“Say goodbye now, Carly. We’ve got to get you upstairs, bathed, and in bed,” I said, and ruffled my daughters curls. “I’ll read you The Princess in Black before bed. Sound good?”

She nodded, dutifully, but her little fists clenched at her sides, then released. “I don’t want you to leave, Riley.”

Riley, standing just inside the front door of the house, dropped her gaze to my daughter’s small fists, then lowered herself to her haunches in front of her, crouching sideways so she was modest in that pencil skirt.

The same one you ripped off her body a few hours ago.

She placed a hand on Carly’s shoulder, smiling. “I have to, unfortunately. I had so much fun making pizza with you tonight, Carly, and I hope you have even more fun reading The Princess in Black with your daddy. I’ve never read it before, but it sounds cool.”

“It is! It’s about a princess who’s actually a superhero.”

“Guess what?” Riley asked.

“What?”

“You’re the princess of pizza. A pizza superhero.”

Carly’s grin split her face, and for a second, I was frozen. My daughter was a happy girl, she laughed and smiled, but I hadn’t seen that level of joy on her face in a long time. My heart tha-thumped against my ribcage.

Riley and Carly hugged, briefly. “Have a good sleep,” Riley said.

“You too.” Carly made for the stairs, right on schedule for her bath. She stopped at the base of them and gave a final wave to Riley, before ascending, taking a left, and heading for her bedroom.

Another bout of awkward quiet spawned between Riley and me.

I searched her face, watched her adjust her grip on her tote, check that her blouse was clean. “Thank you,” she said, after a beat, “for having me.”

“I’ll walk you to your car,” I said and took a step forward.

She stumbled, slammed back against the front door. “No, that won’t be necessary. I can—it’s a gated community, right? I’ll be fine making it down the front path on my own.”

I inhaled the scent of her perfume, light, flowery, with a hint of lemon, and held it in. “I shouldn’t have told you what I did about Carly.”

“No, that’s OK.” She reached back and held onto the doorknob.

I moved even closer, and the heat ratcheted up between us another notch. “Riley, we should probably—”

“Let’s talk about it later,” she said then turned the doorknob and slipped out into the evening. Her steps pattered across the porch and down the front steps, onto the path.

I grabbed the side of the door and held it open, watched her walk all the way to that bright red Nissan and unlock it. Get inside. She paused but didn’t look back up at the house. In fact, she appeared to be muttering something under her breath.

I didn’t blame her. Today had been a day to end all days. Fuck, what were the odds that we’d run into each other like this? Slim.

Finally, her car started, and she took off, turned onto the road for the exit of the community. I watched her taillights until they disappeared around the corner, then shut my front door, and locked it. Force of habit. It paid to be careful.

“Fuck,” I muttered.

What the hell was I supposed to do now?

Not only was she amazing with Carly, but she was certified to be a nanny, and she was recommended by my sister. Bev wouldn’t do anything to harm Carly. She loved the girl like crazy. But Riley had to be off the table.

Riley was on the table a few hours ago. Keening, coming around your cock.

And that was exactly why she couldn’t be Carly’s nanny.

I brought out my phone and unlocked the screen, looked at the #dateme app’s icon—a cute art deco-styled ‘d’ as a tongue-in-cheek joke to the millennials. My thumb hovered over it for a second, but I shook my head and locked the screen again.

I headed upstairs to help Carly draw her bath, knocked once on her bedroom door, and opened it.

She sat on her bed, holding her copy of The Princess in Black and pressing her finger to the page. Her room was styled pink and yellow, her two favorite colors. Her PJs were already laid out on the bed.

“Hey,” I said, “ready for that bath?”

“Uh huh,” she replied. “Daddy, I can read most of the words now.”

“Smart kid.” I grinned. “You must have gotten it from me.”

“But you hardly ever read.”

Wowza. Kids sure do have a way of whittling away the ego. I laughed and walked over to the bed, sat down beside her and placed my hand on her back. “You OK, kiddo?”

“I’m fine,” she said, in that tone that said she wasn’t fine at all.

“What’s up?”

“I didn’t want Riley to leave,” Carly said. “I liked her a lot. She’s lots of fun. I liked having someone to talk to.”

I nodded. Shit, that hurt like a bitch. I’d been so busy lately. “I’ve been working very hard lately. I haven’t had much time to spend making pizzas,” I admitted. Everything I did was for her. For her future. To make sure that she never fell into the trap I’d fallen into.

“And Pammy can’t be my nanny anymore,” Carly prompted, looking up at me, widening her periwinkle blue eyes. “Can Riley be my nanny?”

“I don’t know, hon.”

“Please? She was so nice. And she knows how to cook.”

“Honey, it’s complicated. I have to make sure that I hire the perfect person to look after you. Someone we can trust and both get along with.”

“I trust Riley,” Carly said, showing that stubborn side she’d definitely gotten from me. “I trust her, and I liked her, and I don’t think it’s fair that she can’t be my nanny.” She set the book aside and folded her arms, staring ahead, crossly.

“Remember what we talked about, Carly. About breathing when you’re mad, working through it?”

“Yes.” She wriggled her nose, though, kept the arms folded.

“So let’s work on that now.” I took her little hand and held it. “Breathe in and out, OK. Do the counting like Marissa taught you.”

We sat and breathed together for a few minutes. These were the times I enjoyed the most. Just sitting, relaxing, breathing. I hardly got a minute to myself during the day. I’d kept it that way to forget that empty spot in my center.

“I still want Riley to come back,” Carly said.

“Let’s talk about it another time.” I got up. “We’ve got to get your face washed and, phew, that hair!” I leaned in and pretended to sniff her hair. “Darling, have you been playing in the barn again?”

“Ew, Dad!” She giggled and hopped off the bed. “You’re the stinky one.”

“Nope. Nope. Nope. You’re too stinky for words. I can’t even handle it.” I blocked my nose and made a big show of walking to the bathroom, with her teasing me all the way.

I drew Carly’s bath then left her to undress herself and bathe in privacy, a routine we’d finally established this year. She officially didn’t need my help to wash anymore, though she’d call me in to help her uncap the shampoo bottle if it was sticky.

I stood out in the hall, pressing my back to the wall in case she needed me. A ritual I practiced every night. I’d made the promise to myself—give Carly the life I’d never had. Be the best father I could be, and goddamn if I wouldn’t make good on it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I brought it out.

Beverly’s name flashed on the screen.

Shit, I didn’t want to discuss today. Clearly, Bev hadn’t known about Riley and me. This wasn’t her fault, but I still wasn’t in the mood to discuss it. Riley had already dominated my mind the entire day.

The screen went black and I made to slip it back into my pocket. The buzzing started up again.

“Fuggit,” I muttered and accepted the call.

If she was that desperate to speak to me, it had to be important.

“Bev?”

“Roman!” My sister refused to use my new name. I’d always be Roman Washington to her—in fact, she’d erased my new name from her spoken repertoire the minute I’d told her I’d changed it.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” she said, then gave a short burst of laughter. “Come on, you have to know why I’m calling you. What did you think of Riley? Isn’t she great?”

“Did she ask you to call me?”

“Of course not. I haven’t spoken to her since she left this afternoon. In fact, she kinda just ignored my call,” Beverly said.

Immediately, concern unfolded in my chest. I’d let her drive herself home, and sure, she was a grown woman, but what if she’d been upset, lost focus driving? Stop.

“So? What did you think?” Bev was like a dog with a bone. My sister and I had formed a close bond as kids, simply because of our fucked-up childhood. When our parents hadn’t been there for us, we’d been there for each other.

“She was nice.”

“Nice? Nice? Dude, chocolate cake is nice. Riley is amazing. She’s one of the best people I know. When I went through tough times, she was there for me, and vice versa.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Bev replied. “She needs this, Roman, and she’s a perfect fit. I just know it.”

“Needs this? Why do you say that?” I asked and stepped forward, lifted the phone away from my ear, listening at the bathroom door. Carly splashed and giggled inside, and I relaxed, moved away again.

The protective streak would never fade, not when it came to my daughter.

“I—well, maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this, but she’s just gotten out of a really rough relationship. Well, when I say just… it was like a year or so ago, and it was brutal.”

“Brutal?” Riley had furnished me with sparse details on the #dateme app. We’d kept it that way to keep the focus on fun, rather than the darker sides of our pasts or personalities. And man, did I have a dark side. Does she have one too?

“OK, I officially shouldn’t say anything about it. He was abusive.”

“Physically?” I clenched a fist around the phone, and it creaked beneath my grip.

“She left just when it started going that way. Before, it was verbally. Anyway, she was with this guy for years before it started going really bad. Whatever, it’s not my story to tell. I just need you to understand how important this is to her. She was in a place where she couldn’t really achieve her goals, she was held back, and when she eventually freed herself from all of that, she started going for her dreams full throttle. I admire her so much, and I know that you’ll see that side of her if you let her work for you.”

“Christ, Beverly, you really know how to twist my arm,” I said.

“Don’t tell me you weren’t already going to say yes, Roman. Don’t you dare tell me that. Has she even met Carly yet?”

“Yes.” Fuck, this was like a train, steamrolling toward its destination.

“And?”

“Carly loved her,” I replied.

“Then what’s the problem?”

I didn’t have any inclination to discuss exactly what Riley and I had gotten into this afternoon. Each other. If I did this, if I allowed it, that part of our relationship would have to stay in the past. It would have to remain strictly professional.

“All right, Bev. You’ve made your point.”

“Good,” my sister said, sweetly. “Now, I’ve got to go. Smoke break’s over, and my shift isn’t. Kiss, kiss, bye!” She hung up on me, and I shook my head, pulled the phone from my ear.

She was the only person who did that. The power I’d amassed over the past four years, the cash flow, had changed everyone around me, except her. If I said “jump,” my staff and my fellow board members asked “how high?”

If I’d told Beverly to jump, she would’ve giggled hysterically at my oversized ego.

Another splash from the bathroom, and I cleared my throat. “Carly, honey, it’s almost time to get out.”

“Coming,” she called.

I lifted my cell and tapped through to the #dateme app. It opened on our conversation as it always did. No messages, and she wasn’t online. “Fuck it,” I muttered and started typing.