I waited for her at the base of the stairs, my hands tucked into my pockets. I’d taken her to the guest bathroom to clean up and used my master bedroom’s en suite to do the same for myself.

Di-fucking-saster.

Apparently, I had zero self-control.

Being around her reminded me of how I’d felt in the past. How free I’d been, how fucking bad. How that rush of adrenalin had nearly led to my downfall. That was what addiction felt like. What danger felt like. I couldn’t allow it in my house, this feeling. Couldn’t allow myself to be that guy again.

Footsteps moved on the landing above, and I focused again, shifting my gaze upward as she strode around the corner. She stopped at the top of the stairs, now, completely neat, her cheeks pink and clean, her hair tied back and no longer messy, her blouse buttons done up perfectly.

We stared at each other for a full minute.

Finally, she descended, taking the carpeted steps one at a time and clutching the rail like it was her lifeline. Still she kept her head high, showing off that strength that I’d admired about her via text and in person.

Riley halted at the base of the steps and looked up at me. “I forgot my bag,” she said.

“Right.” I turned, spotted it on the floor near the door. I walked over, swept it up, then brought it back to her. We made the transfer without touching, which was definitely for the best. We’d just done the deed, dirty at that, and I was already prepared to take her again.

Claim her.

Fucking stop it, jackass. You’re not the man you used to be.

“Thank you,” she said, and shouldered her bag. “So, I guess I’ll be going. This was—”

“A mistake,” I finished.

“Yes.” Riley nodded curtly.

“But a good one,” I quipped.

She showed the barest of smiles, shifting her grip on the tote bag’s straps, squeezing and releasing. “Yes.”

“Riley, this can’t happen again. I’m sorry that today didn’t work out the way you wanted it to.” I didn’t apologize often, but when I did, I always meant it. “I had no idea you had aspirations like these, and if I had…”

“What? What difference would it have made?” she asked.

“I’d probably have suspected it might be you coming to see me. To be fair, this was bound to happen at some point,” I replied. “We both live in the same city. We were bound to run into each other sometime.”

“You’re Bev’s brother. I can’t believe it.” She shook her head, once again, curt with it, then sighed, took a step back. It was a symbol of her letting go.

I hated it. “Riley, we should talk about what’s happened. Text, maybe.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she replied. “This has already gone too far. I think it would be better if we just cut off all contact, right now, and ended it. That way, we won’t have to worry about something like this happening again, you know?”

“I know that’s not what you want,” I said. We’d had nothing but each other’s texts for the longest time. Before I’d logged onto the #dateme app and actually spoken to her, my life had been… what?

Bland. Empty except for the moments I got to spend with my daughter. And my private times had been tainted by the silence of my past. The echoes which came from all the bad shit I’d been through and done myself.

The echoes were gone with her around. But so was my control.

“I don’t know,” Riley shrugged. “Whatever the case may be, I have to leave, plain and simple. So, thanks for the—um—opportunity.”

“Opportunity, huh? Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?” I quirked another of my smiles—the charming ones that usually got a reaction.

She blank-stared at me.

Great, apparently, I’d lost my mojo when it came to her. And the attempt at lightening the mood had fallen flat too.

“Thanks again,” she said then did a slow turn and walked for the door.

I strode alongside her, watching her side profile, wanting her all over again, and consequently forbidding myself. Christ, I had so much to manage. I had a company, another one in the offing, meetings coming out of my ears, and a precocious six-year-old to look after. One who reminded me of everything I’d been as a child. Full of hope. She deserved the best out of life and out of me.

Riley halted in front of the door. “Well.” She shrugged those dainty shoulders. “Have a good rest of your day, and good luck finding a nanny who’s right for you.”

“Wait,” I said. “Riley, hate to ask, but I thought you were a waitress? When did you get your CDA?”

“Late-night studying for the win,” she said, smiling. “Like I said, this is what I want to do with my life.”

“Good for you.” So, she was qualified, and it was her dream job, and she couldn’t work here. That made this easier. Sarcasm isn’t your strong suit, dickwad.

“Bye,” she prompted.

I managed a raw chuckle under my breath, heat and tension already rising between us as we stood here. Fuck, what if we went one more time? I had to learn to control this around her. It was ridiculous.

“Goodbye, Riley,” I said, and opened the front door.

“Daddy!” Carly screeched.

My daughter had her hand tucked into her part-time nanny’s—an elderly woman who’d chosen this month to retire. She’d given me more than enough time to find a replacement, I was just always pressed for it. Always too busy, and Beverly’s idea—her friend who’d studied to do exactly this—had seemed like the perfect solution.

So much for that.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Rome,” Pamela, the nanny, said. “I see you’re here today.”

“As arranged,” I replied. “Thank you for everything you’ve done, Pamela.”

“Do you need me to stay on the extra week, sir?” Pamela asked and gave Riley a quick and hopeful onceover. The woman was pushing sixty and definitely planned on retiring. She bent and gave Carly a quick squeeze then looked up at me, expectantly.

“I’ll call you,” I said. “Let you know.”

“Of course,” Pamela replied, bobbing her head. “Good afternoon. Goodbye, Carly dear.”

“Bye, Pammy!” Carly waved her little hand at her nanny, then turned back to me, holding out her arms. “Dad, today was such a stupid day.”

I swept her into a hug and squeezed her tight. Every hug from my little girl was a piece of happiness. Yes, that was fucking cheesy, and yes, I hardly ever thought about it quite so literally, but it was damn true. There were times at night I’d stand in her doorway and check she was fine, she was breathing, she was peaceful and covered.

Parent’s prerogative to worry. The only time I was truly soft was around her.

“So stupid,” Carly said, again.

“Hey, now,” I replied, softly. “You know that we don’t use words like that in our house.”

“Fine,” Carly muttered. “It wasn’t a stupid day. It was a dumb day.”

I laughed and set her down. “Why don’t you come inside and tell me all about it. I’ll make you a cheese and ham sandwich.”

“With pickles?” Carly asked, her bright blue eyes the mirror of mine.

“With pickles,” I agreed.

Carly made to step forward, then stopped, frowning as if she’d just remembered something. She turned her curly-haired head and looked up at Riley. “Hello,” she said.

“Hello,” Riley replied, beaming down at her. “You must be Carly.”

“Yes.” Carly nodded, and stuck out her little hand, seriously. “What’s your name?”

“Riley,” she said.

“Are you my new nanny?”

“Carly, we’ll talk about that later,” I interjected. Shit, didn’t want to make it even more awkward than it already was. “Let Riley go, now. She was just on her way out.”

Carly’s dark locks glimmered beneath the afternoon sunlight, and she held her little coat close to her body. “You were? Why? Where are you going?”

“Back home,” Riley said. “I think I’ll make myself a ham, cheese, and pickle sandwich, too. It sounds like you’ve got good taste in food.”

“I do! I love food. I’m going to be a cook one day. A chef, like that man on the TV that dad doesn’t want me to watch because he says really bad words all the time,” Carly replied.

I stifled a groan and kept a smile fixed on my face.

Riley frowned and glanced up at me. “Gordon Ramsey?”

“Gordon Ramsey,” I agreed.

“He says lots of the f-word. And he screams so much, oh my gosh,” Carly continued. “And guess what?”

“What?” Riley asked.

“He never makes ham and cheese sandwiches.”

“Well, that’s just his loss, isn’t it? Ham and cheese with pickles is where it’s at.” Riley’s smile was so easy, and the way she spoke to Carly was even more so. She was totally natural with her. If I hadn’t known better, I would’ve said Riley was a parent herself.

Single folks often struggled to hold a conversation with kids. Then again, most people didn’t have a certification in childcare.

“Guess what else?” Riley asked.

“What?”

“No, you have to guess,” Carly replied, shifting the straps of her Hello Kitty backpack. She had on a matching shirt, this one with Aggretsuko on the front—an anime oversized red panda who wore a business suit—and a pair of long jeans to guard against the cold weather.

“Guess, huh?” Riley fingered her bottom lip, mulled it over. “I guess that you also like mayonnaise on your sandwiches?”

“Ew!” Carly drew that one out into a long groan. “I hate mayonnaise. Don’t tell me you like it.”

“Nope, can’t stand the stuff.”

“Me too. OK, so guess what?”

“What?” Riley asked, and I admired her patience. Carly’s favorite game was definitely “guess what,” often with impossible answers that no mere mortal could guess.

“I like you,” Carly replied and took Riley’s hand. “I don’t think you should go have a ham, cheese, and pickles sandwich at home. You should have one here. And then maybe you can have dinner too. I asked Dad if he’ll help me make a pizza, but he’s very busy.”

“A pizza, huh?” Riley looked up at me, wide-eyed, and paling.

Shit, now she was on the spot. “Baby girl, Riley probably has places to be. Let’s be fair on her and let her go about her business.”

Carly sighed. “Do you really want to leave? I don’t get to have friends over a lot, and I wanted to show you my piano. Please, Dad, can Riley stay? For the sandwich and for the dinner? Please? Please?”

I inhaled sharply. I’d never been good with saying no to Carly when it was for no good reason. After all, this was just her wanting to have a good time with someone she thought was nice. It wasn’t her being disobedient or unfairly demanding attention.

Fuck, and I’d spent so much time working of late. It was so damn difficult to juggle all of this by myself, six years of experience or not.

Finally, I let the breath go and forced a smile through gritted teeth. This would be damn difficult. “It’s up to Riley. If she wants to stay, she can stay.”

Riley’s eyes went even wider, if that was possible. “I—uh.”

“Oh, please? Stay and help me make a pizza.” Carly slipped her little hand into Riley’s, and I witnessed the moment she’d lost the battle and the war. Riley practically melted.

My daughter had a gift for charming people, and Riley was no exception to the rule.

“That would be great, Carly. Thank you for inviting me.”

“You’re welcome!” Carly said and set off walking into the house. She stopped and removed her shoes by the door, as she’d been taught. Riley helped her to take the backpack off then set it next to the shoes.

My little girl looked up at Riley, standing in her socks on the heated floor tiles. “And guess what?” Carly asked.

I chuckled, softly, and shut the front door.