongue surged forward to meet with hers until my mind caught up with what was happening, and with reluctance, I stopped the kiss.

“Will you come back tomorrow?” I asked.

“What’s wrong with now?” she practically begged.

Nothing! Nothing is wrong with now. Take her! Just do it! Just fucking do it! There’s a perfectly good sleeping bag right there!

I released a breath, hoping to gather my thoughts a little better and send my libido packing before I spoke.

“I want you to go home and think about what I said. If you’re willing to try to see where this might lead, then come back tomorrow.” I regretted each word as it came out.

“And if I don’t come back?”

The thought of it was enough to cause an ache to spread across my chest and my breath to run short. It would’ve been less painful for her to cut out my heart. “Then I’ll have my answer about how you feel.”

And probably hate myself for letting you go again. Tell her that. Tell her that you want her to stay as desperately as you need her to go!

Loser.

She appeared reluctant to leave, but if she stayed much longer my resolve would falter. I needed her to be certain before I could even think about risking both of our lives to see where things could go between us.

“Please, Evie?” I offered her my hand and led her back to the roller door, hoping that by being outside I would be able to resist her siren call.

Her hand lingered in mine as she turned to face me. “I’ll be back tomorrow,” she whispered. I wasn’t sure whether it was to reassure me or convince herself.

“I’ll be waiting.” If the previous night was anything to go by, the hours until she came back would feel like days, but I was making the right choice. If she returned, we could work out the rest.

I caressed her face as I gave her a soft kiss goodbye. The temptation to linger on her lips was immense, but I somehow managed to pull away. Although if the past was any indication, I knew I’d be reliving all the soft touches again that night in the shower and in my dreams, and probably once more in the early morning hours.

The moment she climbed into her truck, my chest tightened. It was difficult to breathe as a vice locked around my heart and squeezed. Watching her drive away was too much to bear, so I turned away to go back inside.

Halfway to the door, I stopped with a ridiculous thought. Even though I’d cleaned it as much as possible, my place was a hovel. The only place I had for Evie to sit was on a single-sized sleeping bag. As much as I wanted her in a bed, preferably naked and screaming my name in pleasure, a single-sized sleeping bag wouldn’t be a decent substitute for the real thing. She deserved far better than that.

If she actually turned up the next morning, it would potentially be the start of a relationship with her. I didn’t want to give her anything less than everything.

Idiot! I’d all but asked her to come back for a date, and I couldn’t even offer her food.

You’re seriously considering dating a monster?

The negative voice in my head was wrong. She wasn’t a monster. I was certain of it now.

The thought of her smile, her heat, her lips, and her body left me grinning. Her face swum in my vision, and I knew I owed it to her to do more to prepare for when—if—she showed up the next day. It couldn’t be just the two of us alone with nowhere clean to sit and nothing to eat.

I compiled a mental list of ways I could show her how serious I was about my commitment to walk away from my family and to join her in her life on the run if that was what she wanted. There was a strong possibility I’d have to win over her father, and ask for his permission to join them. If being with her meant I had to endure some time with her old man, I was willing to accept those terms.

Deciding on a plan for our first date, I headed back into my bedroom space to make an actual list of everything I’d need for the following day. I had the stack of money I’d stolen from Dad’s emergency stash. Although I had my own trust account, and could have accessed more funds from there, any transactions on those accounts would likely raise alarms about my absence sooner. The money wasn’t much in the scheme of things, only a few grand, but at least that meant Dad was less likely to notice it missing. It would barely last a few months if I wasn’t careful, but there was enough to risk a small splurge, especially if doing so would gain me some favor with Evie.

Slipping the money into my pocket, I left the warehouse and headed toward a camping supplies shop. It was where I’d bought the few things I’d already filled my makeshift room with—a camping oven, sleeping bag, and some other basics. The best thing about the walk was that it took me almost directly past Evie’s house. At least, it did with only a minimal detour. By the time I walked there, she would have been home and settled in.

Unless she’s changed her mind and doesn’t want to be with you, the negative voice in my head taunted me.

She could be halfway to anywhere by now if that was the case. My feet pushed harder against the road at the thought of her leaving without saying goodbye. My heart raced and my throat constricted. Somehow I knew I wouldn’t be able to breathe properly until I made sure the house didn’t stand empty and abandoned. If it did, I would have my answer earlier than I wanted it, but at least I could avoid needlessly spending money.

As if the money actually mattered. I just needed to know that she hadn’t gone.

The thought of her disappearing without a trace again had me moving quicker than ever through the darkened streets. I was running by the time I closed in on Evie’s house, feeling more certain with every step that it would be sitting vacant and empty by the time I arrived.

Only it wasn’t.

Elation spread through my body as I lingered in the shadows along the side of the house and listened to the muted tones of the voices of Evie and her father. Although I could have stayed there all night just to ensure that she didn’t sneak away, I did eventually leave. The enthusiasm I felt for what might come next carried me the rest of the way to the camping goods store.

As the cashier rung up the goods I’d selected, the thought struck me that the effort I was extolling for one date, albeit a first one, was probably more than some people went to in their whole life. It was certainly more than most of the people in high school had put into their prom dates, which was the extent of my actual knowledge of the cultural norm of dating.

The only other examples of dating I’d experienced were the brief encounters Eth had pushed me into. Considering all of those incidents consisted of little more than a few words in a bar before taking them back to their place, they weren’t exactly “dates” I wanted to emulate with Evie. As much as I wanted to take Evie and bury myself in her, twisting our bodies into every position imaginable—and I really wanted to—I didn’t want anything quite as fast or tawdry as my prior attempts at “love” had been.

With a smile on my face, I waited for the arrival of the cab I’d ordered. My purchases were stowed safely at my side and provided me with a sense of comfort that I’d planned everything I could for our date. Evie and I had missed out on dating properly when we were younger, we’d missed out on prom and all manner of normal high school couple experiences, but I was determined to make up for those mistakes in as many small ways as I could—in every way I could.

 

THE TIME I spent with Evie exceeded my every fantasy.

Each day, at almost precisely ten-thirty in the morning, Evie arrived with a smile on her face and a skip in her step.

On the first day, Evie seemed taken aback by the small touches I had made in order to neaten the space. The tealight candles I’d arranged set the romantic mood, and I’d been unable to resist the urge to touch her glowing skin in the light of them.

After we’d kissed for long moments, I’d spun her round in a circle and then pulled her back to me in an impromptu dance to the song playing on my iPod. Dancing with her wasn’t all that I’d done though. It was all too easy to recall with crystal clarity the sensation of the pads of my fingertips brushing across her cotton panties and feeling her soft curls through the thin material. I closed my eyes and pictured her head tipped back, with that tiny sigh falling from her lips as she came undone because of me.

Those not so innocent touches adding so much more to my spank bank than I’d ever had before. Not only the images and memory of the touch, but the way I’d felt so incredibly potent at being able to bring such a powerful being to her knees. She held the delicate balance of life and death in her hands, and I’d held her—completely trusting and desperate—in mine. The mere thought of it was enough to leave me longing for even more after every encounter.

With that image in my head every time I kissed her, I had to physically restrain myself from taking her at every opportunity. The hardest part was she wanted it all as badly as I did, but I resisted because I didn’t want our first time together to be marred by our surroundings. She deserved perfection, and I wanted to give her nothing less. There was so much more I wanted to give her than a screw on a concrete floor or up against drywall. With each kiss, each tender caress, it became so much harder to resist her though.

It was almost impossible to stop myself from taking everything that she would willingly give to me. I wanted to take her in my arms and shatter her as she surrounded me. Each evening after she left, the first thing I did was travel down to the showers to relieve the tension she elicited within me. It was the only way I stood a chance of getting any sleep.

Then, after the most surreal, unbelievably wonderful week of my life, the unthinkable happened. She invited me to meet her father.

For most men, it probably would have been enough to send them scampering for the hills, but I knew it was the first step toward getting to be with her properly and permanently. Only by meeting the other important person in her life could I hope to inhabit every part of it, and not just a few secret hours spent secluded from the world. Even though the thought of meeting her only remaining family member had my heart pounding ridiculously fast with fear, nothing could keep me away.