This is my punishment.

I left. I was a coward. Had I stayed and dealt with the consequences of my actions, I would have known I had a son. Taking a walk has only tormented me more thinking about all the what ifs? Each scenario playing in my head, ends with me being a failure as a father. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Maybe it played out how it should have.

As Everly’s house comes into view, Reed is out front throwing a football in the air. I step aside and lean on a tree to watch him. He grips the football, weaving back and forth, running to the end of the yard. He spikes the football and does a dance. I smile to myself; he gets that from his mom. I stroll toward him, studying his every move.

Our eyes catch when he notices me coming. I can’t believe how much he resembles me. “You’re with my mom’s clone, aren’t ‘cha?" I smack my head. Shit, I forgot about Ellie. I’m such an asshole for leaving her. I’m not the only one to have my world flipped upside down today. Reed stares at me while I berate myself internally.

“Is she inside?”

“Yeah. They’re talking girly stuff,” he reports using air quotes. “If she’s my mom’s sister, I guess that makes you my uncle?” That fucking hurts.

Running my hand through my hair, I grit my teeth. “Something like that. Can you throw?” I put my hands up, hoping he’ll forget this conversation and move on. His eyes light up as he squeezes the ball in his hands.

“Be prepared to be amazed,” he boasts, hopping backward farther away from me. I laugh at his overzealous distance. If he can throw that far, I will be amazed. He launches it through the air. It falls a good ten feet short of where I’m standing. Nice try, little dude. I run and pick it up, throwing it back to him so he doesn’t have time to feel like he failed. He’s a much better catcher than he is a thrower. As he darts around me, I pretend to chase him to the end of the yard. He hoots and hollers, spiking the ball again to signal he made a touchdown.

“Nice catch.”

“Thanks. I’m trying out for the football team this year. Mom says I’m too small, but she doesn’t see my potential.” I follow him up to the porch as he keeps talking. “I could be the next Tom Brady.” I try to hide my amusement as he turns toward me. “What? I just didn’t want you to have to go running for the ball, so I didn’t try very hard.” His confidence is twice the size of him.

“I think you should try out for wide receiver. You can catch and run fast. You’d be perfect for it.”

“Hmm. Did you play football?” He sits on the swing, so I sit down next to him. The tips of his toes scrape the ground. I spread my fingers across my leg and glance over at his, resting in his lap. I can’t stop looking for similarities. This intense, foreign feeling inside me is making me fixate on him.

A passing car is a welcome distraction. I’m going to scare the hell out of him if I keep staring at him and his body parts. “I did. Your—” I stop myself from spilling that his mom didn’t like me playing football either. He stares up at me, confused why I stopped. “You’re a lot like me when I was a kid. I played wide receiver.”

His smile widens and his eyes move up and down my arms. “I have muscles too,” he says, flexing his arm up.

I bite back my laughter. Squeezing his tiny muscle, I say, “Heck yeah, you do.”

“Why do you have a frog skeleton on your arm?” He points to my tattoo.

“It’s called a Bone Frog.” I stare at it wondering if I had known about Reed, would I have still gone into the military? I shrug. No matter the answer, I’m still proud as hell to say, “I’m a Navy SEAL.” 

His lips twist and he peers at me through the corner of his eyes. “I guess you like animals?”

My whole body deflates against the swing. That’s not the response I was shooting for. Admiration. Idolization. Worship. Any of those would have been good.

I sit up tall and turn my body toward him. “You’ve heard of the Navy? Right?”

“Bennett’s grandfather was in the Navy.”

I nod, even though I don’t have a clue who Bennett is. “A SEAL is an elite team from the Navy.” My explanation doesn’t do it justice, but considering it’s better than him thinking I like animals, it’ll work for now.

“Oh,” he responds, listless. “My dad’s a police officer.” A cocksucker, too. I’m not surprised Wayne’s a cop. His father and grandfather were too. I’m sure Everly’s dad approves.

“That’s cool,” I say with a hard smile. “I bet he never jumped out of planes and swam with sharks.” I settle back into the swing with a satisfied smirk at the wide-eyed expression. That’s the response I was shooting for.

“No way.” He jumps up, his arms widen. “You did that?” My heart rate rises the more excited he gets. Yeah, your real dad is a bad-ass. He sits back down, sitting on the edge of the swing. “Tell me more. What else did you do?”

My smile reaches my eyes. His buzz makes me feel like I can conquer the world. I’ve never wanted to prove myself to anyone more than I do to him, right now.

I halt my words when I hear Ellie cry, “I’m sorry I ever came here.” The door flies open and she freezes when she sees me and Reed on the swing. Tears pool in her pained stare. I push off the swing, but she shakes her head and runs to the car. What the hell happened? I glance at Everly, the same face, except anger radiates from her. My heart feels like it’s being yanked on. I don’t know which direction to go knowing there will be ramifications no matter what I do. The pain in my heart only worsens as the beat begins to pound harder.

I flash Everly a look of regret and turn back to Reed. “Hey big guy, it was great meeting you. Maybe, someday soon, we’ll be able to hang out again.”

The excitement in his voice from before dulls, but he says, “That’d be cool.” He walks over to his mom’s side, and she wraps her arm around him. As if to tell me, I’m making a choice by leaving. I guess I am, but I love Ellie. I am choosing her over Everly. Reed is my son though, she can’t control that. She will see me again.

When I hop in the car and turn over the engine, Ellie lowers her head into her hands and cries. I don’t know what to say, but I need to get her out of here, so I put the car in drive and leave. The ride is silent except for the low radio noise in the background. She won’t look at me, just stares out the window.

The hotel parking lot is empty except for a couple cars. I anticipate her move to jump out before I can turn off the car, so I grab her arm as she tries to exit. “Ellie, talk to me.” She shakes her head and I watch tears run down her profile. “It's you that owns my heart.”

“Then why are you still lying to me?” she cries. I angle my head not knowing what she’s talking about. “Do you have money, Kase?” My belly knots. She won’t believe me when I tell her I forgot. But I did. I close my eyes briefly and sigh.

“Yes.”

She throws her head back against the seat. “I can’t believe this. Did we tell each other anything that was the truth?”

“I love you. That was never a lie.”

“How much?”

“More than the water in the oceans.”

She gapes at me for a beat and then shakes her head. “No, I mean how much money?”

“Oh.” I shrug. “I don’t know exactly. Let’s just say a lot.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t important. Money’s a necessity to me, not a luxury. I don’t care how many zeroes are in my bank account. It’s never been part of my life. It’s just there.”

“It’s not important to me either, but it’s part of you and we’re supposed to be getting married, Kase. I shouldn’t have found out by it being thrown in my face.” I can’t believe Everly brought it up. She drops her gaze and silence surrounds us again. She lifts her head and asks, “Where did your money come from?”

I bite my lip and stare out the windshield. “My great-grandfather was Jerry Barrow.” I wait for her reaction, but when she doesn’t have one, I roll my head in her direction. She digs in her memory searching for where she knows that name. It shouldn’t take her long.

Her mouth falls open and I’m certain she figured it out. “As in Barrow Oil? Barrow gas stations?” I nod. “Holy. Shit. Kase. This isn’t a small revelation. Do you own Barrow Oil?”

I shake my head. “It’s a publicly traded company. But I do own shares.”

She stares at me. “I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry.”

I reach for her hand to stop her. “None of this matters, Ellie. I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

“It does matter.” She chokes back her tears. “You don’t have the whole story, Kase. It will matter.” She yanks her hand out of my grip, leaving me behind wondering what in the hell I missed. Part of me wants to turn around and drive back to Everly, demanding the whole story. What she could say to justify keeping my kid from me, or why she married Wayne?

Drawing in a ragged breath, I push myself out of the car. I grumble when I see a police cruiser in the parking lot that wasn’t there five minutes ago. I tense immediately. Come at me, asshole. Wayne and another guy sit in the front seats. He brought his friend. I’d like him to meet a few of mine. He wants me to engage. Earlier was a knee-jerk reaction. It won’t happen again. I’ll wait for the perfect opportunity and now isn’t it. I glare at him until I hit the front doors, not giving him the time of day once I pass through the entrance.

I fucking hate small towns.