Chapter 4
“Hey baby. How was your day?”
Lisa just shrugged and unlocked the door. “It was alright, Scott. How was your day?”
“Long.”
“Did you have a lot to do at the ranch?”
“Not really. Henri being there really helps the workload. Just been a long day, thinking about us.”
It was the words that she had been dreading. “Do you want to come in?”
He shook his head that he didn’t. Scott had to get it out and if he didn’t, he never would. There were some things that couldn’t be pushed to the side, no matter how unpleasant it all was. “Why don’t we sit out here for a while? It will be getting colder soon and there won’t be many more days like this.”
“I never minded the cold. We get to stay inside in bed more.”
Her mind went to the last time that they had been stuck indoors for a couple of days and all of the fun that they had. Scott was thinking along the same lines, so he was looking at it sadly now, instead of seeing it as a good memory. It wasn’t a good memory when he felt like it was going to not happen again. Their times of staying in bed for days were over and he knew that.
“Yes I do. Those were good times.”
He was already talking about them in the past tense and it was hard for her not to notice the wording. All of her fears were being realized and she knew then that she was going to lose him. “We can have those good times again. We may even get some snow this year. All of the ruckus with the almanac and all.”
Scott didn’t say much, his mind and eyes were far away. He hadn’t even given her a kiss, usually the first thing he did when he seen her.
“So what’s on your mind, Scott? You are being too quiet and I don’t like it.”
He kind of chuckled. “Yea that is what Henri was saying.”
“He knows you well.”
“So do you.”
“I do and I know that you have something that you don’t want to tell me. You always get like this when there is bad news, so let’s just pull the Band-Aid off because neither one of us is good at leaving things open between us.”
He looked at her then and smiled. It broke her heart and took her breath away all in the same instant. Scott was about to break her heart more. She just knew it.
“Well I have been thinking about everything.”
She closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillar holding the porch up. Lisa knew what was coming and she wanted to stop it, but she knew that she couldn’t. It was going to happen because Scott had made up his mind. Never one to be wishy-washy, she knew what was next.
“I don’t want to be what holds you back, Lisa.”
Looking over at him, she could tell that he was bothered by what all had been said. The handsome face that she loved was hurting and it hurt her that he was upset by it all. “You know that you aren’t holding me back, Scott. I will admit that our relationship isn’t always what I would like it to be, but I wouldn’t change who I chose to spend my life with for anything. I would rather have you than all of those things without you.”
“Yeah, but for how long? How long until you want a family more than me? I don’t want you to change your mind and then have it be too late. I don’t want you to hate me for not wanting the same things.”
“I could never hate you, Scott.”
“You will, though, Lisa, and I can’t even think about that happening.”
She didn’t say anything back to him. Scott was the type of man that hated to be interrupted and she wasn’t going to interrupt him, even though she knew that she didn’t want to hear about what he was going to say. She knew what was coming and like a train wreck in slow-mo, she was forced to watch and not be able to do anything about it.
“So I think that we should end this, Lisa. I want to let you go, so that you can find what you are looking for, the man that you are looking for.”
Her eyes were already closed and she could feel the first tear going down her face. It was what was always going to happen and maybe that was why Lisa had never wanted to push the subject. Sometimes a person just had to be happy with the way things were. Now because of things said by others, she was losing the only man she had ever loved. There was no fighting it, there never was with Scott. Once his mind was made up, that was it.
“Well, say something, Lisa.”
“What is the point, Scott? You have made up your mind. Is there really anything I could say to change it?”
He shook his head that there wasn’t. “So then, what do you want me to say? You have made your decision and I guess I just have to live with it.”
Scott saw the women he loved crying and it tore him up inside. He had made the decision to save her from pain, but it seemed that no matter how hard he tried, he hurt her anyways.
“Is that all you have to say?” Her voice broke and she wiped her eyes before he saw more tears.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Well, can you leave please?”
He wasn’t expecting her reaction. Scott didn’t know what he was expecting, but not the listlessness in her voice and face.
“I am going to go in now. I had a long day too.” She didn’t know what else to say or do. Was she supposed to hug him, kiss him goodbye? All she wanted to do was go in and cry alone.
Scott watched her go in the house and the screen door slammed in her wake. Sighing to himself, he sat on the porch a few more minutes. He would have been happier if she would have yelled at him, something. Nothing was far worse and he left her house with an uneasy feeling in his stomach. It couldn’t be over just like that, could it?