No matter how long I stare at the door, it won't open on its own. Just knock on the damn door. I will my hand to raise up. Then I halt my trembling fist an inch from touching it. What if he doesn’t want to see me? I blow out a breath and lean into the knock. My knuckles hit the red door three times. I think I'm going to throw up.

Wayne picked up Reed this morning, slipping a paper in my palm. No words, just a defeated expression when he walked away. It was Kase’s hotel and room number. He left a message on my phone last night telling me they had talked. My heart aches for him. He loves me and would do anything for me and Reed. But I have this deep emotional attachment for Kase that I need to explore.

I jump when the door swings open. Kase’s mouth hangs open as if he’s about to yell at me. When he recognizes it’s me, he snaps it shut. His eyes slowly rake down my body. Goosebumps pebble across my skin and I sheepishly smile when our eyes meet. He looks like he recently woke up. His hair is askew, and he’s wearing only basketball shorts. The defined muscles on his entire body tense. I swallow, thinking of dragging my fingers over his stomach muscles. He’s not the same boy I knew years ago. He’s all man now.

“Everly,” he says, greeting me, his voice heavy from sleep. 

“So, you can tell us apart,” I reply. We're identical and I wondered if he could tell us apart without speaking.

He flashes a half smile, nodding. “Yes.” The way he states it makes it seem we look nothing alike.

My smile fades. “Can I come in?”

He opens the door wider and motions for me to enter. Walking into the musty dark room, I see it's a typical hotel room with a queen bed and a desk and chair. I open the curtains to let in some light and pull the chair out to sit. Fidgeting in my seat, I try to find the most attractive position I can. I cross my legs and sit up straight, pushing my breasts together in my V-neck t-shirt. Vying for a man’s attention is new to me and I probably look ridiculous. I wait anxiously as he's in the bathroom. I hear a bottle of pills shaking, then the water running. When he walks into the room, he leans against the wall with his arms crossed and a tight smile.

“Are you okay?” I ask, losing some of my courage.

He nods. “Just a headache. It’ll go away soon.” 

“Wayne told me y’all talked yesterday.”

He rubs his neck. “We did.” 

I pick at the frayed seams of my jean shorts. I'm not sure what I expected, but I was hoping for a warmer greeting. “Kase, I didn’t know. As soon as I remembered, I left Wayne.”

The air conditioner kicks on and I’m thankful for the cool reprieve. The tension between us is making it hot in here. “How long have you had your memories?”

“Ten months.”

His breath catches. I wondered how much Wayne told him. “I hit my head and when I came to, all my memories came flooding back.”

“Why didn’t you try to contact me? I have a son, Everly.” His voice breaks and it breaks my already fragile heart.

“I did,” I whisper. How can I make him understand that the love I have for him is as strong as it was right before I lost him? He’s gained ten years without me, but it's like yesterday to me. “I hired an investigator. He told me you had gotten out of the military and he located you in Gilley’s Cove. I flew there right away.” His brows furrow as he remembers the day our eyes locked, months ago. I panicked and ran.

“That was you?” I nod. “Why did you run away?”

Because I was afraid of rejection from the man I loved more than anything.

“You were with a beautiful red-headed woman. You looked happy. I… I got scared you wouldn’t want me anymore.” I stand and walk to the window and scrunch my nose at the overfilled, ugly dumpsters down below. The view is horrible, but I’d still rather focus on it than let Kase see my vulnerability. He’s had ten years to forget me.

I flinch as I feel him stand behind me. He wraps his hand around my bicep and squeezes. My pulse races with the pressure of his body against my back. “Pepper was only a friend. I never stopped wanting you,” he whispered. “I ran after you. When you disappeared, I chalked it up to me seeing things.” I close my eyes, reveling in his touch. “When I saw Ellie, I knew it wasn't a dream, and it was really you. Or so I thought.”

Hearing her name is a crux to my soul. I always wondered what it would be like having a sibling. When I first saw her, so many emotions sparked inside me. Confusion. Curiosity. Anger. After they drove away, I felt nothing but loss although I didn't know who it was for. His admission that he thought Ellie was me, incites hope.

I swing around. I’m so close, the heat coming off his body envelops mine. “It was me you were looking for. I’m standing right here, Kase. The real me.” I place my hand over his bare chest. His heart beats heavily against it. I silently beg him to touch me. Love me. Choose me. Anything, as long as it’s with me and not her.

The struggle in his features softens as he places his hand on top of mine. I lick my lips in anticipation. He looks down at me through heavy lids and the second his lips touch mine, my eyes close and roll back in my head. I’ve dreamt about this for months.

His tongue outlines my lips and I willingly open. Our tongues entwine, his demanding possession of my mouth leaves me whimpering but seeking more. I snake my hands up his chest, running them through his short hair. My senses are on overdrive from his familiar taste, yet foreign feel of his body. Images of the last time we were together flash through my mind, the emotions consuming me. This powerful man is a contradiction to the sweet Kase I fell in love with.

A groan emits from deep in his throat as he hoists me up and slams me against the window, his fingers digging into my ass, his hardness pressed firmly against me. I gasp in surprise at the abrupt change in position. I’ve never been man handled before. Wayne has always treated me like I was made of glass. His touch is gentle, loving, soft. Kase is none of those.

He jerks back. “Fucking hell,” he roars making me wince. Sliding me down his body, he takes a couple large steps away from me like I've burned him. My pulse is drumming. “You’re not… Ellie.” His words knock the breath out of me. Tears burn my eyes as I gasp for air as my fingers touch my swollen lips and I cry out. Damn him for making me think he needed me like I need him. Damn me for imagining we could pick up our lives where we left off.  

Mortified, I run past him to the door. “Everly. Wait… I’m sorry. I got caught up in the moment. This all is so confusing.”

My hand grips the door handle and my vision blurs from tears. “You don’t understand, Kase. Time has mended the tiny breaks in your heart over the years. The breaks in mine are fresh and they’re slowly killing me,” I say through my tears, keeping the door in my view. “You don’t love me anymore.”

He sighs loudly. “Everly, I do. I will always love you.”

On my way over I imagined him saying those words. My stomach fluttered with a happiness, everything was happening as it should be. Instead, they’re tearing up my insides, leaving me bleeding from the inside out.

“But… you love her too,” I whisper.

His silent admission is deafening. With every ounce of self preservation I have left, I open the door and walk out.     

“Where are you going?” Wayne asks, walking into my bedroom.

I continue packing my bag. More like pummeling my bag with my clothes as I forcefully stuff everything in. I’ve had two days to let what happened in the hotel room sink in. I realized it probably has been confusing as hell for Kase. It’s confusing for me too.

He might love us both, but she doesn’t have what I have. His son. I’m not done fighting. Our love goes deeper than some woman he met that looks like me less than a year ago. I just need to remind him what our love looks like.

Wayne grabs my arm, stopping me. “Everly, where are you going?”

“Reed and I are… going on a trip.” His fingers dig into my arm. A part of me wants to punish him for lying all these years, throw it in his face that he’s not Reed’s father, so he has no right to him.

“You said you wouldn’t.”

I shrug out of his hold and drop my arms. No matter how mean I want to be, I can’t. Wayne gave us a life of love and happiness. He loved my son with all his heart and I can’t intentionally hurt him. But I can’t stand by and watch Kase walk away without a fight.

“Wayne, Reed will always love you. You’ve been an amazing dad, but Reed deserves the truth.”

His eyes cast down. “He’ll hate me.”

I’ve thought long and hard about this. How I would explain this to Reed. Here is where the love I have for Wayne overrides any bitterness I harbor. “I won't tell him you lied to us.” He jerks his head up, angling it to the side like he can’t believe what he heard. “He knows about my amnesia. I'll tell him I didn’t know who his dad was, and we both decided to let you raise him as your own, but when my memory returned, so did the answers of who his father was.” It’s not too far off from the truth. He might understand our divorce better since he’s taken our break up hard.

He blows out a ragged breath and stuffs his hand in his uniform pockets. “Can I tell him with you? I want him to understand I’ll always love him no matter who his real dad is.” 

The raw pain in his voice kills me. I stare at the man who owns part of my heart. No matter how hard I’ve tried to take it back, I can’t. But I also can’t forgive him. Not yet. I nod and sigh. “I’m doing it tonight.”

“No matter what happens, I’ll still be here waiting for you.”

“Wayne–”

“No,” he holds up a finger. “I’ve let you have your space to figure out what’s going on in your head. I kinda understand. But I need to have my say before you leave.” As he takes a step toward me, I wrap my arms around my waist. The barrier I put between us, I'm not sure if I’m doing it to push him away or to keep me from breaking down and running back to him. “I didn’t lie to you to make you fall in love with me. I came to you as a friend. We both fell in love. I may have lied about Reed and our relationship after the fact, but I never coerced you into falling in love with me. That was real.” Tears escape my eyes watching him plead for our love. “Our love wasn’t a ten-year-old crush or high school sweetheart…” He chokes on his emotions. Clearing his throat, he continues, “You’ve loved me longer than you did him. How can you throw this away for someone you loved over ten years ago?”

“It’s not ten years to me. To my heart.” I place my hand on my heart. How else do I explain it? The love I have for Kase, it’s alive inside me. It’s like my heart was jump-started with the love we shared. The problem was my heart was beating already, filled with Wayne’s love. I’m in love with two men and I can't differentiate who it beats for louder. I need to find out.