“There’s one more place I want to take you,” he said when he pulled into his driveway. Adam walked around to my side of the truck and opened the door for me again. “Mystery awaits.” He grabbed my hand and helped me out.
The wind was more powerful down at the beach than it was in town, waves crashing loudly against the shore. There wasn’t a soul in sight. Hostile gray clouds fought to blanket the sky, combating the veil of autumn darkness. The storm had officially arrived.
Adam’s house was nearly dark when we went inside. A lamp illuminated the corner of the living room, its shade still off-kilter from the night before. “I want to show you something.” He led me to the small enclosed deck he’d built off the back of the kitchen. With a flick of the lock, he slid the glass door open along its corresponding runner.
“What’s this?” I looked around.
A pile of throw pillows was situated on an oversized beanbag chair to the left with a couple of fluffy blankets folded neatly next to it. He walked around with a box of matches and lit a cluster of pillar candles. White wine chilled in a small cooler of ice next to two glasses.
“You put this together for me?” I asked.
He gestured with an empty hand. “Sit.”
I sank down into the cushion and spun the bottle of wine so I could see the label. Feminine gold lettering curled impressively over a matte black background. “Cannon Bay. You remembered my favorite.”
He picked up a corkscrew. “Do you know why I brought you here?”
“This deck is where we had sex for the first time,” I replied.
“While that’s true, it’s not why.” He smirked and sat down next to me. “I spent 278 nights sitting here, wondering if you were thinking about me. That was a lonely road, Blue. My home,” he motioned between us, “had to be rebuilt.”
I stroked thick fringe on the edge of a fleece blanket. “Working construction is more fitting for you than I originally thought.”
“I racked my brain for anything rational. Did I hit her? Did I cheat on her? Did I lie to her? I even wondered if I pressured you after the whole thing with…We didn’t have sex for two months after that. I was patient until you were ready again. But every question I asked myself…the answers were all a resounding ‘no’.”
I hung my head. “You should’ve known better. It had nothing to do with you.”
“Except for everything.” He dug it into the cork and spun the point deep into it, the firm tug resulting in a blunt pop.
The starless sky caught my attention. “Do you think Madelyn’s looking down here? And she’s finally happy now?”
Adam set down the corkscrew on the table and looked thoughtful. “I believe she’s at peace, and she wants you to be happy. I don’t doubt that for a second.”
I drew my knees to my chest, my nose burning as I fought back tears.
“But this date is about us. Can you grab that tin for me?” He nodded toward a lidless canister on the ground.
I picked it up and looked at the faded label advertising a local coffee brand. “What’s this for?” A large pile of miniature folded papers rattled against the bottom when I jostled it. If I had to guess, there were over one hundred of them inside.
“Something I found on Pinterest after you fell asleep last night. We’re going to watch the storm, drink wine, and play a game.”
“Wait. You’ve been hanging out on Pinterest?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I’m secure enough in my masculinity to ignore the look on your face right now.” Resting his forearms on his knees, he looked into my eyes. “I want us to know each other again.” He motioned for me to reach into the tin. “No peeking. Just pick and read it out loud.”
Reluctantly, I scrunched my eyes shut and fished for one, unfolding it while he poured two glasses of wine. The typewritten font said, “What’s your favorite movie?”
“It hasn’t changed.” He smiled.
I giggled. “Still Dirty Dancing, huh?”
“It’s a classic! But if anyone else asks, I’ll deny it and say Gladiator or Fight Club.” He reached in the tin and grabbed a piece of paper, opening it carefully. “What’s your most embarrassing moment in the past year?”
“Really? You get an easy movie question and I get this?” I covered my face. “Do I have to?”
“Hey, I don’t make the rules.”
I peeked through my fingers and shot him a glare.
“Okay, so maybe I made these rules. But, it’s what the game gods want.” Adam flashed me the half-smile I couldn’t resist. “Come on. It’s probably not that bad.”
Without being able to look at him, I told the story of Trixie Taylor’s erotica in Lucy’s e-reader at the coffee shop.
Adam exploded with laughter until tears rolled down his face.
“It’s not funny!” I socked him in the arm playfully and reached into the tin, pausing. “Do you know how hard it is to walk in there after everyone’s heard purse porn?”
He bit his lip to stifle his chuckle. “No doubt.”
I didn’t bother reading the words as I looked up at him. “How many people have you dated since I left?”
His brow furrowed. “That’s not one of the questions I printed out.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Game gods want what they want.”
He pursed his lips.
“Hey, if you don’t want to play.” I made a move, pretending I’d stand up.
“Sit back down, spoilsport,” he jested.
I settled back into my seat with my wine.
“Four,” he replied.
The number stung. It shouldn’t have. I had no right to feel a pang of jealousy, especially with Cash under my belt. The thought of Adam being with anyone else bothered me more than I realized it would.
“None of them lasted more than one or two dates though,” he continued. “The shoes were too large to fill. Go again.” He nodded toward the tin. “Your cheat question didn’t count.”
“What’s your first memory?” I’d made the mistake of reading it aloud before thinking. My mouth slipped into a distinct frown as I crumpled the latest paper. “You don’t have to answer that. I’ll pick a different one.”
He touched my arm to stop me. After a considerable wait, he spoke. “It was Christmas, and I was four. My family didn’t do the normal holiday stuff. No tree. No stockings. No presents. No Santa. The only reason I knew it was December 25th was because my grandpa came over with a new green bike, complete with a giant, red bow. Training wheels. Neon-colored beads on the spokes. I’d never seen anything like it.” Adam smiled fleetingly, and then it fell from his face. “After he left, my mom called the neighbor who lived in the apartment above us, a fellow heroin junkie. There was a knock at the door, and an exchange was made. Christmas lost its appeal after that.”
My heart sank. “Wait. She traded your bike for drugs?”
“Sure did.” Adam nodded, taking a drink from his wine glass. “Merry Christmas, huh?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that story before?” I asked. Adam’s first memory was a terrible one.
“I wrote off that part of my life, a long time ago.” He reached for a question and unfolded it. “If you could be a superhero, what would your power be?”
I bit my lip in contemplative thought. “Can I have two?”
“Game gods vote yes.”
“I’d be able to heal.” I fingered over the etching on the wine glass. “And go back in time to fix what I broke.” I forced out a deep breath to ward off the tears and leaned in for another piece of paper. “If you could have anything right now, what would it be?”
He looked into my eyes, his head barely moving left and right. “She’s sitting next to me.”
That moment was heavier than most. More and more each day, I wondered what I’d done to deserve him and why I’d ever left in the first place. Blue Brennan was a fool. I set down my glass and stood up, using the scenery outside as a distraction.
A flicker of fear spanned his face. “Are you leaving?”
“No.” I broke my gaze from the ocean as a bolt of lightning flashed and thunder boomed overhead. My heart overflowed with emotion, ready to burst. It was a sensation that’d been foreign to me for so long. It was all-consuming. I crossed my arms at the waist and lifted the fuzzy, pink sweatshirt over my head slowly. “I’m going to fix what I broke. Superpowers may not be involved, but I won’t stop until I succeed. 278 nights will be repaired, one at a time.”
“That’s a tall order.” A smile lifted at the corners of his mouth. “How are you going to do that?”
“Do you trust me?” I walked over and sat down in front of him, sliding my hands up the material of his jeans before unfastening the button.
He didn’t answer immediately. The apprehension behind his eyes was undeniable, and it killed me to know I’d ever given him any sense of doubt. Reluctantly, he offered me a faint nod. “I’m trying.”
“It’s my turn for a while. Let me be the one to try.”
His eyes locked with mine as I unzipped his jeans and hooked my fingers over the waist, tugging lightly.
He lifted his hips a few inches while I pulled his pants and boxers free.
With a devious smile, I pushed myself to my knees. His sharp intake of breath was followed by a low moan when I took action with my mouth. Adam’s body tensed. I went deeper, his hand wound through my hair while his hips responded to my movements. It might’ve taken the rest of my life, but I was determined to right my wrongs.
Another boom of thunder and flash of lightning commenced, causing the lights to flicker and then extinguish. It didn’t matter. Adam and I didn’t need electricity for what I’d planned.
The rest of that night was spent on the deck during the severe rainstorm, my focus on ensuring he erased the number 278 from his memory. For good.
* * *
The next morning, I felt a gentle kiss on my forehead. Somehow, I’d ended up in Adam’s bed without knowing how I got there. Wind gusts wailed as they whipped the house, the siding groaning from the force.
“Hang out here today,” he whispered. “That storm’s still violent.”
“What about you?” I mumbled with one unopened eye. “Stay?”
“Don’t tempt me. I doubt Ty would approve of me lying in bed with his niece all day.” He planted a kiss on my nose. “I’ll be back before six.”
“Okay,” I said dreamily, sleep fighting to conquer me again.
A few minutes later, I heard the engine of his truck start, and my eyes half-opened, fixating on the battery-operated clock. What time is it? 7:56 a.m. His wallet rested on the nightstand.
“Shit.” I threw on his sweat pants and a nearby shirt, dashing outside. “Wait! You left your…” his truck disappeared over the hill while I waved it high over my head, “wallet.”
I wrapped my arms around myself to ward off the cold, a forceful gust of icy wind bullying me along to the front door.
I flopped down on the couch and dialed Adam’s cell.
After three rings, the line opened.
“Miss me already?” he asked.
“That’s beside the point. You forgot your wallet.”
“Great,” he said. “I’m already late. Should’ve left twenty minutes ago, but I was distracted by a beautiful woman in my bed.” A sigh. “I’ll survive without it.”
“You sure you don’t need me to bring it to you?” I asked.
“No. I don’t want you driving around in this wind. Besides, the brakes are nearly shot on the old rust-bucket in the driveway,” he replied. “But, I’m going to say something before we hang up. I love—”
“No! Not now,” I exclaimed. “Don’t finish that phrase.”
There was hollowness behind his voice. “Why not?”
“Not until you’re here tonight. I want it to be in-person.”
He let out a sigh. “But…”
“Please? It’s important to me.”
“Fine. You know, I forgot how stubborn you are.”
“You’re welcome,” I said smugly. “See you tonight?”
“Nothing can keep me away,” he replied before hanging up.
The call ended at the same time the power returned. I settled back against the couch, wondering how I’d occupy myself all day. It was night two of 278. There was planning to be done.
I grabbed my cell phone and ran a few Google searches. Success. I dialed a local number and waited for someone to pick up.
“Beachside Bikes, Joey speaking,” a young voice said.
“Hi, Joey. I’m looking for a bicycle for my…boyfriend,” I said. “It has to be green, and I need a giant, red bow for it.”
A pause. “We got in the latest RacerRide late last week. I think it’s the only green model we’ve got in stock right now. Will that work?”
The limited availability on my credit card tapped me on the shoulder, but I quickly waved away responsibility. I could figure it out later, and there was zero temptation to cash in the five million from Tom. “Sold. Oh! And do you have any of those neon-colored bead things for the spokes?”
“Yeah. We’ve got ‘em. They’re usually for kids bikes though.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll take those too.” Adam’s first memory would be rectified yet.
“Great. Do you want me to hold it?” he asked. “I’d need a deposit since it’s the only one we’ve got in stock.”
I thought to my lack of a car. “Is there any way you can deliver? I’m local and can pay in full over the phone.”
“Not in this weather.” He laughed. “If it can wait until tomorrow, I can have someone drop it off in the morning after we open.”
I smiled. “That’s perfect. Thank you.”
After finalizing the transaction, I set my cell on the table, impressed with my handiwork. One task down, a million to go. While I was in the shower, another idea came to me. Adam planned an important and meaningful date. One I’d never forget. It was time I did the same for him. I got dressed, pinned my hair up in a sloppy bun, and headed into the kitchen.
I spent a ridiculous amount of time rifling through the cupboards, most of them only half or a quarter-full. Adam was the epitome of a bachelor. Every recipe I tried was missing two or three ingredients. Not helpful and a fail. I scoured the pantry for something romantic. Anything. Ramen noodles. Instant rice. A loaf of bread. Spaghetti in a can. “Gross.” I scrunched my nose, none of them worthy of saying, “I love you”. And then I saw it. Score! A box of cheap brownie mix. Chocolate equated to love, right?
I listened to music and danced around the kitchen while the rain slapped against the windows. Droplets raced down the glass, competing against one another. The wind screamed like a banshee and the lights flickered as I cracked the last two eggs from the carton and added oil to a mixing bowl. One last step. I needed to measure out three tablespoons of water.
“Hmmm…if I were a measuring spoon, where would I be?” I fumbled through drawer after cupboard after shelf on the wraparound island, searching. The contents of a deep drawer abutting a stool at the breakfast bar made me forget about the measuring spoon. Inside, I saw a shoebox.
Even though I was certain no one else was home, I ridiculously looked around the room. Don’t do it, Blue. But curiosity got the best of me and I lifted the lid to peek inside. My lungs stopped working. A small velvet box.
* * *
Roughly A Little Over Two Years Ago
It was an early autumn evening when we walked through downtown Aberdeen. The city was far enough away from Steele Falls where Adam and I could be in public without the wrath of the momster. All of the sleepy shops were closing up for the night, owners bringing in their sandwich board signs and antique furniture from the sidewalk. Each of us held an ice cream cone in our hands from the old soda shop on Third Avenue.
Adam slowed in front of a massive glass window of a jewelry store. “Let’s go in here.”
I glanced at some of the price tags through the glass. So many commas and zeroes. Massive diamond solitaires spun slowly on a charcoal-colored display. Gaudy bracelets glinted with sapphires, emeralds, and rubies under the fluorescent lighting. There was nothing in the ritzy store Adam could afford on his income from Mario’s. And none of it was my simple style. The situation needed to diffuse. Fast.
“I don’t think so,” I replied. Giving Adam any ideas about going into debt on my behalf wasn’t on my agenda.
He looked hurt. “Why not?”
I scrambled for a reason, not wanting to offend him. “It’s three minutes until they close. I’m sure the old woman with the severe bun and the scowl at the counter wants to go home. We’ll go in next time.”
“Fine.” He smirked, throwing away the paper from his ice cream cone in a nearby trash can.
I smiled and wiped my hands with a napkin. “What’s the goofy look for?”
“So, someday,” he interlaced his fingers with mine, “when I propose, what kind of ring do you want?”
I bit my lip, my heart thumping wildly at the thought of Adam speculating about our future. “Doesn’t asking me defeat the purpose? It’s supposed to be a surprise, something you pick out.”
“Help a clueless guy out here.” He jabbed me playfully in the ribs. “Otherwise, you might end up with a piece of heart-shaped jewelry you hate.”
“Stop!” I giggled. “Seriously. You could make me a ring out of tin foil and I’d be happy because it’s from you.”
He gave me the look that he wasn’t going to let up until I gave him a real response.
I linked my arm through his as we walked along. “If you need a hint, go with non-traditional and simple. But in all honesty, all I want is your heart.”
* * *
I set the velvet clamshell aside without opening it.
A piece of paper was folded up in the shoebox. Again, I was nosy. My hands shook as I unfolded the thick sheet of watercolor paper, a detailed sketch of a puzzle piece inside. A charcoal-colored silhouette of a man and a woman in an embrace with explosions of pastel sunset in the background saturated the paper, AJR jotted at the bottom. It was dated with what would’ve been our anniversary. Adam Jacob Rockwell. I thought back to the bracelet of puzzle charms in my tote bag.
I scrunched my eyes shut and reached for the box twice, telling myself not to do it. But I had to know. My lungs stopped as I looked inside and stared at the ring, perching it between my thumb and index finger. The black metal of the band contrasted against a simple round sapphire set in the middle. What made it worse was knowing it was the right size before I even slid it onto my finger. A perfect fit.
All of it was too much, and emotion filled me from toe to head. I took the ring off and put it back in the box. Opening it felt like it belonged to someone else, in a different life, as if it weren’t intended for me. But it had been, once upon a time. The piece of jewelry was everything I’d asked for, but I deserved none of it. All I’d done was throw away the moment before it ever happened.
A crumpled piece of typing paper was nestled in the opposite corner of the box. You’d have thought I’d learned my lesson, but I kept diving deeper. The world around me stilled as I scoured the words, letting them soak in one-by-one.
Okay, Rockwell. This is your last-minute pep talk. It’s game day. Take a deep breath. Six months is officially up at six o’clock tonight, and you’re meeting her at seven. It’s taken you two months to put this proposal together. Don’t fuck it up. This is what you want. I know you’re scared of rejection, but if you don’t ask her now, someone else will later.
Blue fixed your heart.
Blue believed in you.
Blue made you realize there are things in life worth fighting for.
Blue showed you…
I clenched my jaw and wadded the paper back into its respective ball once again, unable finish reading it. It wasn’t fair. I was none of those things he’d written. All I’d done was broken him, let him down, and showed him the people you care about most will fail you.
I tossed the box down on the floor and screamed, cradling my head in my hands. “How did everything that should’ve been perfect get so fucked up?”
After my mini-tantrum, I looked at the box lying on its side. One more piece of paper was neatly folded into quarters that I hadn’t noticed before. “Might as well finish the pain off.” My heart ached as I unfolded it, afraid of what it said. Doodles of more puzzle pieces, faces, nature scenery, and stars decorated the margins. Random words had been scratched out and replaced throughout.
Blue,
The past six months of our relationship have challenged me us in ways I didn’t know possible. And what was supposed to break us apart has made us stronger. We were forced to hide, and I don’t want to can’t do it anymore. You’ve taught me about loyalty, trust, and honesty. I don’t know what I did to deserve you in this life, but I’m not about to let go. My world was gray, empty, and lifeless before you came into it. You’ve awakened something in me and shown me what it’s like to feel again.
It may not be the piece of tin foil you wanted, but you said the important part was giving you my heart.
Blue Ann Brennan, will you marry me?
I wasn’t sure which was harder to read: Adam’s proposal he’d written to me—the one that should’ve happened three hours after I left town. Or the pep talk he’d written for himself. His words were so loving, so pure. And then I’d gone and tainted the whole damn thing.
Knowing he was destroyed without me—before it even happened.
Knowing he was alone—when I hadn’t even left yet.
Knowing his heart was broken—when I was the one responsible for keeping it safe.
I’m not sure how long I sat on the floor and stared at that box. I’m not even sure I blinked while the sea of tears blurred my vision.
Silence became too much. I needed some kind of sound to combat the thoughts racing through my head. Voices. Talking. Music wasn’t cutting it. To distract myself, I turned on channel four and watched the news. Cathy McPhee provided a grim update on the storm. It wasn’t letting up and the meteorologists underestimated its power as it converged with another system off the coast. The screen panned to a familiar commercial with Gonorrhea Guy. I flipped the TV off before he spoke his signature line.
Making all of my screws up better for Adam was going to be harder than I anticipated. All I could do was show him I was everything he thought I once was. Prove to him I was worthy. The clock read five until six. At any moment, the front door would open and we could pick up where we left off. I was giddy, like a little kid waiting for Christmas.
Forcing the contents from my head, I put away the box and busied myself with making dinner. My options were limited as I used the opener to empty an off-brand can of chili into a pot. A few minutes later, I covered the bowls with foil and placed them on the table. It might not have been gourmet, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was who’d be sitting across from me. Candles lit. Wine poured. Napkins folded—in the fancy way we’d learned at Mario’s. I smiled at the effort I’d put into it. I was finally home.
At 6:07, he still wasn’t back.
At 6:33, I tried to call his cell. No answer.
At 7:11, my mind began to play tricks, causing me to wonder if he’d been stringing me along as some kind of vicious payback. I felt sick.
At 7:29, my cell phone rang and vibrated across the counter. I dove for it, finally feeling a sense of relief. Until I saw the name on the screen. Daveigh.
“Crap,” I muttered, realizing I’d forgotten to call her after promising I would. Glancing out the window at the empty driveway, I decided to chance it. If I had to, I’d cut the conversation short when Adam arrived.
I pushed the button, waiting for the latest reprimand. “Hey, ‘Veigh.”
“Blue, are you watching the news?” she asked.
“No. Why?” I straightened the cockeyed spoon at the place setting in front of me.
“Don’t turn it on, but I think you should sit down for what I’m about to tell you.”
An icy feeling settled into my chest. “Why?”
Silence.
I couldn’t breathe. “What is it? Is it Finn? Are you okay? The baby?”
“One of Ty’s work trucks got into an accident off the 101, and his cell phone is off. No one knows what’s happening. You should go to the hospital.”