“So, what’s the story with you and that guy. The shortstop, what’s his name?”
Inwardly, I roll my eyes as Mac questions me while we work out. Obviously, he knows exactly what his name is. After all, he works for the team and Jake is pretty much the most famous guy on the roster.
I’ve had a tiny feeling that Mac maybe has a crush on me, but he hasn’t made any advances so there hasn’t been any reason to avoid him. Plus, if anything, I could use another friend around here, and Mac has become somewhat of a friend. We work together often, and Mac keeps me updated on all of his plans where each player is concerned.
The guys have been gone all week, today being day four at their series away in Cleveland. Jake and I have texted every day, and the last two nights, I’ve fallen asleep with him still on the phone. Happy doesn’t even seem like a strong enough word to describe the way that I feel right now.
Maybe elated, ecstatic. Something along those lines. Because I am literally floating around on cloud nine right now.
I’m in love with a man, who is in love with me. And while he may be against everything that I’ve ever stood for, still. I’m willing to give this a go.
But, at the same time, while I’ve missed him, being away from him for a few days has given me a little bit of space to stop and think. And there has been a lot for me to think about.
First of all, we won’t be able to keep our relationship a secret forever. I’m just finally past the stages of the guys pranking me at every other turn, and the other times, calling me names. I feel that we’ve finally made it past the initial hazing period, and now that we are all on the same level, with that being making them look better in the public eye, things have been way less stressful.
But them finding out that Jake and I are together might open a whole new can of worms that I’m not ready to deal with. Of course, the threat of losing my job would be there, front and center, and that is my biggest worry.
There’s no way that I could make what I make right now somewhere else. As it is, I feel that I’m way over paid for my qualifications, since I have virtually none for this job. I could go back into business somewhere else, but that would mean a huge pay cut, and potentially ending up stuck in another stupid cubicle.
Never mind the fact that while Jake says that he loves me, in all honesty, that doesn’t mean that this thing with us is going to last forever, nor would I ever expect him to support me financially, even though he tells me all of the time that he would.
He could realize tomorrow that he is in lust instead of love, meet someone else and I could be completely forgotten.
Of course, the thought sickens me, but it’s the truth. And I do have to keep that firmly in my mind.
Also, I must accept the fact that if things do work out between us, and we do stay together, get married and have a little family, could I deal with him being gone all the time?
I grew up, seeing firsthand the way these relationships tend to work out. My parents were not a minority. Could I actually deal with that?
I’ve been to the practices where women are nearly stripping to get Jakes attention. I know that he could easily have any woman that he wanted, at any given moment.
Could I trust him enough not to do those things to me?
It’s all so new and fresh, that of course, right now it’s hard to picture. But a year down the road, or even five or ten years down the road, I just can’t be certain.
It’s a lot to try to process, but at least I don’t have to try to do it all right now. For now, our relationship is just between us, and as long as the rest of the team doesn’t find out, we will be just fine.
But, I also need some advice on it. And who better to get it from than a guy?
I glance up at Mac from the stair stepper that I’m on, trying to catch my breath as I shut the machine down.
“Can I tell you something without it going any further than you and I? At least for right now?”
He nods, and I swallow a slug of water before stepping off the machine on shaky legs.
“It’s kind of a long story, but we’re sort of together.”
“Sort of together? How so?”
“Like I said, it’s a long story, and I won’t bore you with the details, but we are together. We have been for a while now. He recently told me that he loves me.”
I smile to myself as I begin to stretch, completely missing the dark look that crosses Mac’s face
“That fucking asshole.”
His growled words make my head snap up, and when I do, I see the look of pure hatred on his face.
“All of them, a bunch of fucking assholes. Laci, dammit. I hate to be the one to tell you this. Honest to god, it kills me.”
I’m barely hearing him, over the alarm bells ringing inside of my head. Between his words and the look on his face, I know that whatever it is that he is about to tell me is going to be bad.
And I don’t know that I can stomach it, since my entire lunch feels ready to come back up.
“Fuck.” He mutters, before turning around and running his hands through his hair.
I grab onto the wall, suddenly shaky all over. Maybe it’s from the workout that I just had, but I’m fairly certain it’s because Mac has something to tell me, and I’m pretty sure it may just wreck me.
Finally, after a few deep breaths he spins around and crosses his arms.
“Are you sleeping with him? Are you having sex with Jake?”
Numbly, I nod.
“And he told you that he loves you?”
I nod again.
“Laci, dammit, I am so sorry. I heard the guys talking, I didn’t really think anything of it, but I heard a few of them talking about a bet. The bet was about you. Jake made the bet.”
Suddenly, I feel very dizzy and my knees get weak. Mac rushes to me, grabbing me around the waist right before I go down.
“Oh my god.” It’s all that I can muster out.
A bet. Oh, lord. I am a foolish woman. I bought into everything that Jake said to me. I believed him when he told me that he loved me. Let him inside of my body without protection…
Oh my god. It’s so awful, so fucking bad that I can’t even comprehend it all right now. I sink onto the floor, completely numb, as my mind spins.
The sudden knowledge hits me like a mac truck. The goal was to get rid of me. He did all those things, said all those things, strictly just to hurt me.
“I think I’m going to be sick.” I muster, before Mac grabs a trash can and shoves it under me while I empty out the entire contents of my stomach.
My head is spinning, my eyes are watering from vomiting, and all I can hear across the room is a loud cackle.
Mac’s head spins before mine can, and I hear the name muttered under his breath.
“Emilio.”
“Oh, damn.” He laughs again. “I almost didn’t think that he would pull it off. Well, sweetheart, looks like you wrote your last fine to me and my guys. As much as it kills me to wear ole Jakey boys number for a day, I’m sure as hell glad to see that you’ll be outta here.”
Mac reaches down, and brushes my hair off my face.
“Ignore him. Are you ok?”
He hands me my water which I take gratefully, before nodding.
“I think so.”
I crawl to a standing position and manage to make eye contact with the asshole behind me.
“What did you say? About Jakes number?”
He laughs again, before staring at me with cold hard eyes.
“That was the bet. He nailed you, we had to wear his number for two whole days. Except he took too long to do the deed, so we had to renegotiate a few weeks ago. Brought it down to one day. I must say, I didn’t think Jake would be the kind of guy to dish out the L word just to nab a bet, but hell. Gotta give the man some props. Bah bye, Laci.”
They renegotiated a few weeks ago. That means that this entire time, every single thing that he did was all to win this bet. They renegotiated right before we had sex. Right before I gave him my virginity, even though of course, at the time, he didn’t know that.
I cringe inside at my stupidity. I can’t believe that I was such a fool. I watch as he turns and walks out of the gym, before I feel myself starting to fall again.
“I’ve got you, sweetheart. Here. Let’s get you sitting.”
I feel myself lowered onto the cool cement, and I press my head back against the concrete blocks.
Mac squats in front of me, handing me back my water.
“Deep breaths, Laci. It’s going to be ok, everything will be fine. I just need you to breathe, sweetheart.”
He reaches up, cupping my face with his hand, breathing with me. I stare directly into his face, and begin to try to take deep breaths, but the crushing pain in my chest makes it hard to inhale.
I do my best, letting out shaky breaths, beginning to be able to feel my body again. And Lord knows, I wish that I couldn’t. Because the pain that shoots through me has nothing to do with the intense workout that I just put my body through.
It has everything to do with the shards of my heart that have just been shattered inside of me.
“Listen, man. I’ve been really fucking nice to you about keeping your hands to yourself, but I swear to god, if you don’t let her go, you and I are going to have a serious issue.”
His voice washes over me, suddenly making the pain all that much more intense. Mac stares down at my face, as I close my eyes, and the dam that I have been trying to hold back suddenly breaks open.
“Jesus, Laci, what’s the matter?”
His voice gets closer to me, as I feel Mac stand. I can’t bear to open my eyes right now and see him. I would lose it even more so than I am in this instant.
With sudden strength, and keeping my eyes down, I hop to my feet, careful to avoid making any eye contact with Jake as I gather up my things and head for the exit.
“You need to stay the fuck away from her.” I hear Mac growl. “She knows, ok? You stupid fucking prick. She knows all about your bet. So just leave her the fuck alone.”
“What? Wait…”
I brush past Coach Kirk who tries to reach out a hand to stop me, and weave my way through the rest of the players who are all making their way into the gym from the bus.
“Laci! Wait!”
I hurry along, trying my best not to make any eye contact with anyone, but the blur of my tears causes me to run right into one of the guys.
“Hey, Laci, what’s the matter, doll?”
Eddie Cruz’s voice washes over me, sounding like he actually gives a shit. And maybe he does, he’s probably the only decent guy on this team.
He reaches out to steady me, giving Jake just enough time to catch up.
His arms wrap around me, holding me in place firmly.
“Laci, baby. I need you to listen to me.”
“Let me go, Jake.”
“No, please. It’s not what you think, ok? I need you to listen to me. Come with me, somewhere away from everyone so that we can talk.”
He uses his strength to spin me around, but no matter what he does, I refuse to look at him.
“Please, baby, what did you hear? Because I swear, I can explain. Please, let me explain.”
I force my eyes shut and swallow past the lump in my throat, trying to keep down the sob that I know is building.
After a shaky breath, I allow my eyes to open, and I look up at him. His eyes are wide and full of fear. Of what, I have no idea, but frankly, I don’t give a damn.
He lied to me, he used me, all to win a stupid bet. Everything that I thought that he was, was nothing more than a complete and total sham.
I should have known better than to think that someone like Jake Matthews would be interested in me. Or in love with me. I feel beyond foolish, and my heart is literally breaking. It takes everything that I have to look up at him, and to swallow past the huge lump in my throat enough to speak.
“Is it true, Jake?”
My words are barely more than a whisper, but the second that he closes his eyes, I know that he hears me, and in fact, I know that all of this is true.
The sob that I had been holding in escapes me, as his grip tightens.
“Baby, please. You have to hear me out. It’s not what you think, not what you think at all. Let me take you somewhere, let me explain it all to you. Laci, please, I meant what I said to you when I told you that I loved you. I love you. Please, listen to me.”
“I was a bet?” I force out, through clenched teeth, finally able to compose myself enough to speak. “I was just a fucking bet to you?”
“Baby…”
“Just stop, Jake. Let me go. Don’t,” I pull hard away from him, almost knocking back into Eddie as I try to escape Jakes grasp.
“Laci, dammit, you weren’t supposed to find out like this!”
“No?” I turn my head back around, as I break free of him, and shake my head.
“When were you going to tell me? Right before I got fired? Or right after you got me pregnant? Or had me buying into your bullshit plans for the future? I thought you were different, Jake. I knew it was a longshot, but I thought that maybe you actually cared about me. Now I see that all you cared about was winning a stupid bet.”
I turn back around, finding Mac who wraps his arm around me and begins to shuttle me out of the now silent gym.
Every member of the team just witnessed this humiliating spectacle, including the coach, so obviously, I’m fired. Except I can’t handle going to my office right now to clean it out. I just need to get the hell out of here, far away from all of this.