Whitney

Chicago was another planet compared to Ann Arbor, and right now I wanted to go home.

The University of Michigan was Ann Arbor, redolent with burning leaves as the fall semester came around. A well-stocked kitchen meant a freezer filled with pizza, and coffee was served as both social symbol and the stimulant of choice during nights when studying could not include sleep.

I missed impromptu gatherings of students to talk about current events or just gossip. I always came away with more friends than I’d had an hour earlier. Classes stimulated your mind, and it was a world where youth wasn’t held against you. We were at the top in sports, and there was never an empty seat at any university event.

I missed my parents and my room. But probably most of all, I missed the illusion that I’d finally earned my place as an adult. A fresh bachelor’s degree in hand, I was in Chicago now. Here, it was only a stepping stone to something worthwhile. I wasn’t there quite yet.

So, there I was, pretending I was jogging, when in reality, I was trying not to be homesick or to feel crushed that no one seemed as impressed with my credentials as I was. That’s a tough moment in anyone’s life—to realize you’re not the center of anyone’s universe but your own.

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but at least I wanted to believe I had everything it took. I’d spotted a Chicago Tribune abandoned on a bench as I was running past. I circled around and took a break. The sports section was facing out, but I paged through to find the Help Wanted ads. There were more openings than I’d expected, as long as I was willing to bag fries or do telemarketing. I wasn’t. I had to set some standards for myself.

“What are you doing?” Tiffany asked as she ended her jog in front of my bench, huffing.

“Geez, don’t you use deodorant?” I pulled away as evidence that she didn’t filled my anxiety-ridden fresh air.

“What’s the matter with you?”

I slapped the paper down. “I’m homesick and I don’t like it here.”

“Don’t be such a baby, Whit. How did you ever get through college? Oh, that’s right. You had Mom and Dad a few blocks away. You never really left home, did you?”

“That’s kind of a bitchy thing to say. I lived in the dorms, you know.”

“Oh, I remember. Mom and Dad’s great waste of money so you could have the ‘full college experience.’” She drew air quotes around the last three words and I looked away. I was used to her sarcasm, but at that moment, I didn’t want any.

Tiffany, my older sister by two years, believed she was wiser by at least ten. She had always seemed to delight in anything that made me uncomfortable, herself included. I was staying with her by necessity. She’d been in Chicago for two years, had an apartment, a job… in short, she had a life. I didn’t.

I frowned, disappointed that I wasn’t getting the sympathy I needed at the moment. I considered stopping a total stranger and pouring out my woes. It might at least get me an ‘awww…’ Tiffany was as sympathetic as the snake that had just bitten you.

“Tiff, you’re different from me.”

“What are you bitching about?” Her green eyes were scanning the passersby for something in a size 6’1” or taller male, broad shoulders and deep pockets. He didn’t happen to be jogging past at the moment, so I got a stray look of aggravation. I knew I’d been staying with her too long. She’d half-heartedly convinced me to come to Chicago, but I think it was just so she could show off what she’d accomplished. Once I’d admired her adequately, I was in the way and certainly cramping her dating style. I shuddered to think of the men who might have been on the couch that currently served as my bed.

Tiff had never been picky. She was so unlike me. One of us must have been adopted. I was still a virgin, and proud of it. Not that I didn’t have chances; oh, there were plenty of those. But for the most part, men bored me. They were sex fiends whose interest died as soon as they’d had their fill. I looked at Tiff then and suddenly realized why she’d had so many men. She was just like them.

I looked out over Lake Michigan and sighed. “Never mind,” I told her.

“Okay.” Tiff was at her best when she wasn’t being asked to volunteer, donate, hold your hand or give any shred of motherly companionship. Yup, she was definitely like a guy. “Well,” she said as she stood up and stretched her arms over her head, “I’ll see you back at the apartment. I’m in the mood for a latte.” Without a glance or hug, she was gone, disappearing into the throng of joggers pretending they were alone on some rugged mountain path as they clashed elbows on the lakeshore sidewalk. It was all about the inner illusion.

I turned back to the want ads. I wasn’t sure Tiff had even noticed I was holding them. Then I felt the weight shift on my bench and looked to my right to see a short, out-of-shape guy with little hair watching me from the side. I caught his eye and he smiled and gave a bashful wave. I smiled back and nodded, turning back to my paper.

I felt the weight shift again, and I could see from the corner of my eye that he was scooting closer to me. What was he doing?

“Hi,” he said, now only a foot or so away.

“Hello,” I answered without looking at him. I pretended intense fascination with my paper.

“The name’s Phil,” he told me, as though I might be interested in the information.

I opted to say nothing, so he tried again. “I can’t help but notice you’re reading the job classifieds.”

I was afraid if I didn’t say something, he might move closer, thinking I couldn’t hear him. I opted to nod slowly but still said nothing.

“What do you do?” he prompted me.

I decided I might as well get it over with. “Psychology.”

“You a shrink?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Long story.” I folded the paper, ready to leave, when his next sentence stopped me.

“I happen to know of an opening that would suit you.”

His words were like those ripe, red berries you’d come across in the forest. They looked good, but for all you knew they were poison, and you hesitated, deciding how hungry you were. “What sort of job?”

He knew he had me, so he sat back, putting one arm over the back of the bench, his fingertips nearly caressing my shoulder. I should have known then, but hey, I was from Ann Arbor.

“Executive assistant.” He threw the title out there to impress me, and God help me, I couldn’t let it go.

“Doing what?”

He leaned closer, as though what he was about to impart was top secret. “All kinds of things. I’ve got this little book, you see. It’s filled with pictures, but I need a woman like you to act them out with me.” His finger motioned toward me, and this was followed by a wink.

“What does the job pay?” I asked him calmly.

His eyebrows shot up, surprised that I was interested. He rubbed his thigh over and over, as though considering what to offer, but I could see that he’d gotten hard and was trying to pet himself.

“Well… let’s see… what would you say to free room and board and two hundred a week for pocket money?”

I spotted the spittle in the corner of his mouth. He was drooling.

“Hmmm…” I paused as though giving it serious thought. “I’ll have to go ask my boyfriend first. Naturally, he’ll be moving in with me. You’ll like him. He’s on leave from the Chicago PD, but he’s done with therapy and they say they might let him go back to a desk job. Then there are my pets. You don’t mind boa constrictors, do you? Mine are pregnant. Did you know they rarely breed in captivity? I might get as many as a hundred babies, and I can sell them for a couple hundred bucks apiece. Of course, that’s a lot of feeding; they eat live mice and rats, you know. I buy them in bulk from a laboratory. Oh, don’t worry, I only buy a few hundred at a time.”

I felt the weight shift again, and this time, he was gone. I had to smile. Maybe psychology would do me more good in Chicago than I’d realized.

Turning back to the paper, I used my cell phone to take a picture of each ad that caught my attention. The bench was far too public to conduct conversations. I wanted somewhere more isolated, but it wasn’t going to be at Tiff’s apartment. She’d be all over me, making snide comments.

I found a spot down by the water where the sand was natural, filled with stones, dead fish and plastic debris that had washed ashore. It sickened me to be there; my environmental sensibilities were being attacked. That said, no one else wanted to sit there either, so it was ideal.

The first ad was for a therapist’s receptionist. I thought that might provide a good environment and perhaps some future connections once I got my master’s. I called and explained I was interested in the advertised job.

“Do you have any experience?” asked the woman.

“I have a degree in psychology from U of M.”

“We’re not hiring therapists,” she said rudely and hung up the phone.

The next was a daycare. I really wasn’t great with kids, but I knew that I’d have some as patients when I eventually went into practice.

“Have you worked daycare before?”

“I have a degree in psychology.”

“Does that mean yes or no?”

“Well, technically, no, but my education should come in handy in childcare.”

“Let me ask you something. Have you ever changed a dirty diaper?”

I shook my head even though the interviewer couldn’t see me. “No, but it can’t be that hard.”

“Well, Miss Psychology Degree, until you’ve diapered three babies at the same time, I suggest you look elsewhere.” The phone went dead.

People here are so rude. I went through three waitressing positions; two with restaurants and one with a questionable corner bar in a distant part of town. I was getting very disillusioned. I couldn’t believe there was a shortage of jobs in a town that huge, and especially with a fresh U of M degree in my hand.

I made up my mind to try one more. It read: WANTED: Yoga Instructor. No experience required. Must be female, attractive and willing to learn.

It sounded just like the other come-on jobs I’d been weeding through. I was out of options, though, and almost out of money. Tiff was giving me the boot signal, and as homesick as I was, I didn’t want to go back to Ann Arbor as a failure. That just wasn’t in me.

There was no number to call, just an address. I walked back to the apartment before Tiff came home and put on more suitable clothes. I chose a sporty outfit that I’d never worn, gave the taxi driver the address, and settled back against the seat to watch the scenery.