My heart literally aches inside of my chest. I didn’t really think that I could hurt any more than I have over the last three weeks, but dammit all, I was so fucking wrong.
Everything turned to shit, even worse than it was before.
It’s over between Laci and I, and I have no one to blame but myself. And now, I have to face Alexa.
I literally darted out of the game the other night, but not before my face was flashed all over national news, and let me tell you, that word of my “engagement” has spread like a wildfire.
Before I was even to my car, my mom had blown up my phone. The voicemail she left was brief and to the point, tell me that I had best be calling her right away. My sister’s voicemail wasn’t nearly so brief, as she chewed me out until she had reached the time limit, only to immediately call back to finish telling me off.
I didn’t even have enough guts to call them all back that night. I simply sent a mass text out to both of my sisters and my parents, that there was some serious confusion, and I needed a few days to get things in order before I could talk to them.
I stayed last night at Eddies, careful to avoid Alexa, who surely would be camped out at my place, since she knows the code to the door that like a fool, I never bothered to change.
When we “tried” again last year, and I am using that word very loosely, I should have changed the code. But, like a complete dumb ass, I didn’t.
So basically, I’m completely fucked.
But in all honesty, the only person that I even wanted to explain that to was Laci. But she didn’t want to hear a single word of it.
And as much as it kills me, I can’t blame her a bit.
Fuck. Me.
I pull into my driveway, and for a split second, I think about leaving again, the moment that I spot Alexa’s rental car.
But I can’t. As it is, I’ve avoided her for almost twenty-four hours, and by now, she must be wondering what in the hell is going on. And while this whole thing turned into the biggest clusterfuck of my life, still.
She deserves an explanation.
I muster up all the courage that I can find, before opening the front door.
I spot her immediately, curled up on my couch, wearing a pair of jeans that show off her killer body, complete with a tiny tank top, showcasing her gorgeous chest.
She really is beautiful. But even at her very best, she doesn’t hold a candle to the woman that owns my heart.
Not by a longshot.
She jumps to a standing position as I enter the room, not saying a word, yet she doesn’t need to.
Her emotions are clearly written across her face.
“Hey.” I start, before taking a step into the room, stopping as she begins to approach me slowly.
“Hey Jake. I’ve been wondering if you were going to show up.”
“Listen, Alexa, we need to talk.” I sink down into a chair, motioning for her to sit on the couch across from me. She nods once, before sitting back down, resting her elbows on her knees and sighing.
“Well, I think it’s safe to assume that your proposal wasn’t for me.” She gives me a half smile.
“It wasn’t even supposed to be a proposal, but you’re right. It wasn’t for you. But, before we talk about that, can we please back up here? What in the hell were you doing at my game, wearing my jersey?”
I get a shrug in return, before her eyes flutter up to mine. “Jake, when you didn’t return any of my calls while you were home, I had to come and see you. I needed to see you. I’ve heard the rumors that you were coming home, and I figured that maybe we could try to work some things out.”
“Work some things out? Alexa. There is nothing to work out. You slept with my best friend.”
“It was a temporary lapse in judgement, Jake! You know that I love you. I screwed up, ok? People screw up all the time. It doesn’t mean that we can’t try to work past it. I love you.”
“You don’t love me, Alexa. You love the thought of me. You love my fame and money. If you had really loved me, you would have stuck by me when I was a broke college kid trying to go pro.”
“That’s not fair, Jake. You were always gone, always training. I got lonely. I didn’t love Owen, and I’ve regretted it every day. But you just cannot get past it! Last year, when we were together? I felt it, Jake. I felt the love that you still have for me. Why can’t you just realize that? Or at least be willing to try? We want the same things out of life. We could have them all together.”
I run my hands through my hair, before shaking my head.
“Lex, that was just sex. There was nothing else there. And even if there was, which there is not.” I clarify, meeting her eyes. “It wouldn’t matter. It’s too late. I’m in love with someone else.”
Her face falls, and she is quiet, before nodding.
“Who is she?”
“Do you really want to know all of that?”
She smiles slightly, before shaking her head. “Probably not.”
Silence.
I really just want to ask her to leave, but, I also don’t want to be a major asshole. Even more of an asshole than I have already been.
“So, that’s it, huh?”
I just nod.
“Alright, Jake. Well, good luck to you. I hope all of this works out for you. You deserve it.”
She wraps me up into a hug, which I return, before she pulls back and heads for the door.
“Bye Alexa.”
She spins around, before nodding.
“Goodbye Jake.”
I don’t know why I’m here. Honest to god, maybe I just asking for more punishment, but for some reason, I’m moving on autopilot.
The dozen roses in my hand don’t even come close to being an apology, yet I stopped to get them, because at least it gives me a reason to be here.
I’m holding out no hope that she will be happy to see me. Hell, I imagine myself being thrown out instantly.
I knock on the door, holding my breath, praying to god that she will answer even once she sees that it’s me.
But instead of footsteps towards the door, I hear barking.
And a hell of a lot of it.
I knock again, and the barking gets way louder. I glance down at the windows on each side of the door, when my heart just about stops in my chest.
Beatrice peeks her head out from behind the curtain, and then, so does Daisy.
The second Daisy lays eyes on me, she goes insane. She jumps up onto the window, pawing at the glass, trying to get out of the door.
But Laci doesn’t answer.
Daisy, however, isn’t giving up easily. Her bark turns to a howl, as she begins to head butt the door. Finally, the door is thrust open, and Laci stares out at me, frowning, before motioning to the dog.
“The only damn reason that I opened it is for Daisy. FYI.”
I sink to my knees, petting Daisy quickly before rising back up to Laci.
“What are both of the dogs doing here? Did you adopt them?”
“That’s my business.” She snaps. “And I only opened the door because Daisy, my dog Daisy, was excited to see you.”
“Thank god for Daisy.” I murmur, petting her head.
“What are you doing here, Jake? You’re not supposed to be here.”
I swallow hard, continuing to move towards her, until I am inside of the house and close enough that I can hear how fast her breathing is. Her eyes are wide and panicked as I move in even closer, but she doesn’t take her customary step backwards. She stands her ground this time.
“I had to see you.” My voice cracks, but I don’t even care. She doesn’t seem to either, because instead of softening her face, she glares even harder.
“Well, you’ve seen me. Now you can go.”
Daisy is now sitting right on top of my feet, and if a dog could smile, she would definitely be smiling.
“Baby, please. Just please hear me out. Five minutes. That’s all that I need of your time. If you can give me five minutes to explain myself, I promise, I will leave right after if you want me to.”
“I’ve already given you enough.” She snaps, her eyes wild on me. “And don’t you ever, and I mean, fucking ever, call me baby again. I am not your baby, Jake. I was just a bet, remember? You should. You’re the asshole who made it!”
“Please, Laci, let me explain…”
“There’s nothing to explain.” She interrupts, before waving her hand wildly. “ I don’t need to hear any of it out of your mouth, ok? You just need to leave.” She spins herself back towards the door, before reaching down and grabbing the knob.
“No.”
“What the fuck do you mean, no?” Her eyes are wild on mine, as I move towards her.
“Don’t.” She pulls back as I reach out to her. “Do not fucking touch me!”
“Laci.” Her name comes off my lips in a ragged gasp. “Please don’t kick me out yet. Let me explain. At least do it for the dogs.” I motion to the two of them, who are both now laying down on the wooden floor, anxiously watching our exchange.
“The dogs? Are you high? Don’t worry your pretty little head over my dogs, Jake. Shouldn’t you be focusing on your fiancé? All those future children? And then of course, a dog. But a different dog, because these two?” She points down at them. “These two are mine. So, get the hell out of my house and out of my life. Our lives. Go home and focus on building a life with your fiancé. Go have your stupid happily ever after.”
The bitterness just rolls off her tongue.
“I don’t have a fiancé, Laci. That was all a mistake. Everything that I said, every word that got blasted on national television? It was all meant for you. I was coming to look for you.”
She stills, but I don’t. I move towards her, until we are so close that I can feel her ragged breathing against my skin.
“I love you, Laci. And I know that I fucked up. I fucked up so badly.” I shake my head, as she closes her eyes, before looking down. Taking a gamble, I reach out, placing a finger underneath her chin and tilting her head up towards mine.
“I did make that bet, and I want to tell you that I’m sorry for doing it, but honestly baby? I’m not. The only thing that I’m sorry for is the way that you found out.”
Her eyes flash open and her mouth drops, so I quickly hurry on before she can interject.
“If I wouldn’t have made that bet, I would have never gotten to know you. I wouldn’t have realized how amazing you are, and how absolutely perfect you are for me. I meant every word that I ever said to you, and I understand if you can’t believe me. But I fell in love with you, Laci Monroe, and I am going to love you until the day that I die.”
Her eyes lock with mine, and she begins to tremble. She blinks several times, before taking a step back and wrapping her arms around herself.
“I can’t do this with you, Jake. I just can’t.”
“I know.” Even though it absolutely kills me to admit it, I know that what I am asking of her is a long shot. She has no reason to forgive me, no reason to listen to a damn word that I have to say, but either way, I’m going to finish what I came here to say.
Our eyes lock, as I reach up, cupping her cheek. “It will kill me, but I will walk away, if that’s what you want. And I promise, I will never bother you again. But you have to know, Laci, that I meant everything that I said to you, and I love you baby. I love you with all of my heart.”
“Jake.” Her eyes fill with tears as she pulls out of my embrace, taking a step backwards and spinning around so that all I can see is her back.
“How could I ever trust you again?”
“We could work on it. Start slow…”
“No.” she shakes her head furiously. “I can’t ever be with you, Jake. I just can’t trust you, regardless of how sorry you are, or whatever garbage you say. Please just leave.”
“I can’t leave you. I love you Laci.”
“I loved you too, Jake. But there’s just too much, ok? And I can’t do it. You said that if I wanted you to, that you would walk away.”
I swallow hard, as her eyes soften on me. “I want you to, ok? I need you to walk away, because I can’t do it.”
I love her enough to do as she asks. And even though it kills me, I force myself to do exactly what I don’t want to do.
I turn, and I walk away, leaving behind the woman that I love, and the dog that should be mine.