CHAPTER TWENTY
Samuel’s accent snapped thicker than I had ever heard, his body more rigid than I had ever felt. After Flashing us back to the upper plateau of the Dens, he stormed past the guards and then Bruin, Cowboy and Kobi without a word.
“Dinnae move,” he said, dumping me unceremoniously on my bed. He tugged his wet t-shirt from my grasp and wrapped the coverlet around me tight. Before straightening, he glared, finger pointed. “Not an inch, lass. I’m warnin’ ye. I cannae take it. Not. One. Feckin’. Inch.”
I did not even nod.
He stormed through the bathroom door, his flannel night pants hanging low on his hips from the weight of pond water. Water thundered into the bathtub in a rush. A moment later, he returned, wearing a dry pair of boxer briefs and a towel in hand. He scrubbed the towel over his head in a flurry as he paced back to the hall door and slammed it shut.
“Ye took twenty years off my life tonight, Lia. I swear it. What the hell was that about? Jaysus fecking Christ.” He wrenched the towel from his hair and slung it to the floor.
“I uh, lost hope for a moment.”
“A moment? A moment? Ye nearly lost it fer good.” His hands flew into the air as he strode back into the bathroom. The water shut off and he was back. His gaze bounced around the room landing on everything and yet nothing at all.
“Samuel, let me explain—”
The door to my suite flew open and Galan raced inside. He stormed to my bedside in a pique that could only be equaled by Samuel’s. “Tell me Tham is mistaken, little one. Tell me you would never intentionally end your life.”
Sweet goddess, I loved these males.
I worked my hands out of the blanket mountain tucked around me and shoved my hair from where it stuck to my face. Tham stood behind my brother looking equally pale, if not more so, for the fact that he was a spirit.
So, he had been with me down there. “Apologies, brother mine, but I cannot say what is not truth. I had a lapse.”
Galan hissed, wringing his fingers through his hair. “A lapse? What in the two realms would possess you to harm yourself?”
Samuel nodded. “Aye, I asked her the same feckin’ thing.”
Galan swung to see Samuel standing beside the bed in his boxers and tensed.
“Galan. Stop!” I squeaked, my throat raw and sore. “If you wish to stay, you will neither say nor act against Samuel in any way. He saved me just now. If you value my feelings at all, lay aside your anger and hear me out.”
The muscle along Galan’s jaw clenched but he settled.
“Now, if you could close the door, it has been a difficult evening and I think it best to explain from the beginning.”
Tham took my request for privacy to heart and left Galan, Samuel and I to speak.
Where to begin? My fight with Samuel would only exacerbate Galan’s mood. My encounter with Kobi was liable to send Samuel over the edge. I drew a deep breath. “Zophia visited earlier this evening, to prepare me.”
“Prepare ye for what?” Samuel asked.
“During Abaddon’s hearing with the Fates, she must read the tapestry of my life and testify to the factual account of my incarceration last summer.”
Samuel’s mouth narrowed into a hard line. “And what did yer cousin say about it?”
I met his anguished stare. “I believe we three know what she told me, or showed me, rather.”
“Showed ye?” Samuel turned, his shoulders and fists clenched tight. “Feckin’ Fates! Why would she want ye to see such a thing? Ye said she was different than her sisters.”
“She is,” Galan said, his voice flat. “Zophia would never bring it up if avoidable. If she must testify to the validity of Abaddon’s claim, she has no choice.”
Samuel rounded on him. “Then she shoulda’ done it when we were there, not leave her alone in her grief 'til takin' a midnight swim seemed a good idea.”
I squeezed the coverlet tighter around me. “Samuel, my actions are my own. After I saw . . . once I knew the truth, I asked for privacy. Zophia respected me enough to leave me. She is not to blame.”
Samuel was a Celt kettle about to boil. I patted the bed and was thankful he acquiesced. He took my hand and his eyes rolled closed. “Ye coulda’ died, Luv. Do ye understand what it does to my insides to know how close ye came to drowning? If I hadn’t found ye . . .” He bit his lip and shook his head again.
I stroked his cheek. “How did you find me?”
Galan pulled a chair to the bedside. “Yes, Samuel, how did you find her? Tham heard the guards call out and saw Lia enter the pond. He came to wake me. How did you know where she was?”
Samuel exhaled heavily and caught my dripping braid with a corner of the bedspread. After squeezing its length within the fabric, he removed the elastic at the end and began to comb it out with his fingers. “Ye told me ye like to sit under water of yer river when the world closed in on ye. Then, when ye went back to the village for Tham’s ceremony, ye scared Cowboy half to death with a similar impulse.”
“He told you?” I asked. “Am I a general topic of conversation?”
“No. When I became yer guardian I read every report the Talon has filed on ye.” He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “Dinnae be mad. It’s important to keep a record of what happens during a Talon shift. No one’s spying on ye, if that’s what yer thinkin’.”
I pulled my jaw free of his hand. “Did you file a similar report on what happened to me in the caverns last summer?”
His frown deepened.
My breath froze in my lungs. “You told me once you were there and you knew the truth. Did you report to your Talon friends what Abaddon did to me? Is that why everyone looks at me with such pity—if they can look at me at all?”
Samuel scrubbed a palm over his face. “I’m sorry, I—”
“You need not apologize.” Galan glared at me. “Reign brought me that report. What Samuel said . . . well, he left you with as much dignity and privacy as possible, considering his position and his duty.”
So, I was right. Everyone knew. Galan. Samuel. Reign and the Talon. That included Jade and Lexi. Zophia and Castian as well. My stomach twisted as Castian’s words for Abbey rang in my head. “Evil claimed her body and something precious was taken from each of us.”
Taken. Not given.
I may have been mated but the images in my memory were distant glimpses. I had been drugged. What Zophia showed me was horrible but not me. The embarrassment was mine. Anger. Shame. But that helpless maiden bound to the table bore no resemblance to the person I was or wanted to be.
How much would I allow Abaddon’s evil define me?
Should I retreat from family and friends because they knew something I would rather die than think about? I made that mistake and almost lost my life. That would never happen again. Abaddon and his evil meant nothing next to my life.
Knowing the entire truth, no matter how painful, liberated me from the cocoon I had been living within. A spring of anguish escaped the deepest part of my soul, streaming to the surface like bubbles in a glass of soda. It carried with it the darkness and despair which had weighed me down for the better part of the past year.
Breathing in, I filled my lungs and flopped back on the bed, half dragging Samuel with me. We fell in a tangle of bedding and clunked heads. I giggled and broke out in genuine laughter. Samuel’s baffled expression broke my heart, the anxiety of the night etched into every chiseled line of his face.
Galan cleared his throat and I realized I was lying, half on top of Samuel, naked on my bed with him a mere three feet away. I kissed Samuel’s cheek and sat up to face my brother. “Fash not, Galan, I have had an epiphany.”
Galan arched a graceful brow. “Pray tell, what would this realization be?”
“Castian told me, fate and free will is a tenuous balance. Both are needed to create a whole. Whether what Abaddon did to me was his free will, the Fates toying with our lives, destiny or something in between, the result remains the same. My life changed the day Scourge raiders entered our village. I cannot go back. I can never again be a naïve maiden living unaware of the realm around me.”
Galan shook his head. “No, little one, you cannot.”
I scooted to the edge of the bed and set my feet on the floor. “And just as your destiny with Jade began the moment you tackled her to the forest floor and knew your place was at her side, my destiny lies in me being the heir to the throne. I cannot be the female I need to be, here with you at Haven. I gave my word to Castian. I accept my place and shall try to be the Queen the realm needs. To do that, I must needs go.”
Galan ran his fingers through his hair. “Haven is your home. Where will you—”
I pressed two fingers over his lips, my resolve more concrete with every word I spoke. “No. Haven is your home. And though I have always followed you, trust that I am grown and capable of forging my own path. Support me. Love me. Disagree with me if you must, but do not try to stop me.”
He moved my fingers from his lips and kissed them. “Is it because of our falling out over Samuel? I shall do better, I swear. Look. We are in the same room and neither of us—”
I shook my head and cast a glance back to Samuel. “Could you give us a moment?”
Samuel rolled to his feet and nodded. On his way past the dresser, he opened a drawer and tossed me one of his long-sleeved shirts. “Put that on before ye catch yer death. I’ll go make the hot cocoa I promised ye.”
In the chair beside the bed, Galan sat, fists clenched against his suede pants. His straight silver hair hung loose with the burgundy braid of his binding brushing the side of his chiseled face. How long had it been since he fought with Samuel in my suite at Jade’s? Weeks? A month? More?
Aside from racing to my aid in the clearing and again tonight, he had been absent from my life. Now, with me leaving, we must needs mend our rift.
His glance flickered from the shirt on my lap, to the dresser and locked back on me. “Why does Samuel keep clothes in your chamber?”
“Because he has slept in here since almost the first night I left Jade’s manse.” I pointed to the pallet of blankets and pillow on the floor by the wall. I kept the details of our time sharing a bed to myself. “My night-terrors do not overtake my sleep when he is near, so we share a chamber.”
I waited for the fury and accusations—they failed to come.
Gods, he looked weary. So—lost. Lines of stress creased his brow, ageing him far more than his century and ten. Jade’s attack, the uncertain fate of his unborn young and the difficulties with me—life was wearing him down.
I pulled Samuel’s shirt over my head and rolled up the sleeves.
With an expression of somber purpose, Galan opened his mouth. “I missed you, sweeting. Gods, I ached to make things right between us. I respect your decision to keep me away, but,” he closed his eyes, “do not leave. Let us figure out your destiny together. We have spent too much time apart already.”
There was an awkwardness between Galan and I that never existed before. I took his hand and leaned close. “I gave Castian my word.”
Galan cleared his throat. “I practiced what I would say to you a thousand times over, to apologize for my behavior. Now, I am at a loss.” He stared at me, his brilliant blue eyes, so much richer than the rest of the Highborne race.
I squeezed his hand. “When you lashed out and questioned my honor, I was all but ruined. I need you to realize that. You tore my heart and soul from my chest and left me an empty, broken shell.”
A strangled noise escaped the back of his throat as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine.
“You were my horizon, Galan. My guiding point. Without you, I have been adrift for almost a year—lost though rescued, isolated though not alone. You moved us to Haven, giving me no say in the matter, and restricted my movements. Then, you assigned males to guard me.”
He straightened. “For your protection.”
“You were always my protector Galan. You were my ‘Haven’. Though I understand Jade moved into the largest part of your heart, it hurt to be replaced.”
“No, Ryanne. Not replaced. Never. I love you as much this moment as ever.”
“Until that morning in my suite, I never questioned that but the things you said—”
“I take them back. All of—”
“You cannot,” I said, the last of my energy seeping from me. “Mayhap we needed the distance to realize our paths cannot continue as they have. The balance of fate versus free will made itself known.”
Galan exhaled a labored breath. “What are you saying?”
“I am saying I am no longer your little one, nor do I care to be. My coming of age has passed. It is time you treated me as an adult and it is time I behave as one.”
“I know nothing other than to take care of you.”
“Please.” I nearly hissed the word. “Removed from the village, friends, and afraid of everything in this chaotic new world, I have fended for myself since my capture. Do you know what it is to be overwhelmed every minute of every day trying to live up to what others expect of you? Do you know how exhausting it is?”
“I do.” Galan rose and started to pace. “I am mated and, Gods willing, shall be a father. I am also Sentinel of Souls responsible for all lost and displaced lives. Apologies if you feel I failed you, but you could have told me how you felt.”
“You should have known.” I swiped at the unwelcome tears warming my cheeks. “You have always known my heart. I never acted inappropriately with Samuel and you should have known that. I was kind to a male who suffered and sacrificed his own happiness so we could have ours. In return, you were a—a—an arse.”
His brow arched and his mouth twitched up. “I never heard you utter a curse word.”
“Well, I shan’t make it a habit, but the occasion warrants it.” I rubbed my temples, the dull ache behind my eyes taking root. It was hard to know what was bringing on the headache this time. There was so much to choose from.
Galan closed the distance between us and sighed. “Ryanne, you are a lovely female with strong virtue. I regretted my words even as they spewed from my mouth. Abaddon came for you, claimed his right to you, and while I was caught in a fit of fury and panic, I found you embracing Samuel in your suite. I behaved deplorably. You have my deepest apologies.”
I slid my arms around his waist and embraced him. “I accept your apology but know this, since you drove me away, Samuel and I have grown close.”
He nodded, fingering the shirt I wore. “Do you love him?”
“Does it matter? I am mated to Abaddon and Samuel stood witness. Whatever I may or may not have hoped for is unimportant.”
He kissed my forehead. “Your feelings are important to me. And though Samuel sets me off half-crazed, he feels for you too. You realize that, yes?”
I rolled my eyes, a familiar ache tightening in my chest. “My sense of smell is as keen as yours. However, neither attraction nor affection constitutes romantic interest. He has made it clear there is no future for us and he has no intentions to pursue me.”
Galan gathered both my hands in his. “Samuel has been kind to you. A friend when you needed one. He was forthright about his feelings for Jade and has moved beyond them. I suppose he is not the man I painted him to be.”
I sighed. “Do you understand why I must needs go?”
He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed until I thought my spine would crack. “Not entirely but I respect your decision. When will you leave?”
“In a few days. There are things I must sort out myself before I go.”
He kissed my forehead and nodded. “When you settle, I would like to visit and see you are being well cared for. And I shall stand for you at your tribunal.”
I smiled against his neck. He smelled of outdoors, suede and, to my heart’s relief, Galan. “I expect nothing less.”