BRETT
I was nervous as Bayne led me into the woods. I'd never felt so unsure in my life. The darkness haunted me, and the more I tried to focus on my other senses, the more confused I became. Birds chirped, and I heard a scratching sound that could have been a squirrel running up a tree, but I couldn't smell them. What I could smell was my mate. His scent consumed and surrounded me, which eased my apprehension, but it also blocked out everything else around me, and that was dangerous. I needed to find a way to focus past our bond and his smell so I was aware what else was around me.
"Do you want to shift or walk in?" Bayne asked.
We'd already talked about me shifting, but I was glad he was giving me the choice again now that we were outside, surrounded by trees and bushes. I'd thought I'd be able to handle letting my wolf follow Bayne, but now, I wasn't so sure. "I don't know if I can do this without you holding on to me." I took a deep breath, trying to imagine what was in front of me.
"It's up to you. If you want to hike in, then shift once we're there to get a better sense of the smells, we can do that. From what I was told it's a clearing, so there won't be too much to get in your way. I won't leave your side either way." Bayne ran his fingers through my hair, brushing it back from my forehead.
"Let's do this for a bit and see. My wolf wants out, but I'm not sure he gets how different this is going to be. He wants to run and chase you, but that's not going to happen right now." I leaned against Bayne, needing the closeness to help me work through the emotions that were rushing through me.
This was my life now, and somehow, I needed to adapt to it. I was lucky enough to have Bayne with me. I would never make it alone. Still, I didn't want to be so needy that he regretted having me as his mate. I was already worried he was wishing he could have a normal mate. I didn't want to make it worse.
"As we walk, try and remember what you and Bridger were doing. See if you can remember something you didn't before. It could be a smell you ignored, a sound that was overlooked."
"We shifted and started to run. I was in the lead the whole way. I was thinking about the fish and how hungry I was. My wolf wanted to get to the water as fast as we could." We started to walk slowly up the trail. I shuffled my feet nervously as Bayne led me, his arm tightly around my waist. "The only time I slowed was when I smelled the deer. My wolf wanted to hunt, but Bridger and I had talked about hunting later in the week with a group of his friends. There was no point in taking down a deer for just the two of us when we had a group who would feed later."
"How long after you smelled the deer did you feel the pain hit your leg?" Bayne asked.
"Minutes, if that." I paused. "Maybe I was so focused on the deer I missed the scent of the humans?"
"Could be, but it's not likely. Your wolf would be leery of humans. The deer being around is natural, humans not so much in this area. The only people who should have access to this land are shifters. I mean it's not fenced, but there are trespassing signs all over. This is the area we use for the group hunts. The bears often use it for their group outings up at the lake." Bayne started walking again, urging me to move with him.
"It took only seconds from when I felt the pain in my leg to when I blacked out. I remember pausing, turning to lick at my leg, but that was it. The next thing I knew I woke up and my back legs were tied to something. I was beaten and couldn't see anything. I smelled blood, both mine and Bridger's, but I couldn't get him to respond to my yelps. Hell, I was so weak I'm not even sure I made noise. I might have just thought I did. When I smelled the bears coming, I hoped they would finish me off, put me out of my pain, but as they got closer, I realized they were shifters and knew they wouldn't kill me."
"I'm glad they found you." Bayne's grip on me tightened. "I would have been hunting and come across the area and smelled your scent and it would have killed me to know my mate died there without me ever knowing him."
I frowned at the thought. "You deserve so much more than me."
"Those are almost exactly the same words I told Kurt earlier, only I said them about me. You deserve so much better than me. I have no clue how to be everything you need, everything you deserve."
"Why do you say that?"
Bayne didn't answer for a few minutes. He just kept steering me up the mountain. I let him have the time, even though I was wondering what he was thinking.
"I've never really been in a relationship. I guess my last serious one was with a girl I dated in my teens. We were together about a year, then she went off to school in Virginia. After that, I would get together with people, have sex, go out for a beer or something like that, but nothing ever serious. I don't know how to be with someone the way we are now going to be together. Don't get me wrong. I want this. I want it with every fiber of my soul, but I'm scared to death I'm going to fail you and not be what you need. I want to be perfect for you, but I'm so far from perfect that you'll probably be cursing the fact we are mates before too long."
I stopped, turning to face Bayne. "Don't think that. You are going to be exactly what I need. You said yourself, Fate doesn't get mating wrong. The two of us will figure it out and make it work. I'm just as scared as you are. I haven't had a lot of experience, and what I have had hasn't been the romantic kind. I've had a lot of sex, but never really let anyone get too close. I had a sub for a year when we were in San Diego. He was the closest thing to a long-term relationship I've had, but honestly, we were nothing more than friends who found we had good sex together. When it was time for me to come home, leaving him wasn't hard. He found a new Dom, I came home and did my thing. We text from time to time, but there was no love between us."
Bayne's fingers gripped my waist. "Being a Dom is a big part of your life, isn't it?"
I swallowed hard. It was a conversation we had to have, but I didn't want to scare him with it. "It is, has been, but it's not everything. I can go without it. It won't be an issue if you're not into it."
"Oh, I'm into it. I'm just curious what I'm facing here. Are we talking whips and chains or just basic submission?" Bayne's scent grew stronger and I was sure if I reached down I'd find his cock hard against the zipper of his pants.
"Both, but not always. Sometimes just having someone submit is enough, but there are times I enjoy harder things. I promise it won't be something we have to do. If you're not interested, if you have limits, I'll be okay. Something tells me that sex with your mate is entirely different than sex with anyone else. Tonight, when we mate, I want it to be just normal sex, just us. I want to know what it is like normally for us before we try anything new." I reached up, bumping my hand against his chin accidentally before moving it to cup his cheek. "If you need control, I can give you that too. I've never given it to anyone else, but you, my mate, I'd submit to." Somehow, I knew that as mates we would have to submit to each other eventually, allowing the other to have full control, showing that we trusted each other in every way. It wasn't so much a sexual thing as a need to understand that we were equal, neither stronger than the other.
Bayne turned his head, kissing my palm. "We can try everything. I am a control freak in almost every part of my life. I like being in power, but the one place where I like to let go, to give someone else control has always been in bed. It's the only place I let someone else be in charge. It's almost an escape for me. A time when I can let my walls down and just feel and enjoy sex. With everything else I deal with for the pack and in my life, I have to have that release sometimes where I'm not the one everyone turns to. I've never played around with whips or anything like that, but I'm willing to try things if you'll show me how."
"If you show me what you like?" I smiled, glad that it didn't seem this was going to be an issue between us.
"I like sex, and I love you. The two combined won't ever be a bad thing." Bayne kissed me softly. "We're getting sidetracked. Now all I want to do is go back to the house and make our mating official."
I laughed, but at the same time considered forgetting our hike. I took a deep breath, refocusing on what we were doing. "Me too, but I need to do this first. I want to know the scent of the person who did this to me. I want to know if I smell it again that they are the ones who needs to pay for my sight and Bridger's life."
"We'll find whoever did this." Bayne turned and started to lead me back up the mountain.
Walking without my sight was hard. I was scared to take big steps, so I shuffled my feet, but that made me stumble on the small bumps and rocks. I tried to trust Bayne, and I did have confidence in him to keep me standing, but it was hard to give over complete trust and walk normally beside him. I'd always heard how those who were blind used their other senses to get around, but I didn't understand how. My sense of smell would tell me if someone was directly in front of me, but other than that, it did little good. My hearing would alert me to things around me, but it didn't help me know about a rock or bush in front of me until I hit it. I didn't see how I would ever adjust to this. It was too hard. It was going to be easier to just hide inside and let the world happen around me.
"Your emotions are all over the place. What are you thinking about?" Bayne asked.
I sighed. "It's going to take time to get used to the fact that you can sense my feelings through our link."
"It's different, but I like it. I like being able to tell if you're hurting or in danger. You feel mine too, right?"
"Yeah, but so far, the only thing I've felt from you is anger and arousal." I smiled as he sucked in a breath.
"You can feel my arousal?"
"Smell it and feel it. It builds my own desire to feel yours. It intensifies my own."
"Cohen mentioned once that sex between mates was crazy because it was like you could feel the other person's pleasure. I didn't understand it really at the time, but now, I'm seeing a bit of what he meant. If you can feel me just aroused, how crazy will this become when we are doing more?"
I smiled. "It's going to be wild."
Bayne took a hard breath. "Fuck, keep walking. I can't think about this now." He kept me moving forward. "Tell me more about you. Did you always want to teach elementary school?"
"Yeah, I've always loved younger kids. I didn't want all the drama of teenagers. I liked the younger grades. I was happy teaching fourth grade. They are old enough to have some sense, but still young enough that I can connect with them and teach them."
"You're honestly okay leaving your pack to come here? You'll have to leave that all behind."
I tightened my hold on Bayne as we continued to walk. "It's worth it. I'm gaining a mate, and from what I can tell, a much stronger pack. You wouldn't believe the difference in your pack compared to mine. It's amazing how nice things are here. My pack is always fighting, arguing. I mean we are all friends, but there is a lot of tension. Pete doesn't make it easy. It's not as bad as some packs I've heard about, but nowhere near as nice as yours seems. I wish I could see what it's like. It sounds big when we are in the pack house."
"It's huge. It's an old lodge. There are close to twenty bedrooms, a huge rec room. The medical clinic is there, and Corta and some of the other women keep the kitchen going almost around the clock. Kurt likes to give some of the lone wolves a place to come hang out. He said no wolf should ever have to sit home and eat alone." Bayne sounded proud.
"I smelled that Kurt's mated." I was curious how many mated wolves were around.
"He is. A few years back a rogue wolf bit a human. Turns out, that human was Kurt's mate. You'll meet Josh soon. I'm surprised you haven't yet. The two are seldom apart."
"How many mated wolves are there?"
"A handful, maybe. Some older wolves are mated, then there are maybe six or seven younger mated pairs. Cohen and Kurt both have mates. Janice and Frank are mated, Tabitha and Roger, now you and me." Bayne slowed his steps. "There are some who have lost mates. Corta's mate died a few years back. More of us seem to be finding mates recently. I think it's because of technology. Years ago, we didn't travel as much. We didn't have the ability to visit other packs like we do now. I mean, fifty years ago, you and I would probably have never had the chance to meet. Now, we travel all the time, stay with packs in other areas, have a better chance of meeting our mate. How is it in your pack?"
"Very few mates. Maybe three couples including my parents. But we aren't a rich pack, so like you said, there is less travel. I was lucky to be able to go off to college and experience different places and packs. My dad is a scientist, so we had the money for me to go. Most of the others are poor, and Pete takes a portion every month to keep the pack running." I inhaled as a scent caught my attention. "We're here, aren't we?"
"Yeah, it's about twenty feet in front of us. Can you smell anything?" Bayne asked.
"Blood. Mine and Bridger's. I can smell the bears who saved us, and a few other wolves that I don't know." I turned my head, lifting it as I inhaled hard again. "Something to the left, but I can't place it. Smells sour."
"Kurt mentioned that to me. It's vomit, and lots of it. Evidently, whoever did this to you didn't have the stomach for it once it was done." Bayne's fingers slid down my arm, and then linked with my own.
"I need to go over there. I need to see if I can smell the person or people." The thought of going closer to the vomit didn't sit well with me, but it was the best way for me to scent whoever had attacked me. "You don't have to go, just set me in the right direction."
"I'll go with you. I want to memorize the scent as well. My wolf has sworn vengeance on whoever hurt you."
I nodded, turning toward the smell. "Don't let me step in anything."
"I've got you."
We started moving toward the smell, Bayne leading me around things so I didn't stumble. The scent got stronger, and I found myself wanting to hold my breath to keep from gagging. "That's smells strong for several days old."
Bayne nodded. "Meat. Whoever threw up had just eaten a steak or something. I'm not about to go digging through it, but one of the other wolves in our pack got that pleasure and said it was meat, cereal, some kind of green stuff, and a few other things he couldn't identify."
"I smell sour milk as well."
"It would go along with the cereal."
I sighed. "I can't single out the scent of the person over the vomit."
"Let's move behind it. Kurt said the people ran down a small trail back behind when they left. It was a faint scent, but enough you might be able to remember it." He steered me around the vomit, moving us several feet in the other direction. "How about now?"
I focused on the smells around me, taking time to try and isolate each one. Once I weeded through the disgusting rotting smell of vomit, something caught my attention.
"What is it? I feel your shock." Bayne's fingers tightened with mine.
"I know the smell. It's different, not exact, but something about it is familiar. I've smelled this person before somehow, at least one of them." I sniffed again. "I want to shift." I needed to be at my best, and while I shared my wolf's great sense of smell, it would be even stronger in wolf form.
"Okay, let me help you get undressed. I'll set our clothes aside and shift with you." He eased his hands under my t-shirt.
I shook my head. "Don't. I'll undress. If you help, more will happen. It's all I can do to wait for tonight. My wolf wants us to mate now. I'm afraid once he has control, he will demand we mate right away."
Bayne laughed. "We're both struggling. My wolf can't understand why I'm making us wait. He wants you now."
"Maybe it's best if only I shift? We can shift after we mate tonight and give them more time together. We were lucky I was still weak and shook up last night when we both shifted." I ran my hand down Bayne's chest. "I know we could do it here, but I really would rather do it in a bed."
"Me too, at least the first time. Don't doubt for a minute I'll be taking you all over this forest in time." Bayne kissed me softly. "Get undressed. I won't shift but will help make sure you don't stumble as you search."
"Thanks." I slid my clothes off, handing them to Bayne. "Don't let me wander into that shit." I gestured to the vomit.
"Trust me, I'll keep you far from it. Just turn the direction you want to go, and I'll stay by your side. I'll reach down and put a hand on your back if you need to stop."
I nodded, wishing I could see him. I was nervous. This would be the first time my wolf had been outside since we were blinded. I wasn't sure how he would react. I hoped that the night in the bedroom had forced him to deal with being blind, but I was still struggling, so I was sure he was too. "Okay, let's get this done." I willed the shift, letting my wolf come forward as I fell to the dirt and shifted.
It took a second for my wolf to adjust to not being able to see. We were so used to shifting and running the moment we were able. The darkness around us made me uneasy. My wolf took several deep breaths before whining softly.
"It's okay. I'm here with you. We will do this together." Bayne's fingers caressed through my fur.
I leaned against his legs for a second before forcing myself to pay attention to the area around me. The smells were stronger, and I focused on the one that was vaguely familiar. It was something or someone I had smelled before, but different. I was usually good at remembering scents, able to recognize a person again after I'd met them once. This wasn't like that. It was as if I'd met the person, but they were mixed in with another. Maybe a lover's scent on another person or something like that. I turned, taking small steps, afraid I was going to crash into a tree if I wasn't careful. I found the trail the person had taken, and slowly started to follow it.
"You're good if you follow the scent slowly. There's a trail about a foot wide. If you stay on the scent, you shouldn't hit anything." Bayne was directly behind me.
I trusted him and kept my nose to the ground as I slowly walked down the trail. In places the scent got stronger, but then it would dwindle. It was confusing me. At times I'd almost think I remembered where I'd smelled it, but then it faded again, and I was unsure.
We walked for quite a while before Bayne reached down and touched my back. "We're about twenty yards from the dirt road. I wasn't sure if you wanted to go all the way there."
I paused, lifting my head in the air as I tried to smell if there were others around. I couldn't be sure. I whined, hoping Bayne would suggest what to do.
"I think you're best to shift back and get dressed. We can walk down in human form and get an idea of the area. Kurt got pictures of the tire marks and other wolves have memorized the scents as well. I don't think there is much more here for us to do." He kneeled beside me. "I know you want to continue, but the dirt road is public access. It's not safe. One rancher sees a wolf and we both know what will happen."
I rubbed my snout against Bayne. It wasn't worth the risk to continue. He was right. If any rancher thought a wolf might be after his cattle, then he had every right to shoot. The law was on his side. Not knowing how many ranches lined the area around us, I wasn't about to put us in danger. I turned slowly and started back.
"It's safe to shift here if you want. You're covered," Bayne told me.
Taking him at his word, I was surprised when my wolf stepped back without a fight and allowed me to shift. I took several breaths as I lay in the dirt, wishing I could figure out the scent I smelled.
"You okay?" Bayne kneeled beside me, his hand pressed gently to my back.
"Yeah. There is a scent I know, but it's weird. Almost as if I hugged you and you carried my scent on you. It's mixed with something. Not as strong as it should be. For the life of me, I can't recall where I know the smell from. I know it's here, in Montana. It's not something from home. The second scent isn't familiar at all." I pushed up, remembering to keep my eyes closed since I'd had to take the eye patches off before I shifted.
"Here." Bayne slid the patches over my head, adjusting them so they covered each eye. He brushed his lips against my temple. "You're the most beautiful wolf I've ever seen."
I laughed. "You're just saying that because I'm your mate."
"Probably, but that doesn't make it any less true." He kissed my head again before standing.
I stood beside him. "I need to find out where I know that scent from."
"We will. We'll make a list later tonight of every place you and Bridger went. Figure out everyone you can remember meeting. Here are your pants."
I reached out, finding them in Bayne's hand. "Thanks." I slipped them on, hating that I had to get dressed. My wolf wanted to run, but I didn't know when or if that would ever be possible again. I guess if we found a huge field with nothing in it, I might be able to manage. Either way, the thought was depressing, reminding me how much I would no longer be able to do. I took the shirt and pulled it over my head before slipping on my socks and shoes. "How far are we from the pack house?"
"Ten minutes if we cut through the woods, thirty if we stay on the road," Bayne answered.
"I guess it's the woods then. I don't think we'll find anything more here." I debated on heading back up to the site where I'd been attacked, but there was nothing there I needed to smell other than my own blood. I got the scent I needed.
"We'll go back and eat. We'll let Kurt know you think you know the scent, then the rest of the night is ours." Bayne linked his fingers with mine.
"Are you okay with our mating happening?" He'd made sure I was, but I'd never really asked him about how he felt with everything happening.
"Are you serious? I'm more than okay with it. I didn't know how much I wanted a mate until I caught your scent and realized what a blessing it is to have you. It was like the second I caught your scent everything wrong in my life was okay. I could get through anything because you were going to be with me."
"You're okay your mate is male?"
"It honestly wouldn't have mattered to me. I've been with both, but I prefer men." Bayne's scent changed to almost something nervous.
"What are you thinking? Your smell changed. It's almost like you're nervous or scared."
"I was just thinking about how I always looked for men who were into rougher sex. Ones who would hold me down, take what they want. Don't get me wrong. I look forward to times when we are just holding each other and taking things slow, but I'm also glad there is a side to you that can give me what I need when I need it. That won't be scared to be rougher and cause a little pain."
My own cock stirred at the thought of things we would do. I couldn't wait until I could hold him down, my hand wrapped around the back of his neck as I sank deep inside him. The thought of him on his knees, taking me in his mouth caused me to shiver.
"Stop it. I can feel your arousal. We're never going to make it home if you keep that up." Bayne gripped my shoulder. "You're going to be the death of me."
"As long as we kill each other off having sex that's okay with me." I reached down to adjust my cock. "Talk to me about something, anything. Get my mind off you under me in bed."
Bayne cleared his throat. "Um, fuck, all I can think about is being under you in bed. Let's see." He paused for a second. "I don't know what to tell you."
"Tell me what you do for fun? Where is your home? Do you live at the pack house?" I wanted to know everything he would share with me.
"No, I have a cabin not too far from the pack house. It's small, nothing fancy. I like the fact it's secluded, away from the town. I do spend a lot of nights at the pack house though. Usually, because I'm working on something for Kurt, or other times because I drink too much and play darts until the early morning hours." Bayne slowed. "There are logs in the path. Shuffle your foot and you'll feel them."
I did as he said, stepping over them easily. "Darts? You any good?"
"I like to tell myself I am."
I grinned. "I'm not great at darts, but I can play a mean game of pool. My dad taught me when I was little. He said playing pool was an easy way to break the ice and get to know people, and that it also kept you busy at the bar, so you wouldn't drink as much."
"Smart man," Bayne said.
"Sometimes too smart for his own good. My dad is your typical bow-tie wearing geek. He starts talking and half the people around leave because they have no clue what he's saying. His IQ is just so high that he lives in his own world." I paused. "We're close. I can smell the others."
"You're right. We're at the base of the mountain about to step out of the trees and into the parking lot." Bayne gave my hand a squeeze. "What about your mom? Is she smart like your dad?"
"No, my mom is the opposite. Too sweet for her own good. People think I'm kidding when I compare her to June Cleaver, but I'm not. She's the perfect mother, the perfect housewife. Dinner is always on the table at five-thirty sharp, the house is clean, laundry done. It's a bit overwhelming when I bring friends over for the first time. I love my parents to death, but they both are extreme in their ways." I smiled as I thought about my family.
"And you and your sister are nothing like them?"
"Not a bit. I guess in the sense that I'm a teacher and I love to learn, read, and keep up on stuff I'm like my dad, but I've also been known to party too hard, get in trouble here and there, and not live up to the family name. My sister is trouble. She's twenty-six and one of the most beautiful females I've ever seen. Of course, you can't tell her I said that. Anyway, she's into modeling and photography. She travels a lot, drives my parents crazy, and has no problem speaking her mind. She came home with her first tattoo at fifteen. I thought my mom was going to die. I think you'll like Cathy. She's wild and a lot of fun, but she's a good person." I missed my sister. She was the one it was going to be hardest to leave behind.
"I look forward to meeting her. I'm guessing between you and Kurt, you got them to wait before coming here?"
I nodded. "I asked them to let me see the doctor Cohen called first. Told them I didn't need the extra worry and stress. I think Kurt helped them understand I was safe and not on my own. They were shocked to know I'd found my mate. Asked a ton of questions about you I couldn't answer. It's crazy how much I feel like I know you, but at the same time know nothing."
"We'll fix that. It won't take long before we know everything about each other. Cohen said once we perform the mating ritual we have a better connection and can almost read each other's thoughts in some way. I get the sense that it's more reading emotions, but I can't be sure. This is all so new to me. None of the things they taught us about mating when we were little made sense, and now, facing it, it's even more confusing." Bayne gripped my arm. "Steps. Four of them up to the porch."
I slowly managed to make it up the steps, again thankful that I had Bayne by my side. It made it easier having my mate with me than it would have been with a stranger. Even though Bayne was still a stranger in many ways, he was also the man I would grow old with. He would be the one by my side through every struggle we had, and I had to keep reminding myself this was just one of many we would face. "Thanks." I smiled at him as he led me into the pack house.
It was late afternoon, and the place was busy. I smelled dinner along with a mix of alcohol and other drinks being served. The sound of the TV and pool balls filled the air along with the chatter of the shifters around us. I wondered how many were staring at me and what they'd been told about my attack.
"Hungry?" Bayne asked.
"Starving."
"Think you can handle eating with people or would you rather we grab it and go back to our room?"
I was glad he gave me the choice, but as much as I hated the idea of eating with people, I needed to get used to it. If this was going to be my new pack, then they would have to watch me struggle for a while and understand that this was all new to me.
Slowly, things were getting easier to deal with. I didn't want to run off and kill myself as much. There was still a sense of helplessness, but having Bayne helped to ease that, give me a sense of security that I could handle whatever was going to happen. "I'll try out here."
"Okay, I see Kurt and Josh already in the kitchen. We can join them." Bayne stepped close, hooking his arm through mine as he started to move us to the kitchen.
Trying to ignore the scents and sounds around me, I gave my trust to Bayne. This was my life now, and no matter what happened, I needed him. This wasn't going to be easy, but it was now what was going to be.